>Boring short day at work >Get out of work bored as hell >Call my friends to hangout >They're all either tired or busy with work/school >Feels bad >Alone as fuck >Around 10 PM >Looking through Facebook >A friend posts a picture today >It's all of them together at the bar we go to >"Good times with good people!" as the description >MFW they all chilled without me knowing I wanted to
I don't really care who reads this. I just need to articulate my thoughts a little where nobody will hear me
I guess I'm like a few other guys on here in that the ship never really sailed when it comes to girls. Looking back on how I was makes me cringe. I used to be so different. There was a time when I wanted somebody so bad; it used to tear me apart inside every day, gnawing at me everywhere I went. I would see couples walking together, holding hands, kissing, frozen for that brief moment in each other’s eyes, where there was nothing but him and her. It hurts, to think nobody will ever look at you that way. For years it followed me wherever I went. The timid girl at the cash register, the friends walking down the street, laughing, the girl wrapped in a Pikachu jacket, asking for a lighter before disappearing into the cold December night…
>>16763094 I tried. Years have passed, but I really did. Nothing ever really stuck though. I had sex twice, and both times were awful, almost traumatic. I found out sex wasn’t that great, and she made her boyfriend jealous. I don’t think either really walked away satisfied; thus my search continued as before, but every first and only date was tossing a flimsy cover over an unfilled pit, with the occasional girl using a second date for free food. Thinking about it now the whole experience is almost amusing, like a frantic chicken squawking around, clawing and throwing feathers everywhere in a desperate search for feed. Even still, I was determined, and my feelings ran deep. I never really had too high of standards, at least when it came to looks. It’s hard to put what I was after in words. Really, I just wanted somebody to share this world with. I wanted somebody to explore and learn about this world with me, and maybe we could learn about each other too. I wanted to share life, to give and be there for each other not because we wanted something, but because we had something. I wanted to run my hand through her silky hair, to hold her close with her looking up at me. I wanted us to be able to close our eyes and not say a word, just being together in that moment, because we both already knew how we felt for each other.
I dated a girl who I thought might have daddy issues. She was daddy's little girl it seemed like, except that it's highly probable that her mom cuckoldeded her dad and that she wasn't actually his daughter. She was and is aware of this. The more I came across as being similar to how she described him the more she seemed into me. The entire thing kind of creeped me out. I have no outlet for dealing with this.
>>16763102 People change. Don’t make any mistake; I write in depth because this is how I’m cursed to tell stories, not because I still feel this way. It took years for me to lose my spirit, but every bad date, every rejection, every girl that pretended to like me, every stuck up girl, every girl that tried so hard to be nice, and eventually just every girl slowly eroded my resolve away. It was not sudden, but slow. It was like an animal gradually shredding the sinews in its leg as it desperately struggled to escape a trap, not realizing in its fits of agony that it only caused its own slow death. As I failed again and again, I grew jaded. Slowly, a bitter taste leaked into me like a sickness. I was exhausted from a rigged game that I had thrown so much away on but never won. The infection sprouted into disdain and contempt, and eventually but gradually hardened into a quiet, heated anger glowing beneath the surface with well fueled coals. My misogyny became palpable, like a thickness in the air. Girls lost the pretense of courtesy around me, but how could I care? In my mind, I was already condemned by them.
I know how you feel, at one point in my life I had an amazing girlfriend, she was so beautiful, and so perfect, she was the one that got away, we were together nearly 5 long years, living together and everything, we played video games together, went on long walks, had the same group of friends, had great jobs, it was amazing...
Then I woke up one day to find out she left me in the middle of the night for someone she had been talking to online for a few months, she packed her things, called a taxi, and left while I was sleeping to fly nearly 10 states over to live with some random guy.
Damn near killed me, and now when I see anyone who looks like her, I just break down crying and feel my heart shattering all over again, she looked very much like the girl in my picture
>>16763065 I was severely depressed for about a week after and now I feel emotionally flat, unmotivated and generally depressed all the time. Think I fried some synaptic vesicles or otherwise impaired my brain's ability to produce serotonin.
>>16763112 This is where most people cringe; I know I do just from remembering it. The sense of entitlement, the dependency, and the victim complex… all of it disgusts me. But as I said, people change, and time washes everything away into the void. My hate was dulled to whatever blunted remains it could be called today, being left to just barely taint an expression, or smudge a fingerprint on the inflection of a word. The stain of contempt may never truly go away; maybe it’s natural for some to become twisted into this. Even though you may cringe, you must at least understand why people feel this way. The social, emotional and sheer biological pressure compels people to pursue these feelings, but when it isn’t addressed it turns into a mound of weights constantly piled onto their back. Everyone acts differently when their spine finally gives out; some people become depressed and self loathing, some people become angry, some people become violent womanizers, some people kill themselves, and some people shoot places up. I was lucky in that I realized this pattern. Perhaps it’s not my hate that was changed by time, but my ability to see it, to see myself. I don’t tell myself what to feel, but I know my hate is misplaced.
>>16763126 Emotions come in waves, washing over the rocky shores of your mind, sweeping amongst each other in their tides. The tides begin to slow themselves as you age, and I can not only brace myself for them, but I see them on the horizon, when they will hit the shore, and where they come from. Sometimes, the tides of this feeling come out again. The sick water washes over in a slow wave. When I can, I close my eyes and watch the waves come and go, and during this time I wonder if this polluted wave can ever be made clear again. The original warmth of attraction I had in me became a spiteful furnace long ago, and now all that remains are the occasional sparse dots of cool embers, dissipating as quickly as they appear. I wonder where that feeling has gone, like a flake of snow, drifting among the soft flurry through the cool breeze, only to be swept away to some place unknown, forgotten forever.
>>16763121 I know how you feel. Almost the same thing happened to me, except she ended up marrying the guy a few months after she left. We were together for 3 years. It's been 4 years since and I'm still wrecked over it.
I wish you'd get off your high and mighty cloud and stop browsing these boards for hours just so you can complain that you never have time to work on your schooling. Duck off with your dumb bitch attitude and put that towards your work. And stop complaining to me because you are the source of your problems. You just are so good at lying you lie to yourself and get so riled up over nothing. Because that's what you're doing when you lie to yourself, creating imaginary scenarios that end up pissing you off. Do us all a favour and admit to yourself and start being honest and talk to a professional about this and don't settle right away, find one that you feel comfortable communicating with.
Sorry you had to go through that shit. Might be worth looking into therapy/talking to a psychiatrist. Shit'll wack your neurotransmitters out.
I took 3200 mg of Vyvanse over the span of three days almost three years. Didn't eat, didn't sleep, had a full-on mental breakdown.
Have literally been in a constant state of fight-or-flight for the last three years. Constant panic. Changing psychiatrists because my current one doesn't believe me, and has me on only 1 mg of Klonopin a day.
It'll get better, just seek out help if you need it. It'll get better, man.
I'm so sick of pretending to be happy. I just want to scream at some people what I really think of them. I want to cry into someone's arms and have them reassure me. I want to let people know how I actually feel but as soon as someone starts talking to me I put on my usual, fake, cheery look and pretend nothing's wrong. I hate keeping all this shit cooped up.
omg no i dont like u im just cucking u ur a lil bitch ur nothing i want i want anaijah boyle but i just cant have her right now and she is all i ever loved and probably i dont know if ill ever love again and i hate sex and ur a gross fagget and i dont fuck with you and you bring me down cuz ur a lil bitch and i just dont want need that in my life im cucking you and i regret it who else all yall judging me in my head checking for reactions thinking im up to shit yo im playing yall too to catch yall slippin so thats a done deal work with it other wise im just a broke nigga trying to get lit like what dont yall understand im dead about like kill my self tommorow like u have no clue i hate myself i am so mentally stable and my issues my everything my whole existance is worthless so i really dont care like i want a gun in my hand like im beyond putting in pain for dumb lil ass team shit this florida shit dead hurting me i dont know nobody i dont fuck with nobody i hate everyone and everything and i am fed up like I need that damn job i need that damn thang like i dont c what you c at any point in time shit fucking foo foo hey at least im not begging in the wonderfful streets of ny im so good im so good im blessed od im still cutting my self and hearing voices like when will this end and i know its yall i know its yall
It has been nearly a year since you ended it, and broke my heart. I wanted to keep you forever...
