Long story short.
We were great friends, things started progressing between one another. I was more socially awkward at the time and didn't really know if I wanted to go full speed or not. Then she started talking to her old ex.
She got back with her old ex, I confessed to her how I felt and that I wasn't expecting anything. We maintained a friendship for over a year. It was an on again and off again of a friendship. We would be close, then not talk at all after some incident where we got too close or one of us got hurt feelings.
Shes still with her ex, the last time me and her stopped talking was 2 months ago. We were speaking for over a month almost every other day without once talking about her ex/current boyfriend. We're talking serious on-fire conversations like at the height of the friendship. I asked her flat out if that was a good thing, and she said it didn't mean anything. I told her that this was literally the definition of insanity and it's my fault for even wanting this anymore. Then nothing.
That was 2 months ago. She didn't even wish me happy birthday, she stops into our job and won't even look in my direction. She didn't acknowledge me a single time she stopped in and apparently won't even speak about me if I'm brought up, she just stays quiet.
Now I have to work with her for the first time since that night of texting on this Sunday.
I don't know how to feel, I don't know what to think. I'm not in love with her anymore, but I just wish I knew what she was thinking or why she is acting this way. Should I even say anything to her at work?
Yeah, I wasn't sure how I felt and I would have felt like shit to move forward with a friend when I wasn't totally certain.
Then things got weird. It just sucks we both lost a good friend, but if she won't even look at me for an unknown reason then the friendship is pointless. And if we'll just end up in the same spot again why bother trying again?
I get that the logical thing would be to drop me as a friend then, but I've never seen her be so utterly cold before. During one of the pauses in the friendship when I asked if she was hurt she literally refused to admit she was despite clearly acting bitchy to the point where I had co-workers ask me what was going on.
This is just flat out ignoring.
You need to understand that people don't give a shit about you. (not to be mean but usually people think about what you can do for them first, whether that be a friend, confident, side pieces etc; and the other person's feelings second)
People generally look out for themselves first, so I am not she is surprised that she didn't "admit to being bitchy. She dissipated her dissonance a long time ago, and it's likely that she would rather cut off all ties then deal with the confrontation (ostrich effect)
I will agree with the other anon, in saying you waited too long and let her ex-bf come back into the picture. Understand if you don't catch her on the downswing (during/just after relationship ) or rock bottom, you it becomes very difficult with all the emotional baggage. Why is this you ask? Well, Time is a natural accelerant, on the downswing you get value. The people in this state are emotionally weak, angry and sad. Human's try to justify our feelings, generally blaming the other person in the relationship. This is the time to strike.
Because time is a natural accellerant, all these feelings we have of hated, anger, and sadness, eventually turn into introspection, self-reflection. After awhile we stop hurting, pick ourselves up, and think more logically about the situation. We start thinking about what we did wrong, how did it get so bad and just generally looking at the situation with rosy inspection, looking at the situation positively, and in large disregarding most of the negative things.
The reason it is so hard to get with a girl who has made up with her boyfriend, is because she is optimistic, all those negative, introspective thoughts we had about ourselves, seemingly abolished by the act of reconciliation. The loneliness, "pain" seemingly gone. Optimistic for a second chance, and new beginning with her ex, she is not trying to mess this up this time. 1/2
One point of advice. The other anon said don't speak unless spoken to. What I would do is be outgoing, pretend its business as usual, like nothing happened. She will try to gauge you to see if you are hurt by the situation, like validation for her grip over you. Showing her that she hasn't bothered you in the slightest, will show her that you just disregarded and are perfectly, self functioning and self-reliant, doing this will damage her vanity slightly. Good luck
>I told her that this was literally the definition of insanity and it's my fault for even wanting this anymore. Then nothing.
Was that not meant as an "I'm done" message? Because it reads that way. Doesn't seem surprising you didn't talk after that.
All this is great, thanks a lot.
The difficult part will be to act like normal without making it seem like I'm trying to reestablish a connection. We would often joke and shoot one another looks at our job and make each other laugh our asses off with them.
For a relationship sure.
But this is a woman who is still on speaking terms with a female friend who flat out fucked her over a few times. This is the first time I've ever seen her act this level of aggressively dismissive.
For starters, he's not her ex anymore. He's her boyfriend. #2..you are her filler. The guy she can rely on to give her most things a boyfriend will without having to fuck you or commit to your clingy ass. When she is bored of the bf, she will talk to you. When they're having issues, she'll talk to you, when she's feeling ugly...she'll flirt with you but she will never be with you at this stage. Not while she has a better option aka her ex/bf.
>All this is great, thanks a lot.
The important thing to note is that you are disregarding her for the most part. This is about you, you showing her that "what you did, how shitty it was, had no effect on me" This is a power play because it will cause her to question herself (for example, "why is he so happy, what does he have to be happy about" especially if you can make it seem like you are actually happier now even compared to before it works wonders.
You are not trying to establish a connection, but if you cross paths do not be afraid to engage, socially (hey so and so, whats up , whats new with you) nice.
The biggest thing for you is to seem more exuberant, talk loudly and joking around your other coworkers when she is nearby, with a chance that she is listening, saying things like "in fantastic, or im actually great" in stead of the normal "im good" with help you supplement this goodluck!!
Honestly if she was really a good friend she would have rejected you and still want to be your friend. Unless you were being to pushy, well thats on you, if not fuck her you dont need her in your life