I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I HATE YOU
I'm trying to work it out with him...really...I am. But he's not you and he'll never be half the man you are. By the way, your dick is huge. I saw it bulging and it made me wet. How are things going with "her"? Do you still wish she was me? Do you still miss my voice? I miss yours. I miss the way you'd wink after saying something cheeky and the way you scrunch up your nose when I make you cringe and laugh at the same time. I loved that time when you were on stage and you looked directly at me and smiled. I laughed a lot that night. I loved the way you'd get random boners when I'm around you and I love that you're level 18 on league just to play with me. We're too old for this shit. Goodbye. <3
To be honest, the way you explained it to me made it sound like the only reason I'm no longer the number one girl in your life is because of distance. Because I wasn't going to be around often enough to satisfy you physically, that you couldn't hold me or do things together more than once a month. You still tell me that you love me and you need me, that I'm our best friend. But you also want me to meet your new girlfriend. Man, we've done this before, twice. When you and me and another girl gets thrown into the mix, someone's heart always end up ripped to pieces. First it was yours and your exe's. Then it was all three of us and I lost a friend. And then it was mine. You know I love you too much to take you out of my life. But please. Please stop trying to have it all. It'll hurt so much, too much to watch you fall in love with someone while remembering that that was almost me. Especially when I'm still alone.
It's your birthday and im not with you, i havent even wished you, but why should i when im a nobody to you now. i have sent you something but its going to be late. I don't know how i feel. I don't know how you feel. Do you miss me, do you want me back? Are you thinking of me, or are you just out having fun with your friends, and maybe you have a new boyfriend, i don't know. You seem depressed, from the brief amount i've seen you say since the split, you don't seem happy at all, though you're trying. Are you trying to forget me, to move on, or just trying to be okay before you make a decision. Maybe you've made your decision already, but nah, if you decided you don't want me, you'd have told me, if you decided you do want me, you might not tell me yet.
Getting my hopes up is a bad idea, a very very bad idea. I try to keep my hopes at rock bottom, but the last things you said to me still rings true in my head, i don't know if you said those things to keep me hanging or because you meant it. But i feel like you meant it because thats how i feel about you. But how then can you feel that way and still not come back to me. Sometimes i just spend the night crying about you, missing you and missing you in my future. In those times i want you so badly, it makes me realise that you don't feel the same, because if you cried that hard over me, there's no way you wouldn't send me a text or say you want to be with me.
I feel, everything. Sadness, longing, depression oh the depression, loneliness, anger, hate, confusion, pity, hopelessness. I don't know why you keep up what you're doing, there isn't any reason to. The reasons we split are gone, are fixed, you said im your soulmate, you said you cant imagine me not being in your future, so why don't you come back already. All i can see, the only reason i can see, is that you just think im not good enough for you, that you simply straight up don't like me. Because i don't see any other reason not to be with me.
It's over, I don't want to be your friend again. I called you a true friend, which isn't something I do easily, but you never made a single effort to hold me in the same closeness as I held you. You were like a sister to me. But of course, your new cool friends from Psychology were so much better because they were oh so serious and mature. To you I was just a little kid you had to bear with, simply because I was playful and liked goofing around. You played along when we were in high school, but of course now that you're mature and intellectual we can't have none of that, can we? Oh, and remember those times in messenger where you awkwardly stopped replying only to tell me you had been fucking with your boyfriend? I was onto your game all the time. You thought I liked you, and wanted to make me jealous to confirm it. Well, I did, some years before we became close. But I had stopped seeing you in that way long ago. And when you tried to make me confess I was gay, yes, I was onto that one as well, and you were WAAAAY off.
So yeah, deal with it, I'm never talking to you again. Stop trying to pretend you're the better person and send me sappy texts on New Years, I don't even realize it's you until the day after because your number hasn't been on my phone for a year and a half now, and I neither appreciate them nor will reply to them. You keep to your Grand Psychologist life and I'll keep to my own.
You keep watch on that boyfriend of yours. I hear that over in Spain there's plenty of easy chicas. Just saying.
I sexualize you entirely, yeah. I'm sorry. Our personalities are very intimate. I don't like how you get so pretentiously serious because it reminds me of myself. I would rather not hate myself anymore. You are a special person to me because we are similar in design.
T- I've poured my heart out to you countless times on here. Normally for me, writing a letter that someone will never see makes the feeling go away. But not this time You're stuck in my head You must be something special I've never crushed this hard on someone before -S
i get on you for not being trust worthy, for being rude when you're drunk.... etc But before we got official I was fucking and kissing someone else then coming to you or vice versa. You weren't my first choice. I didn't fuck him because I was horny- I don't care about sex and it never does much for me... but more so because I liked you AND him and I know how men are when they have a girl's full attention... they get tired. Maybe that's why you liked me. Anyway, he didn't want to take things further. I was kindof relieved. Now you're a piece of shit- I still find myself hurting and thinking about my past "loves" anyway. I know it wouldn't work out between us anyway.
Please, understand that none of us hate you for who you are. We are harsh with you because you can't get a grip on yourself.
Your friends laugh at you, you may not realize it, you may actually enjoy making them laugh. But if you were hanging from a ledge, we are the ones who would go over and pull you up.
You had it hard all your life, you were into some heavy shit, but the fact that you stand where you stand today is a reason for pride, not regret. I know that in your heart you just wish you could drop everything and destroy yourself all over again. Things are tough, but I know you can handle it. We can handle it. All of us have to give up on things we like. That's the harsh reality of today. But I truly believe we will reach the finish line, and you will grow old happily. Maybe it's not the crazy, wild, unrestrained life you idealized, but it's the best you'll ever get. Don't trick yourself with delusions that it will all sort itself if you give in and you'll be back in the good old days.
I want to believe in you. I really do. We all do. Please, believe in us as well. Because if you lose us, you'll have nothing else, and we don't want to lose you, either.
God, if you are real could you please tell me why you let some people have it so easy and put others through nonstop hell. As for people who say God works in mysterious ways? that is just the battle cry of idiots who can't come up with an answer to if God was real why would he shit on good people? It is in reality, a NON answer
>>16744902 That's KINDA why I'm writing. But, eh. She knows I love her. Reading all my craziness would probably frighten her off. But then again, I write her enough letters that she DOES read. And there's a reasonable amount of craziness in there. Maybe I am writing just for myself after all. Iunno. I shrug.
I got banned because I went too far. I deserved it. I do this. I always choose the nuclear option. I think it's my Danish genes that make me not only be der spazze but also make me want to destroy someone who insults me. And when someone really gets to me where I hurt most I want them on the ground crying in front of me.
But you know what I'd do if that person were on the ground crying in front of me? I'd go hug them. And they know that. So I lose. So end up flailing around like a hurt lost and blinded fool. Only a Half-blood Princess after all.
Hiw could you do that to me? I was so young. You though you could bribe me. You thought I was too young to remember. You were kinda right. I found my old words. Things written down when I was little. You were still doing those things and I can't even remember. What happened to you that you could do that to me? I'll never forget. And I can't tell anyone because I never had it as bad as other kids. I'll sound like a wimp or attention whore. I don't wanna be what I hate. And by writting thia letter it shows that I needed to say something and that makes me a pussy. Thanks for the life. I hope I'll never trust you again
T- My paranoia got the best of me and I thought you stopped responding to my messages because you disliked me. Turns out you got attacked by a bat. Sorry. I'll try to jump to conclusions less often. Hope you feel better -S
a i get so giddy when i think about you and i seem to think about you a lot, you just pop into my head i can't help it. i see your face everywhere, all of your faces. the scruffy one, the one that makes you look like a 70s cop and the one that makes you look like a mormon boy on mission haha but all i want to see is you the real you, not my imagination i don't know what i'll do when you actually are only a few feet away maybe the same as always? panic, make a shitty joke, look like a dumbass it was so much easier to talk to you before i developed feelings sorry im such a goob when you're around haha i'd really love to talk to you soon though
LLC I wish I was as important to you all as you are important to me. I know I'm a quiet, weird guy, but you guys have made these last 4 years absolutely wonderful for me. Just sitting in the same table as you for lunch has given me so many great memories. I'll never say it out loud because that's just how I am, but it pains me to no end that this is the last year we're going to be all together. I'm glad that what keeps us together is ending, but I am going to miss you all, even if you don't miss me and remember me as just that quiet guy you had classes with.
