Is the Friend Zone just a meme? Has anyone got any experience with moving from friends to a girl to dating?
>Been texting with this girl almost daily for a few months now, FB chat is approaching 7000 messages
>She really likes my attention
>I like her attention
>So far things are only playful but pretty platonic
I want more, I have been on a few "dates" with her but she seems pretty unresponsive in wanting to touch me and it's starting to piss me off. She's also not seeing other guys, She has no car, lives in a rural area and lives with her parents.
Man youre dumb, if a chick doesnt like you move on and drop her. You buy a lizard and want it to fly and people tell you it doesnt "well maybe if im nice enough to it it will learn to fly". Thats you anon
No, the friend zone is not a thing. It's what bitter assholes confit themselves with when someone doesn't want to fuck them.
>she seems pretty unresponsive in wanting to touch me and it's starting to piss me off. She's also not seeing other guys
Why are you angry she doesn't seem responsive? It's not her job to want to fuck you. If she doesn't, she doesn't. Her being in a relationship has no bearing on that.
Dude, if you want to date her ask her straight up. I assume you put "dates" in quotes because you haven't actually discussed dating.
The friendzone is definitely a thing. It's where clueless guys end up who don't realize girls don't like guys just because they're nice to them.
To be fair, a lot of women like to lead naive and inexperienced guys on, so they're not innocent in all this either.
The friendzone is different from friendship in having a secret agenda. Using the classic example, a girl might very well just enjoy being friends with a guy and want nothing more. Perhaps she really feels no attraction for him. Or maybe she is attracted but that feeling doesn't outweigh the fear or anxiety of disrupting the friendship. Either way this is actual friendship. Depending on the circumstances there might be a way to change her mind.
The friendzone is the suggestion of friendship with the intent of exploitation. In the example it would be a girl saying she wants to be friends with a guy but always dangling in front of him the hope for something more. "Let's be friends FOR NOW," "I'm not looking for a relationship YET," etc. This isn't a sincere interest in friendship. It's a plan to use the guy for attention, services, resources and so on through manipulation. There's no hope to ever get anywhere with her because that would ruin the game. What's making it work for her is that he's always chasing. Giving it to him would end the chase.
friendzone means she likes you as a friend. and definitely not in a relationship. so why do you expect her to change her mind?
yes some people progress from friends to lovers, but there is no advice to do this cuz its literally whether or not the person will come to love you.
she loves the attention she gets. she gets the bf experience and even DATES but she doesnt have to put out. thats what shes made of you.
leave her. be too busy. see other girls. if she doesnt come back begging then move on. if she does, see what happens, but be careful, girls have been known to show oyu a little love than pull the 'i cant be in a relationship right now card' to friend you again.
my advice is just to ditch her
I shouldn't really say pissed off, but it's just a bit frustrating. It's hard to tell if she's being shy or she just really doesn't see my that way.
The only reason I don't consider them dates is because the lack of actual physical connection.
I don't meet girls often, I work full time and can only really go out on the weekends. 2 months doesn't feel that long getting to know someone.
She does like me, I'm playful, interesting and she seems to actually have a good time with me. But I want more, but at the same time I value what we have.
I respect your input though
I have, I'll often use the phrase "I would like to take you out sometime.." She will say yes, Ill make plans, we go out and have a fun time but nothing happens past that. She doesn't walk close to me, doesn't want to try some of my drink, keeps her feet tucked in so I can't tap them a bit, stuff like that.
I really don't know if she doesn't understand it's a date or a hang out. Or if she's shy or what. I don't know how much more obvious I can be without outright saying that I have a romantic interest in you.
I'm kind of a late bloomer keep in mind, Do girls just go out with guys who ask them out like that to dinner dates and movies and stuff? Is it fair to say I was led on?
>tfw asked girl out and got friend zoned and bitch instantly started dating my best friend
Life can be shit senpai.
You should use the word "date" that's usually the key girls who are just leading you on can't bypass.
You currently are in the friendzone, she gets all the benefits of attention without any of the responsibilities that come with official relationship.
Be direct and ask her for a proper date, if she agrees then I suppose that's nice, she won't though and then you have to separate yourself from her.
Notice he said "my drink" OP is a massive beta. Girl only has to show up and lightly decline OP's advances and he buys her drinks and food and entertainment. He's being played but has her on pedestal and probably won't change his behavior until she either get's a boyfriend or gives him a hard no.
It was a flavor of bubble tea she has never tried, asking a simple "wanna try some" after she asks what it tastes like isn't creepy.
I know there's a lot of conflicting advice with how dates should go but i'm not going to be a total fucking wet noodle and do nothing to even suggest I want to break the touch barrier.
