girlfriend and I just split up. we were fighting a lot. a LOT. I love her to death, but no matter how hard I try, it never seems to be enough to stop our disagreements. both of us have a lot going on right now, and the stress has been getting to the both of us for months, and unfortunately we take it out on each other.
while talking tonight about separating, she was saying things like "maybe it's just bad timing." "maybe now isn't the best time for us to be together." etc.
With my last ex girlfriend of a serious, serious relationship, I thought I was going to marry her. when we separated, I promised that the end was the end. she left me, I begged to keep her, and she said no. I told her that was her final chance, and I kept to it. Even 3-4 years later, when she said she misses me and wants another chance, I told her she had a chance, and she blew it. we haven't talked in a year since then.
should I do the same thing again? I'm 25, and had convinced myself that this girl was the one for me. the one I could marry and start my life with, but the past few months have been filled with negativity and struggle. I tried to fight through it, but it's been too much for her, and she doesn't want to right now with everything else going on.
I'm not going to wait around for her to change her mind, if I meet someone new, then so be it. but, if the time comes where she's ready to try again, do I shut her down like I did with my previous serious ex? or actually give it another try to see if the timing is better?
what are some experiences in the "getting back together with ex" situations?
along similar lines, another question:
we have a lot of friends in common- that's actually how we met. if we end up around each other, how do you keep things from becoming tense? I don't really want to be her friend, I want to be her boyfriend. I want more with her, which is why I pursued her in the first place, I felt like she was really special and different.
how do I be friendly? should I be friends with her? this shit is just too wierd for me right now, and I don't know what to do, or how I should act towards her.
My experience with getting back together with exes was terrible. Chances are if things have gotten this bad even with you making an effort, it's just futile at this point.
As for your other question, just be decent towards her but just don't engage with her if she's around. Say hi if she says hi but don't attempt to talk with her.
I mean, I don't want to be a dick and not talk at all. like I said we have a number of common friends and I don't want them to dislike me because I'm being an asshole and not talking to her when she talks to me.
I know someone else besides me has been in this situation before, and has got to know how to handle this better than I do.
I don't mean openly ignore her, I just would not initiate conversation with her. Like if she strikes up conversation with you go ahead and respond, but if you don't want to be her friend I just wouldn't focus much attention on her in group situations, if that makes any sense.
Will lurk in your thread op, im kinda in the same situation as you.
Found a girl who i teally could see myself with in the long run, but the timing just wasnt right.
Now after a year of silence, we set up a meeting,
In my heart i wish we could give another chance to the relationship, but my mind has its dounts.
Here is the cold hard truth.
The nr. 1 most common reason for break ups which does not involve abuse and/or infidelity is disagreements AKA Fighting A LOT.
About anything really, and most of the times old problems gets brought up again and the argument goes back and forth endlessly.
When you have reached this point, it often has to do with lots of bottled up feelings that are not being outright spoken.
You tell us that lots of stuff is going on in both of your lifes, maybe this is a good time to take a break. If you could agree to a 1 week or longer radio-silence and atleast try to sort your own shit out, then youll be able to go about the relationship with fresh eyes and possibly another perspective. If you seem to drift apart after the break then there really isnt anything you can or should do. You were not supposed to be.
Also, when exes come back always remember why you left them in the first place. All the annoying things they did and all the problems you had. Things like that dont magically go away. And people never truly change. They can surpress their natrual behaviors and act cool infront of you, but as soon as the problems start it could very well be back to square one, and this time you will be more hurt.
I dumped my girlfriend 5 years ago after dating for a year and got back together with her. Had an amazing 4 more years before my depression came back and I dumped her again (never knew what it was).
She's not taking me back this time but it can work if you love each other and aren't a complete nutcase. You have to actually love each other for it to work though. If she's hesitant at all don't even fucking bother.
I think you know the answer all ready, because as you say you are looking for people with experience in this matter when you yourself have experience in this matter.
So, your last ex, not giving her another chance, do you feel like that was a good decision?
On the one hand you found this new girl but on the other hand that didn't last either.
If you feel good about the last time you didn't give a girl another chance or time to breathe then by all means do it again. If you regret it then don't fuck it up this time by doing the same thing to this girl.
i have a similar situation right now, but I don't want to get back together and she does. getting back with exes is always a bad idea. if you even have to question it enough that you had to come on /adv/ and ask, chances are there really isn't a good chance that it will work the second time around. it seems like you just have attachment issues. you can't let go of things when it is time to let go. I was like that for awhile too, so i know what it's like. do yourself a favor and be strong and don't get back together with her. it will be the best thing you ever did. just find another girl and still be friendly with your ex if you want since you guys are in the same friend group
The thing is OP, you guys take your stress out on each other. You might get a few more good years when the timing is good as you say, and perhaps there won't be so much stress, but if you are in it for the long haul, if you are looking for "forever" there will be stress, and the timing will become bad. There will be money worries, and health issues, there will be shitty jobs, housing problems, accidents, babies, sleepless nights and ageing. If you guys can't weather whatever small issues life has thrown at you so far, and do it standing shoulder to fucking shoulder leaning into the wind together, you are not gonna make it "happily ever after", because shit is gonna really hit the fan in the years to come, and you need someone who you know 100% has your back, come hell or high-water, come good timing and come bad times, you need to be a natural team, and you guys don't have it.
It's OK to feel sad, and its OK to love someone who isn't your forever partner. It's not bad or wrong, you can't help who you love. But know what you want enough to make the right call - if you want a few more good years, go for it, but go for it knowing that it can't be forever and you can't weather the storm of life forever so for heaves sake don't do anything stupid like have a kid or get married. But if you want forever, cut your losses and try to remember the good times fondly, and then get out there and find your fucking life team mate.