Ok /adv/ I've had a crush on this girl for 4~ years and I confessed her 2 years ago and got rejected.
We've been friends since that and lately we've got pretty close like eating dinner together and she's been spending nights at my place. We haven't had sex but once when we were drunk she wanted to but I rejected her. The thing is that I have feelings for her but she broke up with her boyfriend a year ago and now suddenly she's so attached to me even though she rejected me 2 years ago.
Now about hour ago she sent me message and confessed to me. I'm so fucking torn right now. I like her but on the other hand I feel like a replacement. What to do?
Pic unrelated except that was my face when she sent the message.
Listen, you need to understand that 4 years is a long ass time, people change, motivations change, we evolve and learn new things.
Over these 4 years you probably changed, maybe you're more attractive, maybe you made changes to hygiene or workout. Maybe you are more intelligent, maybe you are more social than you used to be.
Why am I telling you this? Well because you have changed, she has changed. Maybe her ideals oh her boyfriend has changed, maybe her continued exposure to you has changed her feelings for you.
Don't think of this as a downgrade. Think of this as time being a natural accellerant, by you being persistent and around while growing, her feelings just changed. You, my good sir passed through the test of time, it is now time to claim your reward. Gj
If you fear you're she's on the rebound, tell her you think you should wait, because she Judy got out of a relationship. I would say at least a few months. Then when she's ready to date again, you can give you two a shot. Otherwise, just go for it, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Life's short, man. You already know each other, so you don't have to spend time dating each other, unless you want to.
I was in a similar situation, except this wasn't some girl I pined after. We didn't make it official for years, but we were in a relationship all but in name. You definitely need to talk to her. Good luck.
There is no right or wrong here, Anon. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with this girl? How about a year? A few months?
You are not a replacement, necessarily, but if she is someone who you can be close enough to to consider being intimate with, you need to tell her that you will not be content with being a replacement. As she rejected you before, you should ask her what has changed, so that you can feel safe in the relationship.
This reply gave me a lot to think about. Thank you.
I will talk to her tomorrow, It's pretty late here and I don't want to wake her up since she has work early tomorrow. Thanks
That's the thing, I don't feel safe around her since what happened back then. Maybe I'm just too attached to the past and need to look the situation now.
Hehe, that's my point Anon. You don't feel safe because you don't understand her reasoning. It's okay to tell her that. You're a person and your feelings matter. Especially in a relationship. Ask her what has changed. Maybe she didn't really know you back then, or maybe you've become a better person. If she really is attracted to you, she will probably be able to answer, or at least provide enough motivation for you to feel more comfortable. Despite what the outward appearance may be, intimate relationships require that partners share their feelings and communicate in order to be healthy and successful. Show her that you want that right from the start, and it sets a good standard for whatever may follow. Be calm, but be assertive about your own feelings. They matter!
DONT BE A FAG OP!
Not to sound like a douche but you only live once! Man the fuck up and tell her your fear talk it over and fuck her and if it doesn't work you don't have to live with regret of not knowing..