I'm set to be married on Valentine's Day. I've been with my fiancé for 7 years. Sex has always been dynamite, but I've cheated on her with escorts and one night stands off and on throughout the relationship. She knows this, and it's an unspoken thing between us. She is graduating from medical school this year. Things look great for us.
The problem is that monogamy has been made clear once we are married. I put a little thought into agreeing to that back when we decided to get married. Now that the marriage is imminent I'm having major second thoughts. Our dynamite normal sex life has become not fun for me. I don't really enjoy it. Thinking about only being able to fuck her, to not have the excitement and fun of fucking other women in the future, it's way more difficult than I ever imagined.
So, what do I do? I'm leaning toward going through with the marriage and just fucking around behind her back as I have been doing. I could always apply for a job that entails a lot of travel, and that would make things easy also.
She's one of those few genuinely kind people in the world. I am extremely lucky. Still, I'm freaked out.
How do I solve.
Cheating never ends well. However, she seems to be alright with the idea of you fucking around while you were dating, and marriage is basically the second level of dating. You should consider having an open relationship. The thing is, you'd have to be okay with her fucking around too.
talk to her about being poly. Don't think marriage is the best thing for you if you cant be decent enough to commit 100%.
if it doesnt work, break up. You'll save each other a lot of paperwork
if she's unspokenly acknowledged that its ok for you to fuck around on the side as long as you do a good enough job hiding it she can pretend its not happening then why can't you just keep doing that?
Not okay with her fucking around, which makes the open relationship thing a problem.
I mean, I would be open to it if she was able to detach sex and emotional attachment. For me, sex with anyone but her carries nothing emotional. For her, she's only been with men she's loved. I'm her third. If she were able to see sex, outside of our relationship, in the same way I would be. But, knowing her, it wouldn't be possible.
If you aren't ok with her fucking around to excuse your fucking around, then you are not meant for poly, nor are you meant to hold anyone's trust.
Don't get married, breaking legal trust is a big social flaw that goes on your records for life.
The blatant asbergers.
Your opinions are discarded for being the most awkward things I've seen written outside of a Brony general.
Well this sure turned into a shit show.
I mean, you've turned it into a shit show. You're the one who created the problem with your relationship, and you're limiting the solutions. You don't want monogamy, but you agreed to monogamy. You don't want to let her fuck other people, but you want to fuck other people. If you just try fucking people behind her back, eventually your relationship will fall apart; it would be much better to just end things now. There's no easy button for this. You have to change, she has to change, or it's not going to work.
Keep your autism and pissy faggotry to yourself.
>don't want monogamy but agreed to it
True. As far as the statement that the relationship will eventually fail, that certainly isn't true. A number of men that I work with have been fucking around their whole lives and have been married for 20 and 30+ years.
The only problem is I'm not comfortable lying to my partner, but I have no doubts that I could fuck around on her and she'd never know differently.
still, some good things to think about there.
>For me, sex with anyone but her carries nothing emotional.
This is also lying to yourself. You do go through emotions when you fuck other girls you just choose to ignore them because of the cheaters mentality, the only reason you're not writhing in shame like you should be is because she hasn't said spoken in depth about how she could drop you at the altar for revenge.
Are they happy? Really happy? How do they know their wives aren't fucking around on them? And even if they are, how do you know that you can pull off the same thing? It's stacked against you because you've pushed yourself into a corner on the matter.
This happiness question is a deeper well than needs to be gotten into.
I'm happy, which is what's important. She is also happy, which is also what's important. And I'm not okay with lying to her, which is the main problem here. Those other guys are.
And I have pushed myself into a corner. Seems communication is probably the best way to go, but it could result in years of grief for me if things go badly. Which I'd like to avoid.
You are a piece of scum. It's okay for you to fuck other people but not her? Fucking get help you piece of shit, you don't deserve a successful, wonderful committed woman. I hope she dumps your sorry ass.
She won't. She's in deep. So am I.
I just like to get my dick wet as one of my two main hobbies. Her main hobbies are reading and studying.
