Long story short,
Girlfriend had an 'experimental' phase. Just found out and had an argument about it. Literally one text away from ending it with her.
Shes crying about how its her past and I pretty much responded with how you have to live with the consequences of your actions. Then some bullshit about how she didnt want me to find out because she knew Id overreact which triggered me more and I said that she's been stringing me along hiding the parts of her that she knew Id never love. Its like she got her defense from some template or something. I wouldnt be surprised if this was the first time this happened.
It's not like you married her. Have you told her about how you used to rub your dick all over everything in the house while thinking about the girls from nickelodeon? Because that's what dating is for. Having fun and slowly revealing those things.
I dont understand why she would tell you about her past sexual experimental phases. Literally what was she thinking telling you this? "Oh ill tell my boyfriend about how numerous men fucked me holes and i loved it, he won't care tehee"
How did you find out OP????
I dont have anything to hide that I believe would make her not want to be with me.
be a slut. is that enough for you. You can imagine the details for yourself. Unless you feel its relevant.
Because shes not the person I thought she was. And Im in a relationship with someone who I thought Id be with but turns out if I knew wed never have gotten this far.
Lemme guess, you feel inadequate because she's experienced more than you probably ever will be and you're unsure if you're able to please her? Give it a break anon. She didn't tell you because THIS is how you would react and she was right. You can't handle it and you're making an ass out of yourself.
The best thing about girls who have gone and experienced a lot of sexual shit is that its done, they've gotten it out of their system. They aren't gonna try to make you a cuck 15 years down the road because they don't feel the need to explore their sexuality anymore.
Couldnt even be bothered to read the whole wikipedia article. Doesnt seem relevant.
I dont understand why you would want to be with someone who you know wouldnt accept who you are. Its just deceitful.
Has no one been in this situation
>you feel inadequate
Nope. I see her as dirty.
>She didn't tell you because THIS is how you would react and she was right.
Exactly. She knew I wouldnt want to be with her. Why string me along and make me believe she's someone shes not.
>they've gotten it out of their system.
Thats good for them. Im sure theres some guy whos also gotten it out of their system as well.
Id probably end up cucking her because of her experimental phase. She tried to feed me some similar bullshit. I might have been overly mean because I was upset, but I asked her why would she think a guy would want to settle down with her after what shes done. Never got an answer.
Why do you care what happened before you? Everybody, yourself included, has a past and sometimes that past isn't reflective of us or our future. Honestly, it sounds more like you're insecure about yourself and scapegoating her.
Once an asshole, always an asshole. I found out later from his sister that he also used to pull on his cat's tail as a toddler. Bullet fucking dodged. Can you imagine having an ant colony or a rescue cat with this guy? I wouldn't trust him.
No. I don't kill anything intentionally except mosquitoes, but that's in self-defense.
>Do you not kill cockroaches?
What did cockroaches ever do to you?
And honestly, killing bugs is like 1000 times grosser than just throwing them outside, fucking nasty.
Not the anon you're replying to, I just like bugs and would honestly have to have a conversation if I found out my partner was a former ant-combuster. Still not as crazy as OP though.
I highly doubt he would hide the fact that he did. Wasnt a secret or something worth hiding. But if he knew she was against burning ants, then he definitely should have said something.
You dont hide things you think would change the other persons opinion of you.
These kinds of threads are pretty common here, OP.
I'm gonna tell you right now, before you waste more of your time, hardly anyone is gonna side with you. That's what you want right? You want someone to agree with you/ acknowledge your feelings aren't irrational? Get some input that aligns with what you already think?
It's not gonna happen like that and you're just gonna be more mad.
break up with her and begin your quest for a pure virgin maiden
God what a fucking sicko. I bet he probably made other weird decisions in his past that he probably regrets, but damn that's just a fucked up person with a fucked up brain right there. I mean I've done stupid stuff in my own past that doesn't reflect who I currently am, but pulling tails? That's not something that ever changes within a person.
>Nope. I see her as dirty.