I don't know what I do wrong sometimes to make you so mad... but yes, I do. It's not what I do but what I did. It was in May and I'm really sorry the would hasn't healed any at this point. I hate myself, and I love you, and I'm so afraid I'm just hanging on to you until you decide enough's enough. I'm trying my hardest, I'm sorry I made you resent me. Thanks for being with me anyway. I hope it works out with us.
i want you to really want me. we've been together 5 years and i just hate having to be the male in the relationship. i want you to desire me, to just take me, whenever. Yeah, sometimes I'm not in the mood, especially after work. But you also can't just jump into it as well. If you want to fuck, sit next to me, pet me, and gradually go further. DON'T ASK ME IF YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX. IT TAKES THE FUN OUT OF IT AND KILLS THE MOOD.
If only I had the confidence to tell you how I really feel, to not abandon the topic every time we speak. I know I can tell you, I know you will listen. The unknowns are what keep me away. What if you don't reciprocate? Has this been for naught? Have I lost my thoughts over you for a dream that will never be? I wish I could do more than just stare from across the room, or hold awkward conversation about the class we were just in, making terrible jokes while longing to just tell you. Only a few friends know of my feelings, but you don't. I don't even know you as well as I want to. I'm working on it. I've tried to figure out what you like, who you are, but I can't do it quickly enough. Maybe if I hint enough, you'll ask me about it, but how long will that take? Months? Years? I've lost all my focus at times just thinking about what might be if I just told you...
I hate that I can't talk to you about my mental problems. You say you'll be there for me and that you take my issues seriously. You tell me to be honest about how I'm feeling at all times. But that's fucking hard when you give me that sceptic look each time I try to reveal my negative feelings to you. I don't feel like telling you anything if you're just going to question what I say. And those few times I do confide in you, I'll have to carefully choose my wordings to make sure I don't offend you. Because boy, do you get quickly offended.
Just because I talk to a psychiatrist about my problems, doesn't mean that I value a psychiatrists' opinion over yours. It doesn't mean that I don't trust you enough to only confide in you. Or you know what, maybe it does. But that's not how I initially felt. YOUR behavior made it this way. I can't even talk to you about this issue because you'll feel attacked and lash out at me for it. And a fight with you is the last thing I need right now.
I think you noticed that I started avoiding you. That I'm not willing to talk to you that much. It saddens me too. I used to look forward to seeing you. You were my rock, the only one who could make me feel better by simply being there. But the realisation that I can't share my feelings hit me hard. Because of that, spending time with you is almost a chore to me now. Because being with you reminds me that I'm only allowed to share my positive feelings with you.
I don't want it to be this way. Maybe I'll get over it in time. But for now, allow me to feel dissapointed.
What would I have to do or say to meet you tomorrow. I can't wait until Monday. This has been such a long week without you. Your name has been on my lips and I've thought of you every hour of every day. Time drags without you. At this rate the universe will burn out before Monday morning comes. I miss you.
S, I wonder when you'll reply again. A week, a month, couple months? I need you to talk to me sooner. If you still want me and think you might have some chance in winning me over again then you better do it fast. I'm trying to move on best as I can. In a couple months I'll be much better and hopefully not waiting for you still. I hate you but I still in some way love you. I wish you'd just apologize and talk to me. I made a promise to myself that I'll never be more than friends with you, if even that but I have a feeling I might break that promise if you say the right things. I shouldn't, I'm a fool, I'm a complete fool, always have been with you. You just have some effect on me, maybe you're a master manipulator but you were like a drug to me. I still can't stop thinking about you. You can throw me off for days so easily with just one text. What are you doing to me? I should run. But I want you, somehow I just want you so bad, but you're not good for me. You make me feel physically ill sometimes, I get such an empty feeling in my stomach, at nights sometimes I still feel like crying for hours, sometimes when my thoughts get lost to you I feel like throwing up. I wish I could just be happy. With you..
I cry everyday. No one loved me as unconditionally as you. I would give anything to have one more day with you, or tell you how much you meant to me, though you already knew. Part of me feels like I'm just passing the time until my life is over too, because some days I just don't want to live without you. I beg myself to believe in an afterlife, because the thought of you simply no longer existing is too much to bear. I fantasize of other timelines where things are different. Ones where you give me away at my wedding, and ones where you're the one I'm being given away to.
I had a dream the other night you were alive. It scared me how much I wanted to go back to that dream, and never wake up. I was happy there. I'm just floating... for 2 years. I miss you.
I still feel stupid about liking you. I should've known that you never actually felt that way about me, and yet I did because I was naive enough to think there was something between us. It's been a while since we last talked and like that coward I am I couldn't bring myself to respond back. I don't know whether it's because you really didn't know what you did or you're just playing dumb to mess with me further.
Either way, you still hurt me and I don't know if I can rekindle our friendship, and there were definitely times when I wanted to. but I know it's too late now and you probably don't care enough about me anyways to make the effort. I'm trying to move on though I really am. But I still miss the good times we had and I must admit I've never met anyone quite like you.
You weren't perfect but I still liked you on a deeper level. I still do. And it sucks.
E, I take it back. I need to hear from you. Please, if by some chance you see this, email me, I won't get mad or anything. I promise. Tell me about Jersey, tell me about your health; I don't care if you were lying. I want to hear you lie. I don't care if you just wanna hurt me, I can't stand it anymore. Just contact me please. M
I hope you're not dodging me already. I understand you work more hours for less dough (I think) than me, it sucks and you're exhausted, and though I enjoy the time spent alone/with my team/with friends and family, I find myself missing you.
Once a week is okay. We're going on two weeks with no sign of meeting up soon. I worry that we made a mistake.
>>16744944 Because everyone has free will. While it is true that you make your own reality, you don't make it apart from everyone else. For bad things to not happen to good people, "good" and "bad" people would have to be completely separated. Or there would need to be divine intervention every time a bad person did something to a good person. That would prevent a lot of people from ever doing bad things, which would prevent them from being labeled "bad." For a utopia you can't have free will, because you exerting your free will could harm someone else. With no free will, you can't have consciousness. Good and bad wouldn't exist.
>>16747225 Beautifully put. I was trying to say this exact thing to someone the other night. I said that was why Christ is sybolized by an X a cross. Because X is the symbol for change in any equation and moreover is the catalyst in any situation. X being a knowledge of being.
And to go further I'd say that this means that conflict is an essence of our being, as bad and good cannot be distiguinshed from each other and are therefore meaningless. Or would be without an X factor.
I'm sorry for everything I've put you through, you deserved to be treated as a human, not a peice of meat. I just want you to be happy and that I'm proud of the person you've become. Have a great life.
I really wish you talked to me and liked me even though it'd be weird as hell. i tried making a contact with you and i fucked up,you fucked it up and now my pride won't let me try again and yours too i guess or you just don't care and never thought about me,it's probably the last. And when you say things like nobody likes you and wants to be your girlfriend, i know that i do, maybe not your gf, but i really like you and want to hug you. I'm sorry i'm not good enough and not worthy. I hate that everything is over before even starting. I wish we were in different situations, i wish we lived in the same city then i promise i would've tried to make it happen but right now it is weird and i'm trying to get over it.
