I found out my wife of 2 years cheated on me when I was out on a job project.
I looked through her facebook messages and her chat between her and friend made me feel so worthless and belittled.
All they talked about was the guy she was cheating on me with and praising him.
Every message I read just made me feel more and more Iike shit.
My wife said he smelled good and that she would get on her knees for him right quick.
And what bothered me the most is that from day one she told me she never liked to give blowjobs and she's only performed a blowjob on me twice past the six years ive been with her and never finished.
And here she is wanting to be sexual with this other guy. I came to the realization that she's always found me repulsive since day one.
We're in a middle of a separation but I still live with her. I can't sleep. Things that made me happy doesn't do anything for me anymore. The best I can feel isn't happy but distracted.
Supposedly she broke up with the guy she was with because he got another girl pregnant. Funny.
She ruined a six year relationship to be with a guy who just gets another girl pregnant.
I sacrificed everything for her. My hobbies, my friends, and I work hard so I can buy her the stuff I felt she deserved. And I gave her full control; where we live, car choices, I let her sister move into my room where I use to record music, we have seven pets all of them she brought home, nothing in my home feels like home to me.
I'm a stranger in my house.
Am I overreacting?
Am I the one in the wrong?
Have I not done enough for my marriage?
And why is this other guy all of a sudden a better person than me?
I feel weak, pathetic, worthless, and just over all depressed.
OP calm down. Think straight right now. There are two ways to make this right:
1) Get over it and live life the best way you can without her.
2) fuck her life with the law. Get those messages. Use it on court and she her for whatever reason possible you think you can win.
Just waste your energy and potential in drinking or smoking. Aim towards getting so much of a great life she'll ask forever why was she so retarded as to cheat on you.
Then you'll have already won everything possible.
Fuck that dude. If you wanna fall apart do it after she moves out (you don't move out, fuck her) till then just go out and have a good time with some friends.
Ignore her and seem indifferent to the situation, that'll fuck with her the most.
How do I get over it?
I don't want to be in another serious relationship for the fear of having the same thing happen again. I don't think I could emotionally handle it.
I'm trying to convince myself that loving and caring for someone else is just an unnecessary illusion popularized by popular culture. At least that way I can die happy and alone.
You were a provider.
That's what happens when you listen to society and shrug the red-pill off a misogyny.
Society hates men but needs us. It functions on beta-bux. Marriage is a large industry... makes a lot of taxable money...
But... know what else is a large industry... divorce. $50 billion. That how much the divorce industry is worth.
Not including taxables like child support and alimony.
The government does well screwing people over. When I say people, I mean men. They make money screwing men over and destroying our lives.
And of course they have people in the media... propaganda isn't a myth.
So how do they keep the cash-flow coming - keep getting men to fall in their traps?
Propaganda, shaming... calling the smart move of not getting married and being someone's "provider" sexist, "Misogyny". They call it a "fear of commitment" to play of men's desire to be seen as fearless.
You can keep kicking yourself. Or you can be a "sexist pig" that tells his story to other men who might be thinkin' of marriage.
Help end the life-destroying industry. Stop providing for it, as well as women who help to perpetuate it.
It's true that men are treated as disposable but I don't think it's an engineered conspiracy to build a society on the bones of males.
It's just nature tbqh, men are disposable. Our side of the reproductive deal only lasts at most 20 minutes whereas the female has 9 months for procreation to be successful. In that time men have always had to gather food, fight off predators and other tribes to protect the pregnant while the father doesn't necessarily need to be the one to do it nor survive for 9 months.
A women's desire to have a "cuck" as /r9k/ would call it is also a biological function because they can't support themselves when they are pregnant.
the only reason why it is a problem now is because we live longer, have far more to do and producing a child isn't everyone's no.1 priority. So we perceive our biological functions differently (He is only interested in sex/She is just a gold digging slut). Society is unnatural but I'd rather society over the risk that I might get bludgeoned to death at any moment just so someone can get a shag.
>don't think it's an engineered conspiracy to build a society on the bones of males.
