My significant other developed a disability one year into our relationship. We've been together for five now. I've become very frustrated with the ways that their disability not only holds them back, but me as well. We don't get to go out on dates anymore. I experience scorn from everyone I know because they don't work (see: disability). I feel so guilty about being frustrated with them over things they can't control. I feel selfish. God help me.
now he is the one who is able to work and I am the one who is disabled. idk if it helps to know this, but it sucks from both sides. but yeah, I remember having to fight against not only frustration but unwarranted feelings of resentment. it's not fun and honestly I think it's part of why I ended up burning out and my own condition worsened. we are married though, and we made a promise to stick it out as long as we love each other, and we still do, so.
you might see if there are online resources for caregivers. it's probably what I should have done. hell, I might anyway.
So I just found out a few days ago that my ex-girlfriend has recently been coming into my work when I'm not there. She doesn't just drop in either, she apparently stays in there to work. This is strange because my place has six different locations altogether, three within five minutes of mine, one is right across the street. Last I heard she's in a relationship but that was over a month ago and she didn't seem very optimistic about it.
I'm seriously considering starting to make more late night trips to my workplace to run into her. I've already done it once and she wasn't there. Convince me this is a bad idea.
I've BPD and no means to treat it until i find /good/ work, but the problem is finding work is hard due to both my issue and my 3 year employment gap.
Trying to manage without it has just made things worse. I dont have my horrific moods anymore, but only because i neither socialize nor do much of anything. Its like swapping over emotion for no emotion, and i dont know which i hate worse, besides being by myself. Boredom and loneliness are anathema.
>>16770934 BPD as in bipolar or borderline? I'm guessing borderline but sometimes I see people use BPD as short for bipolar too.
I too have it and have a 2 year work gap from a breakdown causing me to leave my previous job. applying for disability but my final determination hearing is in a couple weeks and I am not optimistic. can't live off family forever, so I might end up having to find some part time shit.
career shit + mental illness = the fucking pits. people ask you "what would you like to do?" and you're like "idk I'm depressed, I don't wanna do anything" and then they're like "well you have to do something, most people don't like their job, suck it up" blah blah as if I hadn't been doing exactly that for the last 15 years. and look where it landed me.
>>16770946 Borderline, diagnosed in high school off the books by a sympathetic shrink, never treated. Fucked my life up quite good.
Its almost impossible to explain feeling so empty, and having no real drive for even taking care of myself. I stewed in this rut for years, and havent managed to get out of it yet. Disability doesnt really give much money or id go for that honestly.
>>16770970 And yet, "This is a verse of nostalgia for the past that is no more. If I think those worst days, those worst dreams were the beginning, I've come quite far."
I suppose my current attitude is an improvement over constant mood swings to either extreme, followed by breakdowns and apologies. Not hurting myself all the time or getting unduly aggravated is nice as well.
But I cant leech forever, and I cant live like this forever either. I need a real solution before I run out of what willpower i have left to try to reach for it.
Hey I moved in with 3 female roommates last summer (I'm I guy). I previously had a short fling with one of them, but I'm friends with them all for the most part. I've been going out with a different one recently, just hanging out and walking around town, and I think I'm starting to get feelings for her. 1. Was it a bad idea to move in with girls? 2. Should I pursue these feelings? I also have a hunch that the roommate wouldn't want to be with me because I've already been with a diff roommate. Thanks
>>16770991 I dearly hope so. I've done this for most of my life, and its getting tired. I cant have friends like this, I cant really even have the most fleeting happiness like this, even when I do, I cant remember what it felt like as early as a few hours later.
I wouldnt wish this on anyone, this is hell. Im not even in control of my own life. I dont even know who I am. Nothing makes a lick of sense, and I wish It would start.
>>16771006 >1. Was it a bad idea to move in with girls? maybe but it's hard to say how situations are going to play out sometimes
>2. Should I pursue these feelings? only if you are okay with moving to a different apartment if things actually go somewhere. if you guys date while you're all still living together, it will probably make things awkward for the other roomies even if they say they're fine with it.
How do people get the motivation to take care of the way they look and stuff when they have no need to?
aside from school and work I have no life. There's nothing motivating me to do anything beyond the bare minimum. Sometimes not even that, just roll into class with the clothes I wore yesterday... I know I should try to take better care of the way I present myself but I just feel it would be wasted and pointless.
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