Relationship with my GF of about 16 months has gone cold. We haven't had sex in close to 2 months and I'm always the one who has to initiate it. I tried talking to her about it and she doesn't think there's a problem, it's like trying to communicate with a wall. Also the sex has been super boring for the past 6 months or so. The only real physical contact not initiated by me is pecks and hand-holding. Tried sending her a playful, sexy text this weekend and got met with a deadpan response which ended in an argument.
There's no spark and we talk and hang out like friends. I think I'm gonna break up with her this weekend. Sucks because over the past year we shared a lot together. We were each other's best friends for the entire relationship. But it's making me unhappy and I'm starting to resent her for it so it needs to end I think.
BTW, I'm not so shallow that this is the only issue. We've also had some big fights. And the fact that I can't ever get her to communicate about anything has been a common theme for almost the entire relationship.
She comes from a pretty emotionally abusive home and she has a VERY hectic schedule (works about 50 hours a week, goes to school) so I'm sure these things at least contribute to the problem. Confusing thing is, it wasn't like this at first. I used to be just fine with our sex life but then something changed.
Couple more facts: I moved to a city 1.5 hours away like 5 months ago for various reasons, so the distance could also have something to do with it. Also, I've explored the possibility that she's cheating, and I'm fairly sure that's not the case.
Are our lives just going in different directions? A big part of me would hate to break up with her, but more and more I feel like it would be the most fair thing for both of us.
Any insight is appreciated.
Sex is like a barometer for how your relationship is going. Once the sex dries up there are generally other problems. If she's not even willing to communicate with your about this it will just get worse and worse. You had a good run, but it's time to ramble on.
How can I do this tactfully? Should it be ASAP or would it be ok to wait until like sunday afternoon when I see her this weekend?
I haven't seen her in a couple weeks and all I can think is I at least want one more night just to hold her.
It's best to do it in person, but don't expect to hold her again. It's supposed to hurt. Just tell her you're not feeling loved, not feeling like a priority. Just be honest that you feel like it's best and you're lives are going different places. don't try and "break it to her easy" because that just confuses people. Don't ry and "be friends" after, because then it's impossible to get over each other. Think of it like a band-aid. The quicker you rip it off, the quicker it's over.
I feel so bad man. She doesn't really have anyone else. She has a bad relationship with her family and she buries herself in school and work so much that she doesn't have any other real friends.
You're probably right. I need to break up with her. But god damn I want so badly not to hurt her
Making yourself unavailable by moving away, as well as making yourself TOO available by always pressuring her into sex is the problem.
You're fucking with her brain. She can't tell wtf is going on.
Never ever put pressure on your partner to have sex. If she wants to, she'll come to you.
she's probably upset that she doesn't get to see you as often, and when you do see her she probably thinks all that's on your mind is how to get in her pants.
Next time you see her, try to think of her as a person. not just a wet hole.
Hold her hand, take her out to her favorite restaurant, cuddle with her, touch her soul.
When she asks what you want to do when you would usually ask for sex, say you just want to enjoy her company. She'll wonder where your sex drive went, and might ask if you want to have sex. She might not, and may just want to cuddle and talk.
The most important thing I learned from dating my gf for four years is that you can't force sex. you have to let it come organically.
Good sex isn't just cumming, it's communicating.
Show her that you truly care about her, and not just her genitals, and you'll have the best sex of your life when the time is right.
Just focus on building up your love for one another again. When the fire is gone, it takes a spark to rekindle the flames. That spark can only be found through true connection, not just attraction.
Breaking up due to bad sex is not shallow most of the times. It indicates the relationship is turning sour and there is an incompatibility between two people.
Her problems are not yours anymore should you break up. It`s ridiculous to think you have to consider her background and feelings, because your intention to break up with her is to turn her into an ex in your life, and not to continue a relationship.
You don't understand men at all. This is the fucking problem. Women like you kill relationships because your brains are so broken that you think because a guy wants to fuck you he doesn't respect or love you or some stupid horse shit like that.
I've tried these things and I enjoy the interactions outside of sex just as much as the sex. In fact, I've probably been the bigger romantic in the relationship. Also the move was sort of necessary, and she actually encouraged me to do it when I was thinking about it.
However this really is starting to be a big issue. It's not so much wanting to cum as it is wondering why things are going cold and the fact that I can't get her to open up to me at all.
I want to do what you were saying because she means a lot to me, but then what if I get that much more invested and things still don't change?