Alright guys this ones a doozy
I have been crying for the past hour because I am constantly ruining my friendship with my best friend. I am a female so naturally I am fucking insane sometimes and he usually takes it well. He is gay and we have been best friends for two years, he came out to me before anyone else.
Reasons I freak out at him
>he doesnt want me to meet his friends or family and I have no idea why
>says I used to be cooler and nicer (which I used to be)
>ignores me a lot, he is depressed and has needed t take breaks from me because I get so angry at him
Okay thats it. I get irrationally angry and I get spiteful and ignore him too, and its even seeping into real life interactions, as we text all day. We have also stopped texting a lot because I freak out. I hurt him a lot and it kills me.
Maybe I am bipolar or something? I dont know. I usually regret it and am very apologetic. He always tells me to remember how I apologize but I never do.
What do I do? I told him he could leave me if Im making his depression worse but he says no I just need to work on it.
An example of him trying to confront me about being a bitch at Uni today.
A couple months ago I was even worse.
I would say stupid shit to make him feel bad like
>i reconsidered our friendship
>just been like "Fine bye" because he ignored something I said
I feel fucking abusive. It used to just be over text but now we are not laughing as much. I really want us to salvage this friendship.
We used to say things like "Ill write a song about you." And, "Ill never have another friend like you in my life."
Recent things hes said that make me lose hope
>stop texting me so much I need a break
>stop calling me cute.
I used to say "aaaaw" all the time to tease him but he exploded at me so I stopped.
>What do I do? I told him he could leave me if Im making his depression worse but he says no I just need to work on it.
well then I guess you should work on it. try to see shit from his perspective more. in fact, why not try to see shit from other people's perspectives more in general? like when you see other people, try to imagine the shit they have to go through on a day to day basis. also consider either finding a therapist to help you with anger, or read up on anger management stuff on your own.
maybe leave him alone for a few weeks or so, work on your issues, and then contact him again. it sounds like you might be smothering him too, so leaving him alone for a bit will serve a dual purpose.
>I am a female so naturally I am fucking insane sometimes
Your gender has nothing to do with it. Some people are cunts, some aren't.
>Maybe I am bipolar or something?
Maybe you're just an abusive asshole. You know he still tries to see the best side of you, and you know he won't just up and leave, so you've been taking out everything in your life on him. It doesn't matter how apologetic you are. If you don't reign in your behavior, you will say and do things that can't be undone. You will lose this valuable person forever.
>I feel fucking abusive.
That's because you are.
Do you act the same way around family/other friends? Is it normal for you to be so short-tempered and irritable, or is it only with this guy?
Also I think you're being a bit too hard on yourself calling it "abusive" or whatever, these all sound like very minor social mishaps. Ignoring him in the hallway, it's not exactly the end of the world. You should try to improve for the sake of the friendship, but really this sounds like stuff that every girl I know does with all of her friends all the time, so don't beat yourself up too much. I don't think you're bipolar or mentally ill, at least not judging by anything you've posted so far.
>>he doesnt want me to meet his friends or family and I have no idea why
Face it--you're nothing more than his own personal fag hag.
He doesn't want you to meet his gay friends because he doesn't want them to see that he has a straight person in his life.
He doesn't want you to meet his family because they are upset with his gay lifestyle and will pressure him to start dating you.
Wise up fag hag.
I don't think you're a bitch or a cunt or anything because you might be cruel or callous but you are also concerned with his well being and want to be nicer.
I think you might be bipolar or some other kind of mental condition. There are many and they can express in slight degrees.
You cannot diagnose yourself and we cannot diagnose you anonymously. It just doesn't work with mental illnesses if the person with a potentially distorted view of reality is the one providing all the info.
In the long term consider professional help.
In the short term, maybe write yourself a fairly positive message telling yourself you can be a nicer person. Tell your friend you may need reminding sometimes but that he shouldn't abuse that. Hopefully he can remind you if you become a bit too much and hopefully you can calm down a bit.
I've found writing notes for myself and then being reminded about them can keep me focused, perhaps it will work for you.
Thanks all of you guys.
Even the ones that called me a cunt, I really deserve that.
I asked him today if he wants to take a break and he said he will help me work on it. We have agreed to try and support each other.
Lmao fag hag THATS ME