>Married guy here
>went on a date with someone else yesterday.
So wife is the type that internalizes everyone elses grief to herself. Not in a selfish way; more of an empathetic way but it really affects her. Shes been very stressed lately, tho really she always dwells on stress and ruminates about bad things of the past and always has this constant negativity about her. Not outwardly, just always crying and complaining about it.
I got lots of shit happening in my life. It really went to shit career-wise and tho im normally super happy, the past 8 months have been the most stressful and depressing months of my life. I dont sleep much, im scared about my job situation, and so many plans and dreams are now either dead or unsure. Im in a really bad place right now.
Wife wants kids but shes so emotionally unstable and is already over stressed with no time that itd be a bad idea; let alone the genetic depression she has and the fact that shes 32 (i hear after about 30 the kid could be mad fuckt up).
continued in thread
I have full honesty with her mostly, tho ive learned not to talk about things im worried about, stressed over, or what makes me upset.. cuz she'll just cry about it and get really weird. Its not her probs.. shes even internalized and got real upset over stuff that happened to people i know that she doesnt. So i just dont talk to her about stuff. She knows about my job stuff, but just not how bad its affecting me.
So i met a girl on an app and we met up. Real cute, 18 (too young for me really but w/e), and we went on a date. Nothing happened. We just walked and talked like friends. Held hands at some point, and she probably thought it was a date. She doesnt know im married but i really didnt want to talk about my wife the whole time; i wanted to talk about my personal things which is something i never get to do. I wanted to both be someone different for a day, and also finally be myself around someone.
Now i gotta handle what to do about this nice person who probably assumes it was a mutual date that might lead to something. Im way older than her, so iunno what shes expecting, and we dont really have anything in common but it was a great convo and shes probably not experienced enough to know that this isnt something to hold out for.
Agreed. My current gf went on a date with a guy behind my back and I was fucking furious. Maybe she didn't do anything physical with him, but its clear where her intentions were.
I think it's really strange how we expect someone to fulfill all of the things you need in life. Emotional, sexual, and mental health issues are all amazingly different facets of someone's personality and to try and get 1 person to fulfill all of them is exceedingly hard to do. You don't ask that level of knowledge from even your medical professionals. You talk to a optometrist about your eyes, a dentist about your teeth, etc. You don't expect someone to have all the answers to ask your health issues. I don't think I'd wrong to just go talk to a stranger, if you feel you need to do that to vent and help your emotional health, especially if you feel like sharing that with your spouse could put them under more stress. I think you did fine op.
Either divorce your wife, or take your wife out on dates. If she is negative remind her that you love her, and if she complains quite literally tell her to be quiet. Her feelings are hurt either way so stop being afraid to tell her how it is. Tell her the negativity only makes your situation worse, but do it as politely as possible. As for the kids, I'd hold off until you understand if your wife is capable in being something other than a negative nancy. If your wife continues to be negative I highly suggest you divorce her. I understand couples go through things time to time, but someone like that is not worth your time if it's holding you back. This 18 year old girl sounds nice, but you are right she probably doesn't know what she's getting into. I'd tell your wife about it though. If she gets mad that's bound to happen, but the opportunity is there to work it out, or to end it. If you're going on dates with other people I can confirm you are not interested in your wife so therefore the likely solution is to proceed with a divorce, but do not lead this girl on in the process of your own selfishness.
>(i hear after about 30 the kid could be mad fuckt up).
40. 40 is the age you're thinking of.
A woman in her thirties can choose to have an amnio to see if there'll be any genetic defects but otherwise the kid is most likely going to be fine.
>being in your thirties and knowing this little about pregnancy
Actually the risk for all sorts of genetic diseases starts increasing around 30. It just gets much much worse if she's 40. Personally I wouldn't ever risk having a kid with a woman in her 30's just because I really don't want to be stuck raising an unempathetic, non communicative autist the rest of my life.
>there are other kinds of betrayal
hell yes there are. and the emotional ones are i think worse than the physical betrayal. it seems like you and your wife are together because it has become convenient but you don´t share the basic thing all couples should have: being there for one another in times of stress. if this is the worst time in your life, then she should be there holding you up and trying to get you back on your feet. i´d talk to her and see if it´s worth going to couple therapy or just breaking up. you don´t want to reach half your life and realized you´ve wasted it. that would be a shame for both of you.
>i hear after about 30 the kid could be mad fuckt up
Kids could be mad fucked up regardless of the age of the mother. The risk is really high when she's closer to menopause, which is far away. Using your quote as an excuse for not making a child at 32 is really dumb.