Almost to the day, six years ago, you and I started talking. I remember every single night we kept one another awake, until I finally managed to make that trip, to you. I remember it all, and it still feels as if it happened yesterday.
We should be about to celebrate six years together, but what I would give to start anew, you will never know. If only we could have seen, and spoken to one another, perhaps you would have realized...
Do you have any regret? Is there any doubt? Do you love me, still? Do you think of me? Do you miss me, more so during the best, and worst, of times? If so, think on what I have said; one life.
>>16763520 You probably bought toxic toys (anything "jelly" is toxic). https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/184960/toxic_sex_toys_what_to_know_before_you_buy/ Please don't destroy your reproductive system If it's clear and flexible, it's probably jelly and toxic (clear silicone does exist but it's very expensive therefore not used in sex toys)
i have a new job in a big city and I fucking hate it. I used to work 12 hours a day for months at a time with large breaks in a rural country and I was much happier then. now I am working 8 hours a day at an office job, every day, for weeks on end, and I want to rip my fucking eyeballs out and I haven't even been here for 3 months
there isn't even anything to do, and on top of that we have the whole bullshit culture based around perception where I have to be here on time, stay late so it doesn't look like I'm not a team player, pretend like I'm busy, etc, even though we all collectively work probably at most 3 hours out of the day
how do people do this shit
how am I not going to kill myself
even if I wanted a gf by the time I get home, I have at most, 6 hours before I have to be in bed, and all I want to do during those 6 hours is relax and just turn my brain off. going out and socializing after work is L I T E R A L L Y the last thing I want to do, yet I know I will never get a gf if I don't.
Just left from my aunt's place. I went to visit there briefly today, and it was rather nice to sit down there for a time, and enjoy the company of my relatives. When I knocked on the door, I was greeted by my 10 year old cousin who proceeded to immediately hug me and tell that she had missed me, which was heartwarming.
I stayed there for a while, drank a few cups of tea, chatted with my aunt and cousin a bit, and then decided to leave as it was getting late.
As I was getting ready to leave by putting my shoes etc on, I heard my cousin chime goodbye to me, and as I turned around I saw her run butt naked past me. At first, I thought nothing of it, and proceeded to get my coat etc, but then I heard my aunt start chastising my cousin harshly downstairs, which made me feel rather uncomfortable. I decided to leave post haste, and pretend that I saw nothing, but now I wonder if it was the right decision.
I'm sorry for snapping a little, okay? But what I said really wasn't all that bad, and it's no reason to treat me like a pariah for two days and refuse to say "I love you" back to me. That fucking hurts, you know? We just got engaged, why have things suddenly seemed more fucked up? Why is it always my fault, and why is it that whenever we talk you're telling me how I fucked up, what's wrong with me, how much of a burden I am? If you feel trapped by me, just leave, please don't let me keep loving you with all my heart just to leave me twisting in the wind. Are you mad at me for trying to kill myself? Are you mad at me for not dealing with my mental shit well? I'm sorry that I can't be perfect! I'm doing my best, for christ's sake. I've exhausted myself trying to be better, do better for you, but it's never enough, I'm still just a monster and a fuck up in your eyes. Maybe that had more than a little something to do with why I tried to kill myself in the first place.
>>16764769 Did you get a rape kit done? I would press charges. Cut off your friendship with that guy You shouldn't stay friends with shitty people If your fiance truely loves you they'll understand what happened was not your fault.
I am sick of fighting. Its been 7 years of this. The end is in sight for me but not for my mum and brother. I am not sure if he is insane or evil. He bullies us, sometimes beating us up. I haven't been beaten in years since I have grown to the point where I could give him some serious grief if he tried, but he still treats me as an extension of himself. He says that he is just a poor innocent scapegoat that me and my mum blame for all our problems, but he forgets what we have seen him do. I will never forget the lukewarm sticky feeling of drops of blood on my foot after walking in after being awoken by screaming at 2am( luckily it has only happened once, usually it doesn't get that bad). I am sick of being up at 5am on a workday making sure everybody is Ok.
On top of that, I struggle to find the courage to ask a girl who clearly likes me out. She knows what happens and I know some of what she goes through. I really care about her but I can't express how I feel because I don't want to lose her and creep her out.
Just realized that I've become really fucking good at hiding how fucking shit I feel most of the time to my family and friends.
I'm scared as fuck that when I go to university (18, >inb4 underage) I'm going to fall down really badly mentally and then it'll be incredibly difficult to hide it because I won't be a straight-A student anymore.
I'd go see a therapist or something but my country's mental health system is both terrible and underfunded to fuck. I'd rather save them the hassle and let them deal with the actually mentally fucked.
>>16763503 I know your feels, anon. Although it's really no fault except my own. I don't want to burden my """""friends""""" and family with my bullshit; the former don't really care and I'll just get even more social derided if I did anything, the latter have been through too much shit these past few years.
Not even /r9k/ and /adv/ fill the role we need, not at all really.
>>16764777 I was too humiliated to pursue anything about it. I kind of just left as soon as I could walk again and tried to mentally bury it. I wasn't sure if the authorities would even believe me. It was pretty stupid of me, but I wasn't exactly in the right state of mind after it happened. Traumatized, you know?
I did cut him off, and I haven't spoken to him since the incident and luckily he lives in another state (I was visiting). It just fucks me up because, that was my best friend, you know?
I know my fiance would accept it, I guess I've just been scared. It's a difficult thing to talk about.
My dad apologized for abusing me throughout my childhood. He fucked me up really bad, I'm still recovering from it to this day, and I'm 23. I know I shouldn't let it go, but I still want to forgive him. I want peace and closure so badly, and maybe even to have a decent relationship with him if he really has changed. Is it the right thing to do?
>>16764818 bro don't do it I know the grind gets hard sometimes, but stick it out for a while and save up your money enough to where you have enough to fall back on so you can pursue a job that doesn't swallow up your whole life in the meantime, work on your marketable skills when you have the spare time. Learn another language, that alone will open up the doors to MUCH better jobs. don't kill yourself and stick with this for as long as you need to, with the knowledge that you'll change your situation in the future. soldier on, brother. experience: I went through the same shit working at a soul sucking job. wanted to kill myself. let myself learn something from it instead. it got better. don't kill yourself.
I actually met my friends hanging out in a bar without knowing they were there once. This was in HS. If they do stuff like that it'd be wise to find new friends. Confronting them wouldn't change much I think.
>>16764820 shit man, I'd give you a hug if I could.
I coped poorly the first few years, but I learned that through heavy introspection and carefully unravelling and examining what he did to me, I came out kind of okay on the other side. no longer blaming myself for what he did, and being okay with being slightly broken, knowing that it wasn't my fault because I was just a kid.
i'm at a place right now where i might be able to forgive him for my own personal peace, but it's a hard place to climb to. i hated him for a long time, but all that did was eat me up inside.
>>16763024 well, there's 3 options: 1. their scheduled happened to get freed up so they hung, in which case it was still shitty of them not to contact you. 2. you're not as close to them as you think, sometimes that happens before you get really involved in a friend group, they hang out without you sometimes. 3. they swerved you, find better friends, you don't deserve that shit.
either way don't get down on yourself, bro. sometimes people are shitty. this kind of thing actually happens to more people than who'll admit it, because they're all ashamed and think they're the only ones being excluded
>>16764858 Hey man, I'm so fucking proud of you. That shit is incredibly difficult to deal with, and I'm happy that you're able to do it the way you are.
My dad used to have a drug problem, but he got clean in recent years. He also suffered abuse at his dad and step dad's hands, and only got me for a few years once he got out of prison, so he was.. honestly, just doing the only thing he knew how, the best he could. Not to excuse his abuse at all, but I understand why now.
He was very persistent in apologizing to me, listing specific instances and not letting me brush them off, telling me that it was what was fair and right to apologize to me. I could tell he was feeling real remorse.
I'm a loving person at heart (it's usually a bad thing, letting people hurt me and such) so I know I'm going to end up forgiving him anyway. I'm just trying to have faith that things really will be better.
I wish you well on your recovery, friend. Hope things turn out alright for you.
I would forgive him, if he is that persistent and specific.When my dad attempts to apologize he does it half heartedly and does it in a way such to blame you for it as well.
