Guy who wants to wait until marriage for sex here.
Do women that think this way even exist? Sure I see them from time to time on TV or the internet, but looking around in real life leads me to the conclusion that these are incredibly rare exceptions, as I have literally never met a woman who saves herself for marriage in real life.
I'm starting to question whether my stance is worth it or if I should just give up and become a male slut while I still can (as this would be better than never having sex at all because of my ""high standard"").
What do you think I should do?
the odds are definetely against you
sex after marriage is a thing of the past, nowadays teenagers are influenced by pop music who talk about sex, promiscuity, etc
it's still possible to find someone who have the same values as you do, but it will be extremely rare imho
you might have to actually pursue a group or a place where people share your views
>you have to go out of the country find a woman that's actually good.
Fuck this, I planned to move out of my current shithole anyway.
What English speaking country/state do you recommend? Is Texas any good? Will I find traditional Christian qts there?
My ex best friend of 7 yrs was a virgin who was saving herself for marriage. She was a couple yrs older than me, was obese, and never had a bf. She would mess around with guys at work who had girl friends though because she liked the attention. Supposedly she didn't do any penis in vag. Just oral.
I always get a chuckle out of thinking that I didn't want to get married, but I found someone who changed my mind and she's still unmarried and probably not a virgin.
It's completely up to you OP whether or not you want to continue waiting for a virgin. You should definitely take the time to think about it or come up with a pros/cons list on why you should wait.
I think if you really like someone you should want to share everything with them. There's also that possibility of marrying a virgin and when you finally have sex you find you dont like the way they look naked or something. And the possibility that the virgin wants to play the field after they have sex with one person.
Personally speaking I lost my virginity when I was 18, with the first girl I was able to charm. I did so because I was not raised in a particular religious background, and thought to myself that this is what young people in the west do.
I wish I never had. Its like a drug, and you have to keep getting it. It also caused me to make a lot of other really bad decisions, and fuck a lot of people over.
After a while of having sex before marriage, I literally felt disgusted myself at having shared something so intimate with girls who were often strangers essentially. But despite that, I still feel like I need it more and more and keep doing it.
I'm male btw.
Friend of mine from HS was able to swing it in college (his wife was a virgin, he was not... actually he fucked around with some extremely trashy sluts back in the day).
He's very catholic, so I imagine he found a girl who only took it up the shitter/on the chin a few dozen times. Nothing like a good catholic girl <3
Ask yourself the question: why? What is the reason for not wanting sex in a committed relationship? The only reasons are being underaged or religious.
And to those thinking that after marriage you will suddenly have lots of sex after all that waiting... I've got bad news for you. Odds are you will be stuck in a sexless marriage. Hope you waited because you were asexual to begin with.
>You will never meet a non religious woman who feels this way.
I'd actually prefer religious women. It doesn't matter if she's not though.
It basically boils down to pic related. I can't expect a polygamous women who has had multiple partners before marriage to stay faithful. If 1 or 2 years of a relationship are considered "long" there is something wrong with society.
Also I don't want a >60% chance of being fucked up by divorce courts.
Because by the time you learn correlation vs causation in math, it's when most people have checked out and assumed they'll never learn anything more that's actually useful.
anyway, few seconds on google
>"We cannot make any conclusions about cause-and-effect," says Justin Lehmiller, PhD, sex educator and researcher at Purdue University, adding, "Could it be that multiple premarital partners impacts marital happiness? Maybe. But it could also be that people who have more partners have different personalities or different attitudes toward marriage or relationships."
>Beyond that, Lehmiller says there may be flaws in the way data was analyzed -- the way in which good marriages were separated from bad marriages was "rather odd" he says. "Even the authors admit that they were 'arbitrary' in their report. They defined 'higher quality marriages' as those in which individuals scored in the top 40 percent ... Why the top 40 percent?"
>McNulty also points out that though the authors are respected researchers, the study was not reported by an academic journal nor was it peer-reviewed.
But hey man, there's like graphs and shit. It's science.
So wait, you expect a virgin to be faithful while someone who has had a relationship to not be? Must be nice living in your dreamworld.
