I'm confused and need some help working through it.
So, I'm getting married on Valentine's Day. Awesome! And I'm sitting in a resort hotel room, with the ocean lapping a stone's throw from my window. My fiancé is out getting a massage and I'm laying in bed thinking about my life. And I'm confused. Five years ago, this is all I would have hoped for, but now? Maybe I want out.
My fiancé is well off, to say the least. I am extremely not well off. I have never been able to afford a car and have taken public transportation most of my life. We flew here in her father's private jet. I am still uncomfortable about the money she has, but she has made it clear that the money means nothing, and that's that. I still feel insecure. We are both late twenties. She is a little bit away from finishing medical school, and I'm a (so far) failed writer. There's more to it than that, but I want to make it clear: our circumstances are very different. To top it off, she is a knockout; she is a literal 9.5/10. I'm 100 pounds overweight. I have given up on sharing in the outdoorsy activities she enjoys. Despite all this, I love her and she loves me.
I have crippling anxiety that it just can't work out. We have been together for three years, and over the past two years I've been cheating on her constantly. I developed gonorrhea about six months back but managed to treat it before she became aware (of course, we were traveling; I pretended I was sick for three days and couldn't do anything). She wants children immediately and I do not. And my weaknesses overshadow hers... My infidelity, that I sometimes slip into mild abuse, that she gives in too easily, and that she doesn't really consider her own feelings... We both have our issues.
I am afraid to be with her, but Im afraid to not be with her, too. Life with her is a guarantee at all my dreams coming true and, if we have kids, that my progeny will have wonderful lives. But I don't know if I'm ready. I don't know. That's about it.
You're the same guy that posted a thread a week ago, you used the same picture. It sounds like to me you realise how dishonest you're being, what are you going to do if she ever finds out?! Also, how can you say that you truly love her, if she did the same thing you were doing behind your back?! YOU'D BE FURIOUS.
She deserves better.
So, either become the man she deserves, or leave her and let her find someone else.
I suggest the first option. Use her as an inspiration to improve your own life. Start with getting fit. A healthy body and mind are a good place to start when looking for motivation
Uh no, did you not read the post? Forget the part where on terms of appearance, social status and career paths they are mismatched completely, he cheated on her for 2 years!!
OP you will make her suffer and ruin the good she has done with what life has given her, so just leave before you fuck up her future along with yours.
Not sure I can.
Memories! Good memory. I'm just anxious and can't talk about it with anyone else. Also, my iPad only has one picture, so I use it for all posts. I got some good thoughts last time.
Yes, I'd be furious
She'll be back to the room soon enough.
She knows. theres been an unspoken understanding, but she certainly knows who she's marrying.
Her eyes are open. It's me that's the issue. I'm not really ready to change, though I thought I might be. I realize who I am is who I am. My weaknesses are accepted, for the most part, by her and she enables it.
I just don't know if I can do it.
then what the fuck was the point of this thread?
This relationship is a complete failure, because you're insecure and you let fear rule your life. So does she.
You will both end up in pain, you will become more abusive and you will both become so unhappy.
She'll probably end up leaving you (eventually) and you'll be a complete wreck.
You need to get rid of your fear, your insecurity.
i dont see how any posts here can contribute to anything, op just seems like a massive (literally) pussy
oh wait, i just got a confirmation from houston, all units be advised - op is a faggot
are we reading the same thread?
literally every single poster has called OP a faggot
unlike you we don't see everything in terms of gender to feed our victim complex, we hate all leeches whether they're male or female you twat
No prenup, though it was brought up in an awkward, awkward way in the past.
If I go through with the wedding, money's nothing I'll have to worry about again. No Korean laughs necessary. Again, this is part of th drive to go through with the wedding.
Insecurity is the root of all evil in relationships. It will destroy this one, and the next one, and the one after that unless you unfuck your shit. You sound like an overall shitty person who doesn't deserve her. You should either shape the fuck up or leave. You'll do neither, so enjoy your inevitable divorce, idiot.
Lots of people married for quite a while with both issues. Many of the older males I know.
I don't have insecurity about getting divorced once married. Beyond that, her family wouldn't allow it.
If you didn't go through with it, I'd want to punch you in the stomach.
Honestly, your jerkboy bullshit is probably the reason you've held such a good catch. I'd bet 100 bucks that if you turned over a new leaf and became the perfect, loyal husband she'd get bored and leave your ass.