You see her as dirty because before she met you she decided to have some fun? If she was cheating on your with a bunch of dudes now that would make her dirty
>Exactly. She knew I wouldnt want to be with her. Why string me along and make me believe she's someone shes not.
maybe because she really really likes you? Maybe she was afraid that if you found out you would up and leave her? Maybe she thought wrongly for 5 seconds that hiding something so incredibly private like your sexual history would actual remain private.
OP, been around enough to know this won't work for you but since she isn't the girl for you just end it and move on. Trying to get a pound of flesh out of her or hope she provides an excuse for doing it that satisfies your ego a waste of time. You might calm down and think you have moved on but it will always be there and little by little you will discover details that will make you ill. Wrap this one up, take the high road and move on.
This is dumb as fuck. Lots of kids hurt animals and then grow out of it. If he didn't say anything that means he was ashamed of it and that's how he SHOULD feel about it.
Kids too fucking young to realize how much growing up changes a person
It seems you don't need advice, just validation on the fact you're breaking up with her. Just do it fast, leave her alone and move on.
Hopefully you'll find a virgin girl to settle down and she'll have no "hoe-past" to hunt you while you sleep.
Let me tell you how this thread will go, senpai. All the guys who aren't cucks will tell you that you should dump her because "slut" isn't something you can just wipe away because you're tired of the lifestyle. The women and cucks will say she shouldn't be punished for her actions.
Personally I say dump her, there are girls who weren't whores and they deserve the relationship ready men for their self control.
>B-but she was just living her life!
So was I, but I only had sex with women I dated for a while, not random sluts.
>You don't hide things you think would change the other person's opinion of you.
Idk dude, maybe she thought it wouldn't change your opinion of her. Maybe she thought you were a decent human being able to comprehend that people can have less-than-normal pasts and still be a good partner in a relationship.
Jesus dude. You need to calm down.
I side with your girl. She enjoyed exploring her sexuality before she met you. You're not man enough to accept that she isn't your sole sexual possession. So what is she "slut"ed it up?
imo, break up with her... you'll be doing both of you a favor. But its not because you're better than her. It's that you two have radically different views about what it means to be a good person. Save her the time of dealing with your shit.
Relationships are about learning who your partner is slowly, over-time, and continuing to love and accept them as they open up to you. If you're not willing to accept your partner for who they are, you should stop wasting their time.
OP that sounds really stuck up and mean, what you did. We get it. You're a prude who doesn't like to have fun. Sex is sex. It's fun. Lots of men like to have casual sex and lots of it. Do you think of them any different than your gf?
All you could've did was just break up and leave it at that. But no, you had to guilt trip her. And that's where you fucked up
I feel you, OP. I found out recently that my wife used to prefer Pepsi. Fucking disgusting. I can't believe she lied to me all these years. Naturally we're divorced now. What a racket, I have to pay child support for her disgusting Pepsi-loving-gene half-breed children she tricked me into siring.
I mean, sure, she'd never actually tried Coke before getting with me and only realised how awesome it was once we got together and never thought about Pepsi again after that day, but fuck it. She's nothing but a Pepsi slut as far as I'm concerned. It's probably literally in her blood.
>You're not man enough
>Manning up means accepting gross people into your personal life
>Hey baby, I got girls drunk just so I could fuck them but it was just an experimental part of my life! Woman up and accept that men have a sex drive!
How is the sexual history conversation suppose to go? I just kind of left it up to him asking... but he still never has. He knows I wasn't a virgin when we started dating- but that's it. I never mention my ex's or anything like that.
Not so much for fear of him being like OP, but more because they don't matter and I think it's rude to talk about for no reason.
Threads like these make me paranoid though. What if he is like OP, and freaks out? Would it be my fault for never bringing it up?
Nah, I dont need people to side with me. I did need to hear what people would say though. Sees too emotional to make coherent statements. Ill take this thread as how shed act if she werent in this position. makes it much easier to break up when you know the persons true nature.