You told me you weren't going anywhere, and I hope you're not. I'm sorry for everything.
I hate going to sleep without telling you what I always tell you. And I hate going to sleep without you telling me. I don't know if you ever knew this, but I never say it to hear it back. I know I always joke around about you not saying it back, it's nice to hear, especially on nights when I feel as broken as I do now. But, I say it so you know, because you deserve to know that.
But I guess it's just karma or some shit that when I've finally decided to let go of the past, you want to let go of me.
I'm sorry. I really, really am sorry, for everything, for fucking up as much as I have, and just for everything.
I don't want to feel anymore. You won't love no matter what, you've already made your choises. That's why all emotions must be destroyed. These onesided feelings are too much for my small and weak heart.
Don't even know why I'm posting here. I know you're supposed to make those kinds of changes for yourself, and I did to an extent. I have issues with codependency and and it's embarrassing. I'm working on them, though. It's isn't living.
>>16747308 >>16748091 And thank you both for liking my post. It's stuff I've spent a long time thinking about too. What was your more profound answer, if it'd make sense posting it anyway? (Guessing it might not if it was personal.)
I really want to reach out to you, but it's on you now. You know how I feel, and it's not going to change, but it doesn't have to change what we have had. I won't impose myself, I won't nudge you, it's up to you now to decide whether we are still friends or not. In any case, you know I'm always here. Like a sucker, I always will be. So reach out when you need me... but I hope you'll reach out just because you want to as well.
I know it's stupid that we met on Tinder of all places, but I honestly felt like there was a genuine connection between us, having that lovely 9 hour chat n all. I didn't intend to meet you just as a fling or whatnot, and it didn't seem that you did either. And after having suggested we go snorkeling next week, I thought this might work out well. But alas, you seem to be caught up with other events in life that I would rather not pretty into at this stage. I just find it such a shame that I poured a lot of my soul out to you that night we met.
My hands are still outstretched, but for that connection to happen it is you that I wait for to grab them.
Sometimes I wish you didn't cheat on me, sometimes I wish we never argued and you were happier with me, it's been 4 years and I still feel like I'll never be good enough for anyone ever again, you fucked me up and I don't know if I'll ever come back from that.
why did you have to do it, I have you my all and you threw me out.
I run from emotions now because I still can't come to terms with all that's happened, and suddenly you want to come and say sorry.
you make me feel worthless every damn day, and you don't even think about me.
Kindly go fuck yourself. I hated you before, and I still hate you know. You are a pretentious bitch who thought you knew everything, but you know what, you don't. Stop projecting with what you want with other people.
You ruined most of our batch, and I am so glad you repeat the fucking year for being a failure of a student and a team mate for the other 2 clearly smarter team mates of yours.
I don't want to talk to you, deal with it. I hope you fail at life forever for being so ignorant and insensitive to not just me, but to also the people I care about.
>>16748117 Maybe she'll forget about you if you tell her this. Why on earth are you posting it HERE for fuck's sake? This is not treating her like a human. If things got fucked up between you and someone she's still out there hurt and confused. It would help if you apologized to her. Then she could get over it. Staying silent only hurts more. Jesus!
I'm hoping you see this. Use your magic and know this is me. I know you hate me and for some good reasons. I'm not anyone you want to know. I'm nothing like you or your friends. I wish I could stop going out but honestly it's the only thing that keeps me alive.
I hadn't had sex in a year before you. I thought you were an angel. But I wasn't good enough for you and you hated me I wish I'd just left right away because I knew something was wrong and you had already started to hate me.
I hate myself right now. I can't even say I'm sorry because that will make you madder.
I absolutely love where our relationship is right now... I feel that our fight has brought us closer, even though we almost lost one another... Sure it bothers me what you had done, but it bothers you what I have done. But it's okay.. We're meant to be with each other, obviously.
Why won't you text me you fucking cunt. I know what you're trying to pull. You're mysterious. I've noticed that in all the years I've known you, you've never once spoken about yourself in any depth. Never lost your cool. But yeah, you should text me. I'm all alone here and it's embarassing to always initiate the conversations and harass you so. Anyone else would inspire in me resentment, acting distanced and unreadable. But I love it and am frothing at the mouth for you. I will humilate myself beyond measure for the chance to be in your vicinity. I have 3 times now masturbated, while smelling the big wooly sock you left behind in my room. It smells like your house. Text me friend. I wish to gingerly feed you grapes in the summer sunlight.
>>16749645 If you really wanna know... My alternator died, I ended up with a boyfriend who can't/doesn't spend a lot of time with me, and I'd be fine with it but he doesn't text me often either. And I've fully realized I'm a terrible person because I still have deep feelings for this guy I've had a crush on for a year and a half, roughly. I just can't shake them. He saw me with my dude, I thought he would never speak with me again, but he talked to me today.
Really wish I could figure out a way to fix it all but I just feel like I'm destined to be unlucky in love. Because it feels like the boyfriend is already wanting to break up with me, but hopefully once the caucus is over...
>>16750025 And I just wanna cry. I didn't get into the Bernie rally and my favorite band is there. I feel hollow and empty and I know my feelings are valid and all but I feel like a shit person for feeling so miserable over stupid shit. Especially for being hung up on someone I didn't try hard enough to get.
>>16743769 Go fuck yourself, for making me wait, wasting my time, for forgetting about me when you found more people, when I left it was for my own fucking sanity, i should've left much earlier but you fucking convinced me and i was lonely.
And don't ever try to contact me, for all i care you're better off dead. i wish i never met you.
You mean a lot to me. Is that weird? We don't even know each other. I wonder if you'll ask after me when you see me again. I shouldn't like you, I shouldn't, but I do. So much. And don't think I don't notice the subtle ways you're trying to pretend you've stopped liking me.
Can we both stop being so high school and get this figured out? Please?
C, Are you scared to be my actual friend because you might fall for me, or because you already have? That's all I can figure since if you thought I was a freaking weirdo, you would just delete me. I'm really not, just not good with words when I am not sure how to say what I want to say. I don't assume that you even think about me though. I really don't get why I am still wondering about you. I've been flirted with alot lately , and my mind still wanders to you over everyone.
I miss you. Also, I'm sorry for being so weird. I still have the notes you gave me put away, I know you want nothing to do with me so I don't look at them anymore. It wouldn't hurt so bad if we didn't attend the same university and I'd see you around every once in a while. It's made moving on difficult. But, it seems you've gotten acclimated and have moved on just fine without me. So there's no reason for me to be like this any longer. You will always be on my mind somewhere, and I can't help that.
Of all the things I have left undone, actions I haven't taken, opportunities missed, my greatest mistake was not capitalizing on the feelings you presented to me; to continually move on in a perceived forward direction while you tried to stop me and grab my attention, to turn me towards the right direction, away from the false glory of running solo. Your intentions repeatedly went over my head. The fact it happened more than once drills through the core of my being, dragging me into the ground physically, mentally, emotionally.
All I ask of you is one more chance, one where I am actively engaged in providing for your betterment; one where we stay together. You make me feel real, alive, like a human being, not like a constant shadow of a skeleton fading into the distance.
>>16750724 I am a D and this sounds very much like my J. I can't bring you back, you pushed me away, if you want me now you have to take the steps. Dont crush me and then expect me to come back begging, you need to show ME you care, that i am worth the effort. You slammed the door in my face and told me not to text you anymore. I may have never said it, but I made my feelings very clear. i didn;t want to scare you off by telling you i love you, but you knew and left anyways. what more can I give? D.
