My baby is a month old an I thought I would be happy. But.... I am not, my wife loves our baby to death, her grandmother and sister who we live next to, are always holding her making stupid baby noises an shit, making the baby smile an laugh, what looks/sounds like mind you. An when I hold her she just cries an cries and cries till she can't breathe. It pisses me off, an honestly idk why she hates me. Everyone else holds her male/female but when I do she just loses it. I've never hurt her tho when I'm trying to change her she flips shit I just want to chuck her out the window or give her a reason to cry. I'd never act on these but damn I hate my kid an I feel no love for this child. Is this a phase is anyone else exprienced in this? I know it's 4Chan so I'm ready for all the "faggot/die/POS/" etc etc. Just looking for advice.
most people have children for the wrong reasons or no reasons at all - most of the time people have em just because babies happen
i have a large family, all my siblings had babies without thinking twice about it - now have a family of 30 grandkids
talk to my bros and sisters, they went through a phase where they just wanted to leave the kids or not have em
they are never fully content with them - 50 percent of the time they complain about them - 50 percent of the time they love em to death - 100 percent of the time they would die for them
just give it time
This is the shitty phase of having a young child because it's giving and giving to a whiny brat with nothing in return. It gets better a year from now when they start getting a personality
Idk but maybe somewhere down the line the child has an accident. Idk though. Nothing you could cause or anything.
She doesn't hates you.
She's a ONE MONTH OLD BABY
OF COURSE SHE'S GONNA BE MORE COMFORTABLE WITH HER MOTHER.
Get closer to her, get her used to you, the more she grows the better things get until she hits puberty.
You also sound like a horrible father, why even have kids? You're thinking of fucking chucking her out of the window and saying you have no love for her one month in?
>You also sound like a horrible father, why even have kids?
Ouch. That's way too harsh. This happens to a lot of people. It doesn't make him a bad father, just like women who experience postpartum depression aren't inherently bad mothers.
OP, you might have Paternal Postnatal Depression (PPND). Do some research on it, and consider seeing a mental health professional for help. You are absolutely not alone, and there are resources and help out there for you.
ok, take is for a dad who has gone though the exact same things.
first off do not react! do not give then something to cry about.
second you should probably get a big of help about anger because it will get better and worse (just wait for the 2 year old stage when they will hit you because they suddenly dont like the place you are sat)
the first few months can be very taxing, the most you will get out of a baby is a few barbaling noises, it gets better when they are able to smile and laugh. this is hard because a lot of people feel they only get negative responces. few things i found that help:
- having a beard / shaving depends if they like or dislike beards
- wearing something like a jumper (not hard wool though, and if they get rashes dont do this one again) or something soft and warm
- lay them across your chest where your heart is - the heart is a the most soothing sound to a new born (its pritty much all they could hear in her mother)
- if you sang/played music too her before they where born play that, same responce as with hearing the heart.
- have a look at what is different between you and every one else, could be simple things like smells, colours, stature ect.
- show effection to the baby and mother when the mother is holding the baby. if you are breast feeding her thats also a good time
Dude. I had a daughter about four years ago. Until about three years ago, she wanted nothing to do with me.
You're a father. You don't come into the picture, in your kid's eyes, for a while. You didn't birth her.
Seriously, don't get pissed off and "give her something to cry about" unless you want to end up in jail, having cock pulled out of your ass from across the cell.
My kid started warming up to me about a year in. Until then, you sit on the side lines, broham.
Be calm. Be cool. She'll be all about daddy soon enough, when the mom-only mentality starts to wear off.
Fuck, read a book about parenting, or something.
It's normal. Maybe she senses how you tense up around her. And besides, babies loose their shit all the time. It will get better. Not fast though.
But if you already have such thoughts about her after 4 weeks, maybe it would be better to get help NOW. months of sleep deprivation aren't exactly helpfull with anger issues.
Agreed. The mindset you are in now can lead you to really hurt her cause you WILL reach a breaking point some time or another. I mean, i had to lay my son down and go to the bathroom to scream and cry and leave him there in all his misery for a good while to not loose my shit. Sometimes it's just too much to take. Especially if you aren't one of those perfect parents that have it all figured out. If you sense yourselfe getting too close to do something really really stupid just lay your baby down in a safe place (even of it is just the floor) and GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE untill you have gathered yourself again.
