I need massive change, anons
>32yo male artist
>painting, installation, relational aesthetics, writing
>somewhat successful, but not very productive in recent years
>apaphy, can spend whole day in bed
>massive amounts of dept
>will be losing art studio soon
>part time job of 3 years which I'm starting to hate
>job interferes with artistic practice
>drink away most of the money I earn anyway
>want to move to another city
>want to be financially independent
>got Avoidant Personality Disorder
>fear of being famous
>being famous would help me achieve most problems
How can /x/ help me self-hypnotise or inb4 law of attraction to get rid of my apathy and fear of success, and actually start living the life of a successful artist, when there's always been so much potential?
I was promised big things in life. I've seen very little adversity. Being fucked up in my head, I chose to self-sabotage and create struggle out of nothing for no reason, and now I can't go on any longer without fixing my past mistakes.
I'm dead serious, I need some I-Ching voodoo tier hacking into the matrix type of approach. Programming of the morphic field, re-writing my paradigm.
I've been suffering from oneitis with several women throughout my twenties. I've started embracing polyamory in the past years. Regularly sleeping with my lover of 5 1/2 years and another woman I recently got intimate with, atm. No intention of getting exclusive with anyone, but like to keep things long term with the women in my life.
Being a famous artist working in my primary medium would entail selling a lot of my work. My paintings go for about $1200 for meter squared, now. Moderately well-known artists (in my country) let their paintings go for up to around $30.000
You do the math
Read Aleister Crowley's Magick (Liber ABA, Book 4), and The Book of the Law (Liber AL vel Legis).
He had an amazing system for this type of thing; it is import you be willing to practise what you read, and not hope for a single solution to all of your problems.
Sweet. Yes, not only do I want to practise, I want to make the transformation into a work of art.
My main concern is my apathy and fear of success. Like, I got a gallery in the front of my studio, which sits on a main road at the edge of the city centre. It's been sitting empty most of the time in the 4 1/2 years I've had the venue. I've wasted an opportunity most young artists won't ever get, because my AvPD kept me from seeking attention for my work. I started selling my paintings fucking fourteen years ago, and I got nothing but praise for it. Somehow I didn't want it to be that easy.
Make a piece called "The fear of the Prince". Base it off the fear of success. It'll help somewhat.
Don't get into occultism without knowing what occultism is about.
Lastly stop drinking so much. Buy fewer bottles of better quality and drink a glass only when you want to be artistic/sitting in front of a canvas.
One answer won't solve all problems. Get ready to be grimey for a while.
Ever heard the marble and sculptor analogy? Man[a person] is both sculptor and marble.
Thank you kindly.
Only enjoying alcohol in front of my easel is good advice. I tend to drink instead of creating, and it's not working out.
I'm somewhat interested in the occult, bur most of my knowledge has come through osmosis and cultural reference. Was recently asked to give a presentation of my work in relation to alchemy, in an occultist seminar.
What are good books to look at for introduction and overview, besides Crowley?
I spent a period of time as an 'artist'. On a superficial level I think I was convinced I was too great and noble for anything quite as mundane as 'normal' work. I thought my salvation was in 'becoming famous', but it is a bit like putting all your problems into the hands of some non-corporeal concept outside of my control and therefore not my responsibility.
I think it was mostly related to a fairly pedestrian fear of death and marking life goals and progress in typical ways and an inability to acknowledge my failure to often follow through once the initial manic creative phase filled with excitement and interest for me wore off.
I think that accepting my limits and actually taking ownership of what was within my control and forming plans which allowed me to progress with tangible life goals was ultimately far more satisfying and humanistic. The alternative was a bit like jerking myself off.
I read that you're an artist and was going to recommend sigils, but someone already beat me to it. One word of warning about chaos magic, which you can feel free to ignore, is that chaos magic kills your development if you use it to start; it makes a better auxiliary tool once you have a solid basis in occultism. I've been in the occult for about 13 years now, and I only touched chaos within the last year or so, and I'm glad.