As for the rest of your post, tell her you cheated and expect the divorce. Your relationship with her is fucked by the lack of communication on both ends, but you going out with other women is 100% on you
Whether it could be considered cheating or not doesn't matter. The fact is, if OP's wife found out he went out on a date with another girl and held her hand she would be very upset, as would most people.
4chan is for 18 years old and older. Please leave.
40 is the number for men. Women have significantly higher odds of birthing a child with defects after 30. Also, there has been a strong correlation between a woman's higher age and likelihood of having a child with autism. That pregnancy test can't detect autism.
Yeah man, I totally cheated on my gf when I held my little nieces hand when I took her to the mall the other day while baby setting her for my brother. Stop being a retarded emotional cunt.
>cheating is reserved to sex and only sex
Because going on a date with a grown woman, telling her intimate things about your life and holding hands with her is the same thing as holding a young child's hand. I really hope you're trolling and not really this stupid.
if my boyfriend ever did that with someone i wouldn't be with him
and he sure as hell wouldn't be with me if i "walked a guy home gently"
you don't do stuff like that while in a relationship
you don't go on dates with people
you don't hold hands with people
you don't kiss with people
you don't lie to your partner because you're to much of a pussy to just say "HONEY you are taking to heavy on stuff and that makes it hard for me to tell you my problems"
you don't leash out on someone else because you are to stupid to talk with your partner.
Look, OP - I get the urge to try and find someone you can open up to emotionally because your wife can't handle it. That's fine. But don't do it in the context of a date unless your wife has already pre-approved that sort of shit. Go ahead and meet people like this in an explicitly platonic sense if you need, but don't do it in a way that crosses the boundaries of the relationship.
Where is your family? Your friends? Why aren't you talking to any of them? You don't need to share everything with your wife like that (especially since she's an internalizer), so use your other social contacts to vent.
You're a fucking parasite. I hate people like you. Wahh I'm stressed so I'm gonna go on a date with someonehalf my age to fix my problems. You're poor wife. She loves you so much she cries when you have issues and you do this to her? Holding hands with an 18 year old?? You're a fucking child. Divorce you're wife before she gets pregnant and she's stuck with you. She deserves better you man bitch.
Just so you know dating an 18 year old solves nothing. You will be like a dad to her and will find yourself paying all the bills, taking all the responsibilities as she is too young to have learned any life skills and then when she gets sick of your wrinkles and old balls she'll be trading you in for the bar with her friends and some younger dick. You've made your life worse by your stupid decisions and deserve every minute of it haha
>How the fuck do you know what every person who cries feels inside? That's the dumbest shit I've ever read.
>You're poor wife. She loves you so much she cries when you have issues
I could say the same to you, mr. "dumbest shit I ever heard"
but really, people who do this:
>tho really she always dwells on stress and ruminates about bad things of the past and always has this constant negativity about her.
they don't do it out of love, they do it because it's a pathological coping mechanism. Love ain't got shit to do with it.
polyfag pls go. She was almost certainly shopping around for her next dick/shit testing that anon to test his feelings. IMO open relationships simply mean one partner has accepted getting cucked to be with a mate they can't retain exclusively.
This--had to break up with a girl who wanted marriage and kids because she was always manufacturing a new crisis. There's always emotional ups and downs, but if someone is never happy, they have no business raising a family.
Crying like that is usually a way of diverting attention back to themselves.
>Honey, I'm really feeling down around the holidays because my family is so distant
>That's so sad. I feel so sad for you. WAAAHHHHHH. WAAAAHHH. HOLD ME. COMFORT ME.
4chan has created some seriously jaded people. Some people are just sensitive and take everything to heart. She would probably cry about it alone too. It's called being a good person and caring about your so's feelings.
Tell your wife what you did.
She probably won't believe that you didn't fuck her and this is going to be a huge deal.
You make a mistake by contacting delicious young and fertile girls in the first place
Flip the genders. If a woman came to her boyfriend to vent and he got "swept up in her emotions" and fell apart, how long would she put up with it before she became physically repulsed?
hint: you can probably count the number of seconds on your fingers.
I'm not saying OP's internalizer wife is crying crocodile tears, but it's not like her behavior demonstrates some ultra deep loving connection... to do that, she'd have to actually be there for him instead of getting lost in her own emotions.
Sorry if I sound mad about this shit, but my ex was the same way. I started out trying to be the good bf and always be there for her emotional ups and downs, but she just became a fucking crybully emotional vampire.