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Hey advice, not sure if this is the right...
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Hey advice, not sure if this is the right board or whatever, but what's the cheapest, most effective way to commit suicide? Anybody have a good fool proof way to go meet Jesus?
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Use the helium tank method + calling ambulance if you can get guaranteed 100% pure helium.

If not there's a lot more info we need. Do you care if it's messy? Where do you live? Do you care about burial and shit like that? Do you care about mentally scarring relatives? Do you care about how the media/your acquaintances/friends/family percieve your death (e.g. dying from overdose on cocaine and caring about being labeled a "drug overdose"/accident)?

I need all these specifics, OP.
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if jesus ever actually did live he died a very long time ago so it would be impossible to meet him, especially after you die since you'll no longer be able to meet anyone.

Anyway as to the first part of your question the most effective ways to commit suicide are helium inhalation (which is an inert gas so you don't have to worry about it harming other people) or shooting yourself in the head. If you do go the latter route make sure the gun is pointed towards the back of your head instead of just under your chin. If its too far forward you'll just shoot your face off and have to wait to bleed out instead of being killed (almost) instantly.

Don't bother with pills, you'll just get really sick, and throw them up. No matter how suicidal you are you'll also likely reconsider your suicide attempt while you're lying there in agony for hours which is just human nature.
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>>16759010
I'd like it to be clean. I live with 2 other people so I'd like it to be quiet as well. Nothing stuff related. I just want them to not have to worry about me, and waste time and money on me any more
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>>16759025
Drug* not stuff.
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>>16759019
How do I get a system to do the helium way?
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>>16759025
you really think that killing yourself will just cleanly remove problems from their lives? What a fantasy. Its going to scar them for the rest of their lives about how they failed to save you and worse perhaps how they even drove you to take your own life.

>>16759034
google exit bag
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>>16759025
You can't really kill yourself at home then, the only way to have them not "worry about you" would be to get your hands on 100% pure helium and call the ambulance just before putting on your mask and turning the release. Hopefully, by the time it arrives, they will be just waking up and the medical team will find you before they do. This is unlikely, though, as is finding 100% pure helium these days. You'll just end up scarring at least one of them for life and possibly fucking uo and getting permanent brain damage.

Shotguns are out, ODing is out, wrist slashing is pretty messy, rarely works and is painful, so that's a no...maybe hang yourself but then they might find you and get scarred for life, maybe wait for them to be out of town?

Really you have no good options...falling from a height is good but too messy. So you'll have to sacrifice one of your criteria for the sake of realism.
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>>16759036
I'd absolve them of responsibility the best I could in my note. Give them something nice to remember me by. I'd like to make sure as much as possible they didn't do anything to cause this. That it was my failure and weakness, not theirs

Thanks man

>>16759041
I don't live with my family. Might just go to some park and let done stranger find my body
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You won't meet Jesus or God, you'll be stuck here on earth. You can't escape m8
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>>16759343
It was just a silly little joke. I don't actually believe in God.
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>>16759001
Get a shotgun, shoot yourself on the face.
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none of those are correct

but even though life isn't worth starting, it is worth finishing; and there's a difference between finishing and quitting.
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>>16759010
>>16759041

what is this calling an ambulance meme I am not aware of

care to explain?
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>>16759373
is there?

the end result is the same, you just clung to your life in abject misery for a bit longer before returning to the void
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>>16759001
Didn't you post here yesterday asking if you were a failure because you didn't have a job, lived at home, and you were in your 30s?

I said yeah, but if you're not an asshole then you still hold some kind of value.

You should just come keep me company and help me make the move to NYC instead of offing yourself. I'd like someone around, and I was nice to you yesterday, you fucker. You owe me.
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>>16759378
>>16759389

Can you to explain this?

>>16759374
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>>16759374
seems to be so you're not discovered by friends/family, though its not as if they wouldn't see your body
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>>16759389
Not me, sorry
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>>16759394
Oh. Hm. Well, you should come along anyway. I make pretty good money and I'm mildly entertaining. So uhh yeah, you should just come along; do a good deed before you go.