My anecdotal evidence supports the exact opposite. I've had one gf who was a virgin. I've had one gf who cheated on me. Now take a guess... are those two referring to the same girl? Hmmmmmmm.
There are apparently only two types of girls in your reality: pure virgins and whores who have had over 9000 cocks in them.
You take your "pure" virgin who has sucked hundreds of cocks and taken it up the ass, and see how faithful she will be. But hey, she's a virgin! I'll take the girl who has been in 1-3 relationships and never done anything sexual outside of them or cheated.
She's probably got a lot of other red flags that are a lot more obvious than how many guys she's fucked.
Anyways, your chance of anything like a "successful marriage" are pretty shit regardless. Is a 50% chance of divorce really much better than 60%? I'd avoid the whole fiasco. Damn shame I always wanted kids and a family, but I don't see much point if they have the same shitty upbringing I did.
>has sucked hundreds of cocks and taken it up the ass
You're missing the point. I wouldn't want that either.
And your girl who has had 3 relationships before will probably not settle down and doesn't expect any long term success. She will break up no later than 1 year. Maybe 2 if we are very optimistic.
Sorry man, but taking her v-card is not going to guarantee successful marriage. If it's really important to you, start going to a conservative church and start courting a younger woman.
And honestly, you're not going to gain ANYTHING from holding out, aside perhaps from disillusionment and heartache.
I know you think your attitudes are really old fashioned and traditional, but I'll let you in on a little secret... even in prairie towns in the 1800s, people still fucked around. They couldn't go crazy about it because there was no birth control, but you if you start comparing marriage certificates and birth certificates, it's pretty fucking clear what went on. Especially when you see siblings that look like they clearly had different fathers!
On the bright side, it's almost certain that you'll never be forced to raise a child that isn't your own.
> And your girl who has had 3 relationships before will probably not settle down and doesn't expect any long term success.
Hahaha. Wut. It's obvious you are very young and have never had a relationship. Don't worry, your worldview on sex and relationships will evolve as you mature.
You're confused about those stats. Conservative religious people tend to abstain and though they may more often remain married, this doesn't mean it's a happy marriage, just that divorce is super taboo for most communities that put major stock in not having sex before marriage.
If you really want good odds of not divorcing you should forget your silly notions of carnal knowledge leading to future cheating and just wait longer before getting married: https://www.google.com/search?q=odds+of+divorce+vs+age&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8
It's young idiots who don't know who they are or what they want that get divorced. People in their 30s are much less apt to split. Though if you remain as paranoid and threatened by female sexuality as you are now you'll probably drive any sane woman away so it might not matter for you either way.
Try not living in a city. I'm a guy and waiting for marriage too. Don't listen to these guys, most of them are biased. I've met plenty of virgins, and while most never planned on waiting they can be sometimes be convinced to. You just have to realize that most girls are ignorant and need a guy to teach them how to make decisions and have values. Plenty around the age of 20 are virgins so it's just a matter of getting to know enough girls. Good luck OP, and take what most of these people are saying with a grain of salt, the truth is that you will find a bit of everything, it's all about fitting in where you belong :)
Pick up girls at Church. That's how I met my girl. Good Catholic here.
You haven't seen much of the world clearly. What you describe as normal is very much confined to the small countryside places. It's rare for people to want to wait until marriage for sex because, well, it just doesn't make sense. Even religious people will usually not.
Clearly you haven't read my post. Most don't wait, but can be convinced to. Also I've lived in a big city, the middle of nowhere, and currently in a large town(over 10k population). I've seen plenty trust me. Besides saying it doesn't make sence is ignorant, it depends on a lot of factors including location and culture.
I'm that way, but I'm religious so many people see that as a trade off.
I don't think I'm delusional about my religion, it helps me cope emotional with the obsticals I face and keeps me well adjusted.
I have lots of friends who are also religious who are waiting until marriage, but all of them are a little more intense about their beliefs. I guess they just see things in black and white without paying attention to the gray areas.
At any rate, op, your chances of finding someone who is waiting for marriage "just because" without a strong third party influence (like religion) is very very unlikely. You're going to have to compromise in one area or another.
op, move to a southern state.
