JOSEPH and ANDREW HOLY GOD i want to fuck both of you why the fuck do you keep being a slimy faggot about it. If i have to catch you staring at me one more time I'll torture and kill a puppy. I swear to god
kind of a strange situation that might not be deserving of its own thread, so i'm just posting here instead :
I'm a yuropoor PhD student who's been teaching undergrad lessons in the equivalent of junior year. These are my first courses, I started in january, it's going pretty well so far and most students seem to like me and my lessons.
So last night one of the undergrad girls called me. I was high and didn't know the number so I didn't answer, and she left me a message on my voicemail saying she thought i was cute and would like to hang out with me. She didn't say her name but i'm almost 100% sure i recognized her voice, and if i'm not mistaken, she's a real qt. The age gap is only like 3 or 4 years so it's not a big problem.
But i'm not willing to go further as long as i'm her teacher, and i still have 2 months to go so it's gonna be some awkward courses until it ends.
Those possibilitiés also bother me : 1) it could be a prank. I think it's unlikely, but college students are a weird bunch sometimes 2) on my voicemail, she sounded mildly drunk, she might be regretting her call now 3) i don't know how she goy my personal phone number, we don't have any common acquiantance and there's no way she could have found it by searching my name online or on the uni website, i just checked. Do i have an undergrad stalker on my hands or what ? 4) i'm pretty sure that she wouldn't have said the same thing if i wasn't her teacher. She's probably only momentarily attracted by the "breaking the rules" part of it, dating a teacher must be a fantsay of some kind among students, and she will most likely grow tired of it soon enough.
I've pretty much made my mind up already, but i'd like to hear some other anon's take on it : would you go for it ? why or why not ? if yes, how would you answer her voicemail ?
I'm at a weird position where I can't really say I made a lot of progress in the last few years.
Basically I went from someone who would be afraid to talk to anyone pretty much, to get some friends and be friendly to most people I meet with maybe 2 or 3 exceptions.
I lost a lot of weight, went back to school and all that shit, people considered me to be really smart and that kinda raised my self esteem quite a bit. At some point I got to know one of my classmates a little bit more, but she had to get some surgery and I didn't see her again.
After a few years I have very few good friends and all, but I'm happy and I feel fortunate about that. That said even my best friend can't help me out a lot, maybe due to the fact she's not that outgoing. A sense that I have lost touch or the ability to be more sociable creeps up on me.
Last week, another friend of mine came visit me and we went for a walk. We found this girl. The classmate we're talking about. They seem to know each other a lot more than I thought, but then she and I were left alone for just about 10 minutes, and while she's really friendly to me, things started to get awkward really quickly. I don't know her much other than as a classmate, she knows that I was a bit popular back then and that I'm reliable on specific subjects but that's about it. I couldn't talk too much to her, so I kinda remained silent for a while or making silly questions to pass the time. At some point in the past I had no trouble making conversation with her but 2 years later it seems I have lost touch.
I don't know what to do. I feel awkward around many people now, even old friends. I have a decent reputation, so that's not it.
I want your lust, affections, and that odd suck that your uncle Colin once stealthily wanked in to from the Christmas of 1998.
Anyhow, here's a post to cherish you, though I'm not the sentimental type, and would stumble over the words, trying to convey just what you mean to me.
I'm so sorry for the past three months, though. You haven't done one thing to cause any fuss for me, let you've allowed me to run you down to the ground. I don't know why you have stuck by my side for so long, anyhow. Perhaps it's because you are too insecure, you want to fuck me that much, you love me, or you realize that because I've only just become an adult that I'll be immature... or it's a combination of all.
But I am so fond of you. By this time, people would have ran to the hills, as would have I - we're both losers, aren't we? And I haven't invested so much in one person, in what has been years.
Anyhow, I'll make amends. Papa bless, I'm so infatuated with you.
You know you will have to face yourself eventually. Be it at night when you're staring at the ceiling or waiting for that hour long bus.
You don't like to be with yourself, you find ways to avoid being alone in public as you'd rather be alone in private where you can talk to yourself and not worry about judgements.
What's sad is that you know how to overcome it. Simply being, not doing anything, literally just hanging out with your thoughts and feelings. But you also know how hard it is. To be brought back to a certain memory in great detail, the pain which brings you to a sigh. I deal with regret and what-ifs all the time. I also imagine how people would see me or if my actions were pristine. Sad, you know that these are deficiencies of the untrained mind. The world you live in is shaped by your mind. Yet you remain complacent almost as if you enjoy suffering and living an unrefined life.
There's no time for love when I cannot love myself.
There's no time for respite when there are 1000 things to distract you.
All I ask is to sort your thoughts out. Spend a day with no thing but your thoughts, but be careful and distance yourself from the fabricated works and memories that may come up. I know you are looking for peace and that intention is enough.
I hope you find your way, With love, From your enlightened side
We have a fantastic appartment in the middle of the city and on the outside all seems well.
We argue more than we have sex (one time a week at most). But on the inside I'm starting to realize more and more that the relationship isn't going anywhere.
Despite of everything she keeps talking about kids and buying a house eventualy.
Thing is, I'm just too afraid to drop the relationship because I have so much stability right now, it would fuck everything up I would have to move back in with my parents temporarily which I don't want.
I hate seeing young couples, especially if their younger than me. It's like they're taunting me. They might as well go up to my face and say "fuck you, look at us, we're in love you lonely piece of shit." They sure look happy together, it would be fun to turn that happiness into tragedy. They're asking for it.
>Boyfriend of just over a year cheated on me >Ended up leaving me when I tried to fix things >Said it's not my fault and he has problems >Got really sick over the weekend >Really bad food poisoning >Had to go to the hospital because it got so bad >Called my best friend and told her I was sick >Asked her to please check on my pets while I'm gone >She said she would handle it and come see me after >Doctors think it's listeria >They quarantine me >2 days pass >No one checks on me >Not a single person >No one will talk to me >Everyone knows I'm in the hospital >Been posting how scared I am on Facebook >Turns out to be a rare kind of flu >They pump me full of meds and I start feeling better >Finally am able to head home >Walk in the front door to the house trashed >Dog shit and piss everywhere >Pets have no food or water at all >Call best friend 5-6 times before finally picking up >"Yeah I went out with Anon and forgot, sorry" >Still sick and now picking up my house >Still puking and shitting my brains out every 20 minutes >No one will help me >Not even family I'm 24 now, and this whole time I thought people were just born assholes, but now I realize people are just sick of being hurt so they only look out for themselves, I like to think I've been a pretty good person in my life, I help all my friends no questions asked, I've given people money in their time of need, I've donated time and food to those in need, I've always put myself over others my entire life, and yet no one has ever EVER once done the same for me, I've been sick, I've been hurt, and at one point even almost died, and not a single person in my life came to help me, it's like people want me to die or something, I feel like I need to start just looking out for myself and only myself, but I don't want to become that type of person, I don't want to be selfish and mean towards everyone, but I feel like if I don't change I'm just going to keep getting hurt, what the fuck do I do?
