>>16747956 In your intestines live billions of "good" bacteria. (There are actually more of them than there are cells of you) In return for a nice warm place to live, they do some of your pre-digesting for you.
So that's your reason for living - to provide a home for billions of nice friendly bacteria.
>>16747977 A helium tank and a mask. I was told that that is the best way.
I wouldn't mind if I accidentally put my credit card info into the wrong place and have my entire bank account emptied out, but my half of dad's fortune is still there and I'd like to leave my sister the most of it.
>>16747992 I'm not really sure, maybe amazon? But I read somewhere on /r9/ that commercially available helium tanks don't have 100% helium, but some weird mixture, so you can't suicide with them anymore. So you have to choose another option I guess, maybe overdosing on some meds? Atleast that was what I did when I attempted it
>>16748001 I know. Trying to find a non-oxygenated one or figuring out how to remove the oxygen myself would be the next step. I've tried OD'ing on painkillers and if mama hadn't gotten me to a hospital I still would've taken days for my liver to shut down, and considering that you're still here, it doesn't seem like a very good way to go.
>>16748002 I just don't want to pay rent. Life would be perfectly pleasant and happy and wonderful if I didn't have to look for a school to get a job and look for a job to live.
Being alive in the 21st century is like winning the lottery except you are constantly on fire and the only thing you can use the money on is gasoline.
Life is inherently worth living. Life as a wage slave isn't.
>>16748015 I fell asleep and woke up in a hospital afterwards, my stomach just got pumped out. My next try will be just cutting my wrists open and dieing slowly, but I can't do it right now because my family is checking up on me like every 30 minutes. I'm just waiting for the right moment where I can go outside at night and end it there.
Is there gun control in your country? Maybe get a weapon and just shoot yourself?
>>16748015 I used to feel exactly the same way. Depression makes it very hard to see how many things in your life are actually amazing and wonderful. If you feel that working is sapping your will to live, it might be because you're not doing anything else.
If 100% of your day is shitty stuff you don't want to do, then duh you'll be suicidal. Seek the good stuff. Find the good people.
>>16748026 >If you feel that working is sapping your will to live, it might be because you're not doing anything else. I haven't spent a day in my life in gainful employment. I haven't even got an education that'd give me a chance of GETTING a job.
I am currently trying to apply for schools but I'm crying instead.
>>16748041 I don't want to traumatise some train director. Too many inconsiderate cunts do that - the train network schedules actually have to prepare for the suicide wave every spring - and I can't think of any building high enough.
How tall does a building have to be for you to die before you land? Is it guaranteed that it's painless?
>>16748039 Work can be fulfilling. It can be fun. You can meet new friends, learn things, help other people, help the whole world even.
I just got laid off from a typical wage slave job. But I met people every day. I gave them my kindness and my smile. It was worth it because I made them smile, too. With the money I buy books and music lessons and do fun things.
It's true that the system is unfair; some people get to start at the top and we had to start way down here where it sucks. But you have control over your future. You can do anything - there's always a way. Depression makes you feel like it's impossible. There are people who can help you... can you see a doctor or call a national help line? I don't know what country you're in, so here's this:
>>16747956 * Suicide is often a permanent solution to a temporary problem * When we are depressed, we tend to see things through the very narrow perspective of the present moment. A week or a month later, things may look completely different * Most people who once thought about killing themselves are now glad to be alive. They say they didn't want to end their lives - they just wanted to stop the pain.
>>16748049 You're not understanding what I am trying to say.
I don't want to start at the top. I don't want to start at all.
I don't want to spend the next 50 years waking up at 6 am every morning and spending half of my life doing shit I don't want to do and the next half trying to recover from it and starting over and over and over again every single day.
I literally do not want to live.
>>16748059 *labour as we know itwill not come to an end within my lifetime *I have felt like this ever since I gave up hope of getting hit by a car and dying before I graduate high school *I know. The matter is, there is no stopping the pain. I'm not saying that it's permanent, just that it will outlive me.
>>16748084 You sound profoundly depressed. I truly hope you survive this because coming back from being that far down into yourself is an amazing feeling. Loving and eating and playing and singing and dancing and screaming and throwing rocks at birds and digging a hole for no reason and watching tv and fucking and clipping your toenails and laughing... it's fun. It's all super fun. This is a free roam video game! Are you sure you don't like any part of it at all?
>>16748044 I don't know how high it has to be. And there is no painless suicide method I think. Even shooting yourself in your head will be painful for a few minutes.
I don't really know how high the building has to be. Maybe try to look some numbers up?