Rob a bank and give it to me, maybe.
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>>16759409
I don't want my last action to cause people unnecessary grief. I just want the loneliness and pain of being a failure to go away
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>>16759441
your regrets will die with you, don't worry about it
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>>16759462
But my actions will live on. The pain I caused won't go way just because I die.
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>>16759441
UGH well geez, you should still at least come with me when I move, I'll be so fuckin aloneeeee. And then I'll be on /adv/ asking what the easiest way to kill MYself is.

I'll buy you all the goddamn frozen yogurt you want, and maybe sometimes I'll ask you to paint my right hand's fingernails, or I'll save over your game; but it'd be like an Odd Couple thing. Blackjew girl and suicidal guy take NYC.

It couldn't hurt is alls I'm saying.
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>>16759479
Also, I'd like to point out, I'm deadass serious.
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>>16759470
yeah but you'll be unable to care about it anymore, eventually they'll be dead too

in a cosmic sense none of this really matters at all
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>>16759486
I appreciate it, but I dont think I could make it in nyc. Anxiety and all that. Plus moving in with a complete stranger is so far out of the question. But I do appreciate it, you are very kind to offer
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>>16759489
I think human suffering matters to us as humans. Probably the biggest reason I want to end my life. So I can alleviate as much as I can
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>>16759489
This mostly.

Nothing will be lost and you won't have to feel anymore.
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>>16759502
what an incredible misinterpretation of utilitarianism, you could alleviate far more human suffering by dedicating your life to a noble cause than by ending it prematurely

stop trying to make your suicide sound noble rather than selfish (note I don't consider selfishness to have an inherent negative connotation but be honest with yourself)
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Ok look m8, If you don't want to be a failure then do something useful. Killing yourself is what will make you a failure and also show that you're a fucking weakling. Get yourself together, don't be a pussy. Find a hobby, get a job, help others, be positive. Life gives you lemons so take them and squeeze them in life's eyes by showing it that you're not a failure.
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>>16759512
I don't think killing yourself is noble. I'm just a drain on everyone I know though. It would be 100% easier for me to not exist.
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>>16759494
Funnily enough, NYC is the one place my social anxiety completely disappears. It feels like total anonymity, and I give zero fucks. It's nice. However, it can be very, very lonely.

And... you DO realize how crazy it is to say that moving in with a complete stranger is out of the question, but killing yourself isn't...? I mean... I literally can't wrap my head around your logic.
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>>16759519
I tried being helpful. I can't interact with others normally though. My social anxiety/actual autism makes it pretty impossible to function with others positively, at least from my perspective. Maybe some people find a socially retarded man charming
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>>16759525
heard a joke the other day that if the person sitting next to you on the subway was on fire you'd get mad at them because now you have to work harder to ignore them
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>>16759525
Not being alive seems like it would be much easier than meeting new people desu
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>>16759531
Then visit a psychologist.
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>>16759538
They cost crazy amounts of money though. I couldn't afford one
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>>16759543
>>16759537
Listen you fuck. That is crazy person logic. You're being stupid and crazy.

You're being handed a golden opportunity here- and a chance to do a good deed. I'm super fucking fun too goddammit; and I'm getting very sleepy and I now feel weirdly personally invested in your stupid goddamn face.

If you hate it, I'll let you off yourself later. Must you be so difficult?
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>>16759543
Then look for help on the net. There are loads of forums. For example experienceproject.com that's where i met my best friend. We both saved eachother's lifes when we were about kill ourselves. So i highly suggest it.
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>>16759563
I bet you are a really nice, fun person, but I don't want to be a burden to you. Or anyone. I just want to be done. I can't keep pretending I think I can fix it, and I don't want to have someone else feel obligated to fix it either. I'm sorry.
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>>16759569
I might give it a look see, but I'll say my optimism levels are low these days
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>>16759573
>I don't want to be a burden to you.
It's not a burden. If they want to help it's obvious that it's not burdening them.
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>>16759577
Force yourself, you can't give up.
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>>16759579
I don't understand. If I'm using their resources for nothing in return, I'm literally just a burden.
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>>16759573
>>16759579
My motives are KINDA selfish. I mean... I'm nice and all. But uhhh also

>>16759535
I need someone there to want to put me out.

