So I have this girlfriend. She moved in 2 months ago and things are great. We're both really attracted to each other and have sex constantly. She pays rent and also cleans while I'm at work and makes my breakfast and lunch and gives me blowjobs when I get home. She bakes treats for me like cookies and cobbler and muffins. We talk about getting married and are together every second of the day besides when I'm at work. We haven't been apart since we met.
But last week a guy from her friend group that she hooked up with a few times texted her. I was right there so she knew I saw and ignored it. But I got curious and checked her texts when I got home the next day. Turns out she had texted him back and they made plans to hang out on Friday. The one day he's free before 3(the time I get home). I confront her on it and admit to going through her phone. She says that she didn't tell me cause she knew I'd get upset bit that she just didn't want to be rude and create drama in her friend group. I said fine. But she ended up not hanging out with him Friday. She stayed home and painted all day. I thought she just felt guilty but then I checked her messages again and found out that they didn't hang out because he woke up too late. I checked again on Saturday and she was making plans again asking when he didn't work in the morning. They decided on another day. So today Monday I half confronted her about it and said that I couldn't really trust her. I didn't tell her I went through her messages though and she swore to me that she hadn't talked to him since Friday.
She lied to me. And then I just checked her messages again 20 minutes ago and she has deleted a good deal of texts between them to make it seem like she hadn't talked to him since Friday.
Now I know I'm also in the wrong for invading her privacy but I can't handle the fact that she lied right to my face.
But also we have such a great time together and she does so much for me I just don't know what to do
I love that shit like this is considered violating privacy. Like you're supposed to sit around and let her lie to you and not snoop. I swear some manlette cuckold wrote the rules to relationships.
Bro, this doesn't look good at all. She's hiding it from you because she doesn't want you to know about it. Why doesn't she want you to know? I'd be real with her and tell her if it happens again she doesnt have a home to return to. Don't put up with lying, that's one thing both males and females are way too lenient on in relationships.
She's going to lie right to your face the MORE you invade her privacy and the MORE you make a big deal out of the whole thing, because that makes you look petty, not the "I got this in control" guy she thinks she has been dating, and not the "I love her for who she is, and I'm just not acting out because of the convenience the relationship brings".
If your girlfriend really liked this guy and wanted a relationship out of this guy, she sounds like the person who would have pursued one with him, and not in a relationship with you at all.
If you believe the guy is the kind of person who would see no problem in inducing her to cheat on you with him because he feels he is "better" than you or because your relationship is objectively one-sided and shit (she does everything for you, all you do in return is yell at her and making her feel bad for an interaction that has nothing on her part), this is something you should reflect on your own and change about yourself.
My advice? If you know when they are going to meet since you went through their phone, arrange a date with her either just before, just after or on the same day and make it known that you have plans to spend actual time paying attention to her in a way that will leave her too exhausted to see him.
>chick sleeps with dude
>chick still friends with dude
>chick purposely abusing your schedule to meet up with dude
>all these implications
She has no right to complain about privacy breaches when she's a cheating ho.
To catch an asshole you need to be an asshole. I'd take the day off work that they're meeting up. Follow her to the place, then 'coincidentally' be at the same place as you walk past her. Confront and dump.
I can back this up. OP the more you put that pressure on her, the more she'll lie to you. From what you've described, you two have a pretty good relationship. This guy is in her friend group so naturally she's still going to talk to him. If the fact that she still talks to him and they've hooked up before bothers you, tell her that. The more you back someone into a corner, the harder they'll come out fighting.
>I love that shit like this is considered violating privacy.
Well, it's clearly a violation of privacy, dude. Whether it's "wrong" or not you could argue.
OP - obviously you're freaking out here and you're not in the right state of mind to be looking at this rationally. The reason you don't look through someone's phone isn't necessarily to avoid invading their privacy, but because you're *looking* to find something damning, and so because of cognitive biases you're guaranteed to find whatever little thing you can and obsess over it.
Now, I've been in the situation with a girlfriend with a jealousy problem where I specifically arranged to meet with female friends in ways where they wouldn't have to interact in the same manner - "meet me while she's at work", basically. And I did nothing with them. But if you don't have a prior history of jealousy I'm not sure this excuse really flies.
>>16730780 is right about the role that you're potentially playing in the demise of your own relationship, but I don't think this is necessarily wise advice. They've already fucked a few times, so you know there's interest.
