>Been with my BF for 9 years now
>Both turning 26 this year
>Topic of marriage and children is starting to become pressuring
>Personally against marriage, but willing to compromise because he would like it
>Absolutely against having kids, but he wants them
And this is where issues surface.
I am pretty positive that popping kids would be the worst mistake of my life. I've thought about it long and hard, and the very idea makes my guts twist. I like children and I am good with them, but motherhood is not for me.
However, this probably means we'll have to part ways, as we are both aware. And that's heartbreaking for both of us, because otherwise we're in a happy relationship.
At the moment I am trying to wait it out and see if I slowly grow out of this mindset, but I doubt it will ever happen.
I fear I'm wasting his time and his chance to find a partner who could give him what he wishes for.
Have you ever been or known anyone in this situation, /adv/? How did it play out? Got any words of advice?
>BF for 9 years now
If she's been with him that long, she's most likely happy with him. There's no such thing as a perfect relationship; there'll always been disagreements on some things. Shitty that it's that subject, though, that you disagree on.
I'd wait it out a bit if I were you, OP, unless you're pretty damned sure you don't want any of that. But what is the reason you're against being a mother and being married, exactly?
I am not fit for it for various reasons, but the main one would be that I'm extremely introverted and have the necessity to spend a lot of time alone to maintain my mental health and safeguard my social life.
If I ignore this need for long I become verbally aggressive and possibly psychologically abusive.
That's really the worst part of it.
Do you feel like you need space from your boyfriend as often as you do from everyone else?
I only ask because I tend to feel the same way, but can happily spend the majority of my time with my girlfriend without a problem, as if she were sort of an extension of myself. Otherwise, I can't have people around me for more than several hours at a time or else I go nuts as well.
It depends on how we interact.
Generally speaking, I'm the same, but still need the occasional break from him as well. If he's had a stressful day and needs to rant about something, then the frequency increases. Which is mainly what leads me to think I wouldn't be able to tolerate children - I can be patient and helpful, but I'll crack quickly.
Take a deep breath and think about what you're giving up here. Don't be so rash to deny him his dream of having children. Try negotiating with him, maybe you could get away with the lack of kids and instead just marry the poor bastard.
Do you think you would ever want kids in the future? If not, please tell him. You would just be hurting him even more in the long run. I was in a similar situation with my ex-fiancé. I wish she would have told me years before. Maybe, he'll see your side and be happy with things the way they are. You just have to let him know. Otherwise he will never have the opportunity to be a father...
And this is the problem with the West nowadays. People make excuses to not have kids and our birthrates have tanked. This is not going to be sustainable 4, even 5 generations down the line. Have the decency to break up with him, and please, for your own sake, reconsider not having kids before you hit your 30s, because that's when your eggs will skyrocket in their chances of producing genetically defective offspring.
Whatever I want.
There's plenty of people who are still taking care of their 40/50 year old children unto their deathbeds.
And I mean, maybe my mind will change but I know for sure marriage first, then kids. I it will be way harder to bridge me over to marriage.
It's just my opinion though
Fuck, this thread truly is a sign of the times. I'm getting a bit depressed now.
>when I'm stressed i get snappy
>I'm not psychologically fit for parenting
Well it's good to know that the decay of society, mental toughness, pure common sense, goals beyond immediate self-indulgence, and the human spirit in general hasn't just affected men.
Women are equally in decline.
There is nothing wrong with not wanting children, ignore the godtards. Do not have children if you know you would prefer not to, it's not possible to be a good and happy parent that way. Above all, be honest, state and explain your feelings and opinion. Do not pretend you might feel differently later if you know it's not the case. It is possible this could be a deal breaker in your relationship but moving on is better than having a child you do not want, which will build resentment and eventually kill the relationship anyway. Gl.
You just watch how the West will decline as Muslims out breed the rest of us. This medication/Tumblr/catpeople mix is toxic, and we will have a generation of childless (and regret-filled) divorcees.
>At the moment I am trying to wait it out and see if I slowly grow out of this mindset, but I doubt it will ever happen.
You don't want kids, you don't even really want marriage. Ostensibly, he has wanted both with you for a while. You've been wasting his time. Be true to yourself and do no harm. Talk to him about what you're thinking, get your guilt out, let him be angry. Set him up with one of your girlfriends. Just stop pretending you might change your mind one day when you know you're too selfish for that to happen.
Also, watch pic related.
If you don't want children, then don't have them. The ball is in his court.
If he insists on having kids, then it's a very simple choice: he either stays with you and has no children, or he leaves you and has children with someone else.
There isn't much else to it, is there?
The value of an abusive and mentally ill cunt apparently. Honestly if the beta-faggot could stick with her for 9 years his micro-penis probably won't be able to get her pregnant anyway.
Would you pay to support the kids she doesn't want? If not, shut up.
Travelling, making memories, seeing things I want to see/do.
Oddly enough I really want nieces and nephews to spoil and be the "cool uncle" but give them back when I'm done.
>she's been happy with him for 9 years so now the next logical step is to make each other + a kid miserable for two decades
As to OP: nothing wrong with not having kids, but this is an issue you can't compromise on. You can't have half a kid. So you two should split obviously.
Like anybody who lives in Europe gives a fuck. Shy sacrifice your personal happiness to help a society that wnats to cuck you and exploit you? They can import as many illegal immigrants as they want, I'll just skip town.
OP here, needed some sleep. I stopped replying after >>16773350
He already knows. I seriously considered fostering, but it'd be the same deal in the end. We've discussed it a lot, actually, and I'm still sure I'd be unhappy in that role, whether the kids have been spawned by us or not.
Doing what I already do. Learn, travel, create and enjoy myself. Cultivate my social relationships. My life is pretty fulfilling without necessarily being hedonistic. I don't think I'll ever come to regret the choice of not having children, but I'd surely be pretty miserable if/when the relationship ends.
Nice assumptions there, but wrong.
>Have you ever been or known anyone in this situation, /adv/? How did it play out? Got any words of advice?
I need certain things from a partner and my girlfriend wasn't giving them to me though she genuinely seemed to want to and committed to. First, she blamed my imperfect behavior. So I cleaned up those imperfect parts as best as I could. Then, she blamed her own internal bitchiness. So I reminded her how I had cleaned up and now expected her to.
She promised. She cried. She argued. She couldn't do it.
So I left her. Someone told me once that life is too short to wait and too long to worry.
You two need to stop living with blinders on, accept the situation, and move forward. He deserves to reproduce. If you truly won't do that, then you are stealing that goal in his life from his soul one day at a time by telling him you love him.
You don't love him if you can't give him one of the greatest gifts between people - making a child together out of the love you share with each other. It's not for everyone and you are a grown ass boss to recognize that and be honest with yourself. But that honesty now comes with responsibility - he needs to reproduce. If you love him you will help him do that however you can, and that's up for you to decide how.
I disagree. Many of my peers are already married or/and have kids. And I am happy for them, because they seem to genuinely find fulfillment in it, they've never doubted they would.
Most of them chose to only have one, or a maximum of two children, because they cannot afford having more. And that is where the main issue lies, it's a choice between procreating more and live in poverty, or procreating less and living comfortably. Sorry folks, there's not enough high-end jobs to make everyone earn four digits, believe it or not.