Use the helium tank method + calling ambulance if you can get guaranteed 100% pure helium.
If not there's a lot more info we need. Do you care if it's messy? Where do you live? Do you care about burial and shit like that? Do you care about mentally scarring relatives? Do you care about how the media/your acquaintances/friends/family percieve your death (e.g. dying from overdose on cocaine and caring about being labeled a "drug overdose"/accident)?
if jesus ever actually did live he died a very long time ago so it would be impossible to meet him, especially after you die since you'll no longer be able to meet anyone.
Anyway as to the first part of your question the most effective ways to commit suicide are helium inhalation (which is an inert gas so you don't have to worry about it harming other people) or shooting yourself in the head. If you do go the latter route make sure the gun is pointed towards the back of your head instead of just under your chin. If its too far forward you'll just shoot your face off and have to wait to bleed out instead of being killed (almost) instantly.
Don't bother with pills, you'll just get really sick, and throw them up. No matter how suicidal you are you'll also likely reconsider your suicide attempt while you're lying there in agony for hours which is just human nature.
>>16759010 I'd like it to be clean. I live with 2 other people so I'd like it to be quiet as well. Nothing stuff related. I just want them to not have to worry about me, and waste time and money on me any more
>>16759025 you really think that killing yourself will just cleanly remove problems from their lives? What a fantasy. Its going to scar them for the rest of their lives about how they failed to save you and worse perhaps how they even drove you to take your own life.
>>16759025 You can't really kill yourself at home then, the only way to have them not "worry about you" would be to get your hands on 100% pure helium and call the ambulance just before putting on your mask and turning the release. Hopefully, by the time it arrives, they will be just waking up and the medical team will find you before they do. This is unlikely, though, as is finding 100% pure helium these days. You'll just end up scarring at least one of them for life and possibly fucking uo and getting permanent brain damage.
Shotguns are out, ODing is out, wrist slashing is pretty messy, rarely works and is painful, so that's a no...maybe hang yourself but then they might find you and get scarred for life, maybe wait for them to be out of town?
Really you have no good options...falling from a height is good but too messy. So you'll have to sacrifice one of your criteria for the sake of realism.
>>16759036 I'd absolve them of responsibility the best I could in my note. Give them something nice to remember me by. I'd like to make sure as much as possible they didn't do anything to cause this. That it was my failure and weakness, not theirs
>>16759041 I don't live with my family. Might just go to some park and let done stranger find my body
>>16759441 UGH well geez, you should still at least come with me when I move, I'll be so fuckin aloneeeee. And then I'll be on /adv/ asking what the easiest way to kill MYself is.
I'll buy you all the goddamn frozen yogurt you want, and maybe sometimes I'll ask you to paint my right hand's fingernails, or I'll save over your game; but it'd be like an Odd Couple thing. Blackjew girl and suicidal guy take NYC.
>>16759486 I appreciate it, but I dont think I could make it in nyc. Anxiety and all that. Plus moving in with a complete stranger is so far out of the question. But I do appreciate it, you are very kind to offer
Ok look m8, If you don't want to be a failure then do something useful. Killing yourself is what will make you a failure and also show that you're a fucking weakling. Get yourself together, don't be a pussy. Find a hobby, get a job, help others, be positive. Life gives you lemons so take them and squeeze them in life's eyes by showing it that you're not a failure.
>>16759519 I tried being helpful. I can't interact with others normally though. My social anxiety/actual autism makes it pretty impossible to function with others positively, at least from my perspective. Maybe some people find a socially retarded man charming
You're being handed a golden opportunity here- and a chance to do a good deed. I'm super fucking fun too goddammit; and I'm getting very sleepy and I now feel weirdly personally invested in your stupid goddamn face.
If you hate it, I'll let you off yourself later. Must you be so difficult?
>>16759543 Then look for help on the net. There are loads of forums. For example experienceproject.com that's where i met my best friend. We both saved eachother's lifes when we were about kill ourselves. So i highly suggest it.
>>16759563 I bet you are a really nice, fun person, but I don't want to be a burden to you. Or anyone. I just want to be done. I can't keep pretending I think I can fix it, and I don't want to have someone else feel obligated to fix it either. I'm sorry.
>>16759535 I need someone there to want to put me out.
I'm being glib, because I don't know how else to be. But I really am scared shitless to leave everyone I know and love and move there. And it'd be nice to go with a stranger that's stuck with me. Consider it symbiotic.
>>16759589 I mean... I know nothing about you. What if you turn out to be a serial rapist? Plus, I just might die from stress of having to deal with such a maybe change. Nyc would chew me up and swallow me shattered.
>>16759602 I'm 27. I'm an anti money laundering investigator at a credit card company. I'm a rare breed of blackjew. People say I look like Rosario Dawson if she got hit with something hard in the face- still not too shabby. I'm in VA for now, but moving to NYC. NYC, by the way, isn't so bad, people exaggerate. I have a really lazy dog and two tattoos, and one of the tattoos...is that lazy dog's name. I have a high tolerance for... pretty much anyone. I love stand up comedy and doubt you can name someone who's albums I haven't heard. I have sleeping issues, and normal 20something angst.
Also dying from stress is less stupid and selfish than offing yourself. Listen little boy- I'm very sleepy. My patience. I want to smack you. You say you don't want to be a burden, yet you argue with me.
And... is anyone else getting a webseries vibe? Because I'm getting a webseries vibe.
>>16759374 You won't rot and smell, your body will be taken into custody right when you die, also you won't have to wait for your friends and family to find you. There's a lot of risk, though: if you do it too early, they'll show up while you're not dead/revivable, there's no such thing as "too late", but it's hard to know when the last minute of your conciousness is, so you can never really know when the best time to call is.
>>16760352 Medicaid is typically low-premium health insurance with low or no copays; I paid a $2 copay for physical therapy and don't even have a copay for my therapist, who I see once a week, or my psychiatrist, who I see once a month.
I would literally be dead without it. I wish medicaid was for everyone.
>and that health care professionals were forced to accept it, because srs, I need to find a decent dentist
>>16759010 I've got a helium tank from Balloon Time, but apparently they've started mixing the helium with some air (at least 80% helium mix). If I filled a big trash bag with that and waited for it to properly set in, could I just not remove the gas from the bottom of the bag and be left with just helium inside?
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