/adv/ I'm sure you guys get tons of posts like these but this is the only place I can think of to ask for help. Sorry.
Greentext first, not sure if it will help much.
>Have difficulty hearing people speak, stutter quite a bit
>Bullied throughout elementary and middle school, seen as "that weirdo over there" in high school
>Get called gay (I'm not) because I would used to cry when bullied
>Get called a little girl by girls
>Only ever really had about 2 friends but still was not invited to anything
>Cry to mother, would say that everybody hates me, says that I'm exaggerating and that it will pass
>Was cutting myself for a short time during middle school, mom finds out, freaks out and put me on meds
>High School, the time when most kids are starting to date each other I would overhear the girls talking about how gross I was
>Zero attention asides from this very fat girl I was repulsed by (feel awful for ignoring her now)
>over the years all this gets internalized, depression, escapism, and video-game addiction ensue
>Graduate High School, over the summer I outright refuse to continue taking meds and start getting fit for the first time
>Pretty much never leave home except for some classes at the local community college so stress level is much lower
>After about 2-3 years of exercise I lose much weight, visible abs, look much better overall
>Notice that women are starting to look at me, in fact I've been approached several times.
>Get filled with anxiety and dread as they try to talk to me, I sweat, my brain shuts down and I stutter like crazy.
>Realize that if some women find me attractive, I should be meeting them now.
>However the thought of approaching the opposite sex is terrifying
>The thought of me ever having a sexual relationship feels utterly ridiculous
>Have no clue how to even talk to women, zero past experiences to take reference from
I think that deep down I'm terrified of women, that they are going to judge me and toss me aside, that I'm just not meant to be around them. I know that this feeling is irrational but the anxiety and fear I get when thinking about doing something is overwhelming. It would seem that after all that time I spent getting fit didn't do anything in making me any more mature, Im still too submissive, insecure, and oversensitive. I still feel like the reject in the corner from highschool. I don't even think I deserve to ever have a relationship, or even a friend... I've always felt that I was a burden to others, even from a young age. I hate this, I want anything but this, I want to know what a hug is like, I want to make people happy, the thought of me dying and no one giving a crap makes me sick. I want to finally be able to take action, to do something, but I dont know where to even start and keep hoping for the easy way out.
got any pics? preferrably progress pics, before and after type things, but even just a pic of you now would help. i ask because its easier to tailor this sort of thing to how a person looks, as that is one of the main topics of discussion and also to check out progres s(Recently started goign to gym myself. always been a skinny qt but now i want to be a big qt)
all that being said, what you're going through is rather normal. its not life destroying so dont think that.
stop right now and out loud ask yourself 'Would I like to date a nice girl?'
think about it. the possibilities. what it entails. the good and the bad. not just the sweet kisses and sex, but also the arguments and the fights. then answer yourself out loud.
if the answer is No, then why are you worried? is it because the rest of the world is dating? its not as uncommon as you might think to not date. I've been single for 3 years (Though i admittedly partake in sex quite a bit to compensate)
but if YES, the best advice we can give is the following
1) approach girls anyway (practice makes perfect, but going back to the pics, we can help you figure out what approach works for you)
2) realize that no rejection lasts more than 10 minutes. as soon as you are shot down or something goes wrong, you simply leave. this isnt' highschool where everyhone knows each other and talks. the girls you (can) approach now dont know you, your friends, etc. and even if they did they'd stop caring about 10 minutes after you are gone because they have their own lives to live.
keep in mind, its not really 'rejection' anymore etiher. its all about matching. if you arent a match, its no big deal. you are not shameful because you like oranges, even though i find apples to be far superior.
I´m a woman. Why are we so terrifying to you? We are all human beings, no?
You´ve been bullied so much that you are on defensive mode all the time. You need to let your guard down and trust that you are the sensitive, interesting guy that we can all tell you are through your post.