2016 has really been a shit year. Usually if I had a bad day I'd go outside with my dog and play with him until I felt better. But I haven't been able to find anything as cathartic since I lost him in December. God damnit I miss that dog. I went back the school and my usual guidance counselor was on maternity leave so I had to go to a different one. But before I could get my schedule fixed, I found out that I had a 500 dollar fine on a book I did not return. Had no idea where it was. Went through every square inch of my house looking for it and couldn't find it. My parents went through my room, claimed to have found it but turns out it wasn't it. So my dad used the credit card linked to the bank account that his child support checks go to. He really doesn't even need those checks so most of the things me he just gives them to me. But since we had to use that, he threw a fit that I was using his money. So I get that taken care of and get my schedule mailed to me. I have a band and choir scholarship and told the guidance counselor that several times throughout our meeting. But when I look at the damn thing I find out that she didn't put down either band or choir on my schedule. Instead gave me an astronomy class. So I went to a different guidance counselor to get that re worked. I need one more physical science class to graduate so she gave me geology. The class before geology would have run from be minutes into it but I figured it'd be alright since it was only on Mondays. Because of all the schedule shit before I had to miss the first day of class. So I made a pretty shitty first impression on my instructors. Monday rolls around and I convinced the instructor for the class before geology to let me out early. But I find out that the geology course was not even on campus, but an extension center. So I have to pick up a different class. My usual guidance counselor came back so she got me into another astronomy class online.
>fall in love with a guy >finds out he has a girlfriend >still be friends with him >hang out with him a few times >he gives me tons of compliments >says his current relationship isn't going so well >i give him a gift >he gives me a gift >post the gift online because i was really happy >texting him once about an english paper until he stopped replying suddenly >go to bed, think nothing of it >recheck phone at 1 am >still no reply >freak out >try calling him >phone rings once and goes to voicemail >leave a voice mail asking if he's ok >next morning he sends me a text saying that his girlfriend found out about me and how he loves me too >says he needs time to think >cry for a week >he sends me a long e-mail explaining the situation and how he loves me >i reply back saying how i'll wait until he's ready to date me >sending secret e-mails back and forth because his girlfriend bans him from talking to me >i give him a christmas present >he says he keeps it with him >yesterday i ask to hang out with him >says he's busy >today he sends me an e-mail saying he wants to focus on his relationship with his girlfriend and how he doesn't want to keep in contact with me anymore
??????????????????????????????? >feel like this came the fuck out of nowhere >feel like his girlfriend is emotionally abusing him >send him a couple of e-mails >no response
i fucking hate this i still love him and i feel like he's being used
When I left you my world crumbled, for a year I thought I made a huge mistake. But then someone I didn't expect to have feelings for me, came to my rescue. I must say, I didn't think anyone would be better than you.... But this guy is. I love him more than I ever loved you. I hope you find love and happiness too ..
>>16753092 I can't get into the course because of how late in the week I got put in the class so I messaged the instructor of said class. So far nothing. I've also needed to send off my transcripts, my parents have not shut the hell up about that. They hardly even say hello these days. I managed that alright. My W-2 came into today. I'm getting back about $27 dollars after making a little over 100 times that much. My parents said it was because I filled out something wrong. So I'm pissed about that. I had planned on paying my dad back so he'll shut the hell up about the 500 before. So I guess that's not happening right now. I got a five year old who is constantly pestering me about playing Minecraft on my Xbox. But he wants me to be as active and engaged as he is. I just don't have the energy. My mom is starting to treat my sister the way she treated me in 8th grade. Mom accuses my sister of not bathing right now. Which will turn urn into her being a liar, and when she becomes a liar she'll get accused of all kinds of other shit. My sister has acne the same way I did and mom will probably call her ugly or stupid because of her grades and tell her no one will ever want anything to do with her because of it. I just hope she won't believe her the way that I did. And still can't convince myself otherwise. At least my sister has me to tell her how to deal with it or come get her if things get too bad. This shit ain't right but we don't get to choose our moms. I'm expected to go some university, pick up some life dictating debt, and i don't even know what to major in. I don't know why I want to be. I like the idea of being a musician. And I love to play. Can't ever get anyone to play with who likes the idea of being a rockstar more than they're willing to work and actually play the damn songs. I don't know how long I can just keep rolling my eyes and exhaling at this shit. I really miss my dog.
Thank you for that, I want better people in my life, but every time I get better people I feel like they always just use me or betray me, I've had friends use me for money, I've had boyfriends/girlfriends use me, I've been scammed by family members, even when I fight back and say no to people, they end up guilt tripping me and making me feel like shit "You won't help me move my stuff at 3 in the morning 10 miles away? What kind of friend are you?!" shit like that happens to me daily, and then when I need the slightest bit of help with something as simple as helping me when I'm sick, not a single person comes to my aid, I'm just so fucking tired of being used.
I'm scared that You will reject me if I do this one thing. I'm really bad at expressing my feelings with words, so I want to kiss You... Just to let You know how I feel and how I want us to be happy together. I hope You will understand. But I already feel sorry for this.
Anybody else agree that expecting your significant other to "get over" or "let go" of the fact that you cheated on them (in only a few months since they discovered the cheating) and then getting angry and wanting to break things off with them is stupidly unfair?
>>16753561 I agree, the expectation is unfair. I'd sooner say you probably should have called it off with them for them being unfaithful, though. That's a strong destruction of trust, but that's just me. I'm too obsessed with trust for my own good
I have a fairly new acquaintance that I've met a few times, and he's so damn attractive, funny and smart. I accidentally told him that I thought he was hot when I was drunk a couple of weeks ago, which I of course am very embarrassed about still. Anyway, I'm really shy, and that drunken mistake was the only way that I could ever sort of let him know that I'm interested. I don't remember how he reacted.
So I've developed a huge crush on my best friend's girlfriend. It's so terrible feeling because I can't say anything. I just don't want to interfere with their relationship because I'd feel like the ultimate douchebag if I did.
>>16751365 >Really don't want to continue living. >Terrified of death. >Incredibly afraid of intimacy. >Will procrastinate until there's no time left. >Totally unorganized. >Can't say no to people. >Can't initiate conversation. >Horrible sleep patterns. >>In fact, I haven't slept in 4 days so far. >Going to school to be a software engineer. >>I don't understand ANY of it. They lost me at HTML, and they're already moving on to CSS and arrays. >Grades are almost completely unsalvageable. >I've been late every day. >Drowning in paperwork I probably won't even get to completing. >Subsist on mostly cereal and pizza because I can't cook. >Currently have less than $5 to my name. >$300,000 in debt. >Partially closeted. >No friends. >>My contacts list is literally just me and my mother. >>>My mother hasn't contacted me in months. >I sleep on the floor in a shitty studio apartment. >>Three broken windows I can't afford to fix. It's cold af. >So lonely I dream of owning pets to care for. >I get random nosebleeds. >I get horrible nightmares.
I feel like I should be dating one of my closest friends, emotionally and mentally she just gets me. She's my as attractive as other girls who like me who I normally date, so I can't get attracted to her. But nobody I've met emotionally fulfills me like her, but physical matters too much to me. I hate myself for it.
Hate the fact that I'm balding. Too young for this shit, and I just want to get a bloody prescription from a dermatologist to get some freaking pills but I feel like I need to do 900 other things first. I've put this off for 3 years now I feel like I owe it to myself to finally get those pills and I'm angry with myself for still not doing it. FUCK
>>16753857 Go talk to whoever runs your classes, they'll know a charity that can advice and maybe help Having someone with some control over your life feel responcible for helping you will be useful in and of itself.