But here's the main problem:
>I was right there so she knew I saw and ignored it
>she deleted texts and lied about it
Unless you have a history of jealousy, I don't see how this is defensible.
And a warning on top of this: If you treat someone like they're cheating on you and they're not - don't be surprised if they cheat on you as lashing out.
I was with a woman for a few years who was convinced I was cheating on her with at least every other woman I knew. This was a problem since most of my friends are women and I'd dated or hooked up with a few of them. Despite the fact I wasn't cheating nor intended to, the girl treated me like I was cheating on her.
So after a year or so, I was like, "fuck it, I might as well get the payoff for the punishment."
Agreed. I'm a girl, the guy I was with punished me for a non-cheating incident (and still calls it cheating) for 3 years. If you punish someone for something they did not do long enough, they will snap.
Been here before bro.
She will continue to lie to you probably.
The way I see it is that she's not fully satisfied with your current relationship or she's just a generally unfaithful person.
If the other guy excels where you did not expect her to replace him with you, but if he doesn't, if he justs a fuck, she will come running back to you for emotional support and also sex(that wasn't quite what she wanted).
Sorry man, I know it's fucking rough either way. Some women are just whores. I went through this bullshit for 2 years with a girl, tried to ignore all the signs, ignored my instict and ignored everyone's advice and it got my nowhere but extra heart ache. She was a lot like you describe too OP, paying her own way, doing all kinds of awesome shit for me, sucking my dick off all the time, but she'd still talk to other dudes when I wasn't around.
>They've already fucked a few times, so you know there's interest.
But they are not in a relationship with each other other than friends. So there may have been in the past, but now there isn't any interest.
You also don't know what OP has in terms of prior history of jealousy. What OP feels may not even be jealousy at all.
Shes layering on the good to make you comfortable and oblivious
Women like her like to be surrounded by all types of men made happy by HER.
And regardless of whether im full of shit or not, look at yourself mate. You have trust issues and are in this relationship for all the wrong reasons.
Shits dead already.
You are both lying to each other. Either break it off or
If you want to make it work confess everything, explain yourself, and ask for her side. Have a competent open discussion. You don't trust her because you cannot know what she thinks, but if you lay all your cards on the table she just might too.
Or it could be that OP's GF wants to fuck that other guy but wants to stay i the relationship. OP has reasons to be upset. He knows he's being lied to about something that is important for him.
break up!!! I've been in a similar situation for 10 months and he made my life miserable Bc of "the friend group" it's bullshit. she shouldn't be doing shit like that and that's why you feel off.
dude I'm telling u now. it's gonna get worse. it took my bf ten months of making my life miserable and making me feel guilty Bc he doesn't wanna "ruin his friend group" by stop being friends with an innappropriate girl.
it's shady, get out fast and be with someone who respects you and isn't shady and weird.. you don't wanna waste time like I did
even tho they aren't friends anymore, I feel like an idiot for dragging myself through unhappiness and bullshit Bc he cared more about a "friend group" than y feelings and sanity.
>she was making plans again
See I don't understand OP trying to hold on to something that doesn't exist. She didn't tell OP because she wanted to continue to date this other guy and OP at the same time. The other guy knows because she is making the effort it is he that is preferred and only a matter of time before she leaves OP.
Look at her intent OP she has already decided. All that is left is to try and keep some dignity so you need to let her know you know and won't allow her to make you a fool. That means you and her are no longer a couple though.
>she does so much for me
but she did for him and wants to again so you are not special and I would say she thinks more of him than she does of you. All it took was for him to show up a week ago and she is lying to you daily. My guess she just needs you to help pay living expenses.
She's such an "amateur" to not deleting "compromising" texts.
My girl never goes through my phone, but I delete them anyway, just in case "one day" the idea goes through her mind.
Some people are just clueless are covering their tracks.
My gf did this. Once she got the ball rolling there was no stopping it. She wanted to ride the cock carousel.
Lol. This is why I don't have male friends, way too much drama to deal with. Just be honest and tell her you've looked through her phone. Tell her you're not comfortable with this whole thing, if that's the truth, and just don't hide anything. And then tell her you expect the same. You need to take charge. I've done it before, and was completely honest with my fiance. Be honest with your GF, especially if you've talked about marriage. And I mean you live together, you HAVE to have communication for that to work. Otherwise it will just be fights and broken trust. Believe me I'd know. Good luck op, hope I helped.