fell in love with a girl last summer (im 24 and she's 23), desperately and strangely in love, we spent time together, we had a good time, we laughed, but she had a boyfriend, he beated her once, i man'd up, talked to him about it, helped her through, they break up. she's free, and after 3 years without sex or even having someone close to me, somethings about to happen, or so i thought.
then i found the girl is an ex-prostitute (call girl as she likes to call her), had dozens of clients. it sicked me. but you know how we are, you want what you don't have, i even saw posts of her clients in a forum, and i was just crazy to fuck her...and the worse, i couldnt help grow my feelings for her...i loved her. more and more each day.
"i can't have sex with you anon". and then she left me. for another stupid guy who probably beats her like the last one.
So, after a 3 year drought, my self esteem was low. i dont seem very shy, have friends, go out, have fun, but deep inside i feel like the shyest person. i cant talk to a girl properly know. after loving this one, finding out her past, loving her still, reading topics about her sex, still not having sex.....i'm just broken. sexually broken, severely sexually damaged...you probably gonna reccomend me meeting a prostitute. thought too much about it. but i can't do it. i'm beggining to feel suicidal about this and i thing i would kill myself after because its against everything i believe...idk...i'm young but i feel like everythings lost.
Just breath anon. Take a deep breath and continue reading this.
You had a bad experience. I understand that.
It is not that rare actually to meet a sexually active girl that doesnt want to give you sex.
Often, she is making you a favor. She knows you are a good person, kind hearted and would be destroyed have she ever showed you any sign of affection back.
She saved you all that. She could have just had sex with you, and then let you go. But you would be stuck forever thinking that you did something wrong. She is not the kind of girl you really want to have.
Sure you may have fallen for her good looks, or great personalities, but she is not the kind of girl who wants a stable relationship right now. She wants to be free and as you say it, she is an escort.
Not all girls are like this. There are tons of girls in your exact situation, but reversed. They fell for the fuccboi and he didnt want to break their heart so he broke it off with them.
You may need to find that kind of girl. A kind hearted girl, an innocent girl. Someone that will love you back no matter what.
You dont need the young and wild, you need the calm and shy.
I advice you to start looking at your friendcircles for any girl that might fit this description. You dont have to fall in love with her, but start talking with her, start talking with her friends. Make contact with the kind of girls you really want to have.
I dont want to see you get hurt over a girl that clearly saved you from years of being heartbroken.
I know how that feels, I had a girl drag me along for 5 years and in the end it was all for nothing.
She could have ended it at the start but she didnt have the heart for it. This girl clearly had it. You should thank her.
And go get those shy girls. I promise you they will prove to be more genuine that that call girl ever was!
thanks a lot..i needed this out of my chest, i am not comfortable to talk about this with anyone irl. deep down i feel you're right, lately everybody seems...wicked, bad, like monkeys, only monkeys. but sometimes i feel more hopeful and thats when i think about what you wrote.
thank you very much for your attention and words, you were very kind.