I'm gonna confess to you someday, love. It might endanger our very precious friendship, but it feels dishonest that I'm hiding it from you. Maybe you'll even fall for me someday. Is it possible for close friends to fall in love?
>>16753984 I love beer bellies on guys. Like, little ones to show they like to eat and drink beer. I can't stand these buff-and -puff skinny guys who are all healthy and ripped and shit. I like that "surfer-gone-to-seed" bod or even better the "dad bod." HAWT. (I hate this numbering shit but I'll say that I do alright)
There's a girl I've been friends with for 2 years. I liked her at the beginning but she had a bf and I was 19. I didn't really care because I was thinking I was gonna get some left and right. Over time, all of the guys she's dated pretty much used her for sex and I started seeing her as more than a friend. We texted each other all the time, played video games all the time, I taught her how to cook. cooked her extravagant meals, went out to eat half the time when I or her didn't want to cook. Took turns paying when we went out. I told her my feelings and that I wanted to take her out after she broke up with her bf and she said it's took soon. I was alright with that but after a few months (when she came back from Spain) I asked again and she said she wasn't ready. Near the end of January near v-day.she started seeing this guy. I got jealous. Just looking at the fucker you can tell by the 420 blaze it shirt that he's a dick. I explained to her that the guy just wants her for sex. I usually don't do shit like that but I was jealous that she'd pick this fucker and lied to me. The guy ended up fucking her and then leaving her just like I said. She starts bitchin and I planned out a whole day to cheer her up (got her candy, an eevee doll, a card, some flowers, went to food festival and then came back to my apt and played video games) so she can get over it. Fast forward to May and I asked her to go out on a date and she said she doesn't feel the same. I asked her if we could try it out, see where it goes since we won't know unless we try.She got angry and continue saying she didn't feel the same way. I asked well, why not? You must have at least one reason why you don't want to date me. She couldn't give me an answer. She ended up breaking up the friendship and now it's 7 months since we stop talking to each other. I just wanted to know if I made a mistake? Does she feel guilty or sad that I'm gone? TR:DR I was best friends with a girl and now we're not Best friends
>>16753996 I'm noticing more women are into this lately. I used to play a lot of soccer and be really fit but over the past year I've gotten really into cooking and I've got a bit of a gut going and I'm actually getting more girls it seems.
>>16753829 You can't get the shits with him for not talking to you. He's in love with his girlfriend, not you. He wants to make that relationship work, not yours.
If he was in love with you and wanted to be with you, he would already be with you.
His gf isn't 'emotionally abusing him'. She has every right to ask him to cut contact with you, you're literally 'the other woman'. And if he bothered to think with his head instead of his dick then he'd respect his gf's requests and cut contact with you completely, as he should.
The fact that he hasn't shows that he's basically a cheating piece of shit. But he still loves his gf more than he loves you, if he even does 'love' you.
Cut contact and move on. He's obviously chosen her over you.
>they text me: Don't ever talk to me again. >I reply: okay >they reply back: peace. *deletes me.* >1 day later: dude, I'm sorry can we be friends? >me: *ignores.* >still messaging me telling me how sorry they are, and how considerate I should about our friendship right after THEY cut contacts with me.
Incredible. You are such a bitch for abandoning our friendship over text. And you think a simple sorry is enough for reconciliation? Did you forget about atonement? Motherfucker. Whatever LOL! I've been busy trying to get away from you, but you keep following me like a lost puppy. Good riddance to bad affairs! Have a good day.
I'm poor and I was starving so I sold my laptop and got a cheap tablet in turn (along a few bux) only to realize how much a piece of shit blackberry is. Gee, it's fucking been in themarket for I can't tell how many years and yet it's a really fucking god damned shitty OS. I don't even care muchh that there are nearly no apps, since I only use it for reading and using the web. But all their apps are not only extremely underfeatured (compared to their counterparts in every single other os out there) but they also crash all the fuckung time. Even the god damned os does dumb random shit all the time. Every time I just try to read a fewpages I havetohold my fucking impulse to walk out to the street and crash the shit into the concrete walls. I don't even want to sell this garbag, I'd rather try and sell the shits of my dog. God fucking damit, I want to read my tech books and I every fucking day I feel more and more impelled to actually crush this fucking piece of trash. I fear I'll end up doing it this week. Damn. Fuck blackberry devs, Ipfucking kill them all, impale them with a burning iron stick and rape their daughters while they watch
Trying to put to words how I am is difficult because I dont think much these days, I've always been a very impulsive person, a quick thinker in that i dont have to think, for lack of a better way to explain it.
But nothing draws me anymore, I dont desire really anything, which isnt to say I have all I want. I simply cant think of anything I really want to work for. Im not unhappy, or depressed, as i was in years past. But I cant say I'm happy either, I dont know what I am. The very few friends I have left have commented it seems my old personality is kept up as habit more than enthusiasm or truth, and I've come to agree.
Im very much certain I could do anything I wanted, if i wanted it. But the problem is i cant find a want for anything. I lack drive, I suppose? I sit here without a job killing time, when i could be learning, or writing, or doing anything I wanted to move towards, and I dont care. Im not a genius, but i have aptitude and I learn very quickly, I could make a good life for myself. Yet I dont persue anything. It doesnt bother me on any real level, but a part of me does want to do something, because im sure I could find fun to have if I was productive and got my life together. But the rest of me doesnt really mind. I dont understand it. And I havent a clue what to do, or how to fix it. Or if i should 'fix' it.
Been depressed lately, about the past week or so. mostly fear of death and just anxiety about my future. I've had high times where everything is fine, and a few lows. I had a high this morning, out with my girlfriend, but when i was at home, just an hour ago in the shower, I hit a big low. Kicked the wall and sobbed for a moment. At this moment, I even feel a small high.
i think a part of tis is just me feeling lonely. About 7 months ago I had a falling out with a friend I've known for over half my life, and I've always had trouble making friends, so I'm afraid to try and make new ones.
I'm all over the place with this, I'm not asking for advice, because I'm posting and never checking again, I'm hoping it'll just help to vent.
What's that feeling in my chest? Dread. The same dread I've felt my entire life. I fear that disaster is just around the corner. No matter how many times I've tried to escape, the void keeps calling me back, saying "Come home, everyone comes home in the end." My life is of little importance My self-control is a fragment of what it once was My reasons to get out of bed in the morning are becoming fewer and fewer There was once a time when I had passion Now it just feels like shell shock What the fuck happened....
>>16755036 I'm not sure what it was, but after a certain point in my childhood, I couldn't get immersed into things anymore, my passion died. I don't have many reasons to get out of bed because I don't feel a real connection with just about anyone I know, I feel like a fake person living a fake life. It's so hard to explain :/ Every meaningful relationship I had went to shit, through breakups, friends moving out of state, people just fading away, friends stabbing me in the back, etc.
The shit that happened made me depressed, which makes people want to be around me even less. Which leads to less connections, which leads to more depression, etc... I don't know if this downward spiral can be broken
My fucking boyfriend just walked out. Again. I feel so fucking used. I pay for everything: rent, power, food, gas, his cigarettes and nightly six-pack. And he still has the fucking balls to scream at me. I'm so fucking over this relationship. I wonder what would happen to him if I just cut him back and took back everything that's mine: all the furniture, the clothes, everything.