I am not sure what is wrong with mine. He is definitely manic depressive and alchoholic (I hear him drinking at 3am sometimes). Beyond that I am not certain. The most likely things seem to be is he is severely autistic, psychopathic or sociopathic. He also may be schizophrenic, although this is based off one time he said he heard voices about 10 years ago. He was definitely abused by his father, who did have a drinking problem and was molested, and was the weird kid during school I think. I hope he would go to prison for what he has done (he threatened to hire an assassin on my mum once), but truth is he is very well connected and very rich.
I suppose you could call him a corporate psychopath, although he is fucking awful with money and is constantly borrowing.
I know I will recover, but I am more worried about my mum. She was once very high up in management, basically a feminist wet dream. She has been reduced to a terrified woman with no confidence by the combined effects of this and organ failure.
I just got fired from McDonald's after only working 2 shifts. I think I'm okay with this. I knew I was pretty shit at the job so I kinda saw it coming. I'm pretty bummed about not having a job or potential paycheck anymore, but it's not like I had those things before.
I feel like I should be upset about it, but honestly I just don't really give a fuck. I'm actually a bit relieved that I don't have to stand and shovel fries for 5 hours a day.
>>16764906 Have a gf but I've completely lost my sex drive >>16764911 I wouldn't be able to actually build up the courage to talk to someone. And no one would speak to me because presumably I am creepy and weird.
My apologies for not responding back to people who responded in my last thread. I was busy with life so I don't really check in time before it 404'd.
I was the anon who's wife and I were considering adoption. I suggested that maybe we give a poor kid with feelings of gender dysphoria a home. I said my wife doesn't want to do that as she is afraid of how to handle all the baggage that comes with a kid experiencing such feelings.
i just wanted to say that my wife isn't an insecure person ever since she started transitioning years before we met. She just feels afraid of raising a trans child. We'll probably meet their qualifications for financial security since we're both pretty well off career-wise.
Do adoption agencies frown upon religious parents though? Because my wife is pretty religious and attends church services every Sunday. She says her transitioning brought her closer to God than she ever has been. I don't quite understand it, but whatever.
This was my thread. http://archive.4plebs.org/adv/thread/16756185/
>>16764903 Shit, man. My condolences. It sounds like your mom could really use some therapy (mental and medical), I'm sorry that she had to go through that shit. The best you can do is be there for her to support her. I find that that often helps me through my own shit, hopefully it'll do that for you, too.
You're not required to forgive your abuser, though. You absolutely don't have to, and sometimes it's something that will open you up to more pain. It's okay to be just as you are. You don't deserve half-hearted bullshit or to be blamed for someone hurting you.
I really have to head out to work now, but you take care, alright? Cheers, man.
i was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety late last year, after leaving my religion (currently a closeted ex-muslim) although i'm only seventeen (inb4 b&), this year has been the worst year of my life so far. the depression has been affecting my school life (i don't really have much of a social life anyway.), and as studious i am, i've fucked up so many exams lately.
The guy who I thought was cucking me is now trying to set me up with the girl I liked. He proposed a date idea she mentioned she wants to him, tried to encourage me that she hadn't turned me down and keeps disappearing when it's the three of us.
Is this a commercialism ruse to get me to buy a rose? I'm not buying it.
very recently started writing bits of poetry kinda shit but it felt good just in the moment writing them feeling kinda let down with how i am right now so i'm letting it all out in a new way
here's one of 'em
Waiting day on night, waiting for that time, Hoping for the moment to come, looking up to the stars, How we hope for things of beauty, Appasionata so violent, so true, The moment will come, we lie To ourselves, 'the time is almost arrived', But the occasion doesn't come, And the creation is yours alone, To overthink one's memory, at a time of Desperate, excruciating pain, You cry out with all your heart and say: 'If only the dance had happened that day!'
We can dance if we want to We can leave your friends behind 'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance Well they're no friends of mine I say, we can go where we want to A place where they will never find And we can act like we come from out of this world Leave the real one far behind And we can dance
I tried to kill myself a few days ago, been building up to it for a few weeks, couldn't take it. At least I thought I couldn't. Still here, because I was too scared to do it. Broke down in front of my mum today, told her everything; the suicidal thoughts, the attempt, etc. She's already called the doctor, trying to get me some help. I can't remember the last time I felt this guilty, she's already dealing with so much and now I've just added to the pile. Every time she looks at me she has this fake smile on, but her eyes don't lie. She's scared. I feel like i've betrayed her. Wat do?
I'm so aimless right now, it's really bumming me out. I can't seem to stay motivated or focused on my Uni work, I'm inexplicably shit at my sport now, etc. I feel like I had so much going for me and now I'm too shit at everything to feel invested in anything. Help.
When my dad died in the most agonizing way possible at a young age, I stopped believing in the God he spent his final years of his short life following a brief remission on.
If God exists - then he must take pleasure in temporarily "curing" a person to make them think God did it, then after false hope, striking him down after having wasted the time he had left in church and raising funds for the church.
I'm sitting in big dept But I've got a real job but I dont enjoy it so far its just sidething until I can start at a more reliable company The way I see it I won't get off that mountain within the next couple of months, it troubles me I'm climbing out of my hole more and more but the more I try the more I can feel the lazy me trying to take control again
I want you to back off and you're unreachable. Have you backed off? You're on of the worst things that has ever happened to me. I hate you. Thanks for being such an awesome virus in my life. Has the cure for aids been found yet?
>>16765919 It's about a girl named Lonneke. She's making me feel like total shit and is harassing me, I want her the fuck OUT of my life, but I can't reach her. What should I do? Make it public? Go to the police?
>>16765938 Tell the police? Step 1 : Call into police Step 2 : Done!
Intimidate? Step 1 : Get very very angry Step 2 : Build yourself up Step 3: Look her straight in the eyes, eyes wide open Step 4 : tell her to cut it out or you WILL deal with her Step 5 : If she doesn't cut it out, make good on that.
>>16765993 You know when you want a seat on the bus but some cunt may take it off you, so you tense up and make it very clear through body language that you want the seat and there is no way they are getting it, and as a result you get it?
>>16766053 I don't think she would like to be in the movie Orphan, so I think it's best if I just make sure I can make her clear she needs to leave and make it clear she is not monitoring me anymore. She probably won't, but hey! Talking to her parents probably won't make a difference either, because they probably made her this insane in the first place.
>>16766053 Holy shit man, what if I was a measly little dude who wouldn't defend himself. She'd just fuck me over! While acting like I'm the asshole! These types deserve to be in a special place in hell, that's for sure.
I really don't know why I still go 'online' ever. Like you are ever going to say anything. It's habit now I guess. I miss having a friendship with you, but I get it. My relationship is still a jacked up mess, sort of in standstill and it's hard to deal with the loneliness. I'm sorry. I'll probably just stay offline more so it's not awkward for you. It must be.
>>16766163 Box 12. I have a DD code and the number next to it is 102.90. I don't have health care. I never had health care. I am not in my employer's health care. So what is this number? Their cost of health care? And if so, is it the cost per pay period or month?
Friend and I ended up getting intimate after a party one night, I cut it off because if we kept going someone was bound to notice us. It happened again one month later, except this time she was more distant with me, wasn't into any advances I made. When I confronted her about it afterwards, I find out that she doesn't remember any of the first night and doesn't want me to tell her what happened.
However, ever since the first night we've gone from just acquaintances to really close friends, like "snapchat every day" close, but there's still this weird tension going on where I can't tell if she wants to continue where we left off from that night or not. I'm unsure what to do.
I want to pursue a relationship with her, but I'm afraid it would risk driving a wedge between us and possibly fracture our friend group.
>older sister staying with family now >still living with family right now >she has a son that's 10 >gripes because I won't share vidya or play with him now
He's a fucking bossy little brat that's why. He screams when he doesn't get his way. He erased some save files on my ps3, 'lost' a disc (found out later he tried to convince my sister I gave it to him so he could trade it in) and when we both played Terraria together he destroyed everything on my world and stole shit.
>me: "Why did you do that? That's not cool dude." >Him: "AHAA! I TROLLED YOU. THAT'S WHAT YOU DO IN THIS GAME."
He screamed and cried today when I refused to let him borrow my ps3. Got a new lock on my door and when I came home from work it looked like somebody had hacked up part of the frame trying to get in. Whether it was him or my sister doesn't matter. I'm about to go slap the shit out of both.