You are in the body of a man now anon. You've got skills, you've got power. You didn't have that as a child and teen. Those girls are small and fragile besides you, because you kept getting bigger and stronger. You could toss them around and they couldn't do shit against it. When they aproach you, they don't want to make you feel small, they want your dick
I didnt keep photo progress unfortunately, using pictures from before wont be that good either since I dont have anything to compare them to now.
>stop right now and out loud ask yourself 'Would I like to date a nice girl?'
>think about it. the possibilities. what it entails. the good and the bad. not just the sweet kisses and sex, but also the arguments and the fights. then answer yourself out loud.
I think I wanted a relationship just to say that I had one, to prove that I can be normal too. I'm unsure if I even want sex that badly.
I may realize eventually that I truly prefer being single, but for now I have no clue what the other side is even like, and I feel that I will ultimately regret never being in one.
I will admit I did not think critically about what a relationship with someone may actually entail. I may be fantasizing about the whole thing.
the before pic was mostly for me, i like progress pics. give me fitspiration. an after pic will help me tailor your approach to women though.
some guys can be a total douchebag and get the girl. some cant. some can ONLY be a douchebag to get the girl. others gotta take the sickly sweet approach.
you can try to describe yourself but unless we see what you look like we cant give REAL advice on how to best go for the girls if you want to atl east try this.
all that being said, i understand you a lot and think you actually are more grounded than a lot of people who are actually dating. i encourage you to put yourself out there and see what you snag.
The experiences that you've remembered are almost all negative, but try to realize that while kids are assholes and will tend to pile on to the vulnerable kid, probably most of the kids didn't really care about you one way or the other because they simply didn't have much interaction with you. That's going to be true of most people now that you're an adult too: some people are going to be assholes to you because they're assholes. Most people aren't going to care one way or the other until you give them a reason.
You know how you were repulsed by very fat girl and now feel bad about that? That's how anyone who wasn't an asshole feels about how they treated you, if they think about it.
You need to spend time with men you admire. Don't fixate on finding a relationship.
Right now you elevate women mentally to the point where any random woman's opinion will destroy you. You need to improve your opinion of yourself and build a persona as a man, among men.
There will come a time soon when a woman calling you a loser or a fag will make you laugh. You need to shift your worldview such that you require women to pursue you, and prove themselves worthy of your attention.
No woman wants a "sensitive man" for anything but platonic attention farming. Stop spreading that horseshit.
Im a different Anon, and I get anxiety & fear of women too. Most likely girls Im attracted to
>You need to let your guard down and trust that you are the sensitive, interesting guy that we can all tell you are through your post.
But that's just hurting him again. Guys like OP get stepped on just for being himself. It wouldn't get him anywhere in life.
>We are all human beings, no?
Bullies and Murders are human too
But there are girls that give guys shit just for asking her out. They also talk shit behind their backs. That's not good if they work or study in the same environment
I dont have many friends and I've never really had any real male role-models either. If I were to spend a lot of time with men I admire wouldn't that just be men who are good with women? How would I hang out with them?
>But there are girls that give guys shit just for asking her out. They also talk shit behind their backs. That's not good if they work or study in the same environment
This is something that has been stopping me from taking action. Im too afraid to go practice at my school, should I instead go to a nightclub, or something like that?
>men who are good with women
That's part of it, but you need an identity outside of your success with women. What line of work are you in? Ask a guy you admire if you can pick his brain about career stuff and see if you can strike up a friendship/mentorship.
You don't need dozens of friends, just a few really good ones. Organize a fun group activity like a day at the firing range or barhopping to a midnight movie or something.
I had shit luck with women until I knuckled down on my work and made a conscious effort to emulate the things I like about the tough old geezers and successful businessmen I work with.
You sound almost like me. 23 yo, no experience with women at all. I think that deep down I crave attention from women more than anything else. I mistake attention for love. Only recently I begun to challenge those thoughts, trying to make myself believe that women are less important than my life's calling.
Sounds like we both could benefit from having a buddy who goes through the same shit, perhaps even an accountability partner. How about we exchange throwaway e-mails?