I live in North Carolina, and while some of our religious girls are crazy, there are plenty of sweet, tolerant, well adjusted ones who are waiting until marriage. Join a young adults group at any (or several) local churches! We do things like go bowling together, play sports and video games, watch movies, etc- all while learning more about Jesus! Everyone has the same goals in mind, so it's really easy to find people who you can connect with!
So how many girls have you convinced to stay with you in a relationship, when they wanted sex and you told them no?
If someone wants sex in a relationship (most so) and the other one is not having it... that results in a quick breakup.
Only one, she was 18 and never had sex. She's the type who would only do it with a serious boyfriend. At one point we talked a bit about sex and we both agreed to wait despite it never having been an idea for her. Unfortunately things ended 2 years later when she moved out of state with her family but we ended it on good terms and still talk regularly.
OP here. I'm religious myself and a girl being religious would actually be a big plus.
This is exactly the advice I need. I don't live in the US and only know it from TV and internet, so tell me: Are people in southern states xenophobic towards (Central-)Europeans?
>discarding any data that shows otherwise.
Just to play devil's advocate, what data showing otherwise? Have any respectable studies showing that there really is no correlation, or even an opposite one?
Most, yes but plenty aren't like that. Smaller doesn't mean only religious girls. Most guys want sex but I don't and I'm not religious. Sure I'm not the majority but um not alone either.
There is a real difference between males and females, you understand? Sure you may say that you only consider girls with blue eyes. A bit stupid to throw out all brown-eyed girls from the start, but that's your choice.
Don't be surprised if you die a bitter virgin though, forever waiting for your pure virgin waifu.
I don't need advice, I've gotten by just fine and i will find a girl that thinks like me. I'm just trying to say that I've been around the world and you're view of what people want is so narrow. I'm not trying to tell you what to do but to at least realize that there are tons of different cultures with different values.
Blue eyes don't define a girls personality. Their attitude towards sex (partially) does.
Let's move away from male/female then. Why do you limit yourself to young women? Why reduce your dating pool and not date grannies?
My point is, there are certain deal breakers for some people. Not even talking about virginity, but in general. Like male bodies and grannies are "physical" deal breakers, some things about personality can be deal breakers.
>forever waiting for your pure virgin waifu.
I'm not the guy you initially responded to btw.
>I've been around the world
>you're view of what people want is so narrow
I am actually much older than you and seen much more of the world than you have. I used to think like you when I was still a teenager. But as I matured I realized what a crock of shit this whole "waiting for your pure virgin love at first sight waifu" thing is. I wish I had realized it earlier. That's why I'm trying to tell you something, something I can't go back in time and tell my younger self.
>Their attitude towards sex (partially) does.
Yes, partially. If a girl is an adult virgin, she may have her reasons. But most of them are red flags. She may be abstaining because of religion. Or she could have mental issues that chase men away. Sure, she could just have not got around to it yet, but that's only a minority of the cases.
Meanwhile, a girl who has had one long-term relationship, had sex in it, then broke up for whatever reason, is not someone you would consider? Your loss.
I never even mentioned how old I was. I've lived in more than a few countries around the world so I really doubt you've seen more than me. Again I don't need help, I was just trying to tell OP that not all girls are the same. If you've seem as much as you claim you would know that there are tons of people who value a virgin marriage.
If that's how you feel it's up to you. I'm not religious but I am in love and I believe sex is a special thing, even though I've had sex that wasn't special before. If my husband-to-be wanted to wait until we were married to have sex (he is from a strict catholic family - I also had a semi catholic upbringing) then I would wait because I love him. Personally, I feel we probably want to have sex very soon! However, I would be prepared to wait for it if he so wished
I was just illustrating the point that despite having had sex in the past, it is possible to have a new relationship in which you don't have sex until after you marry. I wasn't saying it's what I want, although it is a concept I would consider
Right, but generally people who want to wait expect the same from their partner. It's very rare for a guy to want to wait if the girl has already done it. If two people see sex as something so special that it's saved for marriage, one person having already done it basically ruins the meaning of only being willing to share that part of you with that special person. I'm not saying it's right or wrong but that's usually the intent.