I'm 21 and I'm in my first relationship ever. My only other experience was with a girl I really really liked to whom I spoke to for a while and was about to start dating her until she essentially shit all over me. I feel like that kind of ruined the feelings you get when you first meet someone you like but I might be just making excuses.
My problem: I meet my current girlfriend. I like her a lot. She's pretty although her looks aren't astounding, at lesat not to me, and her personality is fucking amazing. We've been dating for a month and a half. We basically "accidentally" met online so we had a lot of problems at the start regarding true intentions and trust but she's really warmed up to me now. My issue is that I'm not feeling all those funny feelings you get when you meet someone you're really passionate about. No butterflies, no warm feeling, all that shit. I don't feel that sickness or that immediate boost in mood you get as soon as they cross your thoughts. Cont...
When I talk to her or spend time with her, I have a lot of fun and I feel like I don't want to leave her, but when I'm away I don't have that feeling of yearning to see her.
I don't exactly miss her. When we make plans or just talk about things regarded our future it makes me happy. When she expresses how she feels about me, it makes me happy
and feel more affection toward her. I really like being around her but why is it when I think deeply about us I feel like I don't like her enough? I definitely like
her a lot more than when we first met and I feel it growing but also receding sometimes when I think of these negative thoughts. At this point, I'm more depending on
my love growing for her in time. I need to know if this is someone I should continue a relationship for a while and see how it unfolds or if I should end it now. I want to
know only because this is someone I want a future with.
I know I'm overthinkig this and likely saying too much unecessary shit but I don't know the answer.
I feel like I'm expecting too much too early as well. She's someone I share a lot of interests with and get along with amazingly. We are very comfortable and open with each
other about absolutely everything and it's been great so far but why am I questioning it so much? I do feel more at ease when I don't think deeply about us.
Sorry for all the babble, but I feel like I need to mention shit I think matters in order not to misconstrue your view. About the advice on whether I should end it or not,
I'd like to know the reasons behind your answer just because I feel like I can't end it without a sensible reason. Holy Christ I feel really stupid spilling my heart out here on such a personal subject but there is literally no where else for me to turn.
I feel like I should mention that really the only thing I feel is missing is that "spark" feeling. I feel like she's perfect for me in every other way. I hear that this passion or "soulmate" stuff is not necessary to build a great and lasting relationship quite often. Seems like typing paragraphs on here is a quick way not to get your shit read.
I don't mean to reply with useless garbage that doesn't answer your question, but I get the feeling. This was exactly how I felt with my first girlfriend. We broke up about 4 months ago. I honestly couldn't tell you even after the fact why I felt this way either. I guess I honestly just wanted for things to work out so much, since I never had the experience before that I ignored the growing issues in the relationship instead of adressing them. Sorry I can't really answer your question btw.
You're being silly. Do you think you are "wasting your time"? That you could be doing something (or someone) better? What's the ultimate idea? I mean, for me, what you're saying sounds like "I'm getting fed up with this orgasm".
I don't feel I'm wasting my time. While I do feel I MIGHT be able to find someone better looking, I don't really care because I don't think I could find someone with a better personality.
What went wrong in the relationship if you don't mind my asking? What led you to the breakup?
>I don't feel I'm wasting my time. While I do feel I MIGHT be able to find someone better looking, I don't really care because I don't think I could find someone with a better personality.
So I mean, what's the big idea? What's the point?
It sounds like a guy asking if he should burn down his house because he can imagine having a nicer house. And if he had a nicer house, he would like it more. Accordingly, he should have no house and just sleep in a ditch.
I mean, maybe the comparison is bad, but do you see what I'm getting at? Just let go of your doubts and inhibitions and let yourself want what you want and feel what you feel. Don't shoot yourself in the foot.
>Accordingly, he should have no house and just sleep in a ditch
Are you an angry gril?
> let yourself want what you want and feel what you feel. Don't shoot yourself in the foot.
Well what are you saying then because it's not connecting with me. What I want is her, and I want to love her but I'm confused because I don't feel these feelings that I think I should(want?) to be feeling. I legitimately don't want anyone else. I don't look or think of others but I feel for some reason that maybe I shouldn't be with her because I don't feel this "spark" I feel like >>16727178 may I understand my situation better.
She went out of state for school, and the whole long distance thing made keeping in contact a real hassle. Though we both tried it just wasn't going to work no matter what we did. We never really grew close enough to begin with because we where both very cautious, and to top it off though we had a lot in common are values where nearly polar opposites. Which cause frustration for the both of us whenever social issues where discussed.
You've only been dating a month and a half, anon. You expect to experience the depths of passion in that short time? You're basically just getting to know her. Give it some time and enjoy the companionship, and for God's sake stop overthinking it or you'll never develop feelings for her. If things are still lukewarm after a year, then consider breaking up.
FYI, got my first girlfriend when I was 23 after liking a different girl earlier and getting shit on much like you. Also like you, I thought my girlfriend was sufficient but not amazing in looks, but had a great personality. We ended up dating for 20 months before I realized that my feelings just weren't growing, so we broke up. There are other details in there, of course, but the gist is that I can understand your situation.
This. Besides that, those butterflies and shit fade after a few months anyway. What lasts is memories, feelings, and shared experience.
The spark occasionally comes back, if one of you has to travel for work or something and you don't see each other for awhile. But 99% of the time in 99% of relationships, it fades into the background and becomes a nothing.
>God's sake stop overthinking it or you'll never develop feelings for her.
Thank you for this. I'm really glad you could relate. I feel like I made this post seeking these answers, but the answers being genuine. Makes me sad to hear that you broke up after 20 months for that very reason but it's nice to know.
What if you don't see each other for a while and the spark doesn't come back? Not saying that's the case with us but just for reference sake.
Sounds to me like you don't really know what you want.
You're not head over heels for her, but you're comfortable.
It's not the spiffiest car, but it gets you where you need to go and there's no need for you to go shopping for a new one.
I say just see where it goes. Give it some time and meditate on your feelings; explore WHY you don't get that spark from her. Is it a flaw in her? Yourself? Maybe you're paying attention to the wrong thing, or thinking too much? Or maybe it's exactly what it feels like and it's just not gonna work out?
Give it some time and the answer will become clearer to you. Don't do anything too rash, just let things run their course and see what's what.
Being cautious was a real problem at the start for me and if it persisted then the relationship wouldn't have worked. You literally can't build a relationship with that in the way. It's like being asked to invest $40k into a house and only putting in $30k because you're scared of not getting a return.