>Oh hey, here's this girl
>I'm really into her, and she seems perfect for me
>But when she told me about her past I was completely blindsided
>It's almost like the fact that she's had sexual experiences in the past doesn't make her a bad partner destined to cuck me
I can kinda attest to this. When I was done my version of being experimental (I'm still a virgin, I wanted to save myself for who I thought was best). But it basically just translated into dating in a quick succession and quickly dumping once I felt they weren't right for me. Once I got it out of my system, once I figured what I wanted in a man, I settled down for good
You guys won't believe this one, I hired this guy last month and it turns out he has YEARS of experience in the field! Like, what the fuck! He knows how to do EVERYTHING, even shit I'll never need him to do! Some of it, the kind of shit I thought I'd have to pay someone else to do for me! What a slut!
>Hey baby, I got girls drunk just so I could fuck them but it was just an experimental part of my life! Woman up and accept that men have a sex drive!
This is what every (e v e r y) Stacy accepts about Chad. And then stacy goes to dental school and chad law school and then they start attending church with their perfect-teeth kids.
If he's like OP and freaks out and never asked you or signified that it was important to him, then he's an asshole. Fuck him.
He's probably not asking because it's not really a normal thing to ask. Most people don't want to hear about it, and understand that you both had lives before meeting each other that don't matter anymore.
I understand where you are coming from, OP.
It doesn't feel like it's special anymore, and it's just something that sits in the back of your mind. If this person was able to get intimate with people they don't even care about, then what does that say about their own self-value and how they value sexuality?
On the other hand though, this is reality. While you're free to be discriminate of your partner, you have to bear in mind that the girl in question is somebody that loves you irregardless of their past.
We all make mistakes, man. Can't always hold it against people. God knows there were times in my life where I was so damn horny I'd had humped anything two tits and a set of legs.
>what difference does it make that I was an pedophile, sure I fucked some kids before but after you I'm a changed man.
Do you want him to be your husband?
What does his past have to do with his present.
In high school I believed relationships were pointless and stupid. Now I'm in a relationship that's lasted over 5 years, but it must all be an elaborate ruse because at one point I had different ideas
I'm one anon that sides with you OP and agree her promiscuity should be a consideration when considering if she is wife material. It could be drug use or petty theft, her views on children, money, religion or if she was a girl scout, it all matters. She hid it from you and it is relevant. Stick to your boundaries OP and you'll be fine
>arguing with someone because they aren't what you want them to be
You do this with literally nothing else in your life. Just imagine if you did. You go to buy peanut butter, accidentally grab chunky and start yelling at the jar "I WANTED SMOOTH GODDAMN IT."
All you have to do is walk away. It accomplishes the exact same thing with less effort. I know you're upset but you'll be upset either way. If anything the argument just makes it worse. Do you enjoy feeling upset or something? I don't. I enjoy being happy as much as I can.
I also had an experimental phase in elementary where I wore dog collars and wore solid black outfits. I must always be a disgusting goth on the inside no matter what though because of that phase
Not gonna lie, if I were a girl and my guy showed any gay tendencies, Id break up with him.
How exactly did you break it to him?
>You see her as dirty because before she met you she decided to have some fun
What you call fun I call disgusting and being a slut. I can accept that you have a different opinion of me. Ill judge you but accept that you think otherwise. But dont hide it from me.
>maybe because she really really likes you?
She obviously doesnt care enough about me though to tell me things I need to know. Just sounds selfish.
>Maybe she was afraid that if you found out you would up and leave her?
Why be with someone you know wont accept you.
>Maybe she thought wrongly for 5 seconds that hiding something so incredibly private like your sexual history would actual remain private.
Things that are relevant to involving parties are private. If your job asked you a question relevant to their decision to hire you, you cant claim its private and expect them to hire you.
Look, no rational guy is gonna give you shit for sleeping with past boyfriends. Because that's normal and healthy. That isn't a slut, it's a woman with a healthy sex drive and relationship. Now if you went on Tinder every weekend and found strangers to fuck you, that's a disgusting and trashy look for women in a man's eyes. Well, the man that isn't a cuck anyways.
Thats what Im thinking on. I dont see myself ignoring this in the future either.
If a child regrets his actions its far more forgivable than an adult chalking up their past to a phase.
you're an idiot. break up with her so she can go meet someone who wasnt coddled by mommy and believed he was the most important person in the world. your self entitled shit is legit cancer and she deserves better.
