So I have a girlfriend who's chronically ill (lyme disease) and has to deal with being in constant pain that flares up really bad now and then. She also has a lot of emotional baggage such as having an abusive father who didn't take care of her, having neglectful ex boyfriends, and having been sexually assaulted a number of times. Point is, she comes from a rough past.
I'm gonna try to keep this long story short.
When we were first talking, there was a period where we stopped seeing each other on account of a disagreement. During that time I caught word that she was wandering around town looking for a roof to jump off of and stopped her. We started dating shortly after. Like something out of a lifetime movie
She didn't see much of a reason for her to live as she doesn't have any friends that live close to her, or a car to drive around, or the energy to socialize and meet new people. I've been doing groceries with her and giving her rides places. Essentially, I gave her a reason to keep on living.
That's all well and good, but the lyme disease is slowly killing her and I'm quite emotionally attached to her at this point. I don't think I could handle losing her and I don't know what to do. Leaving her now would just be the last straw for her to kill herself.
I'm stuck and it's really starting to affect me. What do I do?
Professional help? Like what?
She's already spent a good portion of her life on treatment that ended up fucking with her body big time. She's currently seeing doctors for symptom relief but gets rides from me or a select few other friends. That just doesn't seem ethical or feasible
Take her to a therapist that will help her deal with her diagnosis and with her past. Take her to better doctors, Lyme disease can be treated decently well.
You're NOT her caretaker. You're her boyfriend. It's a mutual relationship and you both have to be happy.
My wife has a somewhat different set of illnesses (though we suspected Lyme disease at one point) and baggage, and I am fortunate that she is not suicidal, but we can draw some parallels.
The fact is that losing a spouse is something that half of all people in whose marriages last eventually go through. The other half don't have it any easier: they're dead. As far as this goes, the only real difference in my situation is that I can be somewhat surer than most people (though still not totally certain) of which half I'm going to be in. Knowing this let me confront it and come to terms with it earlier on, so that I could walk into my marriage with open eyes.
You have this option. You don't have to take it: God knows it's a bit grim sometimes. No one could reasonably hold it against you; I wouldn't hold it against you either. But if you want to stay with her, you can; you just need to confront her mortality sooner rather than later.
i'm in a similar situation.
>gf was raped by a bf during high school
>string of abusive exes after him
>poor relationship with her parents
>(suspected) ptsd and anxiety disorders due to the rape
>panic/anxiety attacks when stressed (and she stresses over everything)
>constantly sick with some sort of perceived illness or experiences pain from some unknown source (even doctors tell her nothing is wrong but she loses trust in them instead of accepting that there isn't anything medically wrong)
>had lyme for an unknown amount of time till a few months ago
here is the rundown OP:
professional help. a therapist. shop around. find one that she can grow comfortable with and open up to. she has some shit in her head that needs to get out. you're not a therapist, you can't offer her the sort of insight and techniques that they can.
lyme can be cleared up. fast and easy. get her tested, pop a few pills, get re-tested. rinse and repeat till it's gone. lyme fucks you up pretty good. she may still feel some residual effects. if she's like my gf then she'll still feel like she has lyme despite the blood tests.
this shit fucking sucks bro. it causes dysfunction in both lives. it's frustrating and exhausting but i love her. if you're not in it for the long haul then get out romantically but still help her as much as you can as a friend.
>if she's like my gf then she'll still feel like she has lyme despite the blood tests.
That's because she does. Antibiotics cause the spirochetes to form a cyst ball that protects them from it then once it's out of your system they return to their normal destructive state.