I'm almost dating a guy, who is significantly older than me. I have a cute face, am small and have a petite body. How do I prevent him seeing me as a perfect, innocent girl? I don't know how to explain it better, but I don't want him to see me as a Lolita/doll/object
This is a self-correcting issue. If you actually start dating, he'll start knowing you better.
Just keep your eyes peeled and be assertive if you think he might start taking advantage of something.
That would make everything super awkward because it'll make him think I assume he's going to think of me like that
Don't think he's going to take advantage, he seems too nice for that. If anything, I could take advantage of him.
This. I must say that i find Pyromania extremly scary yet extremly arousing in women.
>Don't think he's going to take advantage, he seems too nice for that. If anything, I could take advantage of him.
Then you're probably overthinking it. I mean, unless it actually affects how he treats you, how he THINKS about you is rather irrelevant and, again, it's something that'll change once he gets to know you better and vice-versa.
I have a similar situation with someone - he was once double my age, now just quite a bit older. Not so much that people would say it was shocking, but enough for people to comment and say, he's a lot older than her!
In my case we both look younger, so I guess it's noticeable to those around us, emotionally and intellectually and physically we are in the same place. There's no reason for us not to be together but if I was 17 or something, just no. How old are you?
I'm usually very blunt as well and discuss about anything with anyone, but discussing concerns =/= basically telling someone you don't even know him that well that you suspect him of having big issues with women and that he might be a pedophile
>you can't really control things like that.
And yet here you are trying to pull a Grease and pull up in a leather jacket.
If you're sweet then stay sweet, if you're not then don't be. I fail to see the problem here, but as a Chad I can tell you sweet wins everytime. Fuck that chase bullshit. Give up the pussy and then stay with him, that's all there is to it. If he's not worth that, you have your answer, but it looks like you're trying to control something you don't need to be controlling.
As a matter of fact I wear leather jackets a lot haha. Friends describe me as both extremely feminine and masculine, but not in between. Anyway, I just don't want him to get any illusions about me, and I don't want to become some fucked up fantasy.
>i don't want to become some fucked up fantasy.
he's twice your age. you're a fantasy. you're an object. you're a novelty. you two cannot possibly connect when your lives are decades apart.
you're going to say "this anon is full of shit. i can see myself falling in love with him and him with me. we bond so well already. i know better and i can make this work despite the age difference."
... but you'll learn when he trades you in for a younger, fresher model.
>I just don't want him to get any illusions about me, and I don't want to become some fucked up fantasy.
OP, I'm pretty sure that is fucking impossible, honestly. Just chill and let things happen.
then what are you worried about?
just have a few months of passionate sex with a man that could be your father, shed some tears as the date of your flight looms closer, have a long embrace outside of the terminal, promise you'll always think of him, that you'll stay in touch, and then touchdown wherever the fuck you're going and go suck some other 60 year old's cock.
He's the one who is an object of fantasy to you. You don't have any feelings for him but you want him to have feelings for you. You're the kind of person who knows fully well that this is a temporary flirt with shallow feelings but you don't want him to be the kind of person who thinks like that. You want him to think of this as a real relationship and develop "real" naturally-occuring feelings because it makes you feel valuable as a person. The exact reason why you cannot have an honest conversation about this subject is because it destroys your illusion of receiving real feelings. You know this is a short, fake and artificial relationship but you want him to shower you with feelings because you're needy for attention and validation.
Nah. I know a lot of women who are cool. I'm not getting a raise at women, I just dislike relationships that have a communication problem because one of the party involved isn't honest about their own feelings. About 99% of the time when someone doesn't want to have an honest conversation about a perceived problem it's because they don't want to admit something out loud. The only cure is to say it out loud. Not all women behave like OP, far from it.
this realy depends on how old you are. I hope you're 20 and he's like 38..
best advice would indeed be atleast clothing. the leather jackets are (y).
be dominating when having sex, in a not-childish way. I can't think of anything better?
and man everyone here is making assumptions out of thin air.. just give adv damnit.
Of course he knows it. I have nowhere implied that you have information he doesn't have. I said you have a point of view he doesn't have, or rather, that you don't want him to have. You ARE a lolita/doll/object to him and he IS an older guy/social status provider to you because that's the truth. You barely know each other and therefore you can only see each other in a superficial way. But you would feel satisfied if he spare significant feelings for you. Therefore you can't talk about the problem because you would need to say "I see this as a fake shallow relationship but I would feel validated if you saw me in a special way". The question inherently reveals that you're looking for an illusion.
If you don't want to be this kind of person then take this advice: talk to him. Tell him how you feel. There's nothing wrong with having a mature conversation about how you're feeling, about what you want, even if you accept that it's not something you'll get from him. You gain nothing from playing games and holding things inside you. A relationship is about communication.
Of course it'd make me feel validated, it would make anyone feel validated if someone loved you. But that's not what I want, I just want to try it out and see where it goes. The only thing I want is that he won't have any illusions about me, and I won't prevent that by simply telling him that.
also, this won't improve my status in any way
She's dating someone twice her age. It is not meant to be.
Pro tip: if you want to be understood then date someone you have something in common with, not someone from a different generation.
*sigh* I'm going to file this one under: overconfident and uptight Millennials
Jesus Christ girl, get over yourself. Who gives a fuck what he thinks as long as he's paying for everything and fucking you right.
Also, none of you look particularly young. I'm constantly meeting 22 year old girls who look 30 with these gigantic boobs. All the hormones in the milk and shit.
So trust me on this, you probably dont' have to worry and if for some reason you do now, you won't for long.
I'm not 22 and I don't have gigantic boobs as stated before, he isn't paying anything for me and we aren't fucking, and I care because women are not all that shallow as you think.