Keep in mind that babies ARE annoying. They can act as if a delay in food for 30 seconds is THE WORST THING HUMANITY EVER ENCOUNTERED. But remember, in her eyes, it absolurely IS the worst thing she ever went trough.
Your baby is only a month old and all it does is cry? I'm a mother, I used to feel the same way, I swear to god. I used to fantasize about throwing him out the window when he was about that age.
Things do get better, expect them to get better real soon. Lets be real here, babies suck, all the do is cry and shit everywhere, but once they are capable of more then that it gets about 100 times better, albeit, not easier.
It's just a phase, babies are just jerks in the beginning, also your baby is only a month old give it some time. It's just stressful right now because you're adapting to a new life, I'm sure your wife might have some similar concerns. Right now is a good time to just try to see what the baby likes and dislikes and use it to your advantage. Some like crinkly paper, keys, bells, or literally almost anything.
As cave Johnson once said, "We're just throwing science at the wall and see what works."
My son, when he was that age hated everything except sublime's music, haha.
Also, my son wasn't really interested in his dad until very recently(He's 5 now) Before then, he'd just tolerated him and was sometimes amused by him. Now he's in that phase where he pays all his attention to his dad :(
It'll pass OP, all parents hate their kids for the first few months. Wait till it starts sleeping through the night and responding to things you do and say (like smiling when you smile) and you'll find it's suddenly awesome.
That's basically what happened to me, and we had our kid at the worst possible time (my dad was dying of cancer, partner was doing a double degree at uni, etc) but now she's pretty much all I live for.
Hang in there famalamadingdong.
And I, in turn, agree with this fella. Seriously, dude, you hurt your kid and you are FUCKED.
Being a dad isn't easy, and sometimes it's in your best interest to take a few minutes to get some rage/anger out of your system, AWAY FROM YOUR KID.
I'Ve done the same as this anon, locked myself in the bathroom and screamed. It was my first time aline with my infant daughter, and I was hungover, to boot.
It sucks, yes. You'll get over it.
Also, maybe find a hobby in which to release that stress and anger. I, myself, play paintball. It's a damned good stress reliever.
Try walking around with her - probably facing outwards. so you are showing her the world and talking to her about it. Chances are she will be a lot happier. When you need to sit down again, hand her back to mom etc.
that way you becaome the strength, the teacher, the support, the traveller. All those things are pretty cool for a child.
Take it from me - father of 3
It's a guy thing. It takes a while for any bonding with the kid (s). At the moment he's a noisy feces-generator, and that's about it. With time he'll do more and eventually you'll see him as your offspring and not this annoying thing. It took me around 6 months for each kid to actually feel something for them. But once they got to the point where they respond to things you do, that's when you really start to connect.
I was always honest with my SO about this, and she said that it was probably a female instinct to insta-bond.
The first three months are the worst, but it gets much better after that, and thankfully you won't remember most of it due to sleep deprivation.
The baby cries because it sucks to be a baby. It recently had it's head smashed through a vagina, and ya it's going to take about three months to heal.
Judging by the language you use ("Stupid noises and shit", "pisses me off", "hate") and your frustrations that manifest themselves as fantasies about harming your daughter, it sounds like you're not empathising with your child or engaging with her.
She's a baby. She's learning about the world for the very first time. To you, making silly faces and making stupid noises is boring, but to your daughter it's new and fun. She's learning sounds, and interactions and about space...absolutely everything. Maybe if you tried to view the world through your daughter's eyes you'd want to engage her more in activities you, as an adult, think are stupid. And maybe if you spent more time trying to engage with her, she would form more of a bond with you and not get upset.
I even suspect that she picks up on your lack of interest in her and your frustrations.
Also, as a follow on: I don't think it's helpful to characterise a baby's behaviour as "jerkish" or "bad".
Babies can't talk. Thier only way of communicating with you is by crying. They are, by necessity, and by no fault of their own, reliant on you.
Imagine if you weren't able to talk, or able to feed yourself or tend to your own needs.