>>16755020 Reading your posts, i cant help but feel the same is happening to me. Im trying my best to look for reasons to live, look for joy in my life..but it is as if the universe is completely against me, dragging me down each time i try and get up. Perhaps she is kinder to you, OP. Do things. Even if the thought of it doesnt totally sound appealing to you ot even if you arent passionate about it. Try it out anyways, what is there to lose? Maybe you would even get into it unexpectedly. Take risks and dont be afraid of doing so. Of course, not very life threatening things. Life is too short to be questioning your existence here. You'll die before you even find the answer. So go and make your own little reasons. Have something to look forward to all the time, even if its something simple like eating pizza, or new movies and games coming out.. As for friends, its hard to find anyone. It really is. I do not have any as well so i know how much of a task it is. But i believe the right people will come along in time.
I hate myself and everything I've done since my childhood. Over basically fucked up everything, and now I'm.to a point where I drink too much and have lost all the respect I've ever had from my peers. I moved back in with my folks and they don't let me sleep when I'm at home, began their yelling, crazy projects, and constantly asking my stupid questions I only get to sleep once a week. I wanna kill myself but I don't have the courage. I'm not in that worst spot I've ever been in, but this isn't even close to where I should be.
1) I know I'm not totally over you yet and you'll probably never hear a confession of sorts from me, though I'm glad for you and P. I'm glad I became your friend and hope I'm able to provide better support as one. Love ya, A.
2) Looking to find more reasons to continue on with this current path for me. I thought I'd given up and I could get by the rest of this program by doing it for friends, but I've realized I need to do this for me. J, A,and H, you guys are amazing at what you do and inspire me. How do I figure out reasons for myself and to fulfill these feelings of ambition? How do I become as excited and open to what I want to do as I hoped to be?
You keep complaining that your life is so difficult. You blamed me the whole marriage. Even after the divorce you have continued to lie to me. You have causwd your child so much pain. To live in the same town and make no effort to care for her, but to care for 2 kids who arent yours. You wont even attempt to call. You are scum of the earth. well ive had it with your bullshit. Im tired of the tears from our child. Id have asked for less if you had at least put forth the effort to do the right thing. I offered you way outs. Now your gunna pay
Oh wait there's more. Spoiler ours emo and I'm Just complaining about things I can't change. I'm twenty four and like I mentioned earlier I moved back in with my folks. I've been working about sixty hours a week to save money and try to put my life back together, but it's never good enough. Sometimes I just wanna chill, you know? I play bass, guitar, drums, keyboard, midi, daw, dj stuff, etc... But the second I attempt to get a practice my family stops me and says they're in the middle of something. Now, I get being respectful about noise, I really really do. I've had the cops called on my old bands back in high school and learned my lesson (also no drums at my folks place for obvious reasons--I'm not a maniac or unreasonable about it). It's just that every single time I pick up the guitar (no amp or anything btw) my mom just straight knocks on my door and tells me to knock it off. I've got festivals and lots of paid club shows coming up. I've been playing for fifteen years, I'm really not screwing around and it sounds good. On top of this she makes hammer-stamped jewellery right next to my room vey frequently. I work nights on the weekends at a hotel, so I have to sleep during the day on Saturdays and Sundays to stay coherent, but that's when she chooses to do so without warning. And if it isn't that she just wakes me up to ask me nonsense and bangs her fist on my door if I don't immediately wake up with a coherent answer that's also polite. I love my mom, but this is nuts. I get that she has brain damage from taking geodon and shit, but where the Fuck are her manners?! I occasionally make food at night and do my best to use ninja skills, and listen to make sure everyone is snoring. I think I do pretty well on that. All the while my sister has petty hardcore autism and basically yells and thrashes around all day, and when I ask her to quiet down a bit she just gets defensive and yells louder. I love her too, cause we can bond over some things, but this is long.
I waited for you. It's been about a year and a half, and even if I had not realized it, I was waiting for you this entire time.
What happened between us put me in such emotional turmoil, and though my sadness went away after a lot of tough rationalization, melancholy always lingered in the back of my mind. At least once a week I would feel it again, perhaps not knowing at the time that it was from the same cause, or perhaps it was just perpetuated by loneliness. Until the Summer.
Until the Summer I was able to forget about it. You were in your relationship; you were happy, and that was okay. I was able to focus on myself. I was able to make new friends. I was able to get accustomed to my new job. I was able to move on.
In the Fall I had not seen you. Maybe once or twice, but my mind was elsewhere at the time. Reveling in this new version of myself I had recently found, though he seemed quite familiar.
When I saw you last Tuesday I felt it again. That haunting loneliness that I failed to shake off. Then I saw you again. Last night. We were drunk, and this recently single self of yours blared with signals that I foolishly followed. Why are you doing this again? Are you looking for me to open myself up like last time? You're tightening a knot in my heart and I don't know what to do. Please just stop, but if you can't do that, then please just talk to me.
>>16755306 Well I don't think they would feel taking things to the next level would be as bad of a decision as your nerves think they might be. If they've been spending this much time with you, don't you think the thought has crossed their mind too? Would you mind if I asked your genders? Are you the same or different? Cause that could simplify things if you're different. If so you could just propose and it would make perfectly honest sense. The only person you should marry is your best friend, you know.
I cheated even though we technically weren't together all that time. That's why I couldn't tell you I love you. That's why I let you go. That's why I became a drug addicted alcoholic and live in the shadows now. Because I don't deserve love or happiness, and most importantly I don't deserve you. I'll always love you, O. Despite the shitty decisions I've made, it'll always be you I love. It's been over half a year since we last talked, and I still find myself dreaming about you and thinking about you every day and cuddling my star-shaped body pillow. Maybe it's for the best this all happened. You can find a more compatible guy and truly be happy. And I'll go do whatever. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry...
>>16755385 I know the feel. You don't deserve to pigeon hole yourself like that in out culture. Just go talk to her. Don't make my mistake. I rejected the most beautiful woman I have ever met, and I can't get her back because she's married now and I waited too long to do so. Please do yourself a favor and be happy
>>16755398 I've seen her out and about with people. I don't want to try to revive the dead past. I've fucked up things enough as it is. I've just got to let her go and be happy without me. I miss her so fucking much but at this point all I want is her to be happy and that's something we struggled more and more to find together in our 2 1/2 years of on and offness.
I feel like I'm at a crossroads right now, I'm a first year in college and met two great girls. One of them is my neighbor and she's pretty much a thot, she's only dated black guys (I'm also black) so it feels like I'm just another number whenever we talk. However she's incredibly fun to be around and talk to.
The second girl is a really adorable chick in one of my lectures, she clearly has a thing for me and we get along great, she has really good energy.
And I would love to get one of them something for valentine's day, but I don't want to lock myself down or even hint at a relationship, I just like to see people smile.
Despite that, I still want to fuck around and get my dick wet, but I also want to give my heart to someone and shower them in love. Any advice?
II have severe, treatment-resistant depression and I'm getting ECT soon. I've been through an assessment for it with two psychiatrists (who will be administrating the ECT treatments, at least in part) -- after a year and a half of trying to get it, I'm finally almost there. I just need a physical, which I have in two days, a 12-lead EKG and some blood tests. (I have no idea how to go about getting the EKG, but I figure my PCP can tell me when I see her.).