Cutting your wrist etc. would be really agonizing, which is why I want to do it, but you would always have to fear that someone can find you. But I guess if you fear the pain, that this isn't really your way
>>16748137 I would read your book. I love reading but I have no desire to write at all... I'm so glad people like you exist. Please write that book before you die. The world can never have too many books.
>>16748155 Have you seen the crap that gets published these days? Publishing is actually getting easier and easier.
You can even self-publish via Amazon or another ebook site and make decent money. My dad wrote a weird religious sci-fi novella and now lives off the money in a shack in the woods, hunting and fishing basically all fucking day. I would never tell him, but his book is kind of bad. If you're talented, it'll be easier than you'd expect.
>>16748164 I'm not religious. I don't pander to anyone's interests. "You are powerless in the face of war and disaster, and human evil knows neither boundaries nor an end" is not the kind of a fuzzy feel-good message people pay money for.
>>16748173 Actually, my dad's book wasn't a feel-good kind of book either.
Look, you seem well-spoken. You have insights into the dark side of life. I guarantee someone will want to read your words. It's worth trying.
I have a throwaway email email@example.com
Email me when it's finished and I will buy your book. Now you have one reader for sure. Whether it's done in a month or a year or a decade or more, I will buy your book.
And I'll read it with enthusiasm because I talked to you. We have a connection, even if it's just tiny. It makes a difference to me. I'm happy I get to talk to you. I hope you live until you're 110 and write 30 goddamn books.
>>16747956 >Is there any real reason not to kill yourself? You want to live. You want it so badly that you're searching high and low for reasons: anything that will shut up the voice telling you that you want to die. You'd even come to the place reputed to have invented the LOL KILL URSELF meme, in case it might havr an answer. But the mere fact that you'd do this is the only answer you really need.
It's not that simple, of course. I've only just barely been there myself, but I've seen enough to know that much. The voice doesn't go away so easily. You need help, OP: more than we can really give. Please, seek it out.
>>16748633 >you need help. Not OP here, but someone else who has struggled with depression for most of my life, and this is a phrase i gear brought up all the time.
You need help eh? So what, a therapist or drugs. "Professional" help right? Well what happens when the drugs dont work and the therapist doesnt help, nor does the hotline. Who is supposed to help you then? Try other drugs, find other people to talk to right? And yet...what if that still doesnt fix things?
You must rely on yourself in the end. You have to want to get better, you have to pick yourself back up, and you have to be the voice of reason against the voice that's telling you to off yourself. If you cant do that, then no outside help will save you.
Now i understand talking to people and drugs can help people 'help themselves' but the phrase "you need help" is some of the least helpful advice i've ever heard lol.
>>16748084 How old are you, anon? I was in that place recently, I'm still not totally out of the woods. But one day I just realised "I'm 25 years old. There is no way I've felt this way for 25 straight years and survived, I would have killed myself so fucking long ago. There must have been things I used to live for, what were they?" And I made a short list of things I could remember I used to do other than lying in bed, things that I'm pretty sure used to make me happy. They didn't make me happy anymore, nothing did, but that's okay. They made me happy once, and with a human lifespan of ~80 years there was a good chance that they'd one day make me happy again. Time be damned.
Bottom line, no matter how severe or even chronic depression is, it's temporary. However far away it might be, I guarantee you there is a day in your future waiting for you where you'll think "Christ, I'm glad I didn't go through with it." And when you reach that day, write it down and remind yourself it was real.
If you fundamentally hate your lifestyle, find an alternate. Become a bushman, become a monk, move to a different country. As much as society tells us we have to make a certain amount of money, have a certain array of possessions, work a certain number of hours in order to count as a human, the truth is there are so many ways to live. You've given up on life? Brilliant! Chuck it and find a new one. You have years and years to do the research and build a nest egg. If this is the point where you're ready to kill yourself, then live every moment from this point on to work towards a different life.
>>16748072 >*I have felt like this ever since I gave up hope of getting hit by a car and dying before I graduate high school Kek, people always thought I was just stupid to never look before crossing.
>>16748164 >My dad wrote a weird religious sci-fi novella and now lives off the money in a shack in the woods, hunting and fishing basically all fucking day. This is literally my dream life.
>>16748001 >meds For the love of God OP, don't do this one. That shit will burst your liver, it's no fun. Just go crawl into mature and jump off a cliff. If you live somewhere flat and/or don't want your body to be scrambled eggs, search around the deep web for the chemicals used for lethal injections. If you're serious about killing yourself, you'll take the time to make sure it's legit/find it at all.
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