I hit my boyfriend and he choked me and had sex with me while i was angry at him... is this normal? i hit him cause i was drunk and angry at him for something he did before, not cheating cause he knows better but anyway, he held my arms against the wall and told me to stop... i just laughed then when he let me go i jumped on him when he turned his back, and yes i was still mad,
and then he put his hand around my neck and i was pretty scared...and he pulled my pats doen and screwed me, i was still mad but i was like i said scared after he almost choked me, i know this is "rape" but i dont think it was, just wondering why he did that...seems like an inappropriate time to want sex.
> i know this is "rape"
No it ain't.
You smacked your man. He asserted his dominance.
You were put in your place.
Would you rather he have smacked you upside the head instead? That he treat you like a man and break your fucking jaw?
this sounds like a toxic situation overall and technically it's rape. were you actually vocal about wanting sex or did he really just pin you down and fuck you? if you felt as if it was an inappropriate time for sex then yeah its rape and you should probably confront him about it. also you should own up to the fact that while you were drunk you abused him as well.
messy situation overall and im sorry you had to go through that.
the way your bf tried to stop you the way he did was pure power play on his part, and if he was actually a decent human being he wouldn't have handled it so aggressively. rape is all about power play at the end of the day, no matter how you look at it.
I think it's called crazy hate-sex
Some couples do this
Do you hate him now? Do you think negatively about him now? Do you want to break up with him now?
Then you had delicious, drunken hate-sex
If you feel very violated and shit, then yes, it's rape.
But it sounds as if you don't truly feel raped, which is why I call it hate-sex.
Rape is about power and dominance more than sex-drive. That was pretty low of him. I would rather be punched in the face for hitting someone than have them choke and fuck me just to win a fight.
To answer your question: it's not really normal. It's the kind of thing that should happen less often than it does.
You seem young. sorry that situation ended like that. If you stay with him look forward to it happening again.
Serious question. How do you feel about the sex, after the fact? Do you feel dirty? Scared? Depressed? Did you enjoy it at all, or did you just want out the whole time?
That doesn't change whether it was or wasn't rape, but how you felt/are feeling is important here.
Weird, I just refreshed this page and saw all these replies.
Oh, I was just thankful he was not choking me anymore and didn't want to provoke him so did what he wanted. I feel really regretful that I got so mad about silly stuff.
He knows what he did so not sure what there is to say witout sounding like a whiny bitch
All right. Look, here's the facts.
He did something physically threatening (choked you), then had sex with you. You didn't verbally consent to the sex. You didn't nonverbally reciprocate (e.g. kissing him, pulling his clothes off, participating in any way.) You also didn't explicitly deny consent (tell him "no"), but the reason you didn't was because you were afraid he might get threatening or violent towards you again.
All that ... pretty much makes what happened rape, dude. It's not even a borderline case.
Now, that doesn't mean that you necessarily need to feel traumatized or dirty or whatever from it. Not if you didn't already; no sense in deliberately subjecting yourself to psychological pain. What you do with that information is up to you. I'm just delivering facts here: he sexually assaulted you. What he did was illegal. It might be difficult to prove in court (rape cases as a rule are) and whether or not you go to the cops is up to you, but that's what happened. He committed a crime and crossed what most people would consider to be a very serious line. He might cross other similar lines in the future. You need to realize that.
Some people are into rough sex. Some people would have been OK with what he did, maybe found it pretty hot. In such cases, though, consent needs to be VERY CLEAR (preferably obtained beforehand.) That's not what happened here.
Being violent towards your partner is domestic abuse regardless of whether you're a credible physical threat to them. A 110-pound girl slaps a 200-pound guy; abuse. You need to understand that, going forward.
In the here and now, though, the fact that you were abusive towards him is, in my opinion, completely outweighed by the subsequent rape (and the fact that you're not a credible threat towards him does mean at least something, though it doesn't negate the fact that it was abuse.)
>In such cases, though, consent needs to be VERY CLEAR (preferably obtained beforehand.) That's not what happened here.
And she was attacking him beforehand. I'm not condoning what he did, but it's not like she was in the moral clear either.
I don't disagree. That doesn't at all mean she "deserved" to be raped, though. I know you're not suggesting that -- but she's clearly confused about this, so I feel the need to be very explicit.