On average, how long should post-break up radio silence be? I'm losing feelings and getting over things much faster than I thought I would, but she hasn't responded to anything since I asked how she was doing last night. A few days ago she asked me to respect her request for silence but I thought I'd still ask since I'm the cause of some emotional distress.
We broke up a week ago and I was completely devestated. Flash forward to now and now it's like she's completely in the past. I even saw her today at work and didn't really feel anything towards her.
Should I just give it another week or so before trying any contact? She still looks at my Snap Story, if that matters.
I broke up with my girlfriend a ten days ago and I can't bring myself to talk with her yet even though we eventually need to (for better or worse, I haven't decided; I need more space still). it's been 100% radio silence on my part, too. I was guessing it was going to take me about three weeks, but I'm playing it by ear.
That info help you?
When the break up was happening, she insisted that she still enjoyed our friend dynamic and would like to continue that. Due to the reasons behind our break up, we couldn't try being a couple again for years so I'm not super interested in that. I just kinda want to be friends again.
Yeah I guess I agree with the friends thing. Plus we work together so we'll have to clear the air at some point.
That was one of the primary reasons we broke up. Care to elaborate? She needed space while I needed attention. For now I want to give myself the validation I seeked from others.
don't talk to your ex, you fucking idiot. Even if you don't have any feels, she might. Any contact you might have just delays the healing more and more.
Why do people always think that being "friends" after is a good idea. I know you miss the closeness, but it's supposed to hurt.
>I just kinda want to be friends again."
Yeah ok chief. Listen, this chick obviously doesn't wanna fuck you anymore so move on.
Mfw all men growing up these days are special little boys who need attention and kisses. This is why she doesn't want your cock son.
>That was one of the primary reasons we broke up. Care to elaborate? She needed space while I needed attention. For now I want to give myself the validation I seeked from others.
Yeah, basically she was driving me fucking crazy from her pathological insecurities. I love her very much but the way she acts made a functioning relationship utterly impossible. I am a normal human being and I cannot fill the gaping void she has inside of herself, and being asked to do it constantly was exhausting.
>what was I supposed to believe
let me give you an analogous example:
>she said in the past she was full and didn't want to eat and now she's hungry again? What am I supposed to believe?
Things change. Of course, I have no idea why that is in your situation.
I'm fully aware. But up until the end she insisted that everything was fine even though I would have done anything previously to make things actually satisfying for her. She also said during the break up that she should have communicated better. I agree but I would also like to know where my faults end and start so I don't do them again.
I guess we'll just need time to think where we stand. Given our ages, we were in two very different points in our lives anyway. Thank you for your responses, kind anon.
I'm 18 and she's 22. 4 years isn't necessarily a lot but given how much of me is to change by the time I'm her age, I'd be a completely different person, or something.
She was my first gf. My first love. But honestly I only went out with her to begin with was because she crushed on me at work(and thought I was older) and I was desperate to try the relationship experience. And now it's all over and am experiencing all the awkward post-relationship faze. We broke up a week ago on our 7 month.
But that's in the past now so who cares.
>broke up a week ago
Look, friend. Its only been a week. If you dated longer than a month and a half you've barely even started getting over her. That "completely in the past feeling" is a trap. It'll hit you later.
Maintain radio silence. Get your head right, hit the gym and maybe go on a couple of dates. When she wants to start talking to you again, tell her you need more time. You're ready to talk to her again when you stop comparing other girls to her.
>enjoyed our friend dynamic and would like to continue that
This is a trap. You sound like a young guy. Get out there and have some fun. She's keeping you "under glass" for emergencies.
>I just kinda want to be friends again
Lets say this is true and you're not just holding out hope for her to change her mind. The only way this will happen is if you wait until YOU are ready. When you've gone out on other dates. When you stop comparing other girls to her. Heck, you might even be dating someone new.
Rush it and I promise you, you'll pine for her for months. That's not friendship, that's an ego-boost.
tl;dr Don't rush it. You decide when you're ready to talk to her again. Move on and get out there, champ.
Yeah man. She was your first real girlfriend.
You need more experience.
We talked again. She was frustrated by me checking on her so now we won't do any contact for "a long time". I'm done with her now. I'm already talking to two others right now.
I'm just gonna need time myself to be completely over her and want to pursue anyone else. I'll just keep casually flirting and pursue my own interests until I want someone again.
"Wanting someone" is a bit like "wanting food." You think about food when you're hungry, sure, but do you really need to talk yourself into "wanting food?" Is that something you need to be mentally prepared for? Do you need time to psychologically get over the breakfast you had this morning?
Asking people out really isn't a kind of intentional decision you make. The intentional decision is living your life. Other people are just opportunities to enjoy that life more by sharing it with them. I think you need to start seeing people as accessories to your lifestyle rather than a means to an end. You keep wanting to create interpersonal relationships out of intent and that's not really how they form. They're more about opportunity.
I thought about this. I really think I should "focus" on myself but I'm not sure where to begin. First I just need time to fully put her behind me, but I question where the problems in the relationship were and how many of them were an extension of my own personal problems.
>I'm not sure where to begin
Fun. You should begin with whatever you find fun, or at least are curious about enjoying. Second only to philanthropy, that's probably the best way for a grown adult to live his life. The whole world is open to you. Indulge.
>fully put her behind me
You're not sharing your life with her anymore. She couldn't be more behind you already. You're using flowery language instead of saying "I need to stop obsessing over an idea." And you'd be right. She, the real human being, isn't even there anymore. You're stuck on an imaginary concept.
>where the problems in the relationship were
Both of you expected stuff from the other instead of living your own lives and being real about what the other could provide. Same as most fairly civil breakups. (The cause of the violent and crazy ones are obviously the violence and craziness.)
>extension of my own personal problems
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Go figure out how to live life on the terms that make you personally content. Then hold that lifestyle sacrosanct and look for other people who might participate. But remember that if they don't fit your life, they're the ones who need to go. You already did the work in figuring your own shit out. No anger, no obsession, no "let's be friends." They're bad fits and you move on because you know you're doing it right on your own. I promise you it's not hard. You know how to make your life really sweet.
Thank you so much anon. This is some of the best I've ever read here. I have my whole life ahead of me. Why hold on to some person from the past? Now I wanna be the one I want to be in a relationship with. And if I find anyone I believe will be a valuable addition to my life, then go for it?