>The women and cucks will say she shouldn't be punished for her actions.
I honestly despise this mentality. Basically says do bad things because youll be forgiven and not punished.
That's just your morals.
You could replace it with anything you despise, I just chose something relatively universally accepted as bad as an example.
In Saudi Arabia the kiddy fucked would get a lighter sentence than the slut, is it ok now?
Just because OP is a man doesn't mean he can't choose his partner based on the qualities he wants.
>maybe she thought it wouldn't change your opinion of her.
>Maybe she thought you were a decent human being able to comprehend that people can have less-than-normal pasts and still be a good partner in a relationship.
Or maybe she could be a decent human being and try to find someone with a less than normal past whos willing to accept her.
>She enjoyed exploring her sexuality before she met you
Yes, and she should accept the consequences of her actions.
>You're not man enough to accept that she isn't your sole sexual possession
Why would I want a girl who is having sex with others? Or were you implying that I should want a used good instead of cheating.
>So what is she "slut"ed it up?
Yes, she did. And she needs someone who also was a slut to understand her.
>its not because you're better than her
Its because Im not a slut.
>Relationships are about learning who your partner is slowly
Theres the red flags. You dont want to learn about red flags deep into a relationship.
>Do you think of them any different than your gf?
They are also sluts. Would never date them. But Im not gay so thats not an issue.
>you had to guilt trip her
Maybe so that she understands and can stop trying to fuck people over with deceit and pretend like she is someone else.
Harm is very subjective and "whether it harms or not" is just you imposing your morals again.
And again you can it with any of your own redflags, it's just an example of a thing you don't accept but only find out later.
Again just because hes a man doesn't mean he can't choose his partners anymore.
>Yes, and she should accept the consequences of her actions.
>i like this girl but this one thing about her made me mad so im gonna leave her and that'll sure show her!
You aren't fooling anyone, OP. You can try to vilify her or mention her "consequences" or whatever the fuck but if she's getting out of a relationship with an insecure fuckwit like yourself I'd say it's a damn good thing she slutted it up before she met you. In fact all girls should slut it up before they decide to date for real, that way idiots like you and whatever cancerous gene that makes you react like such a loser is cleansed from existence.
I don't know if OP is still here because often these threads get absorbed quick. That said, here's my two cents
You are right OP for wanting to end it with her. You hold specific values and views different than hers when it comes to sex. And sex is an important facet of a relationship; if you guys aren't on the same page it won't work. So yes, to validate your post; break up.
You also were wrong for not asking about this earlier in the relationship/dating phase; people should show their historical intimacy cards mutually to prevent any misunderstandings
You have one of two options:
Break up with her on a respectful and caring ground. Let her know it isn't her but her values on sex differed from yours. Don't apologize for breaking up, and assure her she will find someone that shares her views on sex like you will find the girl that'll share yours. The only thing you owe an apology for, is not asking this question about her past sooner.
Alternatively, you can abandon your values of sex you currently hold and conform to some of other people's realities here, which is that casual sex is good and harmless.
It's ultimately up to you. Do you want to find a woman that'll share your values better than the girl you're with? Leave her, it'd be best for both of you.
Do you and are you willing to abandon your values and conform without any problems? Then do that, it's your own thing to sort out in your head. And keep your gf; knowing she has done whatever she's done
There's no right answer. There's a right answer to what suits YOU best; and no one here will know that but YOU
>its almost like she has to live with the consequences of her actions
>you have to bear in mind that the girl in question is somebody that loves you irregardless of their past.
What does that have to do with me. No reason to accept her past.
More like I realized a was given a slut. Sluts are only good for being sluts. Not settling down with.
because in the present she has to live with the consequences of her actions.
Are you hiding your past trying to pretend it didnt happen so people will accept you. because if so then yes its a ruse.
Arguing is a way of expressing being betrayed and lied to.
>she deserves better.
Yes she deserves a slut like her. I dont deserve to be gifted with such a fine slut. Please, all sluts, Im not worthy.