I've been on 14 medications (SSRIs, SNRIs, NDRIs, TCAs, and off-label stuff like Concerta and Abilify), seen 3 psychiatrists (not counting the lovely ECT people) and 8 therapists. And after all that, I might finally get my fucking future back.
A 50% rate of long-term remission is better than any other chance I have, so I'm taking it.
I'm excited, and a little nervous. I just want it to start already, so I can get it over with and find out if it'll work.
>>16755580 You've got it right on the head. I miss having someone to text in the morning and at the dead of night. But stumbling home at 2am with some fugly broad I met at a party is also fun. And it can only be one or the other, and it's beyond hard as fuck to pick.
Hey Ray best way to put this is that I think you're basically better off dead
You're doing the equivalent of fucking your homie's bitch, only that I've never dated Hannah at all - irl at least; and by that, I mean the second shroom trip I've done was probably the convincing factor into beginning to like some chick.
Things will never return to how they were cause I can't look you in the eye nowadays without receiving a reminder that my life is significantly more shitty/more pathetic/100% more sad than yours and others.
I never would've figured someone I thought to be my bud would get me this low in my life, especially when I was rock bottom to begin with.
Ya know, I honestly wanted to believe you. I really did. I wanted to believe that you were going to be different than all the others. Even though you knew that for the past year, I've been having homicidal thoughts/plans, you decided to prove to me yet again humanity's selfish and self-justifying nature. Nobody is pure, nobody is good, nothing is worth it and nothing can change it. But I thank you, as you've opened my eyes. I need to do this. Don't you understand? These people are weak. My 28 y/o supervisor was in tears just today as he was fired for threatening that one girl. He didn't feel remorse, he felt bad he was caught. We all have desires don't we? You wanted me to live in your dream where you and I were actually a possibility. It doesn't matter anymore, come summer I'll be dead and the world will know that not all of us sit in submissive silence to the evil you call humanity. Fuck this world, but you opened my eyes, so, thank you.
I don't even know what to do with you anymore. I don't know if I like you or hate you, but im leaning towards the hate. Why the fuck do you feel like it's okay to treat another human being like this? It makes me feel like shit.
Just tell me what you want from me. You seem like a nice enough girl, but the things you say make me question you. You barely know me, and you say these kinds of things to me? While you have a boyfriend? It's not attractive, it makes me second guess you. You should be able to tell that about me already.
Do you actually have a genuine interest in getting to know me? Or are you just trying to get closer so you can use me as a fucktoy and throw me aside when you get bored? Or as someone for you to cheat on your boyfriend with?
I've been hurt before and I'm not about to do that to someone else. I already told you that I've been hurting after losing a 4 year relationship and all but lost my best friend with it. But it really seems like you're just going to try to get me under your sheets so you can ditch me for some other guy in a few months. Don't toy with my fucking heart. I have enough to deal with as it is and getting to try out your pussy isn't worth having you screw with my head and your boyfriend's feelings.
I can't wait for another semester of seeing you sporadically around campus with your new friends while I'm still alone. Can't wait to get distracted again and want to vomit and cry because I feel so sad and betrayed. I wish you would have never talked to me. You've only made me despise and hate others more.
Dude your life sounds like its going to shit. There i gave it to ya straight. But are you serious? Is there literally NOTHING you can do??? Lets face it, ts your own doing. Not anyone elses. Yours. So fix it. You are a god damn adult and you will get your life straightened out if you dont want to end up homeless where its colder. Study a lot, catch up the best you can, feel free to contact your professors, try learning on your own (you clearly have internet) and try harder to succeed. You need to be responsible enough to fix your sleeping as well. Stop procrastinating and being lazy, go get a god damn part time job would ya? If you dont do something about this now its only gonna get worse. Trust me. And your mother's gonna end up suffering as well with that debt
>>16753743 (1/3) If you have health care, go see a psychologist or psychiatrist. Go talk to college counselors if they are available. Talk to someone, anyone.
You seem to be suffering from anxiety and depression. It's crippling you ability to live a normal life, or life at all. People who might otherwise be your your friends can pretty much see you displaying your inner feelings, and are repelled by them.
How can you be $300K in debt and not know HTML? Unless you have other debt than student loans. IDK what country you live in, but student loads aren't dischargeable in bankruptcy in the USA. Federal student loans can be organized into an income based repayment plan, but private loans are unchangeable.
If you can't afford to fix your windows, board them up, but make sure they are sealed airtight. On the bright side: more privacy.
If you can't cook, learn. Following a recipe isn't that hard, and there's plenty of things you can microwave. If you still can't cook, look for charity meals, you need them. Go cheap.
HTML is one of the simplest languages you could learn. It's not even programming, it and CSS are markup and graphics presentation languages. If you can't learn it, try harder. Go to the library and study. Use library computers if you don't have a computer and Internet at home. Ask questions, it's better to ask stupid questions than to suffer without answers. You can do nothing but study until you learn everything. Google things first, that can save you some embarrassment sometimes. You can even ask tech questions online, anonymously.
>>16756186 (2/3) You MUST sleep, and sleep regularly. Stay in bed when you plan to sleep with the lights down and no electronics, stay in bed and don't get up unless you are going to the bathroom or checking the time, but beware constantly checking the time, because that get trigger anxiety and keep you awake. If you still can't sleep, try again later. Just like persevering in life, you must persevere in sleep. Relax, try to clear all thoughts out of your head. No thoughts if at all possible. If need be, focus on imagined moving images and sounds, things non-stressful, but actively think about it. There's a reason people imagine sheep jumping and count them. Anxiety will keep you awake at night, so you must choose not to think those thoughts, and force those thoughts out and replace them with fluffy thoughts if need be.
You cannot recover from $300K in debt without a skilled job. You cannot quit school because you won't be able to get loans to go back to school in the future. It doesn't sound like you can fall back on your parents either. Your only option, if possible, is to study, ask questions, get temp jobs and money, and get a job with your college degree.
>>16756189 (3/3) Can't say no? Just do it. You are able to say no, but you are afraid to do so. Just do it anyway. Just do it afraid. You need to become very selfish. Don't make friends because you care, make friends because they will be useful later. Don't do anything that doesn't directly benefit you, boost other people's trust in you or further you education. Helping others can be a selfish investment, you solve other people's problems, and they see you as valuable and reciprocate. Don't continue helping people that don't help you. Finally, at this point in your life, don't help anyone, except in exceptional emergencies. You need help, not the other way around. You need a lot of help. You may even need to beg for help. Begging can open doors and make people feel pity for you. Pride and dignity are useless to you at this point, throw those notions away.
At school, your life depends on you doing things right, so do it like your life depends on it.
I hate my life, everything seems pointless and I don't care about anything even though I should. I wish someone would kill me and save me the trouble. I'd sleep all day, but I can't physically sleep for 24 hours straight. On a related note, would a full handle of vodka and 50 ibuprofen be fatal if interested together?
Why don't you just quit being such a fucking coward and admit and confess that you're done with me and don't want me.
But you can't. Even though you're 99% sure you don't want me, even though I'm pretty sure you're dating that guy you said was just a friend but admitted you had feelings for and hang out with all day. You just can't tell me that we're done for good can you. You can't, because then you'll never be able to come back, and you want me as your exit plan if you change your mind on your decision.