Not deliberately. No.
For the most part anyway.
The whole making money from divorce... there's a fuck-tonne of money in that. It set's people up for life. That part's engineered as shit.
But the whole providing thing that women want, is biological urges. I'll agree.
>Society is unnatural but I'd rather society over the risk that I might get bludgeoned to death at any moment just so someone can get a shag.
In this society, men who face the worst from divorce courts are pretty much tortured into suicide. All so someone could get a shag, an alimony slave and more taxes.
I'd sooner take the bludgeoning.
Quit being ab idiot. You love your idea/concept/perception of her - you DO NOT love the real her.
I was in a 9 year long relationship. She didn't cheat, and honestly it's my fault for not wanting to make things work, but what I'm trying ro tell you is you have given her way too much fucking say in how your life is lived. Waaay too much.
Don't listen to a woman when she says what she wants. Women don't know what they want. Not trying to sound sexist, this is just what I have noticed, and by accepting what I have noticed, I've had more luck in relationships. The moment you let a woman call the shots and "have it her way" you're doing both of you a disservice. It's like letting the deaf lead the blind. Women do not actually onow what they want.
I can't stand disrespect from women and the moment they push me, or overly criticise me, or shit test me or whatever, I stand my ground immediately and let them know what's up. No woman needs me and I sure as hell don't need them, so why let someone I don't need treat me like shit? So you know what happens afterward? They always feel guilty, treat me nicer, and apologize. Sometimes I don't care about an aplogy and I literally don't even respond anymore. They always message me apologising asking if I'm still mad. I've friendzoned plenty of women.
Women aren't my main priority in life and that's fine by me. I've had enough of them to last awhile.
Op, I've definitely got my own issues to figure out, I'm very fickle, but at least I know what doesn't work with women, and that's letting them make decisions for the both of you.
>falling for the marriage meme
you fucked up OP.
Cut contact with this bitch after the divorce and focus in yourself.
Instead in smoking and drinking, hit the gym and try things you are interested on.
Don't let this slut pull you down with her.
Me again. Two other things I forgot to say.
My ex wife and I are still great friends. We text and joke eveeyday even though she has remarried. Her new husband knows of this and we're all okay with each other. Marriage is not a bad thing when done between two responsible people. I don't regret getting married and would recommend it. It's great having someone warm to sleep next to and make dinner for you every night.
Second thing, there was a comedian named Patrice O'Neil. You need to listwn to him and his views on women. He's by no means attractive, rich, fit, or famous, but he is funny and doesn't atand for women's shit. He has probably the best advice on how to deal with women and he isn't even a pua.
i feel like you may have just come here for the reassurance.
it's plainly obvious that your wife is the cunt and you are the unjust victim. when something this catastrophic happens to you though, you can't stop thinking about it. even when you're not thinking about it, you're still thinking about it.
after all those thoughts and feels, you start to question things and wonder WHY it happened. but really, who gives a fucking fuck why she wanted to suck some different dick other than yours. all that matters is that it makes you feel shitty, and she is to blame for it.
the only 'advice' i could give is to try your hardest to think about other stuff. but that's ultimately an evolution of mind that will only come at your own terms.
best of luck anon
OP, you're living in one of the most glorious times of human civilization, the modern age. It literally was never better than this.
Yes, you're feeling pathetic now, but you've got like 40-50 years of life left (I don't know how old you are, but stop smoking). You wanna waste that feeling like shit?
Start over, pick up old hobbies, meet new people. How are you financially?
This is all on her OP. Not you or this guy. If it hadn't been him it would be the next one. Promise once your head clears and you are more careful in your choice of women a true partnership is fucking awesome. Future will be bright again.
I can't say I'm in the same position as you, but most of your points hit home.
Whilst my gf didn't cheat on me, but we broke up, I agree a lot on the whole giving all you've got and sacrificing for that person.
I can't come home and not feel shit. I don't feel at home without her. It really really sucks.
