Hi /adv , would you break up with messy gf?
We date from march and live together from september. I love her but since i am rly tidy person a like to have my shit aligned i hate some of the shit she does.
>keeps leaving her clother threwn around
>cant fucking throw away tissues after blows her nose and put them randomly around flat
> messy when eating
>ignores me when i point out these things
>doesnt washes hands after coming home
>hates ironing and cooking
>secks is okayish great bjs
All the stuff piss me off into infinity and she doesnt really cares about being normal tidy person.
Pic related her
Here's a life tip for you
>You can't change others, you can only change yourself
Before you move in with someone, know that a person will always have some type of shit that pisses you off, just be glad she doesn't try stab you in your sleep. Just call her out when she throws garbage on the floor and move a trash can near her. Everything else is normal behaviour
have you considered the option of just not living together? it may be rough transition but i have heard success stories from couples who simply cannot live together. but of course if there are other issues it wont work and you run the risk of your girl thinking you are jsut tricking her into moving out calmly before breaking up.
either way, my recommendation is to be direct, but be prepared. regardless of hte situation you shoudl know A) what you are going to do and B) what she is going to do.
as in, if you have to find a new place, find it, and have the money to move out. if you're kicking her out, make sure she has somewhere to go. nothing more awkward than living with your ex for six months.
Well if you don't take care of it now, the problem may get worse. My advice to you is to talk to her first. Make sure you both are sitting down w/o any distraction. Be prepared to have solutions in mind for what she may say/do. Like if she continues to not care and you just cant deal w/ it: Move out or help her find a new place.
Be thankful you found out about this now. My husband didn't start getting really messy until a couple yrs ago. I cleaned up after him and asked multiple times for him to pick up his trash, but the problem persists. I've resorted to getting a trash bag and putting his wet towels with his dirty laundry and all the other stuff he leaves around like change, dirty tissue, and just throwing it in the closet. He got pissed, but that bag just keeps growing.
The thing is that her family is really messy. They dont care about their house her mother just sits by tv and doesnt care. I think her father is just imune and gives zero fucks. Ot is really hard to "teach" someone anything he was never used to doing. Maybe i am fighting windmills
HAHAHAHAHA I DO ALL OF THESE THINGS.
To be honest op, if it's that big a deal to you you need to sit her down and tell her you're considering breaking up with her over this. She'll either be insanely offended and end it then and there, or she'll realize the gravity of the situation and make a real effort to change.
That being said, here are a few other elements to consider:
Do you plan on having kids one day? You realize that if you do, your life will be a constant, practically unclean-able mess, and you can't just "break up" with kids when they don't clean up. My mom has been trying for 29 years to get me to clean and I still don't do it.
Also, consider that no matter who you are with, you need to make compromises. Would you rather have a GF who is meaner, but cleaner? Or a GF that likes flirting with other boys, but loves cooking and cleaning?
I'm not telling you to settle- but really take a minute to consider how important cleanliness is to you. Is this girl perfect in every other way, or are there other things you dislike about her?
If she's perfect except for being messy, then I personally think you may be overreacting.
I was messy until someone told me a really good piece of advice:
If you surround yourself with only things that you REALLY care about, you will take better care of your things.
This is helpful because 1: you deck utter your areas. It's easier to hang clothes and put things in their place when they actually have a place to be put. I had so much junk that my stuff was not organized.
2: if you love everything you own, you will take good care of it because you cherish it.
If she's willing to go through the process of sorting through her things and thinking "do I really love this?" (NOT just "could this potentially serve a purpose one day") she will naturally be more orderly
>i am not a 30 y/o still living with my mother
My husband came from the same type of home. I was raised by a single mom and her sisters that made me clean up all my shit though.
That's why my advice to you is, if you really love this girl, then talking to her should be priority 1. She has to understand that you both live together, you're not comfortable in your own home, and you're not her family-youre her boyfriend.
Being in a relationship with someone means you both have to compromise and it sounds like youre the only one willing to do that until you get a solid answer out of her.
Doesn't sound like the two of you are compatible in the long run, unless you're cool with being the housekeeper and not having high expectations from her end.
But you'd still never be happy. I've dated an unrepentant slob before, it only got worse and worse.
Very few relationships, even good ones, lead to marriage, and for good reason. Probably time to get out.
If you want to try and keep this thing going, my recommendation is this: do NOT be nice about it. Her personal conduct is that of a toddler, and you need to tell her that. And if she doesn't get her shit together and clean up after herself like a goddamned adult, you're going to break up with her because you're not going to marry a child.
If she won't take a hint, you have to take the hard line. If she really values you, she'll make an effort to unfuck herself; if she won't, then to hell with her.
Op here, thanks guys for your help i really appreciate that. I will have a seating with her and explain all that stuff that is uncomfortable for me and we will have to find solutions. Have a great weekend