If you show interest and she doesn't reciprocate you drop her. You don't continue to throw money at it and expect her to change suddenly, she obviously isn't attracted to you and you've made it more than clear you are more than interested in being friends.
It's bad of her to continue to go "ya ok lets go" when she knows what you're doing but you need to realize that you're just wasting your money, time, and your feelings by continuing to go out with her for several months and expecting things to suddenly change.
Mane, you're losing time. I was in the same situation just three months ago. Don't say shit to her. Just try to kiss her some time you both are hanging. Convince yourself to do that, that's what's gotta be done with her, don't meet her a single time more if you're not gonna try to kiss her.
If you don't dare or you don't kiss her next time you meet, stop contact gradually. Don't try to convince yourself with "maybe"s or "almost"s. You'll only get trapped in this situation for more months, even for years.
If you gotta ditch her, do it. If you keep like that you never gonna get anybody because you won't even care about any girl who isn't her.
I wish you luck anon.
Friend zone is absolutely a thing.
Friend zone is when women like your attention but not your dick.
But friend zone is something men do to themselves, by lavishing attention on a woman who doesn't want their dick.
>Don't say shit to her. Just try to kiss her some time you both are hanging.
Please don't do that OP. You're going to spaghetti, it'll be really awkward and then you can never see her again.
I agree with forgetting about dating her, at this stage you're not going to get anywhere good so you might as well write her off as a potential gf, but having an additional friend is always an asset later if she isn't a complete autist.
You need to see her less to get over your infatuation, but not because you intentionally cut contact (then you're just shutting in, one way ride to depression town). You need to see her less because you're too busy doing other things. Invest yourself in a fun hobby (not anime or vidya, something you can actually talk about. Bonus points if it requires discipline like learning a language or sport) and expand your social circle. Basically partially replace her with even better experiences than what she's giving you right now.
The "Friend Zone" is just another way of saying "she doesn't want you romantically or sexually." It's not an actual place or state of being.
Anyway, in your case it's more that you've built up "closeness" through online interaction rather than in person. So you're awkward together.
Don't turn girls you want to date into penpals in the first place.
I have never been in the friend zone because I never pretend to be a woman's friend if I actually want to date her. If I want to date her, I ask, if no I move on. If she's cool and rad then we're friends and I value her friendship for its own merits. The friend zone is totally optional, you're only in it if you're a passive, deceitful loser who is too cowardly to push his chips forward to ask a woman out.
I think that the "friend zone" is just an excuse for people that not self-improving, for people who are not persistent. The way I see it is that if you are not "selling" what the woman is "buying" (if you are not what she is looking for ) there is no way in hell that she will even consider you. Understand that people most people subconsciously or concisely are always looking to upgrade, explore other options while being "comfortable". Our minds wander, about this person and that person. What this means is that people generally like to establish rapports, a "foundation" for the house, in order to finish production later. If (subjectively) you were better than all of the other options for that person out there there's no way you would be single.
The "friend zone" is an opportunity for you to prove yourself. To break free from the first impressions and PROVE that you are better than all their other options, )what you do here will tell if there is a chance at reversal or not) The word no (and all iterations of it)(i don't see you in that way)(you're a good friend anon) IS NOT DEFINITIVE. he/she is telling you that at this point in time I don't see you in that way. Well what do you need to do? You need to improve, and if you really like the person, become what they are looking for (mostly perceptual)
Why is the friend zone a thing? Because people are not perseverent, they hear no once, they overhear what the other person is looking for and do not see it in themselves, so what do they do they quit, they give up, they fold. HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO GET DIFFERENT RESULTS DOING THE SAME SHIT? that's insanity. How stupid is it that you are asking the masses. a large community of nonperseverant quitters for success advice? Lmao. 1/2
Is the "friendzone concept totally unfounded? Not necessarily. You need to look and move forward. Improve and learn new skills, keep your eyes open to new people and possible s/o.. Think of every denial, as a chance to improve, use this adversity to slingshot you into different situations. The friendzone, in part, is complacency, looking for the same things, same types of people, doing and saying the same things.
Beware of the traps, if you are looking forward, see that you are being played, manipulated, taken advantage of, back off but don't burn your bridge. See things how they are and not how they appear. If you want instant gratification, this is not for you. Relationships are built up over time, not a day, week month, in most times years of constant exposure to the other person. See every person you meet as an opportunity to build a foundation; for that foundation, just a foundation today, tomorrow, 2,3,4,5 years down the line, a house.
>been texting this girl almost daily for a few months now
>for a few months now
Shit, nigger. What the fuck are you doing?