Dear A, You are shadow on the wall. I wish for once you would try to be the light. If you don't step it up you not only will fade out you will kill all that grows around you. Some days I wish you would drown if your not going to find away out I hope you drown and give some one else your space. Yours truly A
P- I'm sorry I didn't appreciate you I'm sorry I didn't take your advice or the opportunities you provided seriously. Sorry I didn't realise how much you must have cared about me until I looked back on how horrible I was. I'm sorry I ended up dating that guy again and when talking to you upset him i put his wants before mine. I'm sorry I could have fucked things up for you at uni cause I was being such a go nowhere burden. I'm sorry for all the times I forgot things cause I was drunk and accused you of being forgetful for being drunk cause at least half the time that was me too. I want you to know that if you continue NC I know I deserve it. I want you to know you were right about everything. You were right to be unsure of me, I was unsure of myself. I don't want you to know you're the only person I haven't been able to let go of.
so ive got a couple here to do, then im off to an hero, so. yeah
A.M: i know you feel like ive been avoiding you, or ignoring you, but the truth is, im a mess, and ive tried everything i could, ive been and done everything i could to help myself, but i cant do it anymore. im done. I'm sorry about your bday. and everything else.
and then to this person who they know who they are,. Im sorry about the lies, i didnt want you to know what was really wrong with me,. i know you meant well, but it would just make you run like everyone else.
anyways, im out guys, thanks for listening ( i guess?)
You were what I thought the one true friend I could ever have. Was really happy. Did a lot for you. Tried to make you happy. Tried so very very hard. I did very little wrong compared to what you bitched about. You screwed me up. I'm glad your life sucks. I hate you so much and honestly hope you end up killing yourself because you deserve to die.
i hate myself, and im gonna die tonight. one way or another, im done with it all. im done with trying, being sick in the head, and not having anyone, im just done, im sorry for what i put you through. i really do care about you and P. i hiope you guys make it out ok. anyways. im gonna go off myself in an hour.
12:00 AM on Feb 1st 2016 it was fun while it lasted, thanks ALM
>>16750988 If you were the person I wanted to talk to, and you said that to my face, I probably would do what you wanted and get it over with. This whole wasted life. I hope that S did something unspeakable for you to feel so strongly. Sincerely, an S
please, please dont think im a fucking sperg or weird o r anything. i just got out of a pretty long relationship, so im kinda fucked up because of that but everyone has their ups and downs right? you are very cool and our dynamic is interesting and i dont want to stop hanging out with you. you appear to be a very good listener, and i like to talk and stuff, but im also a good listener too. i really want to get to know you more and i really hope i havent fucked anything up with awkward texts or whatever. i really liked laying in your breast that one night and i hope youll keep letting me do that. i hope you have feelings for me like i have feelings for you. i know im rebounding on you but honestly i feel way more attracted to you than just physically. really hope you feel the same way and i hope we dont just stop talking or whatever
I can't figure you out. You laugh at my stupid remarks, you seem to perk up and listen when I speak, and you return the silly bullshit I give you.
Sometimes I feel like you avoid me. Sometimes you initiate conversation and sometimes you sit in the same room with me silent as death.
If you aren't interested, be clear. Please don't be polite about it and pretend that me following you like a sad animal is not grotesque. Just tell me to go away so I can't hope for anything to happen.
You will never know how much I regret what I did. But it is done and now you are gone forever. It's been almost 12 years.
I have no excuse and realize I wasn't good. But the unjust, the wrong that was done. The worst part was that it didn't have to be that way. What was feared was totally nonexistent.
But the loss of you...it finally made me realize the wrong and how mistaken I was. Took some time but the guilt kept building until it forced me to turn around and face the music. To reconcile. Realize that I wasn't as hard, or evil as I thought. I was just some pathetic young man, with a pet he didn't deserve. Even later that day after you were lost...an old man I knew saw a look in my eyes, a shift in how I carried myself. He said I'd suddenly changed, that my eyes contained the look of someone very, very old and pained even for his own age.
But you should know that...because of your loss, it has become the reason I am trying to be a better person now. I can hold back longer now, but eventually the memory of your final agony gets me choked up. Why did I do it? I was abused once. I was a victim. But not then with you. Now I must face the fact it was a betrayal, an abandonment. I was too weak to end the cycle. Others had wronged me. But it's killing me to actively hope something befalls them. I can only say fuck them to hell and hope karma gets them back.
I realize now...I loved you though I didn't realize it. I still love you, though you wouldn't know it. And if there's an afterlife, I will gladly endure your wrath and revenge. For eternity. Because I realize now that I loved you. I'm trying to forgive myself. Don't have anything else to express my feelings but this music. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0h09RpeMSY
I'm sorry for being an inconvience or a creep.. It hurt me real fucking bad to not receive a response from you. I wish I knew why, though, but I'm too much of a pussy to ask because if you had any idea how much I think about you on a regular basis, you'd know something was very wrong with me. But there's a lot that is good going for me. I wish they meant something.
>>16751373 Oh man, buddy, I'm in the same boat. I'm thinking about asking her to my dance (was long distance), but then my reasoning kicks back in. She never texted me back after saying we'd talk. She's on my mind every day. All I want is to be friends again. I have no interest in her as a sexual partner, but I think she flat out doesn't want me in any way.
You left me and I got over it. You went to the military and I understand that you had to. I'm in college now. My grades are good and my social life is poor. I hope you find your intelligence work meaningful. I've been in a new relationship for about 2 years. The first 1 and 1/2 years were great, but now I'm afraid to break up with her because she is pretty suicidal. I've come to terms with the fact that hiding entire aspects of my life from others is the reason why I'll never truly stop being alone. I haven't killed myself yet, but I get closer every day. I just want you to know that while I no longer love you, I did back then. You never said it back, but I have a feeling that you felt it too. Maybe. If I turn up dead within the next few years, I just want you to know that A. I'm sorry for all the stupid shit I did and B. you have a horrible poker face. -J
We've been friends for so long and I know that we'll never be more. If it was going to happen, it would've happened already. I know you aren't gay, and I'm not gay either. I've never even had a crush on you, but it just seems like I couldn't be with anybody else. What we have is so effortless and comfortable, and who else can either of us trust? You're the only person I've ever felt at ease around. It's going to be hard watching you marry a nice girl someday and finally move on from whatever it is we have.
I'm seeing you tomorrow for the first time in a few months and I'm nervous as hell. I have to assume you're still dating him. Seeing him touch you and you flinching fills me with despair. If you don't flinch this time it will obliterate me completely. But then maybe I'll be able to move on.
I've been a total mess. Do you love him? Do you avoid chatting with me because you have feelings for me too? Or is it just because you think I'm a creep? Did I fuck up somehow? Or are you 'just not that into' me?
I should've been more clear about my intentions. I should've asked you straight out what your relationship status was. I should've not fucking misplaced my KQED member card and asked you to the de Young. I should've manned up and asked you out sooner period.
Now I'm paying the price. I didn't get an up or down answer. I thought I'd gotten rid of these feelings but I hate the hedonism that let me cope. If I have to be in love with you to be my best self then so be it. I'll work through my suffering.
I don't even know if we'll talk tomorrow. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid that seeing you is going to set off this horrible crush again. But I want to see you. I want to support you in your endeavors. I don't want to burden you with my feelings. But oh god, why do you have to be so cute? I can only brace myself for the despair to come.
