Some background information about me, then I will explain situation.
>Have a few friends
>Maybe one or two I would call "close"
>High school friend group slowly started drifting apart after graduation
>Only have Mom, Dad, and sister for family
>Dad was abusive, parents got divorced at 12
>after divorce cut contact with him for the most part
>haven't talked to him in two years (Turning 20 this month)
>mom engaged in "emotional incest" before and after divorce, asking me to sleep in her bed, take baths with her, crying on my shoulder, confiding all of her problems and emotions in me, etc
>not close with her because she is cluster B personality, and generally gives me the creeps
>moved her boyfriend in without any notice
>sister is 4 years younger than me, we get along, but we're not close
So I don't really have a support network, and my girlfriend is my best friend, but I think it may be time to leave. Here is the source of our major conflict.
>everything going normal after a year of dating, actually more than normal, really good, rarely fight, always have fun together, always honest about our feelings, and we can communicate directly without attacking each other, just expressing how we feel and empathizing with each other
>have the same sense of humor and laugh all the time
>even mundane things like doing dishes is a great time with her
>we share a lot of the same values, not all, but most
>on new years eve we went to a party
>GF always says really dumb, weird shit, when she drinks
>for example she says:
>"we should do an open relationship"
>"I want to fuck other guys and make you jealous"
>"so and so guy is attractive"
>but she always is all over me when she's drunk, and trying to fuck me, never indicated she would actually act on that, and she never says things like that sober
>I'm quite drunk myself
>brush it off, but still in the back of my mind
>later that night I see a girl laying on the couch
>decide I'm going to kiss her, so I do
>she kisses me back for a moment and says "don't you have a girlfriend"
>I say "Oh shit, you're right"
>Stop kissing her, find gf, tell her immediately and apologize
>she tells me it's no big deal
>we continue partying like nothing happened
>wake up in the morning and she doesn't remember I told her, acting perfectly normal until her friend texts her
>she gets mad, but we fight about it, but she gets over it after about two or three days
>says she understands people do dumb things when they're drunk
Everything was fine and normal again until about a week ago
>she has apparently been favoriting all of this one guy's tweets
>I don't have any social media, and I don't really ever check her phone because I'm not jealous or insecure about our relationship
>he private messages her
>they have a convo where he says "you're my number one fan"
>she says "always have been"
>conversation is in general quite flirty
>only reason I know about it at all is because GF told me, she felt guilty
>she admits that she finds this guy attractive
>I look through her twitter and she really has favorited dozens and dozens of his tweets
>she invited him to a get-together at my house saying she would "love to see him"
>in the past while talking about our sexual fantasies she said she wanted a three-way with two guys, mentions this guy from twitter after I ask who the other guy would be
>she doesn't let me be upset because I kissed a girl on New Year's and apparently that is way worse in her mind
>I just feel indifferent to her at this point
>logically I want to stay with her, because other than this scenario she has been so great to me
>she pays for half our dates, helps me with laundry, dishes, and cleans my room
>she is usually really rational and logical and considerate
>hear guys at work/gym complaining about their GFs and always think to myself, holy shit most girls really are trash I'm super lucky to have my GF
Cucked my gf on New Year's Eve, now she has cucked me and thinks I can't be mad about it. Other than these moments of infidelity our relationship has been almost perfect, but being with her makes me feel dead inside now. I don't want any other girls, and I'm going to try my hardest to make this work, but I honestly just don't see how it will.
Need advice on getting past this, if possible.
I want to make it work, but if it won't work I'd rather be alone than miserable. But you're right, there is a big part of me that is afraid of being alone, and having to expose myself to all the hordes of mindless shallow cretins polluting the dating pool.
OK you are both super young. I wouldn't invest much in her honestly. If you are feeling like you need to move and figure some shit out, I would. I know it is tough to see now, but it is not worth settling at this point in your life. Not to mention the emotional incest with your mom has probably made you codependent or made you experience some emotional neglect. Get that shit figured out before you enter another relationship or even continue this one.
I don't know if I'm really helping, and I understand your dilemma. When I was that age I thought I met the girl of my dreams. My whole live revolved around her and I used her to avoid my own shit. Of course, when I found out she was more fucked up than I was and we ended our relationship, I had a hard time recovering and dealing with myself.
Good luck OP. It ain't easy.
Tbh I think I'm past the emotional incest thing. I've reflected on it a lot, journaled about my childhood a lot. Talked through it a lot with my current gf. Talked to anons online about it. Read a lot of self-help books, I'm really not co-dependant at all. Even before this all happened I was fine going the whole day without texting her, and when I was single before meeting her I didn't mind doing things on my own.
Another reason I like the idea of staying with someone from a young age is because I've only had 4 sexual partners including her, and I'm her second.
I know it sounds /r9k/tier but marrying a woman who has fucked a ton of guys is disgusting and beta.
And beyond that I feel that she is better than most girls, because on top of being infidels, most women are histrionic morons with no interests outside of reality TV. Even platonically talking to other girls I get bored out of my mind because they just discuss the dumbest things.
Maybe I didn't stress how great she is, but I just don't think that there is any statistical probability that I will even encounter another girl of the same caliber as her, and even if I do that's no guarantee I will be able to maker her mine.
You two are both young and dumb, don't make a big deal about you relationship with her, she is clearly showing signs that she lost the respect for you, dump her before she cucks you and work on not doing stupid shit anymore in the future.
I know it's cliche, but I feel like we're pretty mature for our age. Sometimes I overhear my friend arguing with his GF and they just mock each other, make passive aggressive comments, and try to antagonize each other. I'm not quite ready to deal with all the histrionic bullshit that most girls try to put you through, so I'd rather try to make this work. I don't see this as the point of no return, but we're definitely in the woods so to speak.