>>16762988 Well I think I am going to fail my math class this semester. I have a test tomorrow soon, I studied every fucking day, stayed away from distractions of every kind, practiced over repeatedly, sit in front of the class, listened to the instructor, but yet everything I studied just keeps flying over my head pretty much, and it doesn't stay long. Now I fear I am going to loose my grant if I fail this course.
Dropping the course is not the best idea at the moment either as I mostly passed the deadline to do so. Plus I need this credit to progress to get my degree.
So now I sit here tired, and unsure of what to do next.
YOU ARE A WORTHLESS PATHETIC FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT. STOP GETTING SO GODDAMNED ATTACHED TO PEOPLE I THINK IM FUCKING DEPRESSED AND I CANT HANDLE IT. YOU SHOW ME ONE OUNCE OF ATTENTION, WE SET UP A DATE TOGETHER AND NOW YOURE NOT RESPONDING WHAT THE FUCK BUT ITS ONLY BEEN 10 HOURS HOLY SHIT YOU ARE PATHETIC FOR FREAKING OUT OVER THIS GOD FUCKING DAMNIT WHY DO I OVERTHINK THINGS AND GET SO DEPRESSED FUCK FUCK FUCKDSOK;GFASDIOGFASGKJLASDFGNDSKAJGNDSKJANDFSDGSKJBL SGM
She was just using me cuz she was bored and leaving the country, she just wanted romance before leaving, she doesn't give a shit about me. I know i'm not her type, that passionate kissing meant nothing to her, you're just a faggot that gets attached way too easily. FUCKING GIVE UP ALREADYYYYYYYYYY YOU WILL NEVER FIND SOMEONE WHO WANTS YOU AS MUCH AS YOU WANT HER, JUST FUCKING GIVE UPPPPPPPPPPPPP
My side is my gf will constantly set up tests over little things and be sad/mad when I fail them.
Example: >Yesterday I say I am going to go to her house >She says not to because 1. I've been over there everyday for 2 week straight including earlier that same day and 2. She wants me to save gas so we can go more places Friday >I think it's a good idea and go home >Soon as I get home she ignores my texts and calls >Next day when I go to her house she is mad that I "wanted" to go home and that I "gave up" trying to contact her I am at my breaking point
>>16766940 I have literally said "I cannot read your mind" to her and I'm about to say it again when she gets home (I am siting for her outside her house in my car because I am her toy). If we can't work out something where I can be at my house without her losing her head then this might be it, which is sad because I love her family.
It's weird leaving something you've been a part of for a decade, sticking through the bad times and laughing at the good. But nowadays there's just nothing left. There's no charm anymore, no soul for the shithole. You've seen it coming the past couple years, the deteriorating shell crumbling away from the outside influences, the commercialism, the popularity, the change in the age of the userbase, the constant sharing between other sites.
It's like watching your best friend die in your arms and there's nothing you can do to stop it.
I miss the safe haven that this place was for outcasts and creeps alike. I miss how different each board was and all the inside jokes between them. I miss laughing at other sites and getting angry when other people copied from us. I miss doing all that in private with a small tight-knit circle of friends before everything was about liking and sharing and subscribing and passed on to the people who don't give a shit about integrity.
Now everything is the same. On every website. On every social network. Same overused jokes. Same overused lingo. Same soulless generation. It's hard saying goodbye to a friend, so I'm not going to do that.
Life was easier without you, I hung out where I wanted to, I went home when I wanted to, I talked to who I wanted to, I got a BJ from a girl on New Years, I started going to the gym, I drank whatever I want, I could spend my whole check however I wanted, I was happy. So why am I fighting to be with you?
>>16763503 >>16764791 I get those feelings but I got better after nearly losing everything by getting help and allowing others into my problems instead of hiding everything. I talked to psychiatrist but I'm sure even speaking to a social worker or community worker would help you guys out. I now have a few friends and a boyfriend who I can vent to and it has made life so much better. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.
It's his birthday today and I can't even spend it with him.
I already missed last year, I wanted this year to be special for him.
If shit hadn't have happened (aka me ruining everything, as always) then everything would've been set for today and it would've hopefully been perfect for him.
I just wanted to give him a good birthday for once and make him feel loved.
Before he left, I'd even almost finished getting his present sorted out. Now what the fuck do I do with it?
He would've thrown it out now anyway. Probably just like everything else I've given him. He's probably already thrown out the cards. Probably burned the deck. I'm pretty sure he would've burned the photo by now too. It's all meaningless and worthless now. He more than likely wants me to never wear his ring again too.
I have no doubt he'll go out and get wrecked tonight. He'll forget I ever existed and he'll forget the last two years ever happened. He'll find someone else, if he hasn't already, even though it's only been a couple of days.
As long as he's happy.
I saw my psych today and he said I need to let myself feel. But I don't want to feel. I felt when he was leaving me, I felt after, it's too much, it hurts too much. And I don't really want to be reminded that I'm a piece of shit for the thousandth time today, just like every day.
I wish I felt nothing like he would. Whatever he feels; it's not what I feel. It'll never be what I feel.
Now I'm just at rock bottom.
I wish I was better for him, so he wouldn't have hurt me so much. I wish I was better so he wouldn't have done what he did.
I wish I was better so he wouldn't have left.
I know it's for the best right now, and that we need time apart right now.
But it doesn't make it hurt any fucking less, especially when 'right now' will no doubt turn into 'forever'.
I'm pathetic. As if it matters.
I hope he has a good birthday. I hope he stays safe. I hope he's happy.
I feel like I fucked up pretty bad. I was completely happy with the person I was, and how my life was going. I had a piece of shit car, broke as fuck, still lived with my parents. But people enjoyed my company. I had an amazing relationship with a beautiful girl. (call her F) A friend I can still consider this day to be my brother. I had no plan and I loved it. I felt more close to myself and all of those around me than I ever have. Everything held a feeling of weight to it. All things felt equally as important as the last. But I made a decision to throw it all away. F and I broke up because of this. I have been two thousand miles from home for over a year and a half. I don't know anyone out here. I can't get myself out of a rut, because the only thing I want to do is go home and see F. I work 15 hour nights and the time change only allows me to talk to her and my family in very limited amounts. I've lost every sense of enjoyment I used to get out of life. Christopher Mccandless' quote "But in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future." rings very true for me. My day/week/year is planned in advance by someone else. It is killing me. I have too much pride than to drop the pack and head for home so I feel like I'm being torn in two.
I had phimosis but constant fapping helped, i still remeber how i pulled down the foreskin for the first time. I wondered why my dick was so hard (not hard as in errect, literraly hard), when i pulled my foreskin down the first thing that came was the smell Than i saw i thick crust maybe half a centimetre thick which went around the tip of the dick ( thats what was so hard) washing and peeling it off hurt pretty much but now my dick is normal
Pretty bad at talking to girls. Not socially awkward or anything i have a solid group of friends but i've never really had a decent number of friends who are girls. Anyway there was this girl who i quite liked as a friend and since it was basically the first girl i had a decent friendship with it meant more to me than it probably did to her. We used to talk a lot but recently she barely even notices me which is just frustrating given how she had no problem talking to me before but all of a sudden its like i dont exist. I have no fucking idea what went wrong but it just frustrates me that i have no clue what went wrong. I keep thinking maybe in uni i can find some decent female friends/gf but im seriously not sure anymore. Im just frustrated more than angry and no matter how much i try to forget about it if keeps biting at me and i cant seem to accept it and move on.
>>16767593 Ha I just went on fb and the first thing I see is his status about getting blind tonight.
So much for 'not doing anything' except a 'family dinner'.
I can't believe I was stupid enough to ever delude myself into thinking I actually ever meant anything/something to him.
I'm fucking pathetic. This stupid, hopeful naïve part of me still hopes that he'll actually wait for me, for once. But he won't, ever. The fuck is the point when he can go out and get whoever he wants, whenever he wants. The fuck is the point when he never actually 'loved' me; I'm unlovable anyway.
I can gurantee he's already found someone else without a second thought about me, and I'll never compare, sexually, romantically, whatever; I'll never compare and I'll never be enough. I'm so easily replaceable, it's like I was never even there.
He's 100% forgotten me. But I expected it; everyone always ends up forgetting me. Everyone always ends up leaving me. Everyone. Always. No exceptions.
I regret so much. I hate myself. It's just fucking great when the one person you want is out there moving on while you'll never be able to move on.