What the fuck was I thinking talking about a potential love interest with you? How did I know you would twist every fucking word against me? And who the fuck do you think you are "giving" me a second chance? That's pretty arrogant to assume that you are the one giving chances when in reality it is the other way around. And so what I called a girl proper. Of course you would take offense to that. Well fuck you if you think that I am going g to tell you what you want to hear you are solely mistaken. What would you rather have me say? Refined? Polished? Polite? Honestly the fact that you took offense to what I said shows you are insecure about being "proper". You're bitch fit on social media reflects your immaturity in this matter and your 40 something. Was that really necessary instead of Manning the fuck up and talking to me in person. Honestly in this situation you look like the fuck up. There you go interpreting the letter of the law instead of the spirit. You know exactly what I meant when I said proper.You just wanted to take it the wrong way. You have biased bullshit tthinking that the way I view new women is wrong. You are still hung up about the past.
A Schizo Aff met a BPD and for a moment in time shared the world with each other . Neither talked about their illness they just knew it was a part of them. No labels just love.
Yet further along the stress became too much for the Schizo Aff and he had a breakdown, a hospitalization, had the world flip on its head. So he threw up walls And never uttered a word to his parnter in crime.
He just cut it off. Sharply and quickly To lessen the blood flow. The BPD never knew why or received an explanation so to the grave she will carry the resentment. Once lovers they became strangers. Dancing around each other until the day they die.
I probably need help, but that's irrelevant for this post. I like/liked you, and I've a feeling you do too. But you seem to fake it. Because when I want to talk to you, mostly about your being a pain in my ass, you don't show. So you don't care. I explicitly tell you multiple times to stop stalking me, you continue anyway. And I don't understand it. But I understand now. You don't want a relationship or to hang out and be friendly, you want someone to bully. An autocracy. I am your victim. If I put it like that, your behavior makes perfect sense. You just keep pushing the edge to see how far you can go. To see what I'll put up with. Well I've got news for you: I don't care how well your project or tell me and others that I'm the one projecting. You're not fooling me. I'm not going to play along anymore. For what? To be your new handbag? You're full of lies. If I tell you I'll still give you a chance, you'll probably use the opening to try to manipulate me again. I'm not going to give you the opening. You've given me no reasons to. The occasional sweet message or pity party won't take away the fact that you're still fucking following me around. I think you're the one who needs help. You won't agree, because in your mind this is perfectly normal behavior. And even if it isn't, your adagium seems to be: the means justify the ends. As long as you end up with me with me as your puppy dog, it's all fun and games. Well it isn't, and if there's anything that's healthy about you, you know that as well. When I asked you out like 15 years ago, my intention was not to be your puppy dog. It was to see if there was something there. I liked you, you seemed to like me. That was it. Now, you've given me no reason to "stay", whatever that means. Me losing my emotional center and acting like a total retard was my decision. But I only did to see if you'd change and be normal. When you didn't, I obviously lost my mind, because it sucked. That's because I cared.
Right now, I don't even know if I ever want to see you again. Have fun stalking me, or trying to anyway. I hope it means time well spent for you, because I can't bother right now. If you decide to continue, which you probably will, in my honest opinion I really think it's an enormous waste of your own time. But that's your life, so I'm obviously not going to tell you how to live it. You disagree when it comes to my life. Please invade my privacy some more.
Do you have Autism? What's up? Seriously though? Or are you actually that big of a douche? I guess it would fit your track record. Or maybe you're just paranoid and delusional, that also seems possible. Either way, I'm done with you in every context. Why would I want someone in my life who makes me feel this way?
>>16752502 Luckily I'm a very low-key stalker. I drive past your apartment building, yes. I never every would try to get in to knock at your door EVER. That's just not me. I continue to go to the places where I went long before I met you, and if you're there I will simply ignore you. I would never ever confront you. All this on 4chan isn't real you know, so it doesn't count.
M. i am willing to try, and even go back to church. please don't walk away because I am not going right now. We could start going together. You know why I have not been going and you know i am willing to go with you. D..
>>16753191 My family are bastards and my friends don't want me around and my current roomies are getting easily upset on me. If I lose this room then I'm out in the streets again but worse because I'll be 14k in debt from unfinished university and will have literally nothing. Even though right now I have no money for anything anyways. All the while everyone says it's my fault this happened and expect me to miraculously fire myself into job land where the jobs grow off jobbies
My wife speaks sometimes as though she thinks that I am comparing her to you, and finding her wanting. Well, she's right. That is exactly what I'm doing, and you win every time: you are a hundred times the woman that she is, in every respect. It's unfair really, she's such a child emotionally and intellectually. On a more superficial level, you are so much more attractive physically that an impartial observer would perhaps expect your ages to be reversed. I hope that knowing you are superior makes you feel happy in some way. I will always put you first. I love you. D
>>16748130 I met a man on a dating site, and all we have been talking about is God and religion. His questions made me realize that I have not lost faith in God, I have lost faith in "men of God" Honestly it struck me at a very deep and personal level. I know this probably wont make that much sense to you but that is it, can not explain the feelings that go with it.
Im sorry that i did not tell you this from the start but through the time of learning about each other, I've began to learn from texting and talking to each other that you were being truthful of what and who you are and I was afraid to be well "cat-fished" again. To be honest to you [insert girl's name here], my real name is [insert my name here]. I am actually not 19 i am turning 17 this year. I've never been to Britain before in my life (but i do wish to go some day). The reason why you may have heard of me in a british accent is because of me doing something different and trying not to be cat-fished again. I do not live in Philadelphia i actually live in Maryland. I'm so so sorry for not telling you this from the start and you can hate me forever and never talk to me but I didn't want this to get too deep or too personal to go back because I don't want to hurt you (which it's probably too late).
You don't need others permission to do what you want. If what you always wanted was to make videogames you don't need to wait to learn to program from some stupid course in college or join any stupid student organization that's not related to your interest just to socialize.
Start picking up programing or art and practice everyday. You'll be a lot better and probably have made real games in those 10 years compared to this indecisive and insecure person that never achieved his desire and now is trapped in his 'real life' with responsibilities and a job and that is always tired and depressed.
Also, you don't need to be an expert to make a group. Start alone and seek people that share your interests. You'll be a lot happier with that.
I really wish I would've been a little smarter, and a little more aware. I wish I didn't treat you the way I did. But, you need to know that I wasn't myself when I treated you the way I did. I'm sorry, I really am so sorry.
just...one more chance, I promise you it will be worth it. Can you- can you do that for me, angel from my nightmare?
Stop making facebook posts about how we are "best friends". Stop telling your coworkers that we are dating. We are not. You are an acquaintance at best. We grab a bite to eat once in a while and we text once in a while. That is it. I hate to be a prick but I am in no way attracted to you. I will not ever be your BF and I will not ever EEEVVVEEER make a move to get into those pants. You are 400lbs of disgusting shit. You smell like a trash dump. I don't even respond to your "boo hoo, feel bad for me" texts anymore. You want a change? FUCKING DO SOMETHING OTHER THAN CRYING ABOUT IT! You rented a room at the hotel you work at for your b-day and you invited me. Sure, its a waterpark, Im in. Ill be chasing tail. It wont be yours. By the way, I claim the couch. If you expect me to share a bed with you, Id rather sleep on the ground.
You pushed me out of your life. You told me you never wanted to talk to me anymore. You never gave a reason other than silence. On christmas eve, you reached out. I responded. On new years eve you reached out. I responded. You reach out again recently, this time, I am not just letting you walk. We have our plans for a meeting for march, for when you are not "busy". Honestly, I think you are afraid to let go. I know I was for a while. I think you set the date for march because you want to keep me at a distance. You are hoping to seek out an excuse to not show up. If this is the reason, tell me. I will not allow you to string me along like this again. You told me the reasons why you drink and get down on yourself. You said, last we spoke, that you pushed me away because you felt like you had no one to talk to anymore. What the fuck changed? You never hesitated to call me before. You said you were thankful that I was always there when you needed someone to talk to. What changed?