Well fuck you bitch, fuck you so much. I actually hate you now. I'm not your play thing, i'm not your toy, i'm not on the shelf waiting for you. I'm living my life, im doing everything in my power to get over you, everything. I'm gonna kill these feelings i have for you, and then you'll come crawling back begging for me but no, you can't, you fucked up, live with it.
You've got 2 months before i never ever take you back.
fell in love with a girl last summer (im 24 and she's 23), desperately and strangely in love, we spent time together, we had a good time, we laughed, but she had a boyfriend, he beated her once, i man'd up, talked to him about it, helped her through, they break up. she's free, and after 3 years without sex or even having someone close to me, somethings about to happen, or so i thought. then i found the girl is an ex-prostitute (call girl as she likes to call her), had dozens of clients. it sicked me. but you know how we are, you want what you don't have, i even saw posts of her clients in a forum, and i was just crazy to fuck her...and the worse, i couldnt help grow my feelings for her...i loved her. more and more each day. "i can't have sex with you anon". and then she left me. for another stupid guy who probably beats her like the last one. So, after a 3 year drought, my self esteem was low. i dont seem very shy, have friends, go out, have fun, but deep inside i feel like the shyest person. i cant talk to a girl properly know. after loving this one, finding out her past, loving her still, reading topics about her sex, still not having sex.....i'm just broken. sexually broken, severely sexually damaged...you probably gonna reccomend me meeting a prostitute. thought too much about it. but i can't do it. i'm beggining to feel suicidal about this and i thing i would kill myself after because its against everything i believe...idk...i'm young but i feel like everythings lost.
God damn I'm average-looking. I feel like that anon a day or so ago. If i can't look at least like an 8/10 then what's the fucking point.
I have shit teeth and shit skin with wide ass pores and it feels like nothing I do is improving my situation beyond this point (it's not even the pimples man, but the marks they leave on my skin). My face is a god damned mess. EVERYTHING is out of place. My nose is crooked, my mouth/jaw and teeth are crooked, one eye is more oblique than the other, my forehead is freakishly large and wide, my mouth is asymmetrical and overall it looks like the right side of my face had a stroke. I've no cheek bones and my cheeks look like they're sagging. I don't think I have that great proportions because everything I wear looks slightly off and same goes for my posture. I know looks aren't everything but what the fuck. Why am I so weird-looking?
What's probably annoying me more is that there' s no way of going about fixing this. I don't think there's much more I could do that would considerably improve how I look. All there is to do is learn to work with what I have and appreciate it, which I have before, but once again I look myself in the mirror and god damn am I angry and revolted. How much is it all in my head, really?
Just wish I could look at myself from the most objective, non-biased manner possible.
I've been peeling and eating the skin off my feet and hands as a form of OCD for ten years. I can barely feel anything in them anymore except for hot/cold. It's nice not to scream when I step on something sharp but I fucking miss the feeling of petting my cats fur.
>>16751365 I realized Friday night that I don't really like most of my friends at the moment. Two of them are really into politics and while they have similar beliefs to me, they're REALLY into it and it turns everything into a political discussion. One of my friends continually pisses me off by bailing on plans or making plans and cancelling 20 minutes after I arrange my schedule. The rest of them just aren't much fun anymore and would rather smoke weed and play Xbox than go do something. I started talking to my ex girlfriend a couple of months ago and I thought we were starting to reconnect but she's prone to depression and when she hits a rut she just closes everyone out. I can't think of any of my friends that I want to spend time with so as a result I feel alone constantly even when I'm with them.
>Rents due >Last paycheck from work was 94p when I expected 2k >ex job took almost 2k off my last paycheck "salary offset"I'm still chasing this, pretty sure it's illegal > signed up for jobseekers 4 weeks ago > no money > angry landlord >can't move back to parent's house til rent is paid
What do? How can I make 350pounds in rural England ASAP? I've already maxed out my credit card
I like to make myself believe that there is more to reality, like spirits and a beautiful life after death, because the real world, without it's tales and dreams, doesn't interest me. I like to think life is just a test and our souls are all but one, yet few acknowledges this.
I'm okay with it, I am not sad or happy, just always wondering how many people feel like me, to always wanting to live in their dreamworld. I once dreamed I was behind a mountain on a military camping field. The soldiers did ordinary work, like fixing up the wooden house, or fishing out dirt of lakes. I remember wanting to stay and serve my boss, just because I looked up to him. I remember dreaming that I sang in an old western bar and no one cared nor did they mind. I dream beautiful and horrifying things, I dream of death and life and I know in my heart I don't belong on earth, neither does anyone else, but we are sent here to learn and I am ok with it.
I love life as long as I believe and dream. I wish to find people who feel like me and I know they'll understand just like me. I'm thankful that I have shelter and food, I am thankful for all I have and I hope people who feel lost will find their purpose too. I hope for all to be better.
I don't know how to tell you I never get what I want. When I do, it's broken already, and I spend so much time trying to fix it. I don't know how to tell you I want you. Now that the situation has changed, and I can't without becoming some kind of monster, I don't know how.
I don't know how to live up to what everyone thinks I am. Calm, cool, well adjusted color who knows what she wants and how to get it. Well, I know what I want, that's true, but how do I get it?
I'll solve these mysteries in time. Whatever it takes. I'll be patient and kind.
I got to spend time with my cousins again yesterday. It was great. I went to a walk with the younger one, and gave her a piggyback ride. Now that I live in the same city as they do, I can see them much more often. God I love those two girls so much.
Goddammit you fucker I'm not gonna try and make plans tonight. You don't text me, I'm going to the bar to watch the results on TV. I'm getting tired of you being tired. I get it, I do, but it's been two weeks since we spent time together, and we live a two minute walk from each other!
Ffs if you don't wanna be with me just fucking say so. I have feelings and all but damn am I tired of being treated this way.
I have let my whole family down by dropping out of college.the last 6 years, I have been working blue collar with intentions to go back. I'm no closer today than the day I flunked. even though I am a happy person, I feel extremely embarrassed about my life and i feel that I have shamed my mother and father
I hate you Bert, ever since I caught you hooking up with Grover things just haven't been the same. You don't let me give you your routinely blowjob before bed even though I deepthroat it like a champ, you always claim you're tired or you gotta get up early tomorrow. Bullshit. I know you fuck that blue furry cock behind my back, and god knows what else you do. I'm fucking embarrassed, ashamed that you don't want to fuck me in the ass anymore, or give me rimjobs which you know are my favorite while i make you a sandwich. I'm gonna do it Bert. I'm going to murder your pigeons, spread it all over your bed while you're asleep, and I'm leaving your sweet yellow ass. I'm taking your money as well with me. You also have to pay alimony after I file our divorce.
I wish someone would beat the shit out of you like you deserve. I wish I were a man or I'd do it myself. I'd make sure you weren't pretty no more. Maybe then you'd hang your head in shame. Where do you get off acting like you're the shit when you're a lowlife scumbag? I wish to god I could just never see your candy ass again but fuck me my best friend is moving and I'll be around even more. Everything you do pisses me off. Every time I see you I feel sick. I'd never do anything to hurt you myself, but I'd sure as hell watch people fuck you up. And now I realize I wouldn't help you or hug you. I'd stand there and laugh.