I've made so many mistakes, but losing him was the biggest mistake of my life. Being with me, and continually coming back to me, was probably his.
At least he's fucking having fun. At least he's having a good birthday. At least he's fucking happy.
Seems as though everyone is about fuckbuddys these days, they all settle for less, where's the romance? What happened to having sex with someone you care for deeply, what about flowers and kind words and shy gestures, nothing ever happens anymore, it makes me sick, I hate all this cameraderie and fake actions, and playing it cool, really fuck off. I'm me and if I feel a connection I'll go for it so we can be something, not just they look half decent so shag them. It's not just about looks, it's chemistry, love. I'm living in a time I can't relate to
>>16764681 I'm about to graduate and this is literally my biggest fear. I don't want to work to live. I know it sounds spoiled and ignorant and whatnot but I just... I'm in awe of people like you who can do it. And you can do it, judging by the fact that you are doing it right now. But I think it's like anon said, you just need to stick to it until you can raise enough money to be able to find another job without having to worry too much. You are stuck in my worst nightmare which I'm probably going to find myself in very soon but please don't break. Plan your escape, as it were.
I'm fed up of crying every day because I'm heartbroken, and can't just be shallow and hook up with someone random and pretend to be happy, yet so many people do this all the time, what kind of life is it? I want to be anywhere else
I'm really bad with my emotions. Literally retarded in terms of recognizing and dealing with them. I'm smarter than the average person academically, but my emotional maturity is that of a young teenager. I'd feel like shit one day and wouldn't know why, really like something and not know why, feel very anxious and not know why. Only yesterday did I figure out that sitting on my ass all day makes me feel anxious and depressed, and I've been a NEET for almost 5 years now doing that everyday, a few days ago I realized lack of sleep does the same thing to me.
I'm glad I'm making progress, but fuck I feel really stupid sometimes. There is a very high chance that I'm autistic.
I knew a man that understood chivalry. With me, at least. I see him around, I'd do anything to have him back, I knew when I feel in love with him he was right for me, yet it can't even get that right, he's probably gone forever
I hate it when someone you're mega close to says "call me, text me, let's meet up, email me" so I do and he says "I love you" and I get all defensive as I don't want to be played, maybe it's obvious at that stage I felt needy and fell in love madly, and then he blocks me, doesn't reply again and looks through me, starts hanging around me, then gets So some else to tell me to leave, says I'm playing games. I'm not. Yeah, thanks for destroying my whole life so I can never recover!
>Hold doors open, not just for women, but for everyone. It's polite. >Barely spend my money, so happy to pay for drinks and shit. >Always polite, remember my "please"s and "thank you"'s. >Recently grandfather passed away, bought my grandmother flowers and expensive wine. >Been called a "creep" more times than I'd prefer to count and now never ever ask any woman out, presumption is that she finds me creepy.
Chivalry aint dead... it's just more cautious. No effort for strangers, and if you aint asking for help, I'm not offering.
I'm a fool who lives under fantasies and delusions. How the fuck should I know her feelings if I can't even approach her, and only stare at her from afar? Fucking pussy. I cringed to myself everyday about it.
I sometimes get this dark thought in my mind that I would wish my wife was dead.
I honestly don't want it, I love her very much.. But's it's kind of a "see what happens" thought. I would picture myself being a single dad, probably an alcoholic and miserable at life. Or maybe I'd be happier than ever? I can picture the funeral and months after. The sadness in the eyes of my children. My own sadness.
I feel sick whenever I give it too much thought, but the thought always creeps back. Am I a broken person? Is this my mind telling me something? Is my mind telling me that I want to get rid of my wife but not "lose face" in the sense of getting a divorce?
Tfw you vent in the heat of the moment when you're at your most anxious and depressed, then you reread it after you've calmed down a tiny bit, and you realise that you probably overreacted but in your mind it's completely logical and rational.
>>16762988 All I do is sit in my house and wait for the weekend i dont talk to anyone untill thursday nights when people decide to have a drink,im beggining to feel like i am a last resort for people to contact to ask if i am coming out becouse i am unemployed and i am constantly saying i am looking for work, i feel like people dont think i am trying and i am begining to feel like i am not trying when all i want is to be like everyone else and have money and be able to start looking for someone to share this world with becouse i know nobody wants to be with someone who is unable to take them on dates to fancy places or pay insane ammounts of money for things that the other half has been wanting for a long time, But to me, Money and material things are so trivial, i would be lieing if i said buying new things made me happy becouse it does but i have gone so long without buying any kind of new things that i have lost confadince in everything, I have no motivation, every job interview i get i always start to panic and fuck up my words becouse im unable to tell people what i am good at even though i know what i am good at, Its just really getting to me and i dont know how to handle it anymore, im even beggining to think my own family is getting sick of me, I want it all to change but im not the luckiest of fellows.
TLDR >Hit rock bottom >No idea what to do with myself >getting boerd of being a nobody >Need help but dont know were to turn >Feel like i dont have anything when i prob have allot i just cant seem to see it.
>>16767961 I don't know, but this contributes to why I've given up. I'm not interested in casual sex, I'm not interested in anything of the sort. If "love" is being uttered, I want it to be monogamous and sincere, with the intention of meaning more.
Unfortunately, I'm bi, and while I definitely see the issues in females being so free and loose, I see it even more in guys. It seems like, these days, the word "love" is used too early. Maybe its meaning changed and I wasn't informed. Maybe people say it just so they can hear it back. But I don't think people mean it anymore. They certainly don't seem to think you should trust the person before you tell them you love them, not tell them you love them but display an inability to trust them.
I need to just find other things to focus on and not let my mind wander to this. I don't believe this is a lifetime I'm meant to find someone, I give up because it's all a matter of casual hookups and not the kind of "love" I could actually be okay with. I want to settle down with someone, but no one is going to settle down until they've had enough of their freedom. This isn't a game I'm compatible with, this isn't a time I'm compatible with. I'm meant to watch everyone else.
Thank fuck my ex doesn't read this board. I'm sick of myself and I'm sick of my mind dwelling on him or the ex that came before him. How funny that Valentine's is so close, both of them will have a good day with people important to them and I'll spend it trying not to think about my recent breakup.
>>16762988 I just want to be fucked out my mind on ecstacy all the time and go to raves.
Hardstyle/Rawstyle/Hardcore save me from everything 50 thousand people all jumping at the same time feeling that same love and appresheation for that fuckin powerful kick that fucks with your bodys chemistry and make you do nothing but smile and love everything around you and everyone around you, I want a girlfreind who is also really into hardstyle/rawstyle/Hardcore so i can go to these events and share more than just appresheation for music look into her eyes and tell her how much she means to me and actually enjoy myself.
Im a Hardcore raver and I always will be, i think that scares people.
Last night I did something I hadn't done in a very long time; I lied. I wouldn't have if my stepmom never cheated. He knew I was hiding something and I couldn't do it much longer. We had to tell him. And we did, or my sister did because I was so ashamed of lying that I was sobbing. I told my stepmom that she'd brought it upon herself and she immediately started blaming my father for the way he's been treating her.. But he's done nothing but try harder to make her happy. She was so angry with us but I don't care anymore. This is her own fault. None of us are responsible for her actions. My father may be an asshole sometimes but he would never do anything to hurt anybody. He loves his family, and I could only imagine how his heart is breaking right now. The worst part is, I predicted this would happen a very very long time ago. I predict a lot of things, but I never tell anyone. It's just painful to know that this could be prevented and I knew about it and I said nothing. At least he knows now, and now they can talk about it. That is, if she doesn't pretend he's being oh so mean to her. He's going to try harder to make her happy, and she's only going to demand a divorce. When I was a teenager, I called her a whore in my diary because I knew she was capable of doing something like this, and she read it. I once regretted it but now I don't regret it at all. I knew this would happen. fuck.
>>16762988 >be femanon fucking 29 >amazing gf is 23 >lives half way across the country >spend every waking moment together online >she's a virgin, horny as living fuck >I'm not >fucking libido is demanding >sex over chat doesn't cut it for me >anxiety/sleep/panic disorders keep me from working >no fucking money to get her here >we want to get married >she's stuck in fucking college for x years >stressful >fucking stupid arguments but otherwise good >fucking sleeping alone sucks >she can't fucking skype me I'm fucking lonely
>>16768308 If you love her as much as it comes across maker her your motivation stop posting about shit put on your big boy pants go get a job, problem solved, Good luck i belive that you can do this just keep your mind ocupied make sure you get a good nights sleep everynight and eat healthy, youll do just fine!