>being a slut is good
You wanna be a slut, deal with being treated like a slut
No, she cant cheat when we're not together.
No. You respect her privacy enough to give her time to feel comfortable telling you about the past. But if its something she thinks will change your mind she needs to tell you before you start getting serious.
>Again just because hes a man doesn't mean he can't choose his partners anymore.
No one is saying this at all. People are simply calling him retarded. Because he is. The fact that he's well within his rights to be retarded doesn't change that he's retarded.
Men who have different values, despite being satisfying companions to her, might nope right out of her life. The "what could have been" game is more an exercise of imagination than anything, but it stands to reason that one of those aforementioned guys might have been part of an amazing future for her. Poof.
>What are the consequences?
Well she's losing out on any man who doesn't want a filthy whore. Which is mostly loyal men who know their worth. Enjoy being near the same plain as men. The second a better looking slut comes around, you lose all your appeal.
Shit, OP and some of the people in this thread sound like they jumped straight from Rhodesia in the 1940s. Oooga booga women are sluts/whores and are impure because I say so. Nigga, please.
That I cannot accept her as a partner
I dont see where I went wrong. Weve talked about sex before and she knows Im not fond of people sleeping around. If I found out the person I was dating didnt like a group of people and I knew I was in the group, Id tell them so that we can find out if we can work through it or not.
I wouldnt try to pretend its okay.
The thread was bombarded by trolls so it took me a while to shuffle through it.
I used to think butthurt roastieposting was just a meme, but this thread is fantastic.
So many degenerate sluts and white knight cuckolds who are desperately trying to deny the fact that they will die alone and unloved
One day people will condemn us for some of what we think are sensible and enlightened ideas too. Your convictions about certain things are no different in their nature than their different convictions. Two basic facts are that people do what they think is best and no one is immune from being wrong. You gotta offer something better than "Nigga, please" to convince a person that they should be any less sure than you are.
>i'd call that a blessing
All you know about OP is that he doesn't like sluts. So it's a blessing to sluts, except the slut wants a man that doesn't want a slut so it isn't a blessing.
This is an even bigger bullshit test than any test a woman can give.
What, you're going to hang around for a few months or years, waiting on someone to say shit they didn't even know they were supposed to say? Why waste your fucking time? I can understand if OP asked and then she lied to him, but he never asked, and now he's just assuming she hid it out of maliciousness.
Next time, OP, fucking ask. You can't "respect her privacy" and then get butthurt when she actually decides to keep things private. Sure, breaking up with this girl is a done deal, but you're just going to make this mistake again and again if you don't learn your fucking lesson.
This can be a good thing for you, OP. Now you know what you need in a relationship, what you need to know about a potential life partner. Just please don't make this mistake again and then be back here in a few months with the same fucking problem.
Would you want to know if you partner raped kids. They didnt get in legal trouble and kept it private. Do you ask each partner if theyve raped kids before and got away with it.
There are things you should realize the person youre with does not find acceptable and its also your responsibility to make sure that the relationship will work. Not hiding aspects that would deter it.
Thats how adults function.
Maybe girls should just stop being whores.
>A man rapes a 10 year old when he's 17
>Goes to jail for 20 years
>He tells you it was just a mistake of his past and that he's reformed after 20 years in prison
Using your logic, it's okay to let him around your kids.
Its been thoroughly established by like half the people ITT.
If it's just a personal dealbreaker and turn off, whatever, but to flip out and act like you're nonetheless being completely rational and normal is just silly.
>I need to hear from you!
Listen to yourself, man.
Read the thread. It's already been explained in as many words as you're worth. It's clearly pointless arguing with you.
So then let me tell you why this argument is sound. You essentially say the past means nothing if you've "changed", so then what's wrong with you letting the no longer pedophile around your kids? Could it be that the past, at the very least what's done in adulthood, MEANS SOMETHING about the person? Because maybe saying "oh it was a mistake" doesn't mean they didn't think it was okay at the time? Maybe you just hold yourself and/or your kids to a higher standard?
I havent read anything sufficient. Are you saying that you are relying on other people's points and that you dont have a point of your own. Nothing is worse than arguing with someone just borrowing other peoples words. Literally a waste of time.