I wish when you attacked me in september, you would have just killed me. My life has gone to shit since then.
You are the nicest person I've ever met. You're the only one that believes in me at this shitty retail job. I'm pretty sure Ive developed a crush on you, but since I'm 19 and you're like, what 24? 25? And also with the fact you're management while I'm just a regular associate, it wouldn't work out. Anyways, I know you're working hard to get transferred to another store to be with female coworker you like. I know you like her because you're always texting her and all of your friends at work joke about it.
But like, what are we? Maybe it's because I never had anyone act this nicely to me before (as emo as that sounds) but you're extraordinary nice to me, it's starting to get weird. Whenever you see me at the start of my shift you smile really wide and say "I missed you" even when it's only been like a week. Whenever we're working alone together you ask how my day is going and you seem genuinely interested in what I say. You also asked me more than three times in a sly way if I had a SO, for example that time I said I had a shit day and you said "like....with your boyfriend or something?"
I was going to list other things you do that make me feel like I"m special, but when I type it all out, I see that this probably doesn't mean you actually like me, you're just extremely friendly. You don't necessarily act like this with most other people but then again I'm kind of immature. I don't know how to tell levels of relationships.
I wish you'd stop giving me hope, even though I'm 99% sure you don't mean to.
Are you stupid? Going away for two years after so much things that happened between us, I helped you, I place my shoulder for you to cry, I did so much for you, to later come back with a FUCKING baby that your ex couldn't take care of, to later try to involve me, and NO I never fucking liked you to be my gf, so don't fucking come at me with your "I loved you" bullshit, you are actually dead to me, don't ask me how I've been.
I am so.. so sorry, J. I do not understand the things I do and I do not have a straight enough answer except: I'm just like my Mother. She too will say things at random, then forget she's said it. Please stop getting angry over what I managed to say... There's no one here.. We promised that we would start over for the sake of our relationship and even though you are entitled to how you feel, it feels TO ME that you don't want to try again, you just want to punish me for fucking up.
But it's not like you were a saint yourself.
I'm not telling you to leave because there is someone else in my life, I'm encouraging you to leave because I am emotionally draining you of your happiness and I strongly believe that you do not deserve it... Even if you do love me, I just want you to go - go and be with someone else who makes you look forward to the new day...
So, what did I do you? I know- I know you've heard a lot of things about me. but, that's one thing. I've never done anything to you personally. How is it that you're just attacking me? I mean, why not just give me a chance? maybe if all of you stopped picking on me and tormenting me day after day you'll see a nice person. I mean really- how long do you guys plan on going on with this? you've ruined me entirely. Every aspect of my life has turned to complete shit. Even though I somehow managed to keep my grades up- you're the reason I couldn't graduate a semester earlier. It'll be impossible for me to get a stellar score on that test I need to take in the amount of time I have between graduation and the day of the test. like, why? I'll be honest though, if you all are trying to make me commit suicide, you're doing a great job. I'm really considering it. Because, I know I'll get a good enough score to get in, but it's not just about getting in, I want to make it to an above average school, which I'm fully capable of doing. but, the problem is, what's to say you people aren't going to haunt me throughout my years at my next school? and, say you people somehow are not capable of tormenting me, my life is still ruined. I have no connections, I have no family, I literally don't know where my parents are, I don't have anyone. But, but(!)- let's just say I do get a really well paying career sometime in the future. what would be the point? I would still have to put up with all the shit you people are putting me through. On top of that, you've ruined my youth, these are supposed to be the best years of my life. I have literally nothing. nothing. and, this is your new "strategy" i guess, throw drugs in his drink while he's looking the other way and then ridicule all of the things he does as he's strung out on drugs? And, with all of this you're expecting me to somehow clearly remember everything that's happening? are you people fucking psychotic or what?
>>16755122 and, you people are sitting there suggesting that I have some kind of severe memory impairment. No, naturally I do have a little bit of a fuzzy memory. But, a lot of people do. What I do not have is fucking memory lapses, you people are fucking assholes. I forget small tidbits of shit yes, I've always been like that. But, how the fuck are you expecting any normal person to recollect anything when they are being drugged, that's the key word here. It is not something that normally happens to people. And, to do it at such unexpected times, I mean, that only makes it worse.
Be careful. While you live happily on your own and have become distant from the family, keep in mind that they are oppoturtinstic bastards. What they did to our parents will happen to us. Please continue with your studies and keep forward. I don't have much going for me since doctor told me my condition will worsen in the later years. I don't want to become a burden and I also don't want it to be obvious so I went with cars instead. I wish I could've been useful. I wish we would've had more moments together. I regret that I cut our ties. Live on for me bro
Every time I see you my heart flutters, and I wish I could keep talking to you longer at work. I don't have the courage to ask you to hang out with me. I'd like to get to know you better because I genuinely like you as a person but I'm worried that my feelings will just grow stronger if I try to be closer to you. I know you probably don't think much of me and are just the way you are because you're a nice person, but this is a very big deal for me. It's VERY difficult for me to be comfortable around someone so quickly, to be able to talk for long periods of time without having to worry for a second that I'll not know what to talk about or what to say.
I'm sorry... this is so stupid. I keep thinking about you, and it makes me have vivid dreams with you in them. You're married. I'm sorry. I sincerely hope you're happy with her because you deserve it, and yet... there's a tug in my heart that makes me wish that things were different. Wonder what it's like to be in her place. To watch things together. Bake things for each other. To be able to come home and touch you and look into your lovely eyes and hear your soothing voice in my ears all the time.
S, I wanted to be your friend but I keep getting trapped in a vicious cycle of limerence - it's like a storm. I hate the stalker tendency I have towards you. We were both lonely. You just keep leading me on. I cut you off because the feelings were way too strong to accept. It was impulsive, and it feels too awkward to reach out now. I can't help but watch from afar. You know how I feel about you. Why are you torturing me? Even the shallow attention I did ever get from you was thrilling. I hate that your ex broke you so badly. I'm glad I met you... I wish I never met you. I need therapy. ps I miss late-night drunk tf2 M/T
It's been seven months since you decided to cut me out of your life. Been friends for two years, Was it worth it? You couldn't of taken a chance on me for an hour? We've done everything else, you even slept over my house for a week. All of your friends let you sleep at their place but you chose mine. Every guy you've dated fucked you and then left. I went out of my way to cheer you up. Was it so bad to give the guy who wanted more than sex a chance? Good luck with your life. You never had a friend like me and you'll spend years looking for it. Constantly searching for a guy who isn't going to screw you over when he was standing in front of you the whole time. J
What we had started as a whirlwind romance. A first date above all first dates that I had with any other. I fell for you almost the moment I laid eyes on you and only fell deeper after. Beach trips, concerts, amusement parks, the whole shebang...it didn't matter as long as we were together. It took me less than a year to know that I didn't want to let you go...and so I proposed, you said "yes," and I was ecstatic. Fastforward a year to us being a happily married couple, having our own pets, our own place, and our own cars. We both worked and had solid incomes so we lacked for nothing. We had everything we could have asked for. Thinking about the whole situation now just brings me to tears. How did it come to what it is now? How did it turn into such a lopsided affair? We both played our roles, we both made our mistakes. When you got pregnant I was nervous at first, however, that nervousness quickly turned to excitement. I spent the whole time being there and doing whatever was asked of me. You got further and further away from me while I tried my best to stay close. After a while you began to degrade and berate me...you turned into a different person very quickly. This caused a quick rift between the two of us. Often during fights where you would yell and not let me speak I simply had to walk away. I was told I was trash, that I was lazy, that you hated my guts, etc. Despite all of this I stayed because we had a child together. I gave up my entire social life to be at your beck and call(which is noone's fault but my own.) After so long of being put down, after all the verbal abuse, after being ignored and mistreated...I had no choice but to give up. So now I am without a wife and I rarely see my son because you choose to keep him from me. I am now here as a broken man who can barely hold himself together for more than an hour at a time.
