My girlfriend absolutely refuses to have sex, at all, ever. She said she's ok with me fucking her when she's drunk enough, but by the time she's drunk enough, she's so drunk it's off-putting.
It's been two months and we haven't had sex. What do I do?
She'll blow a fit and get offended that I'd demand that. She always gets angry when I bring up sex.
Not in a neutral way, though. She's perfectly fine about other people having sex. Just the two of us.
How long you been together? Her 'letting' you fuck her when drunk is a recipe for disaster. If she's repeatedly told you no when sober, then you're up shit creek if she says you took advantage of her when drunk.
Personally I think the problem is that you want very differnt things in this relationship and someone will end up very unhappy. Dating is about finding out if you're not compatible, that's why you break up and date someone else.
Damn, maybe she finds the act disgusting. Educate her OP. Show her the human body is nothing to be ashamed of. Unless she is fugly. post pics.
Or maybe she's just insecure. I was till I read up on masturbating online. They give some neat tips on how to get comfortable with yourself.
Either way, post pics of gf.
Ultimately you either have to make your peace with chastity or move on or cheat.
And in case you missed the memo 1 is impossible 3 is terrible so in reality 2 is your only option. All your mutual friends will side with her because you were the dumper.
Two months, and she explicitly told her I can fuck her when she's drunk. That's what they did with her last boyfriend, he'd get her sufficiently drunk in order to have sex. Like, it was a thing they agreed to do, and she was giving me a permission to do the same.
well, I've been introduced to her friends as her boyfriend so I guess.
> lost interest in you sexually
> cheating on you
The first usually leads to the second. You either fix what's missing in the relationship (she's not finding you sexually attractive for a reason) or you find a new girl.
Abort abort abort. Get the fuck out of there. Sounds like you aren't sexually compatible at all. If you were a scumbag like me you'd have cheated already. Seeing as you have a shred of decency within you, break that shit off.
thank you for being the vaguest man on the planet.
I've been doing that for the past two months. I have discovered that bringing up sex or sexual situations when she's sober does NOT make her feel good.
If we're already drinking, she'll just go like "okay just let me get ready first", downs an entire bottle of Hannibal and is too fucked-up for me to touch without feeling like I'm shagging a corpse.
Most people I know haven't done it and the few (3ish) I do are chastised.
I get blurred lines - unofficially going out with people and fooling around, but in a labeled relationship most people wouldn't sabotage that.
Then why do I see this shit all the time on american sites? It is not a thing in my culture, confessing to cheating would be like confessing to rape. And rape is very much frowned upon.
That is on the person that has been cheated on.
The person that cheats is seen as a mild Scarlet A marked person (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Scarlet_Letter). Many people reconsider relationships if it's learned that people before have cheated.
That person that cheats probably feels not much remorse.
and everyone else is okay with that?
the cheating partner doesn't feel disgusted about being involved in cheating, the cheater's friends aren't disgusted to be associated with him and his behaviour?
No, cheaters are generally seen as th bad guys and the other person is the viewed in the worst light. Its just that bad relationships are so common that society can't work up the outrage most of the time.
I once heard a theory that its because relationships are so stressed - modern people are surposed to love each other and be best friends and be business partners and raise the kids together and do a lot of other things as well. Previously all these jobs would be split up between different people and so if one relationship collapsed most of your life would still be intact.
Also, i'm sure the 4chan demographic is young an stupid.
>and everyone else is okay with that?
No. Some people won't care, because they aren't going to date them.
If I knew I would scold my friend, and if we were distant friends I would probably stop hanging out.
What country are you from?
How is this even a question.
Why doesn't she want to have sex with you? Either she comes up with a reason and you try to fix it or you leave.
What's with all the fucking betas, how do you live with yourselves?
Just get a better woman, no point staying in a relationship that is that big of a trainwreck.
You might want to have one more push to fix it if you feel like it's worth it. Talk to her about it while sober and express your feelings of sexual frustration and demand she participates in the conversation.
that's very strange man. she may be hiding something... how is her relationship with her parents?
its a red flag for sure. not a break up with her now red flag, but dont be surprised if you uncover something terrible from her past
Her stance of "we can fuck when I'm drunk" is pretty solid. According to her, pussy is pussy and demanding her to be sober enough to remember it in the morning is greedy and unreasonable.
I feel like you can still ask her why without sounding like you just want pussy. Tell her that you feel like intimacy is lacking in your relationship. If you word it this way, it sounds less like you just want sex, but you just want to feel closer to her.
If the idea of sex doesn't disgust her but she just doesn't want to have sex with you but will do it when drunk, she's probably not very attracted to you and is only in the relationship for emotional needs.
If you're okay with this then fine, but if you want something perfectly reasonable out of this relationship that she refuses to give you, then you probably shouldn't invest so much time kg thought into her.
Ask yourself, "if it's okay now, how will it feel 2 months down the road? 3? Could you only have sex with a drunk person for a year? Will it be frustrating? Will it satisfy my intimacy needs and sexual desires?"