If the next one lies to him, then it wouldn't exactly be the same problem, because then it'd be a new problem about a slut who lied. That's different.
Okay but how many people sleep with children? Is it a common enough problem that would occur to me to ask? No. If she had fucked children, I would totally agree with you, anon. One guy confessed to me that he was convicted of watching child porn, and he told me this relatively early on and I appreciated it. After that it was on me whether or not I could accept that past. (In the end I couldn't.)
Sleeping with other people in the past, however, is very common, and because it's not illegal, they're more likely to tell me about it if I ask. I always ask, because I want to know about potential STD risks and stuff like that. And then whatever they tell me, it's up to me whether or not I trust that answer. I don't wait for them to decide to bring it up, because I know I could get an answer in five seconds.
Being an adult also means getting all the necessary knowledge through your own initiative. Now that OP knows he can't just trust a girl to come out and tell him on her own, he can ask. And then he can gauge her response and decide for himself if it's true or not.
Just go end it with the girl OP. Why are you still here looking for validation when the virgins have already supported your self-entitled special snowflake bullshit? Go end things so you both can move on.
Or maybe you're having trouble because deep down you love this girl and the fact that she's a former slut doesn't matter as much as your dope 4chan slut-shaming attitude implies it should?
>if I say something its absolute
okay. you really didnt have a point and just wanted to say Im irrational. At least you didnt string me along for months.
Ive had enough fun now though. Time to actually deal with my problem.
>Another Ad Hominem
Sluts are stupid. BUT WAIT
>Your next action is to bring up that I used an anime reaction image as if my argument isn't sound because of it. You will then try to attack me as a person despite not knowing anything about me. You're now angry that angry women are easier to read than Dr.Suess.
>In fact there is nothing irrational in following what you believe in.
Fucking hell, you're like a cartoon character or something. At first I thought you were just a dick but now I just wanna put you in my pocket.
Good, go deal with your problem. You'd just be procrastinating by stooping to talk with us random anons on the Internet about something you already know your feelings on.
I may not share your beliefs, but I honestly wish you luck, man. You deserve to move on to a girl that makes you happy.
>I'M ONLY PRETENDING TO BE RETARDED
It's my fault, I overestimated you. I didn't think you'd sink to that. Still it's nice that we agree that the argument for slut acceptance is retarded.
Oh fuck OP, break up
Trust me on this, your girlfriend is a subhuman slut, her history of hedonism also reflects what kind of decisions she likes to make - now and in the future - it shows a lack of self respect, it shows she doesn't value exclusiveness and intimacy.
If she's been in relationships and then had sex, it's fine. However, once a slut, always a slut. If she's been at the point of riding random cocks every weekend, she is *NOT* worth investing in for the future.
I'd drop my girlfriend like a fucking rock if she ever revealed a past like this to me
The OP can be displeased about two things.
1- The fact their partner did not disclose information relevant to their own relationship preferences.
2- The fact that OP does not like the information once it was disclosed.
No matter how much one may argue that OP is wrong/stupid/bigoted/sexist in their preferences expressed in point 2, the nature of point 1 remains unaffected and should be respected.
Look, this is just a difference in ideals. It'd be the same thing if she wanted kids and you didn't. You're mad that she didn't tell you despite the fact that you could've just asked. At the same time, she shied away from bringing up something she might've thought was important to you even though you didn't ask her. Neither of you are right or wrong. Neither of you deserve to be insulted, and she doesn't deserve to be negatively judged for something that she's moved on from. Just break up with her because you two have different ideas of what acceptable behavior is.
>the fact that she's a former slut doesn't matter as much
Oh it does. Just hard accepting that you really were strung along.
>Now that OP knows he can't just trust a girl to come out and tell him on her own, he can ask
I dont want to be in a relationship with someone i dont trust.
Sorry you already told me you were being retarded, that's my impression on you. See how the past matters?
This is what I'm thinking about this whole thing.
Your girlfriend has a past that you dont like, so breakup with her. That's all fine, that's your choice.
