My heart is hurting, and I could really use some advice. My Husband cheated on me in December.
We had just moved from PA to WV to be near my family. We ended up living with them while he looked for work, and while we looked for somewhere to live. 7 months of hell, I'll say. He got a job at the end of that. He'd been working for around a month before we moved into our new place.
He'd developed feelings for another woman, a coworker, who is much younger than he is. She was already dating someone, another married man whose relationship SHE busted up. 18 year old tramp. (He's 22, I'm 29) My husband, being the charmer he is, got her hooked, and they wooed one another. He broke up with me, claiming he needed some separation, time and space, for us to get better, because we were fighting a lot. He left me alone a lot. The isolation killed me. We were "together but separate". I found out not a few days later he was sleeping with her, because that week, he'd been sending me out of the house so his "friends" could come over. I should have seen the signs; Changes in behaviour, "I can't know everything anymore", "I can't control what happens while we're separated, you can't tell me not to see someone else if it happens". Well, it happened, and when I found out about it, I screamed until I was raw, and I cried for weeks.
He tried to be with this girl, thankfully her father told him he'd fucking kill him if he came near her, and so they agreed to end their affair. He came home to me, saying, "What have I done? I'm sorry, let me fix it". But, with a lot more cry-yelling, and what looked like sincerity.
He claims he loves me, and he's in love with me. I doubt that very much. My trust with him is GONE completely. He was great for about a week after we got back together, because I'm too kind to say no, and I wanted to give him one more chance. My upbringing about altruism and love has not helped me here.
Give up the self pity kick and grow some fucking self respect.
He will throw you away again as soon as anybody gives him any amount of attention.
He made vows to you and broke them blatantly with no regard to you and your connection.
If you stay with him, you will get cheated on again and you'll have it coming because you'd rather "be altruistic" to somebody with no respect for their wife. Face it, you're scared to be alone. You will be with him.
You shouldn't really allowing back into your life.
He is an asshole and doesn't deserve anyone to be honest.
That said you are past your prime and you'd probably couldn't find someone else to spend your life with.
So get used to being cucked.
Like everyone else is saying, don't allow him back into your life. All he will bring you is negativity. You can never trust him again. I'm not trying to mean, but if you do try to trust him again, you are a fool.
He has completely broken your relationship. Divorce him. Find someone more loyal and mature.
He doesn't actually want to be with you. You just happen to be convenient, and better than being completely alone. If the girl's father hadn't intervened, he'd be fucking her raw right about now, in your bed that you share together, and he wouldn't give you a second thought. When someone genuinely loves you, they do whatever it takes to keep you from harm. They become selfless. He did the exact opposite when an opportunity arose.
You're 29. Stop playing around with this dumb, selfish kid and find yourself a man.
>My trust with him is GONE completely.
Once trust is gone, there is absolutely nothing you can do to salvage an intimate relationship.
I might give different advice if it was a one time "accident" sort of thing. Like he got drunk and went home with a girl. But no. He actually sent you out of YOUR OWN HOME. He doesn't care about you. The only reason he wants to fix things is because he's afraid to be alone.
Seriously. Leave him. You can do so much better.
This reminds me of my aunt and her shitty husband. Theyre in their late 40s and he was messing around with some 20 something yr old coworker. My aunt kept giving him ultimatums, if he didn't stop seeing the girl then she'd divorce him and take half his shit, including property he owned. He'd say ok he'd stop then go right back to the other woman.
He ended up choosing to be with the other woman at his other property, getting fired, took out his entire 401k, spent it on drugs & whatever the girl wanted. Once he ran out of money the girl left him and he went back to my aunt. He even told his 16 yr old son that he was having sex and doing coke while away. I lost all respect that I had for my aunt. She still wants to be with him after everything. He even wants her to take out money from her 401k to pay the bills since he's broke.
Don't let yourself squeeze out kids with this guy OP. Get out while youre still young. You won't lose respect if you leave and stay with your parents until you get back on your feet. You will lose respect if you stay with him.