My advice is not to confuse the reality of who you are, with the person you want to be. If you are a skank on the inside, your actions will show themselves over time and if he isn't dense he will pick up on them. If you want him to look at you as a skank, but are innocent on the inside, your true self will always show.
Also, don't flatter yourself - perfect? Are you kidding me lmao. As a man he naturally knows what women want.
Alright, you tell me, alpha male. What do all women want? I don't have any sex drive, nor any excessive materialistic needs and I work enough to pay for anything I need.
And I'm not perfect: that's the point, I don't want him to see me like that.
Tell him str8 how much of a slut you really.
I'm not even trollin', I mean it. Just tell him that you have quite the experience and that you're fine with forced anal during bondage.
>Of course it'd make me feel validated, it would make anyone feel validated if someone loved you
That's where you make a mistake. This isn't true to anyone. When you finally become an adult you'll realize it doesn't make you feel validated to be told "I love you" by a random person you almost dated. You'll know it's empty and meaningless. You'll learn the difference between falling in love and an hormonal crush. You'll stop hoping that people magically have a deep understanding of you that requires no communication. You'll laugh at young girls who date people twice their age and think it's a validating relationship. Most important of all you'll laugh at yourself for how silly you were when you were young. Once you are an adult.
I've only been with one person before. I'm such a slut wow.
Because the possibility is there and because he literally said it. He was pretty drunk but still, feelings like that could develop.
It's a human need man. Not someone who says 'I love you' when he doesn't mean it, but the feeling of being you. That would make any human (assuming they aren't psychopaths or sth) feel good/validated. But it's not what I'm looking for with him, nor do I want to be magically understood and I agree that communication is important, it's the goddamn reason I broke up with my ex.
>nor do I want to be magically understood
Prove it. If you feel like he doesn't understand you or doesn't view you correctly then talk to him. Tell him what he doesn't know. Show him what you want him to see. Communicate what you want to be communicated. If you're going to say that you don't want to be magically understood then prove it and talk. Do it.
I don't feel like he doesn't understand, not at all. I don't want him to develop wrong feelings, that's all. And you don't form feelings by will, or by words, but with the actions and behaviour from other people. And that's what I want to know, how to behave so it doesn't happen.
>"it's true love if I am magically understood by a stranger"
>"that means if I talk about myself then I can't be magically understood"
>"that means I can't talk otherwise it's not love!"
>"wow look at this man who is twice my age we have so much in common and this is clearly not an hormonal crush on secondary characteristics"
>"help I'm being misunderstood!"
>"help I can't talk!"
holy fuck you're still posting.
just go suck on his hairy, wrinkly balls already. christ.
If you can't describe what you want then you don't know what you want. It's that simple. The fact that you know when something bothers you is is not enough for you to say that you know what you want. You need to be able to describe it. If you can't describe it then it's undeniable proof that you can't visualize it. It is a huge problem if you don't know what you want. It means you will try things at random and you will be randomly pleased and randomly hurt. It means you could actually be in a dumb and childish scenario like described in >>16760805 and you wouldn't be able to tell. How can you tell something apart if you can't describe it? You can say "no it's not like that" as much as you want but it is entirely meaningless, it's an empty defensive mechanism with no substance. If you want to be sure that this kind of negative post doesn't describe you, if you want to prove to yourself that you have a mature approach to the situation then you need to learn how to describe what you want. Both to others and yourself. You don't need to do it now but I suggest that you give it some thoughts.
I'm into an older guy, but I have no idea to subtly show interest (I'm shy and scared of rejection)
Who made the first move here?
But the dumb cliché "b urself" should work here. Dont try to be too cutesy and you should be fine.
No shit there sherlock, like I said I only know what I don't want. Which is why I'm trying things out, because you also can't magically understand yourself. And to try this without fucking up too bad, I need to not be a fantasy for him.
>you also can't magically understand yourself
Not magically, no. You can use conventional means instead. People understand you when you talk to them. You understand yourself when you talk to yourself. Ask yourself what you like. Think about the situations that you liked. Think about the situations that you disliked. Ask yourself if there is anything in common in the situations you liked or disliked. Identify a pattern. Compare it to patterns you see in other people. Make a simple theory. Test your theory by trying something. Suggest an activity, see if you like it or dislike it, ask yourself why you liked it or disliked it. Add the result as evidence to confirm or deny your idea about what you like. There is no risk of "fucking up too bad", this is exactly what you are supposed to be doing in a relationship. You're supposed to suggest things and see whether you are compatible with someone. It's perfectly fine for you to say that you're not sure what kind of relationship you want and therefore you want to try doing X or Y and see how it goes. It is the truth, why wouldn't you say it?
Yes, and I've come to that conclusion already. But I haven't been in many situations, and like I said, there isn't a problem between us so there isn't any need to fix it either.
There wouldn't be any risk if it was only involving myself, but it's involving him too.
holy shit, this thread has 75 replies
SEVENTY FUCKING FIVE REPLIES, About some immature little shits fucked up fantasy perception that no one even gives a fuck about IRL
Good fucking lord this site has gone to shit
>I haven't been in many situations
Then create these situations.
>There wouldn't be any risk if it was only involving myself, but it's involving him too.
There is no risk. There is literally no risk. It is something that is normal in any relationship. You're supposed to try new things and see how they go. Relationships aren't about worrying endlessly about making a perfect move, trying something new is a perfect move by default. If you have a mental compulsion that makes you think it's a bad idea then it is invariably a notion that is immature and which you need to discard. If you don't want to create situations because you are passive, stop being lazy. If you expect the man to lead, stop being sexist. If you don't feel validated unless he takes the lead, stop being needy. If you are afraid that it makes you look immature to admit you don't know what you want, be honest with yourself and with others. Suggest things. See what you like or dislike. Do not hide anything about your intentions.