However, if this is such a big deal to you, you should've asked her this when you went into the relationship. If you thought it wasn't a question you needed to ask, that you could trust her in being "pure", well it seems that you were wrong and this is a question you'll have to put to every girl you're interested in.
Now that I think about it you might say that you did ask her and that she told you she had no sexual past, in which case she's a liar and yeah that sucks.
One last thing to think about. When people are young and beginning to discover their sexuality, they want to experiment. Sex feels good, young people are obssessed with sex. So, to find someone who is "pure" is hard, because young people generally don't think of things like the moral implications of abstination from sex. They're just interested in sex because it feels good. So when you get upset with all of these young women for going around and slutting it up, so to speak, try to keep in mind that they are developing human beings just like you. I did stupid shit when I was younger, but I did it because I wasn't sure and needed to explore.
Fuck me, I was half right. I wanted you to correct me on that quote, but you just brought it up. I keep overestimating...
You sound like a whiny bitch. Everyone has something in their past that pry wasn't the best decisions. If you are gonna be stuck on it that much, then you should leave because you obviously never liked her that much in the first place, and you'll be the one to cheat or something because you aren't loyal in the first place.
I thought I could trust her to bring up important information that could deter me from dating her. Im not looking to play games with someone.
You are free to explore as much as you want. But you are not a child and your parents cant shield you from the consequences of your actions. If a child was being a slut Id blame the parents.
It's your responsibility to ask questions, not hers to supply without being questioned. I'm going to leave the thread because it's obvious you want to fight with others.
The fact that you're yelling at everyone shows that you're trying to dissolve yourself of blame.
Have a good day and I wish you the best in finding a faithful girl.
>who you are
But it isn't who she is NOW. It's who she was.
If you dated her and liked her and never knew, it means it's part of her past and not her present. I get why you are mad, but try to see it from her side too. You're great for each other (in theory), she knows you well enough to know you'll cry over shit that she is over and ruin your whole relationship. Doesn't that sound shitty for both of you?
that picture made me laugh
but tell me anon, what caused you to be so insecure about your gf's past?
why do you keep finding excuses ("she didn't tell me about the dicks she had, she betrayed me in that sense!") to cover up your own insecurity, sending her on a guilt trip because you don't want to look bad in front of your friends? how fucking old are you?
you're an awful boyfriend and you can never make her happy, not because of the dicks she had, but because you're an overreacting, whiny, insecure teenager.
i hope you find a shiny new virgin girlfriend who doesn't notice how much of a bad lay you are.
Honestly my gf talks about her ex so much and he's trying to flirt with her. She talks about all the things they did and how they did it. Its pretty irritating, extremely actually, but thats because she's insecure about how she performs with me. Just remember, if you're with a girl for sex, you're worthless. Not trying to WK, but being with your girlfriend should be more about how you both feel and not sex.
Im not insecure. Like I said. How am I supposed to not see her as dirty.
I dont want to make her happy. I want to make the person I thought she was happy.
Your actions define you. You cant erase the past. You can only live with the consequences. All I see from her side is her being deceitful and selfishly trying to play me into a relationship she knows I dont want.
Relationships are the only thing in the world where people suddenly say that the past doesn't matter.
If she were applying for a loan, her past decisions would matter. If she were applying for a job, her past decisions would matter. If she were applying for a security clearance, her past decisions would matter.
A bank or a business or the government isn't being "insecure" about your past, they're judging your past to see what kind of a person you are and if you'll be trustworthy with money or a job or information in the future. This is how rational people make decisions. A relationship is not so different that suddenly all the past decisions that someone has made should not be considered going into the future.
I'm not necessarily recommending you break up with her OP, but it is completely valid to want to know at least a little about her past relationships to be able to judge whether continuing in the current relationship is worth your time, money and emotional investment.
Its obviously important to both of us, and I fucking love doing it. If we do it all the time it'll get boring or ill get curious, and also she'll want it less. Its happened.
Except his failed attempts at trying to talk to her make him seem pathetic, and if it escalates any further then thats when Ill do something.
All Im saying is sex is important but its not the most important thing, OP lose your virginity and realize that if a girls is annoying personality-wise, she's not a keeper no matter how good the pussy game is.
