How do I figure out how I'm fucking up with girls? I feel like I did everything I could this time and I still couldn't make it happen. It's starting to really get to me, I've blown every shot I've had for awhile and I'm sick of starting from square one.
It's not "over" but basically I was talking with this girl online and we briefly got on the subject of fwbs, then the next day we just kind of chit chatted and got a little flirty. I asked her out and she said she was busy housitting (read: in a house, all alone) so I basically told her I was interested in coming over and she played the whole "good girl" routine, so I tried to play the "bad boy" routine and it backfired and she just flat out told me no. The only thing I can think of is that I was being a *little* pushy.
Ok so first of all no, it didn't get nearly as close as you might think it did. Your problem here, actually, is not what you said, but the means by which you're saying it. The fact that you are communicating online is the first problem. These girls are fickle and doing that will not get you anywhere. You were also probably communicating via text, right?
Were you texting? Don't do that. You want to get her in person. Use text only to ask out and meet in person. When you meet in person, you want to get her a drink or 2.
If this is impossible, use skype. You should have been trying to get her to strip on skype for you is what I mean.
If that didn't work, then you should have dropped her immediately and stopped responding. You should have ignored her and let her do the work. That's all.
but you needed to start and end this in person, not online. That was the first and biggest mistake.
That works to a degree but a lot of these girls are boring, or just don't have shit to say as far as responses longer than one sentence. And to top it off almost every girl is afraid to initiate contact because she doesn't want to be "annoying."
Yeah, you're right, but I met her online and she's really afraid to meet people in person. I would do it any other way, but I have a hard time meeting new people. My plan is to patch things up and go ghost for awhile, hopefully I get her wanting me.
okay, yeah - your mistake was definitely being pushy. When you say "read: in a house, all alone", I guarantee you that is your dumb ass reading your own hopes into what she was saying, not what she was trying to express to you, which was merely what she was up to. My diagnosis is a poor understanding of how to communicate with women. This "good girl/bad boy" bullshit is totally wrong too. You have to approach women like real people, not some sort of caricature of male/female interactions. Understanding her perspective is the first step; she's not going to want some dude she doesn't know coming and bothering her where she is, if she wanted you over she would be explicit about it, and you CERTAINLY don't fucking 'invite yourself over' like a creep. If you want to meet girls online you invite them out in a manner most safe to them; in public at normal hours, a drink at a bar or coffee if she's shy.
all of this is wrong. I've gone on literally hundreds of dates off of online dating, it's super easy if you do it right.
this is wrong too. Girls give minimal interactions to dudes they don't find interesting/attractive but are giving a chance to be interesting (which is a mistake on their part usually). They don't initiate contact because they don't have to, they have a pool of men who are already interested to choose from. If you had twenty girls who you knew were interested in you, would you go looking for someone else instead? No. Also, you're finished with this girl because you're shown yourself to be aggressive and have poor social skills and she's said no. She's done with you. Move on.
Okay, then apparently, no girl I've spoken to has found me attractive, which isn't true. Just take what I said and think about it: girls are half-assed/don't try, I can't try. It's a no-win scenario. Also, here's what happened:
>we should hang out
>let's go to x
>I can't, I'm housesitting
>are the people you're housitting for okay with you having guests over?
>I don't think they are, disappointed face
>it'll be our little secret...
>i don't like to be bad, angel emoji
>I do, let's be bad together
I guess I was exaggerating with the good girl/bad boy thing earlier, but I was trying to be playfully aggressive like that. I don't think I went too far, maybe you could tell me.
who said you can't try? I said don't invite yourself over.
>can I come over?
>polite excuse as to why you can't
>polite excuse as to why you can't
take a hint bud. Girls online are in the 'feeling you out' stage until you actually meet them, you've overstepping social norms here.
Yeah, I guess the emojis threw me off, it seemed like she secretly wanted me to but was too shy to say it herself. Also, forgot to mention we've been talking for like a week and a half, so we're not exactly strangers.
I've actually been looking into RSD's stuff. I can't really put it to good use though cause I can't go to bars or clubs, but I've been trying to work their philosophies into my social life and it's actually going really well.
get used to it.
At some level, you fuck up each and every time. Past relationships are PRACTICE, mang. Nothing more, nothing less. You won't get it right until you're honestly presenting yourself to her, and she honestly desires what you're giving out.
Until then, practice. Don't assume you're the one fucking up. You might be, but we respond to each other, as well. It's worse to end up with the wrong bitch than to fuck up and seek out a new one, anyhow.
There are roughly 3 billion women in the world, and most of them don't want to be in a relationship with you.
The point is that, regardless of who or what you are, the number of potential girlfriends will always be smaller than the number of girls who just aren't interested in you.
It's a numbers game and is not all about you personally. You have to weed out the no-chancers in search of the potentials, and not be too depressed by how many of the first group there are.