If you want a quick fix, sigils will do the trick. If you actually want to get into the occult, see pic related.
Based anons all of you
>I think that accepting my limits and actually taking ownership of what was within my control and forming plans which allowed me to progress with tangible life goals was ultimately far more satisfying and humanistic. The alternative was a bit like jerking myself off.
I could not agree more. Everything you wrote here is spot on. For me it's not about me and my position, but rather the sad truth that art is a money and celebrity game. I guess if I got any purpose for entering that game, it's to contribute to the demise of the post modern. The work has to exist in accordance with the rest of the art world, even though I personally would rather just keep it to myself or give it away for free.
I will get depressed if I can't keep on creating, and it's better for the work if it reaches it's audience, (and it won't take up so much space in my studio if I exhibited and sold more of it) - so becoming famous for it seems like the least complex way of archeiving the latter and avoiding the former, even as I will have to rid myself of my wish to remain unknown. I see the risk of fame as a sacrifice.
Art is a big fucking question mark for me. The word commodity is nowhere fucking near it, yet it is kind of one and the same if you want others to see it. It forces the question why you feel the need to create at all.
I've always liked outsider art. I've always liked obsessive weird people driven to produce because they cannot not produce. It is a compulsion for them. This is double edged, like you say a sacrifice. As soon as the spotlight of attention falls upon it, it becomes commodity, it becomes popular, it isn't art.
For me, I create because I feel the need to. I crave validation of some kind within this, yet I'm terrified of it at the same time because that would require acknowledgement of my low self esteem.
The occult is incredibly broad. Anything as basic as meditation and simple rituals, anything as complex as creating sentient beings.
Now, there is one very important question you should ask yourself:
What do you want?
If all you want is to satisfy your curiosity, read some books and see where that takes you. Most occultists are naturally curious people, and it's curiosity that pushes us deeper into the rabbit hole. Hell, there are plenty of occultists who simply have a scholarly interest in the subject and never practice.
If you're looking to create change, understand what you want to change; know thyself, essentially. That being said, remember Socrates's quote "let he who would move the world first move himself." It could be that meditating every day could have a more profound effect on your life going through the entire goetia.
If you're looking to change the world around you, as many who consider magic are, understand that magic does not break the laws of science; it works within them. So what exactly is it? Well, everyone has a different definition and attempts at standardizing a definition never work out well, but I like to think of it as the manipulation of probability. In essence, anything that could happen with magic could theoretically happen anyway, given the right conditions.
To give a very simple example, take divination. I could theoretically guess things about a person by pure dumb luck or random guessing, but I might use my cards and knowledge/skills to manipulate the probability of me guessing things about them in my favor.
Great, let's take a more practical example. The time I used magic for money resulted in me getting a 40% raise at work. Could I theoretically have gotten such a large raise without the work? Of course, but it would have been extremely unlikely, as such a percentage in pay increase was unheard of in my company's history, and I was still a relatively new employee.
So, that's why it's retarded to ask someone to cast a fireball as proof, and most of us are of the opinion that using magic to prove its existence is the lowest form of its use anyway.
I meant magical development. You can make plenty of progress in chaos magic alone, but you'll go farther if you have a basis in something else first and treat it as another tool in your toolbag.
Not sure if your complaining or bragging, senpai.
The way I see it, the physical thing is a mediator for phenomenological, bodily awareness, but I can't write that in any artist's statement without running the risk of sounding pretentious as fuck. Commodity yes, but a necessary evil to the fact that the work has to go somewhere. My position in the city I live in (third largest in my country, but my country has a quite small population), is somewhat unconventional. Quite a lot of people in the art community know about me, I give out free tutorials to students at the art academy (without the knowledge of the administration), and I've known people studying there every year for the past eleven years. The art academy itself has published some of my fictional writings under pseudonym. I'm on first name basis with the director of the art museum, most of the artist-run gallerists, and a lot of the local artists spanning several generations. What sets me apart from most artists here, is that I studied abroad, and came back to a city consisting mostly of artists who stayed after graduating here. However, I don't want to be news. Only once have I shown my work in an institution not initiated by myself. I feel like I'm cheating myself, because a lot of people are genuinely interested in my work, but for me my practice is personal and if I were to show my work outside of my self-initiated curatorial practice, I feel robbed of control over how it is presented. Also, even though I can write essays and essays of informed discourse about my work, I'd rather just write incomprehensible poems about it, and show my installations in manky basements instead of white cubes, because the presence of the real has a huge part in my work. As a result, a lot of my work that isn't painting, is quite unsellable, but could be if I had a better (actual) position in the art world.
