Guys i need help with something.
I'm not a small guy, i'm 6'4 and don't look lankey.
I always thought I'd be able to fight my way out should I ever have to.
But recently on 2 occasions when things got heated I just felt weak in my arms, even though I know I can throw a punch.
First time i had a fight with my brother. He's smaller and younger but has troubke managing his anger. I threw a punch but he shrugged it off so I just pushed him out of the house and shit the door till he cooled down.
Second time was today when a jogging adult man ran into a classmate of kine waiting on the bus. The man got aggressive even though it was his fault, he bumped into my classmate. My classmate was shocked and unable to stand up for himself. I walked up and told the guy it was his own fault. As reply he lifted his fists and said "COME ON THEN" like he was going to fight me. I felt scared and weak in my arms. I was sure my punches weren't gonna do shit. I told the old man "no that's not going to happen. We are not gonna fight. You are just going to keep on jogging "...
And on he went. I felt relief. But also uneasy. If he did attack me i'm not sure what would happen. I feel less manly. I want to be able to defend myself.
>I always thought I'd be able to fight my way out should I ever have to.
It's perfectly normal. Not everyone can be brave. Clearly you're a coward who was never tested till now on account of his size. At the first sign of trouble, you got scared. You'll just have to live with knowing that.
I wouldn't really call him a coward, since in both stories, he stood up for himself, stood his ground, and ended the conflict. It's not really "brave" to throw a punch and escalate a situation into violence when you don't have to. And he didn't have to.
OP, if it makes you feel better, take some boxing or martial arts classes so you feel more comfortable throwing a punch. But honestly, it's a good thing to be a bit afraid of violence. As someone who's experienced a bit of it, I can tell you that human life is very fragile, and as soon as you escalate a fight into that place, bad things can happen very easily that neither party intended at the beginning of the fight. Even if you felt scared, you handled both of those situations perfectly. You didn't freeze up, cower, or back down even if you were scared, and you weren't some idiot hotshot throwing a left hook when you could easily talk your way out of it. You don't really have to change.
Yes but it'll take time. Both things you suggested will take a lot of training to get enough skill and the mental focus need for fighting on that level. It doesn't come overnight. The quick and dirty shortcut is to hulk out which he clearly can't do. Boxing (or any other fighting skill) is useless is you hulk out or become afraid (there goes the technique and use of brain) and will make him get beaten up even worse until he gains the mental focus to use technique.
Repeatedly punching people and getting punched will get you used to the feeling of punching, eliminate your fear of getting punched, and solve your 'punches feeling weak' problem by training you to punch over and over.
Practice things, and you'll get better; slowly, but surely, your skills will develop
Well, if you're worried about a real fight (like one where your life is in danger), I'd recommend two of these: http://www.coldsteel.com/Product/12DBSJ1/Safe_Maker_I.aspx
Not quite so sure on the nonlethal aspect of things. Maybe take some martial arts classes (real martial arts, not those bullshit "karate" dojos), try out boxing/MMA, and get yourself a kubotan?
Edgy response is edgy.
Don't worry OP, it's a pretty natural response to be worried when there's a possibility of a fight. Just find a way to channel that fear into intense concentration and initiative instead of locking up.
I know this is going to sound cliche as fuck, but it's not about whether or not you feel fear, it's about how you control your fear and change it from a liability to an asset.
This. Good advice. You're not in a hurry to get into a brawl, so take the time and learn how to defend yourself physically. It builds confidence through eliminating fear of the unknown. Me, I'm older and have older brothers. I used to get my ass beat all the damn time, so I've never been afraid of violence. Consequently, I'm also hesitant to use it. I've been bullied, and I fucking hate bullies. I was a bouncer when I was in my early 20's, and hated fighting, but that doesn't stop you when it's time- it just helps you seek out alternatives first. And, really, knowing that 90% of the time, taking a strong punch doesn't mean squat if you know how to mitigate the impact makes you that much less afraid to dole it out when necessary.
Thanks guys, some of you have given solid advice.
I don't think I reacted wrong in the situations, I was able to stand my ground and prevent escalation indeed. I'm just feeling uneasy abiut the possibility i won't be able to make the confrontation end without escalation and having to fight.
Martial art classes have been on my thought but there are a lot of them, don't know what would be good in this situation.
And yes the reason I'm afraid might be because I've seen and thought about how fragile humans are really, but I understand I need to learn how to throw a confident punch for the times when I'm not able to impose my opponents with size and speaking up.
Any other tips other than taking self defence classes? Some food for thought or things I can do on my own to improve this all?
>And, really, knowing that 90% of the time, taking a strong punch doesn't mean squat if you know how to mitigate the impact makes you that much less afraid to dole it out when necessary.
This is pretty much the opposite of the advice I was trying to give. My own experience is that lots of people DO NOT know how to "mitigate the impact," or plan on whether or not they'll hit their heads on the way down. And so one simple little punch in the face just like you see in the movies can cause so much more damage than you could've imagined, to the poor guy you hit in the face, and your own life as well.
Especially since OP is a big guy and probably stronger than he thinks, he SHOULD be afraid to "dole it out." My attitude today is that you shouldn't even throw a punch unless you're truly prepared, and feel it's necessary, for this to be a life-or-death conflict. Because it very well could be, even if you don't mean it. I think it's good to have an aversion to hitting people, especially since he clearly isn't a pussy who will just avoid confrontation entirely. It's good to resolve things non-violently, and I don't think it really matters whether or not it's motivated by fear.
>when things got heated I just felt weak in my arms, even though I know I can throw a punch
The main thing there is being able to transition very quickly in to the right mindset. Getting physical with someone is a piece of cake - just so long as you're expecting it. It's when you're sat drinking your beer/waiting for the bus/generally minding your own business and find yourself squaring off with someone a split second later that it gets difficult, because your brain is too busy trying to work out what the hell is going on to do anything useful. It's like the difference between giving a presentation at work and being expected to give an impropmtu speech in front of a crowd with no notice. Like anything else you get used to it the more often you do it, allthough if you're getting in random confrontations often enough to become profficient at it you probably need to re-think your behaviour.
>I told the old man "no that's not going to happen. We are not gonna fight. You are just going to keep on jogging "...
You handled that really well to be fair. Hitting people isn't like in the movies - they don't fall down and say "ok you win" then everyone cheers. Bear in mind that most people won't pick a fight with someone if they don't think they'll win, and you don't know if they've got a knife, a gun, six of their mates waiting round the corner or if he's just going to follow you home and set your house on fire when your kids are asleep upstairs.
Also, particularly for those of us who are on the larger side, there's a very real risk of it going too far the other way. I'm the same height as you and about 270lbs, and the last time I hit someone (which was a very long time ago, far to old for that kind of thing now) I honest to god thought I'd killed him. The guy was a full head shorter than me and about half my weight, I literally knocked him off his feet. Walking away from a fight might dent your ego a bit but it's a damn sight better than a life sentence.
Thank you. I did question whether I did the right thing at the time as I felt pathetic, but I'm glad I didn't have to do anything. I know I can punch because I did knock someone out before (sort of accidentily though, it's hard to judge my own strength as I don't fight much). The weak feeling I get from fear just makes me feel self concious about my capabilities.