I loved you with everything I had and I just wish it had been enough.
We had the best relationship ever. We did everything together. 6 years. Then I cheated on you. I'm a whore. Not sure how to proceed now. You'll probably end up better than me even though your flaws. Apathy is the best.
To say I've said little to reinforce how deeply I care for you is an understatement. I always had a difficult time finding the words to encapsulate how I felt about you and our time together. I've written thousands of words on hundreds of pages but none of it resonates better than this:
To me, you will always be the most beautiful girl in the room.
JG hey its me sorry if ive gone cold on you but why stand me up? with all the shit thats happened this week i thought i finally had a clear read on you, i thought you actually were into me and that my feelings werent one sided. with my best intentions i gave you 3 chance yet each and everytime we had gotten so close you ditch me because your "busy","forgot",or "wasnt allowed" when i said it was okay to say no you dont wanna go with me i meant for it to be the nail in the coffin that you didnt like me and youd rather not hang out yet you took my offer anyway. If you truly do like me than prove it show me you care and let me know that you think about me its feels unfair that you know how i feel about you. Well if you ever wanna reach out to me joshuas always there so in closing this is goodbye -ID
I still love you but I'm scared we will never be what we once were. I want everything to be okay, but every time I talk to you, you make me angry. I just want to be happy and okay with life, but nothing seems to make me happy anymore. Your not the person you once were, and neither am I. I try and talk to people about my problems but nothing comes out, I'm to scared to talk about it because every time I do, I cry and can't stop until my mind is fully distracted. I can't be alone either, because when I do, my thoughts consumes me, and I can't stop crying, and having horrible thoughts. I can't go home because I don't want to be somewhere that makes me want to kill myself, and I can't go back to my parents because they make me feel the same way, my depression is killing me.. I just want you back and everything to be the way it used to. I wanna go back to the day I met you at Paradiso and re live it, I wouldn't do anything different, I just want to be back there with you like the way it used to be, but it will never be the same. I miss you, goodbye best friend </3
Dear k, I still love you but I'm scared we will never be what we once were. I want everything to be okay, but every time I talk to you, you make me angry. I just want to be happy and okay with life, but nothing seems to make me happy anymore. Your not the person you once were, and neither am I. I try and talk to people about my problems but nothing comes out, I'm to scared to talk about it because every time I do, I cry and can't stop until my mind is fully distracted. I can't be alone either, because when I do, my thoughts consumes me, and I can't stop crying, and having horrible thoughts. I can't go home because I don't want to be somewhere that makes me want to kill myself, and I can't go back to my parents because they make me feel the same way, my depression is killing me.. I just want you back and everything to be the way it used to. I wanna go back to the day I met you at Paradiso and re live it, I wouldn't do anything different, I just want to be back there with you like the way it used to be, but it will never be the same. I miss you, goodbye best friend </3 -T
If 10 years ago it wasn't her that I dated, it would have been you. I believe that on some level, you knew this too. We've always been two peas in a pod. We liked the same things. We behaved the same way. We share the same humor. You are me and I am you.
Given the circumstances, we should just forget that we slept together. It wasn't right and we shouldn't be. But can you tell me that it hasn't been on your mind these last couple days? Because if I know you as well as I know myself, I'd guess that you spend some nights replaying it over and over again in your head like I have.
I want to respect you and I want us to be friends for another 10 years. I don't know if I can carry on like this never happened but for you, for us, for her. I'll do it. We will only be forever haunted by the road not taken.
I have reverted back to the way I was before you were around. I have realized that I really did fit the things you liked, what you wanted from a partner. But I can't be that for you. You disappoint me so much in almost every way possible that it hurts to be near you. You build yourself up to an expectation that you can't uphold. You never could keep up with me, either - when you thought you were entertaining me with our back-and-forth, I felt even more turned off by you. You are always so pleased with your mediocre self.
I had faults so I thought that I should accept any of yours. I should have rejected you at the start and shamed you into never speaking to me again to save us both the pain. I didn't want this to happen. I loved you, and will never stop, but you are gross. You are annoying. You are lazy and selfish and not very bright. You are a pervert with no self control or dedication to anything but easy, unimportant things that even you will not care about by the time it is too late to do anything with your life. I can't live in your hedonistic, isolationist, self-serving loser universe. I tried my best to understand. The problem was that I understood you too well, not that I never understood you.
I met someone who has returned my faith in the capability of people, what I thought you would do. He is kind and feels fulfilled by hard work. He is loyal and a good listener. He takes care of himself.
I don't need you. I have myself now, and I realized that you took advantage of my inexperience. Even doing that, you can't handle the kind of girl you want. I am sorry for not giving up. I am sorry for giving up. Maybe someday you will be the one to finally understand me, instead of the reverse which you always held onto. Maybe someday you will see what the real problem is. Until then, good luck.
>>16755571 I don't think you want the typical 4chan style fake nice guy. They might sound non threatening and low maintenance at first. Then you realize they are worse than any of the "Chad"s they randomly disdain and still think the highest of themselves.
Dear A, Half of the sweet things I've told you were lies to see you smile, and I don't feel bad about any of it. Also, I'm incredibly insecure about your past. I like you, I genuinely do, but the fact that you've only dated/fucked gangbangers, drug dealers, and huge football players, places you in the stereotypes I have in my head for stupid hoes. And I hate it. Sometimes I wish I had as many partners as you so that none of this would matter, but sadly, I haven't. I know you don't look down on me for only being with one girl, and I want you to know that I don't look down on you for the people you've been with either, but in the back of my head, whenever we talk, I feel like just a number. I don't feel special, I feel like the next nigga who's gonna make you laugh, fuck you, and then we both move on with our lives. So, I think I'm just gonna wait. Wait until I have my shit together and my insecures ironed out before I make a move.
Never in my life will I love someone as much as I love you. I fucked everything up because I tried to keep everyone else (including Rachel) happy, and I am the reason why your feelings for Joel returned.
I had everything with you that I could have ever asked for, and I let my past infect our love.
I am sorry. If I were able to change how I handled things now, I would have never been so stupid.
I hope that you have all the happiness in the world. You deserve all of it.
I love you, and feel that I will never love another the same way again.
Why is it that you have never noticed my love for you, why do you keep asking me for advice with your relationships, and why do you manage to get asked out or fall for someone every time I finally feel confident enough to talk to you about this?
For some reason, finding out that you're with that girl left a depressing feeling in my heart. It's probably the inadequacy to know that, despite the fact that I enjoyed thoroughly talking to you for all these years, you never had the same feelings for me. I was always someone you could ignore, and now you've finally did what I dreaded: found someone better than me. Of course, pretty much everyone else would be better than a bore like me. But it's okay, I guess, because I didn't even know I had those feelings for you. It's just my self esteem that got hurt.
I hope I will be able to one day find someone better than you, too.
I hope you know you are the reason I struggle to trust people even a year after we last spoke. The two years you spend spreading shit about me behind my back and treating me like shit when I wasn't aware of it have damaged me permanently. You are a thundercunt and I hope your popularity among those guys is worth it.