I'm being glib, because I don't know how else to be. But I really am scared shitless to leave everyone I know and love and move there. And it'd be nice to go with a stranger that's stuck with me. Consider it symbiotic.
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>>16759587
They don't need anything in return. They're willing to help for free. It's what makes them feel good. Don't worry about it.
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>>16759589
I mean... I know nothing about you. What if you turn out to be a serial rapist? Plus, I just might die from stress of having to deal with such a maybe change. Nyc would chew me up and swallow me shattered.
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>>16759591
>My motives are KINDA selfish. I mean... I'm nice and all. But uhhh also
If not this person then there are other people who are like what i mentioned above.
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>>16759591
That doesn't change how I feel like a burdento them
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>>16759607
It's ok to rely on them once in a while. I'm sure they would say that it's fine. You see by killing yourself you're burdening your family.
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>>16759612
I would completely rely on them though. I would feel just as bad, but in a different, more intimidating place
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>>16759602
I'm 27. I'm an anti money laundering investigator at a credit card company. I'm a rare breed of blackjew. People say I look like Rosario Dawson if she got hit with something hard in the face- still not too shabby. I'm in VA for now, but moving to NYC. NYC, by the way, isn't so bad, people exaggerate. I have a really lazy dog and two tattoos, and one of the tattoos...is that lazy dog's name. I have a high tolerance for... pretty much anyone. I love stand up comedy and doubt you can name someone who's albums I haven't heard. I have sleeping issues, and normal 20something angst.

Also dying from stress is less stupid and selfish than offing yourself. Listen little boy- I'm very sleepy. My patience. I want to smack you. You say you don't want to be a burden, yet you argue with me.

And... is anyone else getting a webseries vibe? Because I'm getting a webseries vibe.
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If you are giving up on yourself, i don't think moving in with a stranger iš a problem.
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>>16759621
Do you have any way I can contact you outside of 4 chan?
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>>16759626
kik?

>>16759624
haha, right?! That's what I'm saying.
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>>16759629
Sure. I have a kik. Leansheen is the username
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>haha, right?! That's what I'm saying.
Yup
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>>16759634
now all that's left is getting my hands on those kidneys
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>>16759642
Lol
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>>16759374
You won't rot and smell, your body will be taken into custody right when you die, also you won't have to wait for your friends and family to find you.
There's a lot of risk, though: if you do it too early, they'll show up while you're not dead/revivable, there's no such thing as "too late", but it's hard to know when the last minute of your conciousness is, so you can never really know when the best time to call is.
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The most effective way to commit suicide is to die slowly, preferably in a natural way after a period of seven to ten decades.

Why not just get help from mental health professionals -- psychiatrists and therapists? Isn't happiness preferable to dying?

>I should be better at this by now
>I'm not

At least call a suicide hotline. Perhaps one of these: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
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>>16760262
You actually made me laugh, thanks man, I needed that
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>>16760262
Also, I don't know if I can even be happy. Like, I can laugh and put on a happy face, but that can only last for so long. I can't afford a psychologist or therapist, sadly.
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>>16760310
Apply for medicaid.

>it's not like it costs you anything if they reject you
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>>16760342
Oh, also, the government gave free medicaid expansion to all states (though some states rejected it) so if you've been rejected and it's been a few years then now is the time to try again.
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>>16760344
I didn't know Medicaid covered that kinda stuff. I just assumed it was for physically related shit..
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>>16760352
Medicaid is typically low-premium health insurance with low or no copays; I paid a $2 copay for physical therapy and don't even have a copay for my therapist, who I see once a week, or my psychiatrist, who I see once a month.

I would literally be dead without it. I wish medicaid was for everyone.

>and that health care professionals were forced to accept it, because srs, I need to find a decent dentist
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>>16759010
I've got a helium tank from Balloon Time, but apparently they've started mixing the helium with some air (at least 80% helium mix).
If I filled a big trash bag with that and waited for it to properly set in, could I just not remove the gas from the bottom of the bag and be left with just helium inside?
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>>16759001
Old age or pick a dangerous job, as suicide will damn you to hell.
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>>16760362
Can anyone say if this can work?
Thread replies: 71
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