I also would like to know if smoking pot once or twice a month is a better option than taking SSRI and other medicine to dampen the anxiety.
>I also would like to know if smoking pot once or twice a month is a better option than taking SSRI and other medicine to dampen the anxiety
No. Weed will help instantly for a few hours, then you'll feel ten times as anxious for the next couple of days. SSRIs are awful, i would stay away from it unless your doctor/psychologist heavily suggests it. Natural things like working out and building new relations are the way out of this. Hang in there m8.
I already work out. I eat healthy and balanced diets 3 times a day. get my 7-8 hours of sleep. stay hydrated. and keep up with hobbies of crafting shit and playing vidya.
I hate building relationships, only reason i built this one was because how comfortable she made me feel. it was the best feeling to belong to her.
>I sacrificed everything for her. My hobbies, my friends, and I work hard so I can buy her the stuff I felt she deserved. And I gave her full control; where we live, car choices, I let her sister move into my room where I use to record music, we have seven pets all of them she brought home, nothing in my home feels like home to me.
>Am I the one in the wrong?
Absolutely yes, you let this woman have you by the balls, she stayed with you for convenience, not for love, you're just a typical provider cuck.
>And why is this other guy all of a sudden a better person than me?
He always was, a guy who let a woman control his life has no value and you should have seen this coming, one-sided relationships never works.
>I feel weak, pathetic, worthless, and just over all depressed.
Yes you are, but take this as a lesson and don't repeat the same mistakes again, never love a woman more than she loves you, never...
Fuck that. Smoke weed, not tobacco. Tobacco kills the shit out of you, weed doesn't. Drink sparingly. It's not really great for you. Only do weed as far as drugs go. Everything else will fuck you. Remember, escape from the suffering, don't make it worse with addictions and disease (although ideally you want to heal so that you are no longer suffering and don't have to escape or distract yourself anymore).
>I'm trying to convince myself that loving and caring for someone else is just an unnecessary illusion popularized by popular culture.
It's not. Some people are just dicks, is all. They live only for themselves.
That's your problem OP. You let that bitch run your life and you lost everything. You basically made your happiness depend on here. Don't do that bro. Be your own reason for happiness. Other people are just there to ride along. Honestly the blowjob thing is a red flag in my experience and is one of the reason I refuse to date women who don't swallow. Women who don't give blowjobs tend to be really bitchy and selfish. Smoking and drinking won't help. I know from experience because I did the same thing when I broke things off with my former fiance a few years ago. She also cheated. She also didn't like to give blowjobs much. See where I am going with the blowjob thing? You may laugh at me if you wish, but I swear there is a correlation.
Sorry I took a while to reply. I read all of your advice and I feel like its exactly what I needed to hear. I guess I was just looking towards you guys for clarity and it really helped me clear my mind. Thank you bruhs.
From now on I'll judge my relationships with a clear mind of the type of person who'll truly love me and make me feel happy.
But to be honest sometime in the future I do plan on seeing how she's doing and to show her how much better I am without her.
>Picked up smoking and drinking
>Overbearing provider with an inferiority complex
>Gets cheated on
Wow real shocker there. Man or woman, people who act like that get cheated on. Look at yourself first, OP, then maybe you can start recovering.
She's a piece of shit OP, she always was, you must have been blinded to not see it i guess.
She never loved you if she behaved that way, all cheating is bad, but she didn't just slip up get horny and fuck a guy, she actively went and did it and loved it and belittled you. That's not love in the slightest.
My ex did something similar, with me 6 years, tells me she wants to marry me and spend all her life with me, 2 months later she leaves me, a month later she's dating this guy who became her friend months before, i trusted her and thought it was all fine, im a modern man and women can have a close male friend right. Nah she left me for him.
All women like to give blowjobs, but blowjobs, anal, getting wet- all this is reserved only for guys she thinks are worth it.
If she won't suck your dick she isn't attracted to you.
YOu know what I mean. Some girls, super into the sex, yes yes yes more more more, some girls, lay there like a dead fish
The dead fish girl was yes yes yes for someone else