Here's how to avoid the friendzone:
>Talk to girl
>Flirt, crack jokes
>Text for a bit, NOT FOR A FEW MONTHS
>Physical contact, start light and escalate during date
>Go for kiss after a while, run hand through hair while looking in eyes and then lean in
>BONUS: Get her back to yours/go back to hers and tap dat (game needs to be on point. Otherwise, aim for sex by third date)
Yes, it really is that easy. Stop fucking about texting endlessly. That shit gets you friendzoned fast. Why waste months texting when you can potentially bed a girl within a day or two? Get your shit into gear, son!
Alright OP, ignore all the other posts, this is the definitive and final post on what the friend zone is and what it is not. I realize after writing this post that I did it with the sexes aligned one way but you can swap them and it still works.
Originally, it was a term meant to describe when a girl who is unavailable would flirt with a guy, get him to do things that would otherwise be considered romantic, lead him on in several different ways knowing full well that he had feelings for her only to deny him and tell him that he's just a friend once he actually tries to pursue her. The fault here is on the girl; she should not have the guy do these things knowing that he has stronger feelings and that he thinks it's going somewhere more meaningful.
But this really doesn't happen often, and most people didn't use the term like that. It eventually because a term that bitter guys could use to try to shame girls for not liking them. This ties into the myth of the "nice guy", the guy who is extremely nice to a girl because he has feelings for her, and then becomes angry once those feelings are not reciprocated. In this situation, the guy is definitely the one at fault. A girl is not required to like a guy no matter how nice the guy is, so getting angry at a girl who you willingly befriend for not wanting to take things further is pretty petty. Still, this doesn't happen much either.
What the friend zone really is is something that takes a bit of both. It's a place that people, typically genuinely nice people, put themselves in. You put yourself in the friend zone by not making it clear that your intentions are to be more than friends. Notice that both of the previous situations could have been avoided if the pursuer was straightforward with what they wanted? Even if someone has feelings for you, they will move on if those feelings are not acted upon in reasonable time. Basically, if you just try to be friends with someone, you can't expect them to treat you different.
...hanging around and trying to "prove your worth" is not worth the time or the effort.
If you actually suck, your time is better spent working on the things that suck.
If you don't suck, you're better off starting fresh with a new girl. Most of the time women know within a few minutes whether they want to fuck you, everything after that is just playing around to see if you're man enough to game her.
Not if you do it for her.
And not if you orbit her adoringly the whole time.
Treat her like she ain't shit and work on yourself, and there's a slim chance she'll want you someday. Better not to fret over it... for my own part, the women I thought I'd "fix myself" for grew into people I don't really like anymore, and I can do much better.
>Is the Friendzone just a meme?
Yes and No.
No in the sense as you will never get to a point where the fact that you have a friendship negates your ability to become romantically involved. In fact starting from this point basically puts you 3 or 4 dates ahead of where you normally would dating a stranger.
If she gets to know you, you run the risk of her finding out that she's not interested in dating you (in the case that you are a loser, or just not her type). So in a sense yes... the friendship torpedoes your chance at dating her. But frankly, you didn't have much of a chance to begin with if that's the case.
Or there's the bitch mode variant of friendzone where she knows you like her and keeps you dangling because she likes being courted. But that's psychotic level behaviour that... well, I guess if you're smitten you won't see it unless you have experience.
In any circumstance, there's one course of action. Tell her you like her. You can be blunt awkward & goofy about it, doesn't really matter. If she likes you, you can't fail... if she doesn't, no line in the world will work. If she reciprocates, great. If she doesn't, distance yourself a bit so you can move on (if you care about keeping the friendship, try not to be a dick about it but TAKE THAT SPACE). Don't spend a lot of time around a girl you're crushing on that isn't into you, that'll just crush your self esteem.
I always thought of it as the intermediate period, when a girl shuts down a guy, and he's trying to get over the rejection so they can just be friends. People could be little shits over this, but I considered that a separate problem.
A lot of people have far more angsty versions of it, and I don't really agree with those. But because of said angst I just opt to avoid the term when I can.
Just ask her out for a real date, as long as you arent whiny about it it's not the end of the world.
>No, the friend zone is not a thing. It's what bitter assholes confit themselves with when someone doesn't want to fuck them.
Is a good example of what I'm talking about.
I've had girls reject me, then a few days later, apologize and ask if we can hang out as friends. That's the "friend zone," I guess.
But look--it really shouldn't bother you if you are in the "friend zone" or not. If you are honest with her and yourself, you shouldn't ever find yourself in a situation where you couldn't one day be in a relationship with her (unless she has a serious boyfriend, in which case, you should probably back off if your intention is a relationship).