Not too many people want to buy a butter-sculpture by an unknown aging artist.
Pic related, it's one of mine
Great answers. I'm OP and the poster who asked if it was real was another anon.
Yes, I do want to change the world around me. There are recurring elements in my life that I want to turn around. I have experienced enough to believe in divination, albeit involuntarily to some extent.
I've recently started experimenting in tantric sex, with aforementioned lover, but she is moving to Australia for an extended period, which is basically as far away from where I'm at as possible.
In addition to being my lover, she is also my closest artistic partner, and we used to live together a few years back. She's the beacon in my life, and travelling the world with her and one day settle down is my main goal. And I want us to be able to live off my work and her yogic teaching, and practice art and sex magic together. We are connected on a deep level, but I want to go deeper.
To be specific, I want to change what resides within me, or my notion that something resides, that keeps me in stagnation. I've been stuck for most of my adult life, and I know there's a force in me that can create great things if only I chose to let go. I know how to let go, but I'm constantly observing myself procrastinating actually doing it. I wish to discover some way of hypnotising myself into making the right choices, and I believe the visual space around me can be programmed into facilitating such a transformation.
For all the scientists and philosophers among us, we men may never truly understand the effect women have on us.
You and I are very similar in many ways. Instead of creating physical art, I write music, but I do sympathize with many of the challenges of the artist.
Given what you've told me, you don't need any high-level occult work. Start meditating and read Prometheus Rising, doing the exercises in the book. Do some grounding regularly, and consider adding a regular simple banishing ritual like LBRP.
I like the cut of your jib, so I'm going to give you a reading. I initially drew a Celtic Cross spread, and it basically told me everything you already told me: previous attachments, lack of connection with youthful energy, feelings of defeat, etc. So, here's one using a spread I designed myself:
You / Situation / Your Will: Page of Cups (reversed) / Judgement / 8 of Cups
Internal / External Challenges: Justice / 4 of Swords
Advice: 6 of Wands / Strength
Projected Outcome: Page of Wands
Once again, starting with what you've already told me: there's a lack of connection with youthful energy, and your emotions aren't in the right place for you to move forward, obviously. Got it, I'll skip over the obvious things and get to the meat.
Well let's begin with the big question, shall we? Your mind isn't actually all that messed up, I think; it's simply stuck on unproductive patterns of thinking. Emotional attachments, we mentioned previously, are still nagging on your mind petulantly. And the reason that they're still bothering is that you're still asking, when you should be accepting. Easier said than done, I know, but sometimes there's no rhyme or reason to things, though. How does it all fit, what does it all mean? It matters much less than you are assuming.
And, clearly, that's what's keeping you from moving. What I just told you is what your Will card says to me: the 8 of Cups shows a man beginning a journey. You can't see his face, but I always thought he was both crying and smiling. There is a certain peace that may arise from knowing how to accept things as neither wrong nor right: they simply are, and you'd do best to learn from them as best you can, as well as see how they can make you a better man.
The locus of your focus lies outside of yourself, and considering circumstance as the will of fate provides little help. Much of reality is based on what you yourself felt, and finding your own peace means finding justice in yourself. To put it a strange way, let us simply say that you might feel compelled to curse the rain, but focusing on what lies under your umbrella seems the best way.