>>16757228 I have a friend with benefits, and I have a lover I'm taking a break from, and I have a guy with the best cock in the entire world who unfortunately has four kids and travels too much for me to see him often enough. I also have a fellow waiting in the wings ready for me the minute I decide to meet up with him.
However, I'm hung up on this little bitch of a manwhore whom I wish would get locked up again so I wouldn't even have to see his pretty fuckface in the club again.
I live in a very busy city and use public transit to get to and from work. On my way home, the train is busy and usually very full. I like to find a man to stand in front of, and subtly inch close until I can feel him against me. Sometimes, when the train lurches, I can feel whoever it is get hard, and it excites me to the point I wish he'd fuck me right there.
Then as soon as I get home, I rush to bed and fuck my boyfriend.
I wish I could not be in love with my old friend/ex boyfriend that's currently married. I've tried everything, I feel like. I've tried cutting ties with him, I've tried flinging myself to other men, tried preoccupy myself with hobbies or friends but in the end, I find myself thinking back about him and wanting to be with him.
What's worse is that I think he feels the same way. If this whole thing was just one sided, maybe I could handle this better. But the fact that he sometimes texts me how much he wishes he could kiss me, hug me, have sex with me, and the like - it makes this whole thing even more complicated to deal with. And I feel like a terrible person that I really want him and his wife to get a divorce. He used to be my best friend. I shouldn't wish something that horrible upon him or something for him to go through. I should want him to be happy and wish him luck in his marriage. But... it's hard for me to do that when I want to be with him so bad. Ugh, I'm so fucked up.
Yes, I got that little jab. Let me relieve you of a worry; no I'm not happy. Us readding each other is not leading to what you think. He and I spent too far apart and he's too entrenched with the ex that lives with him. There would never be a chance of us getting back together and at this point I probably couldn't trust them again anyway.
So instead, just outright message me instead of taking a jab like that. You can message me and outright laugh at how pathetic everything ended up being. I'll permit you to laugh and ridicule me, I'm still nursing wounds so it'll have a stronger impact
Look. I'm sorry you weren't getting enough attention but you did not have to come up and start talking to someone I'm talking to. Naw. Talking about creepy and crazy dude don't even go there. Believe me I've heard people talk unbelievable shit about you. So stay the fuck out my face until you learn how to act like a human being.
>> be me 33 years old >> off work due to an work related injury >> still living with parents want to move out but no money >> want a GF to snuggle up to at night but I'm too big of a loser to deserve one >> thinking about immigrating from the UK to Canada but my thanks to many set backs over the years that dream won't come true
it will be months to a year before i'm fit for work
I hold no animosity towards you. I really don't hate you and even now I care about you. I wish our history was different, I wish you hadn't lashed out like you had. It hurt a lot, that's why I cut contact. I hid behind a mask of supposed scorn towards you and your friends just so you'd be kept away from my wounds. Those wounds still haven't healed, but I also went out of my way and stupidly acquired new ones.
You're right, yes, you're right. Me not talking to you because I thought you were too busy with other people is hypocritical when I just said that to someone else. I'm sorry, I'm a flawed person and I'm just going through a process to numb myself to everything. I'm sorry.
>>16757512 Why I care about you I don't know. But I do. You're just so incredibly uncivilized. One friend of mine said that you looked like you just came out of the forest or something. You are horribly scarily sexy and that pisses me off but somehow somewhere as stupid as the look you put on your face is, I think you're smart. I've caught a half a second's worth of glimpses of this but still I think so. Every time I see you you look different, you act different. Your voice even seems to change. You're such a character I can't help it I'm fascinated by you.
>>16757538 >leave me alone You can't be the person I just directed that at, because I've not interacted with them since telling a mutual friend that I won't re-add them. Don't try writing in someone's place, if you do at least get the context. I don't interact with them, so they've been left alone ever since I removed them and forced them to stay away from me
>>16757546 Ok, then please don't keep showing up when I happen to leave the gym. And don't put on that clown-custome next time. It doesn't suit you and you know it. Will this make a difference? Why are you still talking to me?
>>16757550 You're not them, because the person I just directed that at did not used to go to the gym and I would not be aware of them doing so these days precisely because we have no contact.
I'll make it blunt, there are few people in this world I care enough about to go out of my way to write a stupid letter to on an anonymous imageboard just knowing they won't read it. To anyone else I've ever met, I wouldn't bother because I'm a terrible person and they don't mean enough. I can safely say, anon, you're trying to talk to the wrong person here. You and I don't know each other.
>>16757574 If you care about so many people in this world to the point you'd write letters to them that they'd never see, I'd sooner claim you're too attached to people. If someone is not directed at someone, then it's not directed at someone. I would wager that you don't write letters to acquaintances, but you do write letters to people close to you, especially when it's for the purpose of getting something relevant off your chest.
>>16757582 How about this: let's say you're really not the person I think you are. But it turns out you were(when you show up again and talk to me), and I tell you to fuck off and never talk to me again because I don't like liars. Would you dig that?
>>16757606 Yes, because just because I acknowledged their issue with me in the past having been never initiating contact, that doesn't mean I'm about to go initiate contact with him. So if you wrong your person like that, that's on you, not me.
>>16757632 I dunno, an anon is dead to you. If you were the person I was talking to, that still wouldn't mean I'd be initiating contact with you anytime soon. August is a long time gone, that's when I cut contact with him. If I'm dead to him, that doesn't really mean much because it means the two of us won't ever see each other again. If he sought to talk to me again, I'd re-add him. But he won't, and he shouldn't and so between the two of us nothing will ever change.
>>16757721 Okay? Whatever it was ended in August (a friendship) after I removed him following his outburst in July. He moved on, and has many friends to enjoy. I'm licking my wounds following various bouts of stupidity but all of my own cause and unrelated to him. This is why I bear him no ill will, because we have no connection to each other.
But hey, for a positive note; I'm in love with a person I won't get back together with. Isn't that kinda amazing? Yeah, the only way we could ever get back together is if the two of us ever managed to fix the rift that appeared recently after I ended it. But we won't, it's not in either of our natures.
i honestly pretty much started hating my life and my vapid fucking routine it's really depressing but at the same time i am sort of grateful for my girlfriend and my best friends and for the fact that i'm growing up but i'd sometimes like to go back to when i was all sensitive and could feel emotions i keep thinking that people don't really want to see emotions be expressed honestly and i have no problem with that i just don't want to become what i've always tried to avoid becoming
I hate myself so much I cannot accept others into my heart. I'm a scared little girl deep down. But I hurt others instead of helping myself. I'm really quite pathetic. But it's all I know and can do. Please forgive me because I'm not going to stop. I'm just going to pray instead because I know something's wrong but I'm just too much of a scared loser to do anything for real. So I chose the easy way out. I'm already half-dead basically just waiting to die. Please forgive me, I really didn't mean it like that. No, really. Oops did it again, I'm afraid.
My roommate is a fucking bum and refuses to pay the internet bill when its his goddamn responsibility. It's relatively minor in the grand scope of my life but this has happened at least six times now and has tried justifying his laziness by playing the pity card, its fucking pathetic.