I ran into a girl I haven't seen in a long while. She and I started talking and then sort of out of the blue she looked me in the eyes and said, "Do you want me to get rid of someone for you?"
Yes. Exact words. And keep in mind this is a very very girly girl, very slim and sweet-looking. She looked at me very seriously when she said this. Then she said, "Really! Is someone bothering you? Do you want me to make them go away?"
Seriously, I was floored. Because there is absolutely no reason on earth she would ask me this if she wasn't referring to you.
I'd think this even if the last time I saw her she wasn't standing with you. I know she knows you. Who else could she have been talking about?
>>16768337 I'm a girl but thanks... the psychological issues are a long story but mostly due to a batshit crazy old job, had to sue them even, won it this year. Three year ordeal.
Social phobia, agoraphobia, easily overwhelmed and I can get panic attacks in such situations. Stuck living with my sister (she's nice thank god). Anyways I don't socialize except on the internet, it's my world now.
Long story short me and my gf met last year and we've been stuck to eachother like glue since the moment we met.
We need each other and the strain on the relationship has shown itself a lot. We really need to be living together honestly.
I've fought for 2 years for disability income, failed. I fucking hate dealing with doctors, had way too many cases of them fucking me up or me having to explain their job to them (not even kidding).
I don't know what to do about income, if I want another 2 year fight again. I'm tech savvy and an artist, I feel like I just need some kind of job that I can do online from home.
I feel guilty wanting to marry this amazing girl with how shit my life is right now but I can't help it.
>>16768356 sart an online company website and sell your artwork or something, maybe start coding programs to build up a portfolio and go for a job like software development or if your tech savvy in the way of buildin and fixing computer problems then start tinkering with electronics and go for an enginering jobs, but having to tell people how to do there jobs is fuckin shockin i hope it all goes well for you. (sorry i say man and dude allot its just how i speak haha didnt mean to offend)
i want to have sex with my friend but i wont because i dont want to be a slut..my body count is 1 and i would like to keep it that way. But hes way nicer than the dude im fucking, and hes also friends with him so it would just be very weird.
I hate that my ex is a manipulative idiot that knows the man I have been seeing and want a serious relationship with. He is always finding ways to get in the way and tell lies about me and try to isolate me from people, even though he's had tons of girlfriends that I never bother about. There's n way well ever get together, I don't want to and I know he doesn't really either, he's just got a big ego
After everything we've been through, you still stabbed me in the back. Full knowing that I was willing to help you no matter what. I've been with so many others since that, got a life, a nice job and a nice house. My life is basically complete or at least, was supposed to.
Because it isn't, because you're not here. Even after all these years you left me with a scar that will never heal. I've denied you help so many times after that, I told myself I hated you and that hate was my fuel to seek a better life. Blood, sweat and tears brought me to where I am now, and you're still living your rather poor life. Poor, but a happy one.
Now that I have everything I dreamed of, the hate subsides and leaves only a husk of my former self. The part I denied attention for oh so long. I feel nothing. You've fucked me up in more ways than you can even imagine and for that, I'll always hate you as I'll always love you.
Again so close I could almost touch it. I wish I never asked that last question. It made it so much worse. I did everything right, I didn't want to fuck it up you were so damned beautiful. Yes, you would have said yes. But someone beat me to it. Damn me for taking it slow. This curse is taking a whole new meaning, to build me up so far and then tear me down. No longer content with just simply mashing me into the ground everytime, this time it built me up so I could suffer a greater fall. Looks like I am right, Ragnarok will take me the day it happens, and by then I'll be too busy fighting frost giants.
So is event we have been asked to together on valentines - it's like a football tournament in the countryside, we're going..I think. I hope! Too much. Do I say nothing, spill my heart or let my mind and heart rule everything of it's own accord without my say so at all
i buy vintage rock shirts for the aesthetic and to impress guys. if i wear it outside the house i do research so no ones able to call me out on not liking the band. i have a feeling im definitely not the only girl who does this
Just sent pic related to my ex. It's been about 3 months since he left me. We still have each other on Facebook but we don't really talk. He saw it and then went offline without saying anything. I just thought it was funny (though it is true, I still miss him and I want him to take me back) but I feel I've fucked up.
>>16769810 It has nothing to do with fashion. It's more the >to impress guys and researching a band you don't actually like instead of just openly telling people you just like graphic design or whatever. Of course you're not the only girl who does this but that doesn't mean it's not fake and shitty. They'll find you cooler if you're honest, and it's a good talking point if they actually like the band you're currently wearing because they might want to educate you about them.
>>16769899 Sorry you're autistic then since that's literally the only reason you have for buying and wearing those shirts. Stop lying to people and stop lying to yourself. It's an incredibly stupid thing to lie about anyways.
>>16769945 >pays a bunch of money for rare collectibles for a thing she doesn't actually like to impress the men who do >deletes posts on a Malaysian puppet theatre forum >calls others pathetic hahahahahahaHA
>>16769685 >cuz im an autist and I cant get any new friends. I rlly envy guys and I wish I was one
Just look at /r9k/ and you'll see that autistic guys are in the same boat.
I'm not sure what you're friends are like, but a loser virgin autist is gonna have trouble making friends with guys because of a few issues; >That one guy friend that turns everything into sex... His entire life is based around it... and if you aint gettin' it, you're worthless. make a valid point or try to get him to see things from another perspective? Shit, even arguing about games? Well, congrats, you lose. He'll just pull the "virgin" card and you're out. >The white-knight. "All girls just need protecting brah, they're harmless. Seriously though, if you ever make a girl cry because you were in the same room and she thought you were creepy (it does actually happen... unfortunately) and I'll fucking murder your whole family because I'm the good guy and any guy that every causes any woman any inconvience ever is an evil bastard". The white-knight can also be the sex guy. >The "normie" idiot. Never learns from his mistakes. Most of the time you'll have to listen to him complaining about whichever girl he got with now, even though she was obviously bitchy and gonna treat him like shit... honestly these guys are as bad as the woman who stay with abusive husbands then complain. Fuck off, you're the only one who can make the change. I aint taking the wheel on your life. sack up.
Then there's the banter... again, it really all boils down to "virgin".
Honestly, I don't even give a fuck about sex... the stigma, like it's some cursed mark of cain or some shit to be a virgin these days... that pisses me off.
So trust me lady, it doesn't matter what gender you are, you'd be fucked either way.
And don't think personality counts... that'd just make you a "nice guy" who's either acting for sex, or too much of a weak spineless people pleaser.
>>16769945 Get some reading comprehension please. You said it would be autistic to tell people you liked it for the aesthetic. That's the reason I was referring to. You also mentioned yourself you did it to impress guys and that's the part other people will see and give you shit for, but my argument was that if you like it for the aesthetic just tell people that when they question you. Lying is bad mmkay? Makes you look like a fake whore when you have a perfectly good reason for wearing the shirts that you're just not telling people about.
>>16769943 chances are you're ugly as shit and your life sucks really bad...you are a fatal flaw. i feel sorry for you >>16769957 >a bunch of money Are you assuming I cant afford it?? Because I can. Its my money I'll do whatever the fuck I want with it thanks
>>16770001 no offense but i really doubt that..you admitted you troll this site and you just like harassing random ass people. thats not exactly something attractive people with "easy lives" do. even then Im 100% more attractive and have an even easier life.. i can guarantee this and No i will not prove it thats dangerous and stupid as fuck. I can afford to lie about liking a few bands, if that makes me fake then so what. >>16769996 Nope i stayed for this one. shouldn't have responded at all
I'll never have anyone. I thought I was fine with it, but the thought plagues me every waking moment. The knowledge a relationship is beyond my reach is tearing me apart.
And there's no help. All I get is bullshit about how there's always a chance. Sure, just like there's a chance I'll win a lottery and become rich in a day. Doesn't mean I should hold my breath in anticipation.
The probability of anyone I will come in contact with actually choosing a socially awkward, ambition-less cripple with disgusting surgical scars and face which is average at best is pretty much nil. Pretending otherwise is just pointless.