And, I need a bit of help, a good little chat with similar people to myself. That's why I'm here. Jesus, that should be obvious.
I know better than linetrap's autistic cousin.
She likes me and doesn't think I'm a douche.
You're. A. Fucking. Faggot.
There's no attention, and I'm not whoring. I pay through drinks or straight cash. It's all the same. Im just an aggressive John.
Marriage isn't for you mate. You need a wife you can swing with or something.
But you won't leave her, you're too far gone. Have fun breaking her heart then feeling like total shit.
You are also planning to hide the marital infidelity you plan on committing, which means she likes you while she thinks you are faithful. If she knew you were not faithful, do you think she would still love you and think you aren't a douche?
Because if so, why hide the cheating?
You've implied she's aware of your cheating in an unspoken way. Is that you saying you believe she knows but has never mentioned it, or she has confronted you and decided to stay with you?
You want to keep cheating, she made it clear that marriage means to stop this behavior.
You should talk to her before it's too late, make your point clear and see what she has to say. Maybe she loves you very much and can look pass this shit or maybe not but she deserves to know (since you said you "don't lie" to your partner, this shouldn't be hard).
If you care more about getting your dick wet rather than commiting to her then you shouldn't get married, save her the trouble before it's too late.
You're a faggot.
Marriage may not be me, but marriage certainly isn't the faggot shit people in here pretend it is. The fuck happened to /adv/. Bunch of little niggers acting like they know things.
Marriage is what a couple makes it. A relationship is the same.
Though, you're (whichever you is you) right. There really is no reason to hide the cheating. I'll talk with her about my thoughts and see what she thinks. She wouldn't think me a douche or reject me. There's a solution somewhere, one way or another, and I should work it out with her.
To the last question, I've talked about it with her in the past. She knows, explicitly. She said she minds, but doesn't mind so much--she just doesn't want a bunch of reminders of it, or to have it thrown in her face.
Good thoughts, helped make up my mind.
She's unspokenly allowed screwing around before marriage. The moment OP wold screw around while married he'd break the agreement.
OP shouldn't commit himself to one woman if he can't fucking commit to one woman. Don't lie to your partner. Discuss it with her, and if she demands fidelity within the marriage, then you have to either
a) not get married or
b) get married and be satisfied with the boring sex life you chose.
You don't get to eat your cake and keep it too. A relationship, let alone a marriage, has 2 people, and you have zero fucking right to trample all over the other person's wants and values because muh needs. If you can't meet her terms, don't get married because it means you're not the man for her. Please remember that if you do shit behind her back, she doesn't really love you, she loves the lie you're feeding her.
I can have both. I'm with her for a reason.
You helped remind me of that. Nothing has really changed, except We're officially stating we want to spend our lives together.
You're also a faggot. Women aren't here to be protected. They can make informed decisions, just like men.
There's a reason women always go for other guys, and leave you alone.
>She is also happy, which is also what's important.
She won't be happy, but will be absolutely devastated the moment she hears you've been lying to her, finding sex with her boring, and have been fucking around.
These other men - how are their marriages? Are their wives happy, or do they harbour bitterness and only stay in the marriages for finances and appearance's sake? Is that what you want for your marriage? Knowing you're a lying, cheating shit every time she smiles at you? Quiet resentment over breakfast when she starts to suspect but the mortgage is too big for her to walk out?
This. OP you aren't going to hear what you want in this board. Some people out there are trying to give you genuine advice. You sound too immature even to get married because for one your selfishly putting your desires in front of hers (marriage is about sacrifice) and two you call anyone who disagrees with you a faggot.
This anon>>16728723 has it right though. Whether or not you like it she will build up resentment towards your childish behavior. She also might thinking having a child with you when your married will make you stay solely committed to her. Can you live with the fact that you'll be quietly breaking her heart and setting a poor example for your future kid?
Also your fiancé seems educated so I will tell you what will happen. She will stay with you out of need and then when she feels like she's built up enough financial security she leave you and file for divorce. Call me a fag all you want but at least try to consider what people are telling you. She sounds like a good girl, it's not right to do that to her