I'm a late bloomer and missed out on a lot of character development in my teens due to depression, abuse resulting in apathy and escape from reality.
How do I catch up? How can I train stuff like conversation, small talk, flirting etc?
I'm unable to keep social contacts around longterm.
As a poor southern teenager from the South during the Attitude Era. Stone Cold was my favorite wrestler... After Razor Ramon.
Is this thread about wrestling now? More wrestling montages.
lol good fucking luck. Was out on a date with a 23 y/o yesterday, I am 28, and she has way more experience than me.
Basically, all that jazz about having to be social to date is pretty much true. She expects you to make all the decisions and shit. Also, the older you are, the less acceptable it is to be a fuckup in any way.
Normal people learn it as teenagers. I awkwardly messed around with some girls my age in my teens, and it was awesome, because everyone was on the same page.
Basically, my advice to you is to have your shit together and hope she tolerates your bullshit until you get some game.
I think the only way to get experience is to go on dates and try to pick up on stuff that works and doesn't.
Of course, all of this is a huge time, money, etc sink.
I counting the days until WW3
Also, you won't be able to relate to most girls you like for shit. Since most girls who have money for education, fitness, etc have a rich social life and a ton of experience, you have a hard time relating. Like, I have travelled my fair share, but this girl kept going on and on about what she did in Poland, Siberia, Germany, Japan, Israel, all around the US etc. Then about the businesses her friends own, etc, etc. And it's like "Yep..." and insert random remarks about the places to sound educated despite not being well-travelled.
Thing is I have really interesting stories to tell and had some luck with my genes, so getting the date usually is no problem, it just feels so bad when I have to leave everyone disappointed, you know?
Like I have enough to talk about, but during any conversation I just go blank and that's not even a women-only thing.
With the frustration building up I'm a bit worried to sink back into some downtime again :/
I don't know that show, is this supposed to be dating advice?
Imo, just keep dating. As stupid as it is, I learned to talk well because I had some shitty call center jobs before getting a "real job" and my first semi-real job was dealing with people about their investments face to face. I spent a year basically talking to randoms, which definitely helped my social skills. Not to imply there is direct carry over - the point is that you do get better at socializing.
If you can actually practice that stuff and get better, then I'll try.
However I made the experience that if I go into detail about something (for example what I major in or a particular interest of mine) they just stop responding.
Also I have no idea how to implement topics you can be very opinionated about and lead into discussions that way, I feel like this would help a great deal.
It's called not having shit in common. It's what I mentioned earlier. I can go into detail about xyz (let's say software architecture or car builds), but they do NOT give a fuck. Not being aware of this is being a poor conversationalist. Definitely do not try to force these topics, them blanking out on you is the NORMAL response.
It's like I just randomly started telling you about flower arrangement in depth. You just don't give a fuck and would blank.
As far as them not being interested in anything that you are interested in - that's the problem I mentioned earlier. Even if they do like you, it's not going to be through being yourself (reigning all these topics excessively), so at that point its just sex, and that kind of sucks.
Let me give you an example - this girl mentioned that she likes to read, we talked about some authors, I brought up my favorite author. She hasn't heard about any of his books, I summarized his main themes in half a sentence and dropped it. It would have killed the convo.
Then she kept talking about Israel and the risk of missile attacks and mentioned that they have a defense system. I went "Oh, Iron Dome" and she was like yea blah blah wonder how it works. So I told her. The moment I started getting too technical, I dropped it.
I'd actually like some insight into flower arrangement.
Anyways, let's stay at examples for a bit - what are topics to talk about then? I would guess stuff you often have a strong opinion on, like eugenics, vegetarianism, refugee politics, stuff like that?
I got so far that you try to find topics you can talk about, although you're not actually interested. Isn't it dumb to get into something they like, because you're on unknown territory?
Ah! That's good, so you just stay superficial and change topics everytime it gets weird. Hm, I see...
But for how many conversations can you keep going like this? Don't you start to repeat yourself after some time?
I think you are being too autistic with, and not in the 4chan sense, just really.
>Anyways, let's stay at examples for a bit - what are topics to talk about then?
It depends on the situation. For example, this girl loved Israel and thought they got shafted by everyone. I obviously shut the fuck up about my opinions on Palestinians being fucked over.
>I would guess stuff you often have a strong opinion on, like eugenics, vegetarianism, refugee politics, stuff like that?
Any time you introduce stuff like eugenics, you better be eloquent as fuck and cover it very carefully to avoid being perceived as an edgy faggot or an extremist. Like you and I can probably have a conversation on eugenics, because if you are a proponent, I automatically assume it's because you don't want handicapped people to suffer, since it's not fair to them and they have little chance to compete. Whereas some people might here "eugenics" and flip their shit. It depends.
>Isn't it dumb to get into something they like, because you're on unknown territory?
Well, the hope is that you breach some common topic. On the other hand, it's your responsibility to have some basic knowledge about a vast array of topics (good fucking luck) to keep the convo going. Like she was ranting about her travels around the middle east and mentioned being in Jericho, so we talked about whether or not it can really be considered the earliest city in the world, etc. It's an opportunity to come off as cultured.
On the other hand, she is an ecologist and she would talk about ecological issues - I could barely contribute anything to that, but it's fine to admit you don't know shit or listen and politely move on.
tl;dr: get a feel for it.
Pretty much, see my overly-long next post. Our convo went on for a good 3 hours without interruption, along with some silly shit like sharing drinks, etc. She is the one who initiated that, but it definitely helped build atmosphere or whatever.
The favorite author stuff sounded really familiar actually...
But yeah, I should probably just continue to practice with as many people as possible and hopefully see results and improvement some day.
Maybe read some wikipedia articles or something on the side.
Anyways, thanks for your advice! Gave me a direction to pursue.