so there is this girl i met at university. shes the first female friend i ever had and i fell deperately in love with her. the sad thing is that i found out that she already has a boyfriend whom she never ever mentioned. we are talking every day with each other and i think we have that special connection, where you can basically talk about anything. im really a beta so i never tried to get flirty or something.
what are the chances she likes me more than a friend or what should i do?
It's very unlikely. People that aren't socially stunted can make friends and bond with people. You're socially stunted, she's not, and she probably thinks you're just a good friend.
You can confess to her, but you're probably just going to make things very awkward (and lose out on a friend). Still, as long as you can deal with rejection and move on, it's in your best interest to get it all out.
sadly, you are right. i was thinking the same way, just needed a 2nd opinion. thanks for that.
gotta move on
my current gf is like that, based on what she told me she rarely mentions she is in a relationship to people. it makes me feel bad, especially since we're in a ldr. I love her so much but I don't know if she feels even a fraction of that towards me
>female friend I have feelings for has a bf
> cut contact
Why do we have to do this? Is there no unconditional love left in the world? Why do we must posses every woman we see as attractive and if we get rejected our fragile egos are bruised so much we have to cut contact?
I would love to move back time and say: "I have feelings for you but you are committed to somebody else. I can and will have feelings for other girls and we can remain friends."
But I was too immature back then.
Refer to girl "in love" with me in this >>16773096
She was kind of in the same position as your are, and I definitely had feelings for her. During the brief time she and I dated, we talked a lot about what we were thinking back then. Pretty fucked up that the "special connection" thing was something we both felt.
Not saying to stay hopeful about it, but your instinct could be right, especially if she didn't really mention her boyfriend. Keep your mind off of her but, if she ends up breaking up with him and you're still free at the time, it's at least a possibility.
I experienced this exact same thing OP.
I just ended up never saying anything, talking with her like I always did, and living with the pain.
She ended up leaving to transfer to a new university. After she left I pretty much stopped talking to her, and that's the only thing that got rid of the anxiety and depression that was getting worse and worse as a result of seeing her every day after having convinced myself she was my soul mate, yet knowing I would probably never be with her.
I'd suggest you find another way to deal with this, though. Sure, I don't feel sad about it anymore, but I definitely think about her often and I've yet to find someone that was her quality.
Casual touching is completely normal i guess.
I should add that shes in a ldr and so they see each other like 3 times a month. Plus she has just a few friends if it makes any difference
That's kind of funny, actually. My "breakup" girlfriend lives in Europe, I in Canada. And have only a few friends.
Just thought I'd mention it! Didn't think I had a potential female counterpart.
What did you do then?
Im dont know a lot of peiple so i dont think i will meet someone else, i will just wait for my chance.
I even never had that special connection thing with my closest friends, dont know about you though
So you were willing to lose a good friend?
>So you were willing to lose a good friend?
No, it was just more that I had to choose between that or fucking up everything else.
My grades started falling behind and I abandoned my hobbies because of the anxiety being around her brought on.
When she left I figured it was the only chance I was going to get to fix myself in a way that would be the least hurtful to her.
If she were to move back we'd probably just pick up where we left off, and I doubt I'd be strong willed enough to prevent that.
>>Im dont know a lot of peiple so i dont think i will meet someone else, i will just wait for my chance.
>>I even never had that special connection thing with my closest friends, dont know about you though
I guess, with the few friends that I have, I keep them because I do feel some sort of connection, but not necessarily romantic, obviously.
Could just be that you haven't met anyone quite right for you up until this girl. Kind of hard to really say anything for sure on the subject without knowing you and your situation better.
I think you might be a "good friend". Plus, you wouldn't want to jeopardize your friendship with her. She's probably happy with her bf. However since you guys are close friends, ask her to help you get a gf. She probably has a few friends in her circle. At the very least, just ask her how you should go about this. She'll probably be flattered in some sense that you came to her about this kind of advice.
Finally, a mature guy who actually understands that cutting contact just because she rejected you, does not mean that she doesn't value your friendship and you as a person.
It's so petty and immature to completely cut someone who is a friend to you out of your life purely because they turned down any romantic/sexual requests/advances.
It seriously makes you look like you never gave a shit about the girl and never valued the friendship (even though you supposedly liked her enough to ask her out), and it makes you appear as a complete cunt who only ever cared about getting his dick wet, and not about who the girl actually is and who she is to you.
Also, other girls will notice you cutting contact with girls who've rejected you, and they will definitely take note of this childish and egotistical behaviour, thus them not wanting to date you.
And if YOU actually cared about their well-being as a friend at all, you would let them distance themselves. You're accusing them of being childish and egotistical behavior when you're literally being just as bad and making the entire issue about yourself.
You know what I do when this sort of thing happens?
"Hey, you know, I get it - I don't feel the same way about you and that probably feels pretty shitty right now. If you need some space to work through it then you gotta do what you gotta do. I value your friendship and I hope we can have that again someday when you're ready. Good luck and best of wishes."
Rejection and rejecting people sucks, as it should. If you were ACTUALLY a good friend then you'd also support their decision and let them go - granted that there should at least be some kind of calm conversation as opposed to just cold turkey.
I more meant it about the guys who get all angry and 'I hate women', 'all women are whores' and shit.
If I rejected a friend and he asked for space, I'll gladly give it to him because if he was my friend prior to asking me out then I value his friendship, and I value his wellbeing.
By all means, if you're hurting and need to put some distance between us, then go for it. I'll still be here as a friend when you've recovered.
If women play on their appearance and other faculties to try to play the field, they don't deserve your respect.
Cutting contact with women who turn you down protects you a lot more than being friendzoned.
What's so bad about being friendzoned?
If you actually cared about the girl, then you'd be fine with being just friends, and it means you have someone who can basically introduce you to all her friends, giving you the chance to get over her while meeting other girls.
I was in the same situation OP, and now I'm dating her. There is hope. Just be yourself, and show her that she counts for you, but keep your independence and act (just a little bit) like you can live without her (even if, like in my case you love her so much that you really couldn't). Basically, don't let her monopolize your time, do activities with her and other people and try to show that people appreciate you. Eventually, she'll maybe grow attracted to you.
>guys who accept the friendzone never get laid
No, they USUALLY don't get laid by the girl who rejected them.
That's why you meet other girls while being this girl's friend. Other girls will see that you're actually capable of being friendly and confident around girls, and they'll take note.
It's not the friendzone that's making you not get girls, it's something about you.
Stop blaming the friendzone for your shortcomings.
Serial killers get laid all the time. You're saying that generally good people who are normal are not getting what they should because there's something wrong with them?
Face it: He before whom the play is performed thinks himself the only play that is to be taken into account.
Everyday people are selfish and self-involved as fuck looking for their own benefit, yet shit on anyone who complains that others are doing the same yet not receiving.
You people get in the "one-itis" mindset and it fucks you over. Unless you're completely infatuated with a girl, there's nothing stopping you from finding somebody else. Most of the time attraction is just attraction. You can be attracted to a friend and still have good times with them while scouting the field for somebody who shares a real and mutual connection with you.
You can't be friends with somebody you are in love with. But you can absolutely be friends with somebody you love. Good friends should love one another no matter what. Anything else is childish social games for college students.
You don't cut contact because you don't want that person to be your friend. You cut contact to let yourself heal emotionally. That takes time some me time to do. Once that's done there's nothing holding you back in reconnecting.