But it's the fact I can't just deal with it that bothers me. I accepted every other fact of my life. I accepted the fact I won't make any meaningful changes to society. I accepted that I won't get any of the dream jobs I used to have. I accepted that the only friends I had simply outgrew me and moved on to happy lives. But somehow this one fucking thing is just bothering me every day, every fucking night, costing me sleep. What the actual fuck.
>>16770051 Yeah. Things like that are good because you get to chill and you don't have to deal with being stuck at a restaurant and fumbling for things to say. Ice cream / coffee / yogurt and good casual dates. Think of a few topics to bring up, ask her about her major or something if you need to to keep things moving. But let the conversation flow naturally and don't sperg out on her.
>>16770055 It sounds like you need to work on yourself man. You don't really seem to have accepted those things, and that's okay. But you need to work on liking yourself for who you are, or working towards bettering yourself and changing the things you can control. There are millions upon millions of lonely people in this world and everyone has different wants needs and tastes. Don't accept that you'll be alone forever, fuck that notion. Punch it in the dick and become someone who makes yourself happy and get yourself out there. You can't find a partner if you sit in a dark room alone and defeated because "that's how it has to be".
I have to confess, I actually find Pegasus entertaining. It's funny seeing people respond seriously to some of his advice. The only people I'd filter sadly aren't tripfags. Just anons who only contribute advice like "you suck/kill yourself." It's boring. I do like giving advice, but I also just find people interesting. Seeing what similar problems pop up here, seeing the different interpretations/advice people have, etc. But hating for the sake of hating.. Meh. Not much to gain there.
>>16770069 Got this advice already, but there's really nothing to like. I have pretty much nothing positive going - no interests or hobbies (I've tried countless things, from playing harmonica to tennis to birdwatching, but nothing seems interesting in the long run) means I'm boring as fuck. Not to mention I'm so bad with people I put an immediate damper on social situations, which just goes to prove I shouldn't bother in the first place. It's not even just anxiety or anything, I plain don't get people. The only reason I even get invited to things is because I can fake it for a few hours at a time, and by that point they're too drunk to notice I'm just regurgitating others' behaviour like I'm a human mirror.
And it's kind of like, what is there even to improve? You can't grow shit on scorched earth, and I can't force myself to enjoy something in order to actually have a hobby beyond burning hours away while browsing the internet/sleeping. I tried. The longest I stuck with a hobby was four months before it became unbearably dull.
The only thing I can really control that would improve my chances of a relationship is appearance, but pulling some extreme makeover to go from average to sorta kinda good looking would be like putting a rock in a gold wrapper, a massive disappointment and a dick move. And I'm not just looking to get my dick wet (not that such a thing is likely either way, surgical scars are hardly a turn-on).
That's pretty much the core issue in the end. Even if I bullshitted someone into a relationship, I'd just feel like a piece of shit due to how parasitic the whole thing would end up. Like I got nothing right now, so I'd just latch onto them like a tick or something, and at some point inevitably unleash all this baggage.
Last night, I told the girl that I love my feelings. She said they were mutual. We made out. Hold hands. Listening to love songs. Cuddling. haven't felt like this in long time. I felt so happy. Thing is, she has a boyfriend of 1 year and half. After last night, she went out with him and they are having sex . I'm really confused. I really don't know what to do. I want to get away, but it hurts. It hasn't hurt so much. Ever. I love her. I really do. And she says she loves me with her stupid smile, but deep inside, even if it's a lie, I like to believe her. I'm just so happy when she's happy. But now I'm fucked up and alone. I never post. But I really need some help right now. I'm not a virgin. I never felt the way I feel for any other girl. I've loved before, but not so strong. We've known each other for barely 5 months. I miss her. She's just as confused about me cus she loves the guy, but loves me as well...i really don't know anymore. I want to make her happy and I want to be with her...she said she'll make the choice when she feels the time is right. So i get cucked and wait around like a pussy while this guy loves her. I hate myself.
I feel alone in, and frankly bored with, life. I have no hobbies that interest me for very long, no friends/gf, no aspirations, and I have a hair-trigger temper that gets me monumentally pissed off over very little things. I feel like life isn't worth the effort and I don't see it improving in the future. I really just want to try dating before I give life up entirely but I can barely talk to people let alone qts. No one has realized that I chose some regional studies major so I can get as far away as possible. I just want to disappear because I'm too apathetic to even kill myself. The most real human interaction I get is in therapy. I don't feel like I want to burden anyone with my presence, either. Like, I would be a detriment to my gf if I ever got one. I just live to eat food and go to therapy.
In my mind you always seemed so strong, like you never needed anybody else, but I realize now that what you needed from me most was reassurance. I'm sorry that I wasn't equipped to give that to you when you needed it, and I wish I could give it to you now. I wish I could hold you in my arms and tell that I love you and that everything is going to be okay. I wish I could see you again and tell you this. I miss you so much.
I don't know if I love you anymore, but frankly I don't know what love means. I know that it isn't the same as passion. Passion is destructive, yearning and desiring someone who may not evoke any other feeling beyond desire. I've come to find it a waste of time. I never felt passion towards you. No inherent, all consuming need to have you. I've felt it for others, briefly. But never you.
I don't know how "we" happened. At first we had fun, then we had sex. I felt happier around you. I never felt awkward or inappropriate, as if you needed me to act a certain way. I don't remember my reasoning as to why I did it, but I tried to pull all stops that would "make a good girlfriend", but even beyond it. I listened to you, looked after you. I don't know why I did it but to some level, I guess I wanted to learn how badly I could make you need me. It all worked. I still felt the same way about you. We had an awesome time together and I was visibly happier and a better person. We inspired each other to grow and achieve. We have a great impact on each other... but beyond that, there isn't much else I can say about us. I know you would marry me and have kids if you had your way, but I've always been clear I want neither of those things. So you chose to give that up for me. We have a happy, healthy and nourishing relationship and I think that is love. But if it isn't, I know that this is what I need. But sometimes I wonder if I should feel the all consuming passion that I so strongly oppose, or if it's an unnecessary distraction.
>>16770106 >>16770143 I love Pegasus tbqh. You've given me pretty good advice a couple of times, even just a few words or a song to listen to, and it has helped. Plus its amusing seeing how anons react when you're purposefully trolling lmao
I figure out a possible way to get ahead and the response of everyone around me is to immediately get mad and work against it? sorry I've got the skills at my age to start a business?
the old fucks don't like seeing the young guy doing better. the poor people don't like seeing their peers get ahead of them. the rich people don't like to see people moving out of "their place". business owners don't like seeing new competition. wage slaves don't like feeling inferior. no one likes seeing someone with ambition that could surpass them. there's no dues I am required to pay you all for my success. if I've got the time, skills, and ambition to achieve my success then I'll succeed. people trying to unload their insecurities on my life because they can't carry their own load.
well fuck your petty ass shit you cunts. I'm not staying in this shit life you all seem to want to keep me in. so sick of you naysaying, meddling, vindictive, petty, insecure, fearful, denigrating fucks in my way.
fucking pissed, going for a drive, then to the gym. this weekend I'm looking at business insurance options, buying business cards, and if all looks good establishing my LLC. deal with it. I'm not stopping for anyone, this is too important, I'm not wasting years of my life paying some imaginary, arbitrary due people feel I have to pay before I am worthy of success. get out of here with your crazy shit.
I dont know what to do. My problems are making my life pretty difficult, i dont take care of myself, i cant find any work. I cant afford seeking the means to fix my problems because i cant find someone whom will hire me. I dont know what the fuck im going to do.
>>16770497 i got dumped by someone i loved 4 months ago. still hurts really bad but (and ur going to think this is bs because everybody always says it) time is the best cure for that hurt, and people caring about you comes in at a close second. just focus on your good traits and the people who love you. and dont use logic bc if youre like me your sense of logic is completely warped right now so that the answer to every question you have about the breakup is that you are a piece of shit. i dont know if that helps at all, prob not but i saw your post and got the empathy pangs really bad and just know you have one random stranger on the internet who really hopes you come out of this ok
"I don't like him cause he makes me realize how unnattractive I've let myself become"
do something about it
"I hate him because he's better at planning and problem solving"
dunno what to tell you, you could work as a team and we can all benefit from my IQ and efficiency or you can be petty and insecure and fuck everything up for everyone.. yeah, you gonna go with that huh? typical.
"I hate him because I love him"
maybe grow up and deal with it like an adult and perhaps we explore that then. or you can try to ruin all my social interactions.