And, friend, I don't mean to be too harsh when I say that it seems to me that you might some issues with self-esteem. This is something that you might deny, for you might be inclined to cling to your talent and glory to soothe your mind. But here comes the funny thing here: it hinders you a bit, but it will also help to clear the static surrounding your mind. Get up, go look at your work, and go tell yourself that you're amazing. Don't do the whole “I used to be so ___” thing; go realize that you are man of greatness, and that comes without anyone's help. You are still the same man who once won glory for himself.
And, for gods' sakes, man, take care of yourself. You have a few bad habits that offer little help, whereas self-nurturing might be just what you need: take pride in the vessel of creation you are, and make sure to feed yourself properly: body soul should both be in the fold of your goal of being healthy.
Repeat after me: “I am a force of unlimited creation, and the entire world shall feel my glory!”
Your outcome looks splendid, by the way: The Page of Wands indicates the force of fire in seeking out a good way, and the beginning of a journey of power and majesty through the fire of inspiration that you haven't felt for a while: the skill of a man with the energy of a child! My friend, do you remember when you first gazed upon your completed work and were so filled with pride that it made you feel high? You may have been a teenager then, but you'll feel it again.
Best of luck to you, friend.
Dude, this is the best answer to anytjing I've ever read on 4chan, thank you so much, it's deeply appreciated.
You are right on many things, even those I haven't considered myself before. However, I don't feel any reason to suspect that I don't already think highly of my work. I love my paintings, I think they are great at what they want to achieve, truly compelling to look at, and I spend a lot of time with them. It's doing the work itself I don't feel compelled to do.
I have used the I-Ching a lot in the last couple of years, and it's proven to work, but I've mainly used it to understand where to move with women, and not so much related to my work.
I'm the type of person who easily stick with one thing at a time. When I listen to music, I spend a lot of time with just one musician's catalog. The same happens with my other interests, so using I-Ching might have prevented me from delving into other occult areas.
Thanks again, I want to increase the width of my outlook, and this helps.
Nothing right or wrong, it is what it is. Got it.
Awesome, I'm glad you found it helpful. I didn't mean to say that you don't value your work highly, though; in the first part of the third post, I said that you're clinging to your talent and glory as sort of an ersatz self-esteem. You love your work, and that's great, as it's important for the artist to love his work, but it's also important for him to love the artist as well. See what I mean?
>I have used the I-Ching a lot in the last couple of years, and it's proven to work, but I've mainly used it to understand where to move with women, and not so much related to my work.
Ah, your weakness is women? Mine too. I have a friend who is quite good with I-Ching, and he was lacking some confidence in occult queries until I gave him a few for practice, all of which he nailed perfectly. It can be a powerful tool for considering any decision, really.
>I'm the type of person who easily stick with one thing at a time.
Obsessive, just like me. When I started practicing divination, about a year ago, I did it obsessively, every single day, later finding ways to practice while away from home. I've been the same way with music, sometimes letting hours pass, forgetting to eat, or even missing work, just to finish that one piece.
There's actually a divination board on fringechan, the new home for /fringe/, and I've been doing readings there. You should check it out, as well as the rest of the site. I know we have /div/ on /x/ that's more active, but I like the /fringe/ crowd better – more serious occultists and less shitposting, largely due to strict moderation.
If ever you have any questions for me, feel free to hit me up:
Do you have time to give me a quick reading anon?
>job contract ends in a month
>doing part time night school
>unsure on career path
>small social circle
>single and introverted
I am worried about my romance and career expectations in the future as I've done very poorly in my first ever job. Sorry for popping in but its rare to find someone who does readings on here.
>merlin dem dubs
Alright, I can do a quick one for you, but a couple of things.
First of all, I'm going to need to know your gender; that's usually the only piece of information I need. I get a straight male vibe off of you, but it's best to be sure.
Secondly, I see you're asking about two things; please choose one or the other. If you'd like a career reading, I'll read it with cards, sort of like I did for OP. If you'd like a love reading, I can do one of two things for you: I can either pull cards to see how you can improve your situation, or I can try to scry your next opportunity.
Let me know, and I'll do it after the next querent in my queue on fringechan.