Long time! It's been something like eight or nine years since we were last in touch. You'd think with almost a decade apart I'd have some serious catching up to do, but I really just want to say that I miss playing with you and hanging out. I guess I kind of vanished into the black hole that was my college years, and I really should have kept in touch with you since you were one of the rare few people I bothered to really befriend. Anyway, I hope your life is going as well as you'd like, things never quite turn out how you expect them to.
I want to shout your name from the rooftops. I want to scream it into the storm winds. I want to whisper it into your ear in the darkness. My heart is so full of you that I am constantly in fear that it will burst. But I love to be terrified.
Im truly sorry. Years after it matters I've finally put a name to the crazy, and learned that not much can be done about it. But that doesnt excuse the grief that I directly, or indirectly caused. It was still me that did it, and regardless of my mental state, I still should have found a way to shut my fucking mouth and be a normal human being. I have to live with that, and with what I am.
I wish I'd never met those of you I hurt, because as it turns out, Id have done it no matter what I did and id rather just have not hurt anyone, because BPD makes everyone who has it like this, or worse. I can at least say im glad that i was nowhere near the worse case bpd, i was only an emotionally unstable impulsive trainwreck, at least i never got angry/physically violent.
Doesnt really matter in the end though does it? Whats done is done. Cant fight fate, and cant change the past no matter how much we wish for it.
I'm secretly bi and have wanted you to bone me since highschool. My Christian family wouldn't have liked that though so I've pretended to be straight all these years. When you told me that you loved me but I wasn't sure if you were making the gesture as a worried friend or something more. I wish I had taken the time to reciprocate.
I know it's extremely presumptuous of me, but I'd really prefer it if you two wouldn't fuck. You guys are my only friends, and I worry that if you were to become a couple, I'd become a third wheel instead of a true friend. Also, if your hypothetical future relationship were to fall apart, which knowing you seems inevitable, I really wouldn't be able to choose between you. So please, for my sake, control your hormones you filthy degenerates.
it was not nice and I would rather wish it went out differently. Your warmth fullfilled my soul and made me smile each time I saw you. Now you are gone and I will probably never see you anymore... Everybody walk the dinosaur
I hate how you left me just before christmas, thanks for the shittiest xmas of my life i hate how youve brought back my depression i hate how im such a better person now but i dont get a chance to demonstrate it i hate how i have a new passion for life but my depression wont let me enjoy it i hate how you view me so lowly i hate how you just leave me hanging and waiting i hate how you don't give a shit, you have no interest in me at all, you barely miss me, you don't think about me i hate how you threw away 6 years and an engagement for nothing
Yikes. You look uglier than ever. So happy I broke up with that pimply mug, as it turns out it might have been the best thing I've ever done. I'll take a classically handsome, emotionally healthy, big dicked guy over an awkward game-player with a dadbod. If you're here reading this, and you very well might be because I see posts that sound like you on another board, than please leave me, and the board I like to use alone, it gets weird to be frank.
>>16756678 He'll know who this is... actually he's incredibly stupid too, so he might not. My first initial is O, that should be more then enough of a hint for him leave me alone. Assuming this isn't him I'm talking to, in which case fuck you and get out of my life and the sites I use. You're weird, of course you lost. AND you treat your family and friends like shit and you deserve the shit life you have.
>>16756592 Then walk away before it goes to hell. It won't be easy, but just go out and talk to folks. Learn new skills or a hobby. This from a guy who doesn't particularly like people--I'm an outlier who watches society tear itself apart from outside. A quiet cynical 'exile' (self imposed) people can't seem to talk to. Truth is we have hopes and dreams like everybody else, but they're tempered by realism.
Truth is I hate the futility of people, not necessarily the people themselves. If you have the gift of being able to foretell what everyone else is too blind to see (willfully or out of just plain foolishness and naivete') in front of them, you have the power to do what you can. You can't change others if they're unwilling but you can divest yourself from a situation about to sour. Really the gift isn't a gift, it's a willingness to see and learn from situational awareness and act on it. We don't believe we're better than everyone else, just that few are worth the time of day.
As Robin Williams said (paraphrased) "It isn't the being alone that is bad, it's being with people who make you feel alone."
>>16756941 I'm a dumb, socially awkward, anxious, talentless, passionless, loser with a low libido and an unhappy home life. Making friends doesn't come easily for me, and they're pretty much the only ones in my life who make me happy. I can't just quit, even though I can see it going south. Also, Robin Williams hanged himself, so any advice about how to live a happy life which comes from him is kind of suspect.
Dear pretty lady, Everything you do makes me smile. Everything! Can you try and be a bit more useless at everything please? It's becoming impossible for me not to love you. Yours always, Creepy stalker guy.
>>16757013 I could tell you "It's gonna be better tomorrow" but why should you believe such whack bullshit? You shouldn't.
Part of attraction (for befriending and other) is attitude, inward and outward. Would you want to befriend someone who has a bad attitude towards everything? Probably not. Getting past social awkwardness won't come overnight, but it'll never happen if you just accept it and do nothing about it. It'll take embarrassing moments and stumbling--however this is bound to happen anyways so you might as well learn from it and push yourself here.
That's why I'm telling make something new of yourself now before it all turns to shit. You have a hard home life, as so many do. Those who take it as a sign to prepare for a hard life and change habits on a daily and weekly basis tend to be better off than those who throw up their arms and give up like "woe is me".
Williams' suicide doesn't change that he had a point.
OR, perhaps you aren't being listened to you have not made your point clear to both of them: You can see it turning to shit, and when that happens, you will NOT choose a side. And stick to this. Don't ever waver from it. In the hypothetical future where this has happened, you need to tell them that you have no pity or sympathy and you will not be forced to take a side.
Sometimes I wonder if she'll ever look back at her opportunity to date me and regret she fucked things up. I don't think she will. Still, I am kinda curious. If she shows up again, I'm curious if she will think if I was just fucking around. She knows I'm not. So why is she still there other than to hurt me? What a great gal.
God damnit N. I don't get it. What the fuck is your deal? I'm not even exactly mad at you, I'm just confused. You ignore me and act like you hate me in front of our friends and even go as far as to unfriend me on facebook but when you see me away from them, you say hi and try to have friendly conversations with me. What's the deal?
The hell do you think people are pathetic for choosing to eat gummi vitamins instead of tablets. So what if it's easier? At least they're taking vitamins. The hell would you shush me for making a point you couldn't refute?
I don't know if you made that comment before or after you chose to become a vegan...but, jesus christ, there were a lot of backwards things about you.
I say this as someone who has acknowledged my faults, and am still working through an innumerable amount of them.
Whatever kind of person you think you are now...those small things, well, they're indicative of a whole hell of a lot more than you'd think. The years haven't washed away all of the bullshit you had going on, they calcified some of it.
I had more than my fair share of problems, and made no efforts to better myself until very recently. But fuck's sake, I never looked down on people like that.
For what it's worth, the law of odds dictates that the more often you say things like "I'm an old soul," the less likely you are to actually be one. You're just rigid, and have learned to hide it.
By the way, I know you heard me hit the ground like a sack of bricks when I had the seizure. Thanks for pretending not to notice. You fucking asshole.
>>16758179 Yeah, I'm starting to see a pattern. It's as if every vegan I've ever met is militant as if it's a religion or something. While I don't think *every* vegan is like that, it sure seems like an overwhelming majority are.
Best of luck on your path to self improvement.
It was a few years ago for me but you might read The Shaolin Way by Steve DeMasco sometime. I thought it would be irrelevant bullshit, but he actually gives some practical advice on surviving and self betterment in modern times. He's one of few Americans who have ever earned the honor of Shaolin Grandmaster. He grew up poor with a crippled mom and a dad who sexually abused him.
Best of luck on your journey.
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