"I hate him because he's ambitious"
I'VE TRIED TO GET YOU PEOPLE TO GET UP AND MOVE AND DO SOME SHIT TO GET PAID, WHY DO YOU ALL INSIST ON SHITTING ON EVERYTHING? money isn't really all that hard to make because theres so many people just like you that refuse to stand up and fill the niches out there. seriously.
"I hate him cause he's different"
scuse me for having personality, bitch.
"I hate him cause (x arbitrary reason based in not logical reality, i.e. looks like x actor I hate)"
just stay the fuck away from me entirely.
I'm not helping you people anymore. get the fuck up, do something, stop being petty, vindictive, insecure, childish, tiresome, cunts. there's far too many of you whiny bitches, grow a fucking spine.
>>16770497 still love a girl that dumped me like that for the same reasons. it doesn't really go away for that first love. you'll suppress it for long periods and then someday a person that wears the same perfume, uses the same shampoo, or worse you kiss someone that uses the same rhubarb burts bees chapstick (as a personal example) and it all comes flooding back lol.
good news is while it doesn't really go away for that first love it becomes like a pleasant memory thing. not so much in the kissing someone example... thats a bit jarring and can make you feel reaaaalllly awkward XD.
anyways, now you move on. find a task/hobby/goal to beat on and work out dem feels.
broke up recently too. terrible relationship but it still sucks, you just gotta move man. keep going.
It's just so stupid. This person made me so.... comfortable, gave me this sort of humming happiness that was like background noise behind my life, then a layer on top of me just wanting to always hold him, to smell his cigarettes, to support him and make sure he was happy. And he seemed so down for me, so ready to take this far, loving me before I loved him but I guess he started separating himself from that.
should have seen the signs sooner, prepared myself for it. I got caught up in the feeling of it all- the urge to make someone so important in your life is like a drug, and I never knew that. I always put myself first and tried to not rely on anyone else, but he got in. fuck it all, man
John, you stupid fuck. Yeah sure you don't have any intentions of getting with the messed up girl that fucked up your life. YEAH SURE. You had sex with her and now you're going out and suddenly everything is fine. Okay. Good luck with that train wreck.
I don't understand why so many of my friends do this to themselves. They get with people that treat them like shit and don't listen to me when I tell them it's toxic. and then when shit really hits the fan they come crying to me what the fuck..
how much of a bad idea would it be to text them telling them I still want them in my life, that I still want to see them even if I don't have time
would that just be a waste of both of our time? would it just be incredibly embarrassing? It's surprising to me how much I realize I care about this person, but I know to some extent they have a point...
I'm tired of being judged and looked down on. I do exactly what people tell me and I still get looked down on. I've always tried to be nice yet I get constantly judged. I know I'm not the smartest, but I try my best to please people. Being the real me has hurt me, but being someone who tries to please others hurts so much as well in so many ways.
I cut myself a week ago, and it felt so good to be distracted from being judged. I hate it so much. Even when it comes to minor things, it eats away at me. I had to call the damn suicide hotline for the 1st time in my life last month.
Words are hurting me so much right now. I wish I can just say, hey walk away, their just words. I know I'm fucking pathetic letting stuff like shitposting get to me. But even when my own parents look down on you, when you try so hard and it's still not good enough. I rather get physically beaten then hear things that basically amount too, I think you're stupid, pathetic, and worthless from others.
I feel I get used by other people (and have been used in my past) and that any friends I do have, barely think much of me due to being so boring and awkward. I am so damn empathetic and it's been hurting me. I've been trying so hard to improve (get a job, get my driver's permit, workout,) but I was just told that's not going to do jack, even if they're steps on the right direction. I'm so afraid of being judged, I'm just not afraid to end it anymore. I just felt like venting, cause I know my head is so messed up right now. I wish and want to have thicker skin so badly.
>>16770751 Ha, yeah I know how you feel. I wish I had friends that weren't complete morons and understand that I'm telling them what's what because I'm one of the few people that legitimately gives a damn about them.
I guess why I haven't killed myself is because people need me in my life and they'd blame themselves everyday if I did really go through with it. It might just also be that I'm fucking terrified of killing myself. I don't cut or anything like that. I know that if I did lull myself my friends would be affected for a long time and and would never forgive themselves for not picking up on it, my girlfriend wouldn't even know what to do, and my parents would blame themselves everyday.
Please someone, help me understand why everyone I meet/have met is just so disappointing. I don't have high expectations. I treat others the way I hope to be treated. But no one ever has and I just don't get it. I really don't ask for much, ever. It's extremely rare when I actually need something. But everyone is just so selfish, even about the littlest of things. I knew people were shitty, but it's really sinking in all of a sudden. Very surreal. What has really hit me once 2016 started: >golden rule is horse shit. Null. >no one is ever going to put you first like you put them first >the simpler it is = the easier to lie about >the closest people in your life would rather go to a bar than see you. >hope gets you no where. >people are static creatures. >if someone calls you a good friend, but only speaks to you when they are basically forced to be around you, they are not a good friend. >i will end up ending my life if this the way things are.
The worst slap in 2016 >you will continue to submit and do the nice things you do for others because as strong and independent as you think you are, you're always going to be too caring/giving. You'll probably continue to place hope in stagnant people, because that's how you operate apparently.
Fat Asian girl from the game room at college... I don't know why, but I want to fuck you raw, and hard. Even though you look like hanako from persona, you make my dick diamonds... I want to do sick, nasty things to you... I want to make you into my little cupcake gobbling fuckpig, i wanna eat your pussy and ass... I wanna fuck you until sunrise...i want to pound that pussy and ass till you can't fucking walk straight. Then when I am done, I want you to roll over and squeeze me tight against your fat, hamburger slut body,... My face mashed against your sought form... God I want you so fucking bad fat Asian girl
You complete and utter dunce. Why is it that I want to tend to my wounds and let your actions be permanent, that I want you to forget me that I also have to watch you fucking destroy yourself? Why are you so fucking stupid? Why can I call you stupid and feel anger about your decision? Why do I have to care about you when you were so willing to throw me aside for him? Why aren't you smiling like I've always asked you to? Why do I care? Why do I want you to be safe? Why haven't you had the sense to fucking move out? Why can't I do anything but either watch or ignore?
>>16771145 I know these feels, friend... There's no understanding, only acceptance. You'll never change how other people are. All you can do is choose to act as they do and essentially stop caring, or you choose to be true to yourself and take the high road. I'm here if you need someone to talk to
I've been obsessing over my new boob/areola asymmetry for months, but now that I'm losing weight, the offending breast is actually getting better. I'm so relieved. For a while there, I thought I would end up correcting it with surgery.
I came to the conclusion the other day that I'm sexually attracted to most of my friend's girlfriends and I'm not sure why. The idea of sleeping with any of them arouses me so much. I have a lady who I keep putting off a real relationship with so it's not just desperate arousal, I'm not actually sure why I think that way. One of the girls even has a bit of a thing for me that we've discussed while drunk so I find myself having to avoid being alone with her if we;ve
He's probably found someone else. As if it would be hard for him. He's probably fucking them as I write this stupid post.
This is probably the easiest break up he's ever been through. He probably didn't even need to 'go through it' because I doubt it was/is hard for him at all. Why would it be? I can guarantee that leaving me was easy as fuck, and was just another thing to mark off his 'to do list' (if guys who leave their long term gfs, who they're apparently in love, even do that?).
He's probably so happy and so carefree and so not feeling any kind of negative emotion at all. Which is good, obviously, because as if I want him to be anything other than happy. The fact that he most likely is happy is a good thing, all I want is for him to be happy.
But he's definitely fucking someone/s else or has at the very least found someone else already. I fucking knew it. I don't compare.
How pathetic and stupid of me, to think I ever actually meant something to him, to think and hope that he'd actually wait for me.
Why bother, right? What's the point? I'm a useless, worthless piece of shit. I'm nothing and I'm going to die alone, broken, unloved, and unlovable.
I hate myself and I hate my pathetic life.
I should probably take my meds and sleep because this low is only getting worse by the hour. This is rock bottom for me, this moment right here and now. I'm over thinking and analysing everything, and I'm making my low and my anxiety so much worse; I'm literally making myself sick with anxiety/depression. But I don't even really care anymore. I deserve to feel like absolute shit.
I don't even know anymore.
He doesn't love me. He never loved me. He will never love me.
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