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Am I fucking up my life? Am I fucking up his?
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice

Thread replies: 16
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Mostly me just venting but feel free to jump in with input/advice

>be 22yo femanon
>2-ish years ago start dating guy I meet online
>lets call him "A"
>hit it off immediately. great chemistry.
>start having relationship problems
>didn't work out (I have trouble communicating problems)
>we have a mutual break-up

2 months later
>start missing A
>start hanging out again
>get back together
>start having same issues
>I still suck at communicating
>my friend dies and I don't know how to handle it
>A can't help because I can't communicate feelings
>I break up with A
>he doesn't take it well
>I'm comforted by my childhood friend
>start dating childhood friend
>Let's call him "S"
>S and I have good relationship at first
>slowly realize we have 0 chemistry
>begin to resent him for almost no reason

about 10 months later
>start missing A again
>still having issues with S
>all I can think about is A
>Start texting A to try and get back in contact
>A still upset over the breakup, eventually tells me to stop trying to contact him
>I cut contact with A
>eventually break it off with S

less than a week after breaking up with S
>A texts me "sorry to hear about you and S"
>we begin talking again
>meet up for the first time in over a year
>end up going back to his place
>we talk about everything

it's been about 2 weeks since I broke up with S.
A and I have been seeing each other on a regular basis and having sex. We both agree that we don't know if a relationship is the best thing for us.

I really want him back, but I'm afraid we'd have the same issues as we used to and break up again

Should I try to keep this as a FWB thing or should a pursue more?
Could you try some kind of counseling for your communication problems?
Basically, this.

It isn't going to get any better if you don't change what ruined your relationship before. Work on yourself, since your communication problems are the main issue.
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Understand that time is a natural accellerant. A has changed as have you, from the last time you dated. You need to stop letting the past define how you proceed in the future. Sure you had communication issues in the past, instead of fearing that may happen again, YOU NEED TO MAKE THE EFFORT TO MAKE SURE THAT IT DOESN'T HAPPEN AGAIN. You know the problem, you don't communicate your problems well, It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what you need to do in the future so you don't end up replicating the past, YOU NEED TO COMMUNICATE YOUR PROBLEMS BETTER.

you have the fist step, awareness, you know what the problem is, the thing will define what you and A's relationship will be is what you will do next.

Will you take that second step? It's up to you.
I'm a poorfag in college so I don't have money for that kind of thing.

I have been trying to work on it by myself, though.
The first night we got back in contact, I told him everything that happened from my point of view, which felt almost physically painful.
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.

Even if I manage to get past that, there are now other factors, such as my family and friends saying "you guys broke up twice, clearly you weren't right for each other"
I think you should take a step back and try to live your life without being in a hurry to label your relationship as a "relationship." If you both are enjoying each other's company, sexual or otherwise, then keep at it and cross bridges as needed. Definitely work on communicating effectively, as well.
that's what I keep trying to tell myself, but I've been having a decent amount of anxiety over the situation.
I've never had a FWB before and I worry that I get too clingy. (wanting to see him often, go out together, texting regularly, ect)
As I guy I enjoy clingy women.
I thought all schools had counselors for emotional issues nowadays.
>Understand that time is a natural accellerant.
I hope it's the same with him honestly.
He was trying to get me back for a while after we broke up the second time, and he says he didn't feel connections with anyone else he dated while I was with S (he continued with online dating)
but now it feels like the situation has done a complete 180. Now I'm chasing him, and completely desperate for his attention/affection.

Do they? I honestly never heard of something like that, but i feel like it would be embarrassing to go to them with something like this when there are people with much more "real" problems
Seems like you should try to make it work, as you're both interested.

If your concern is that it's going to flame out eventually, and so you'd rather focus on finding an ltr somewhere else, then keeping him as a fwb is not a good idea. The more cocks you take casually, the harder a time you're going to have finding Mr. Right.

If you want the fast track to intimacy with him, think of the top 2-5 things you would least like him to know about you and tell him those things. Either he'll accept you for who you are and things will get good quick, or he'll dump you for it, in which case you can continue the search for that special someone.

Your family and friends are not you. Your family or friends do not have to live with the outcome of YOUR actions. Will you live your own life, or will you let others live it for you? Goodluck
I might try this, but honestly those things are all things that created problems in our last relationship on his part.
I don't want to sit down and just say "I'm going to tell you things I don't like about you"

I've gone back and fourth on this as well. As much as I wish I could take this attitude, I'm really big into my family and their opinions really have an impact on me.
Not to mention having a close family means lots of family gatherings that he would be expected to attend (assuming we get back together in an official relationship)
which would make things very awkward

That is a very relevant and valid point you made and I can see it from that point of view, I respect that.

I do think that if you went to your parents and had a talk with them about how you feel, and how you think you've both changed and how you think a relationship might work now. I think they would be more than accepting. But everyone has different parents so results may vary.
I hope it all works out in the end for ya. Goodluck
thanks, anon. I might do that.
we'll see how they react but I'm not expecting much
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