This has been stewing for weeks, I need to let it out there >>16757516 >>be me I fucking hate people that do this. Who fucking else would you be? Just get on with the meaningless blog post you goddamn narcissistic dipshit
>>16751365 I always manage to get a girls attention then find soemthing in her that puts me off Even when she seems to be everything i want, I find something bad about her I hate making girls think they have a chance with me then blowing it off for some reason What the fuck is wrong with me ?
>>16757967 You've got commitment issues meng, best I can say is grow the fuck out of it. I can't even use the analogy "the grass is always greener on the other side" because you're picking nothing over something.
I finally have a girlfriend. She's really sweet and caring, but she's also really dumb. The amount of times I have to explain rather common words to her is aggravating. I feel like we're on two completely different life paths and it's time to break up with her. But at the same time I there are times where I remember why I fell in love with her. I don't know what to do. I've talked to her about it, but she just keeps pressuring me to figure out how I feel, but I just feel so confused.
>>16757975 >>16757976 Well, your body gives yourself a hit of dopamine every time you do something pleasurable. In the case of doing it daily if not more than once daily, your body will become dependent on that dopamine after about 21 days of repeated use. Generally, it takes around 21-30 days without that daily hit of dopamine for your body to return to a normal chemical balance. It's like any other addiction, your body becomes dependent. The only way to correct it is to detox. Buckle up, 16 more days and you should start to feel better.
How do I explain to someone I've met that I spent the last 3 years doing nothing but being depressed? I'm out of that slump now and am in a course I'm happy with, but it seems like something that could come up relatively early in general chit chat, so it feels like my options are 'confess mental illness very early on and possibly scare people off' or 'let them think I was just a lazy piece of shit for 3 years.'
I don't want to be that guy that spills his entire personal history at the drop of a hat, especially to people I don't know well. Depression and anxiety aren't particularly rare but very few people know I have it and I like it that way.
>>16758014 Easiest way is to just keep yourself busy. Force your mind to think about something other than the next hit. That said, don't replace one addiction with another. Stay strong, you can get through it.
>>16757992 It's generally assumed that unless otherwise stated, whoever writes a story in first person is the person in the story If I really wanted to be mean I could point out how using two meme arrows is pointless, but I'm sure you'll figure it out once you spend a couple months on this website.
Sorry Alleah. I know I've said it way too many times. Too many for my own good and probably enough to make you puke from hearing it anymore. We both had our issues that caused things to fall apart. But I feel the need to still say it, both for you and for myself.
I know you're dating that other guy now. I had a feeling about it for awhile, but seeing that photo that your mom posted pop up in my feed confirmed it. I'm not sure if you didn't tell me because it's not my business or because you didn't want to hurt me. At this point, it matters little either way I guess.
I don't really feel all that sad about it anymore. I feel more numb than anything. But the one thing that does make me sad is the fact we barely talk. You were my best friend long before you were my lover. And the feeling of seeing my best friend disappear is infinitely worse than seeing our love fade away. Yeah, we say we're still friends, but it's not like we really talk anymore. I'm the only one who seems to want to bother to make contact. And half the time, you never even text or call me back. I miss the days when we would just sit on the phone for hours talking about random things.
Regardless, I guess I'll continue to message you every so often and check up on you. I really do wish you the best.
I hope that we can really reconnect as best friends again some day.
I will never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever commit to you ever, like ever. I don't like to be in a prison of your making. And since you don't stop it, I will simply have to escape, right? Right.
sigh... women like you reward men for being players, and then you wonder why men are players, and when, one day, you date a man who plays you, you will feel infuriated and call the other woman a bitch, but YOU ARE THAT BITCH.
I was about to throw away the bag of letters and notes you left me until I saw the Nutcracker pamphlet.
I don't have the words anymore. Just an inarticulate sadness.
I saw the bookmarks you made, it was the first time I saw your handwriting in two years and I could have just thrown it all away but I couldn't.
Nobody loved me like you did. I don't know if it was because you saw me for who I really was, because you saw right through me.
The last time I saw the poeticism in life was when you wear half-heartedly singing and folding up clothes to put in your suitcase.
I miss you so fucking much. I'm so, so sorry.
Mingus died and it was my fault.
I don't know what to do anymore. The bag ripped and I saw the little black book. I couldn't help reading it. It's been three fucking years and I want this to end. I want to learn to love someone else and I can't move on from this. I'm not trying hard enough, I fucked up my life and I just want to feel like a person again. Please god I just want to feel like a fucking person again I beg you please. I want to grow as a person and be and adult, I want to have my own life, I want to be of some worth to myself and be a healthy person to be around. I'm so fucking sorry.
Am mostly reading this thread to see if the guy I'm interested in has written something about me.
I'm charming, funny, cute and smart as fuck but I seem to only attract my closest (male) friends. I've had lots of relationships and sexual partners and yet I constantly doubt myself, because no one ever really shows any interest in me. Is it possible that guys are scared of me? I'm closer to 30 than 20, so we're not talking boys here.
Are you entertained? I did say I couldn't possibly be expected to trust him again, and I said not too long ago that I'm done caring about "love." I do still consider myself stupid for ever being involved with him, I couldn't trust him now even if he did ask to get back together, which is funny because I ended it because he showed he trusted his "abusive ex" more than he trusted me. So while you entertain yourself and watch his harem lust after him, be sure to laugh at never needing to worry that I may actually be in a relationship with someone. I told him this earlier, too, I'm not partaking in rat races anymore. I don't need to try more, and I don't believe it's a matter of still not meeting or being with the right person. Some people aren't meant to be with others, so that others can be happy, and I believe that to be my role. No other reason for someone to be so replaceable at a drop of a hat, correct? So never fret, while you go on happy with your love life, you can always feel better about yourself by watching this and knowing I refuse to try again.
A life as a stepping stone, but this stepping stone's finally eroded too much to be of use.
When you asked me to marry you that way, I was shocked, surprised, ecstatic, flattered by all your romantic gestures, and at the same time afraid you wouldn't mean it. I went out of my way to show you how real I felt back, how we would have the best sex, the best days out, and the happiest life in paradise on earth, yet I'm waiting forever it seems. Anyway. The future is bright. I was in a bad place. I trust you though. I never thought we would fall the other way around to traditional dating etiquette, this means little to us
she never loved me. I dont even think she still remembers about me. I cant g et her off my mind. She was the only person i could talk to. Now i have no one. No one to love. No one to call my own. No one to care for.
I just booked skydiving for myself. Just one jump. I'm not entirely sure why. It's another thing i have to do. I need to jump out of a plane and experience a seemingly deadly situation. I was told I should do a tandem jump, which is where you're strapped to a qualified skydiver and they jump. It only requires 20 minutes of instructions. But I don't want that, that's basically cheating to me, I have to jump out by myself and pull the cord by myself and have my own life in my own hands. I feel like it will be a pretty life changing moment. In the past I have been a coward, I wouldn't do pretty much anything i deemed dangerous. I wouldn't even go on rollercoasters. I can't quite figure out why, something just held me back. I'm not like that now, I'll do anything now. This is proof of that, this is far more extreme than any rollercoaster.
I think once I've done this, I'll also be able to go alone into the wilderness with no fears. I have very little fear as it is now but once I've done this I know I'll be able to handle anything thrown at me. I booked it without even telling my family. No one can talk me out of this decision and nothing can stop me now.
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