So I told my friends I was going to sit her down and tell the girl they set me up with just wasn't my type... They aren't trying to convince me anymore, one of my female friends is mad and told me the girl can find someone better easily. I met with her, sat her down and told her as gently as possible that I didn't want to date her and we could still be friends... She didn't take it well... Bringing up that we made out, that I was flirty the whole time that I let her hold my arm. Then she kept asking why... I felt so awful, she was so sad, and she kept pressing until I told her I didn't find her attractive. She just sat there crying... She kept saying its fine, while sobbing, and I just kinda got up and left... Did I fuck up? I got some friends telling me I did the right thing and others calling me a monster and the poor girl is so depressed she isn't answering anybody but her best friend..
I think I should have lied to her or something. How bad did I fuck this up? Am I the bad guy?
nah, you're no monster, in fact you cut the pain for her a lot shorter than if she had to learn it the hard way.
the people calling you a monster are really short-sighted.
you did the right thing.
>I think I should have lied to her or something. How bad did I fuck this up? Am I the bad guy?
If you lied, you'd have been stuck with someone you aren't attracted to.
She'd end up crying anyway later on when you can't get a boner for her... and she'd wonder why you led her on even longer.
Y'know "bro's before hoes"? Yeah, girls got that kinda thing goin' on too "sis before dicks". Yeah the girl will be mad at you, but it's more because you're a dude than because you rejected her friend...
You could easily prove a point to her by tryin' to set her up with a robot from /r9k/. She if she aint so shallow.
As for the dudes, the understand. Shit, they probably understood from the get go but didn't want to seem mean.
Shit happens, they'll try to guilt trip you and manipulate you but there is fuck all you can do about that. Can't change what you find attractive (or not, in this case) and nobody can tell you what to like either.
There is no perfect way to break up, and no way that won't cause pain.
You tried to do it right. Your one error was letting her push you into saying she wasn't attractive - that's unnecessary extra pain. You should have held out with a less hurtful reason.
You did this with zero tact. There are two dimensions to social interaction. One is moral, and you didn't do anything immoral. But the other is tact and your approach was totally devoid of grace. You don't bluntly hit people with the truth. You dance around it and expect, since they're socially competent adults, that they'll read between the lines.
people like to say its the tumblr generation of women who are all way too emotionally immature and all that jazz, but truth is women have been acting like this for many generations.
if you turn down a girl and tell her why, you're a monster, but if you dont tell her why you're a prick, and if you lie to comfort her you're a lying asshole.
if you didnt find her attractive you shouldnt have really gone on the date, but trust me breh we've ALL been in awkward situations where you think it might be easier to get through this than just play it off later. such is life.
i try to word it as 'you're just not my type' but then im always at a loss when 50% of them inevitably ask 'what is your type?'.
i doint fall for any traps after that. they want you to list some qualities so they can argue that they ARE that type, so i just say 'people i find attractive' and let them deal with the consequences.
if they want to know, let em know it.