If the answer to one of those questions is no, you have to think whether or not you want to be in that kind of relationship. Talk to her about if she would ever have sex sober with you down the line. If she says "maybe", that's a "no." Maybe you want to stay with her until you get bored, but I think that's pretty dishonest.
Final thing: the other anons are right that there's a legal issue there, where you could get in trouble if you have sex with her and she wasn't comfortable with it. "2 months ago she said it was okay for me to fuck her while she was blacked out!" does NOT give you blanche carte to have sex with her whenever you want, and it will NOT hold up in court. If you do go ahead with this relationship, you'll have to figure out a better method of obtaining consent.
I have absolute trust in her about the blackout thing. She and her ex did that for like two years, and she's not "false rape accusation"-crazy.
I just don't know.
Is this human being worth more than sex?
idk, I'd try it out and see how it goes. I wouldn't stay in a relationship if I was extremely dissatisfied with one aspect of it, since that dissatisfaction will inevitably seep into other areas of the relationship.
"I don't know" is going to be a question that will be easy to answer in time. From experience, I'd leave her sooner rather than later if the answer turns out to be yes.
To me it sounds like she has some serious deep rooted issues with sex/intimacy, either she was abused when she was younger or taught that sex is bad and shameful. If she won't even have an adult conversation about why she has to be blackout drunk to have sex, then she's probably isn't worth the effort. Damaged people that refuse to try to better themselves or even confront their problems should be left to their own devises.
>or taught that sex is bad and shameful
She's comfortable enough to make sex jokes in front of her mother, giving the implication that we'd have it and it's normal.
I really like her as a person, though.
Making sex jokes and the actual act of sex are too different things. one of my good friends makes really raunchy sex jokes all the time, but I know for a fact that she's very prudish when it comes to the act.
How long do you think you can deal with something like this.?
She has some kind of weird hang up. I'd suggest therapy but I doubt that would go over well
Do you ever talk about it after, or is she too drunk? Could you ask her what she liked, or why being drunk is necessary (while she's still drunk and maybe willing to talk about it)?
>is this human being worth more than sex?
That's your question to answer. My guess is you don't love her because of sex, assuming you do love her.
Even if you don't love her: what would you do if you left her? Would you be devastated? Would you jam it in the first chick you see?
Think about questions like that, too.
Sex is an important component of a relationship. How can you guys be a couple and not have sex?
That's just friends.
Talk to her about why she doesn't have sex. But you might have to part company if it isn't resolved.
I can make sex jokes and am sex positive around other people but the idea of having sex with someone is terrifying, shameful, and disgusting.
OP, you gf has serious problems and needs therapy.
Break up obviously
The answer to why "you don't want to fuck" would be. on the first week straight bullshit, then it will get real and it's going to be all things you don't really want to hear
SHE IS A FUCKING CUNT
Your girl is broken and selfish OP. There's no excuse for her being withholding and its fucking TRASHY that she requires you to get her drunk to have sex with her, that is FUCKED UP. Sex is all about intimacy and remembering what happened because it has meaning when you do it with your partner.
I am saying this as someone who was both sexually assaulted and taught to be ashamed of sex. I was terrified of sex, disgusted with the thought of touching someone for most of my life. I went to therapy and fixed myself through both that and through my own mental effort...because why would I want to stay a fucked up person when I could be having awesome shame-free sex with the person I care about? Sex is great now. A person can easily go from hating it to loving it if they drop their pathetic victim complex.
This whole situation is all her fault not yours. She doesn't care about being a normal person, she wants to be fucked up. You deserve better. BREAK UP WITH HER OP. Please. I feel bad for you.
i'm aware of that. my point in posting that was to point out that you can act like it's fine when you talk about it but have serious problems doing it. hence the suggestion of therapy for OP's gf who seems to have a similar problem.
Just start acting like you don't care about sex. Don't grope her, cuddle with her like you don't think she's that attractive, only kiss her if she goes in for a kiss, etc. Just pretend like you don't want sex.
A few nights of not trying to have sex at times where you usually try will make her wonder where your sex drive went, and will want validation sex.
If pussy was pussy you'd have no reservations about fucking her once she's gotten herself blackout drunk, right? Sex is intimate, an experience you share with each other that makes you feel more connected and close. And that's something you want to do with her, not with her unconscious unresponsive body. You're not making any demands of her, you'd just like to understand why she's so averse to doing it when she's lucid enough to be able to enjoy and remember it.
That's how you make it sound convincing. Just tell it like it is basically.
Careful with this. Not saying it doesn't work; am saying it's not guaranteed to. Just make sure you know your girl. This'd be very liable to backfire with some of us, that's all.
damaged goods. If she won't open up to you about it, there is nothing you can do to resolve the problem. I'd likely move on.
Don't feel selfish or anything because of it. Sex has different levels of importance in a relationship depending on the person, but there is no room for games in any relationship. She needs to be real with you about what the problem is, or not waste others time by being in such toxic relationships.
If pussy was pussy, we would all just fuck fleshlights and not bother with women at all. The intimacy is what makes it the bizness, don't rob yourself of that.