>How am I supposed to not see her as dirty
why is your quarterback friend Chad not dirty even though he had every girl he could have in highschool.
it's okay for a girl to fuck around for fun. she's probably better and more open in bed that way and more loyal than any "fresh" girl, because she knows what she wants. but your teeny brain can't see past the point that she slept around just because she could.
any relaxed and mature guy after you will thank you for breaking up with her, so go ahead.
Your instinct is natural. Men have by natures side been given disgust when finding out a woman they like has been with a lot of other men or is promiscious.
There's a reason why you have that instinct just like when your body tells you there's danger when your looking down a cliff.
It's proven statistically that women who've had more sexual partners are more likely to cuck you - >Have sex with other men and never tell you so that you end up raising a baby thinking it's yours.
This is a natural instinct, just like girls don't like men who are shorter than them, men don't like commiting to sluts or signs of slutiness.
The fact that she's been hiding it is a clear red flag. You will get cucked in the future if you stay along.
You guys are fucking faggots. OP, break up with her. Maybe you're not even looking for a virgin, just a decent girl. Break up, let her date someone who would accept her with her past, and you do the same with your definitions of decent girls. I'd break up with a girl if i discovered she was a slut, too.
For the fags tring to play sarcasm or defend her, love's a game, retards. We play by our rules. OP wanted an advice, we give him. Break up or this will come to bite you in the ass. Our present and future are reflections of our past, for the bad or for the good. It isn't insecurity, just fuck off. I've only read for about half the thread because everyone just sound like tumblr landwhales that go defend sluts or everything. If a girl didn't like my past and she decided to break up with me, i'd fucking take it because i deserve it. I've made mistakes, corrected myself, but i still made mistakes. I pay for them, specially because some of those could be avoided. That's life. And anyone who thinks he's in the wrong for judging a slut for being what she is, go fuck yourself, go date your own slut.
>why is your quarterback friend Chad not dirty even though he had every girl he could have in highschool.
He is. He's the guy I tell my sister to stay away from because he's a fucking slut and will only use her for sex. If he wants to bang stupid girls who think they're special, that's not my problem and kudos to him, it doesn't effect me because I'm not a woman.
My girl cheated on me when we were bumpy, saying that it was to get over me blah blah. Being the weak faggot I am I took her back, but now things are really good. Do you guys think she'll cheat on me again? My friends keep saying that if a girl cheats on you once she's gonna do it again.
Trusting someone doesn't mean you never ask them anything. It means that you ask them whatever the hell you want to know and trust them to tell you the truth. Sometimes people simply don't know what matters to you; how are they supposed to know you care about it if you don't ask?
You see, in a way, cheating is a mindset the same way rape is. It takes someone being ABLE to do that to someone that establishes them as a person. Anyone capable of rape should be avoided and anyone capable of cheating should be dumped.
>why is your quarterback friend Chad not dirty even though he had every girl he could have in highschool.
Hes a slut ruined for marriage in my opinion. But thats for the people who date him to deal with. Not me because Im not gay. I dont see why girls are so willing to accept him but dont I know I never would.
why are you so afraid of people who have sex?
do you think complaining about your gf's past as a slut to her and on this board makes you such a manly alpha man? you're really not, you're unreasonable, "being dirty" is not a valid argument.
Not OP here. Did he ever specify why she was a slut? What if she had fourthsomes? Was the highschool/college bycicle? Was known to have pics of her covered in cum passed around cellphones?
>why are you so afraid of people who have sex?
There's nothing wrong with having sex, when you're in a healthy relationship with someone. That's just normal and healthy. Casual sex is degenerate and shows a lack of value in self and a lack of self control. Sorry if that bugs you, slut. I mean if you're into hookup culture, whatever you do you, but don't expect people who aren't to just accept you with open arms because you got bored of gangbangs.
Okay seriously, people arguing about OP's relationship standards are missing the point. Who the fuck cares what kind of girl he wants to be with? We're not trying to date him, for fuck's sake. I wouldn't date him, but that's my own opinion and I don't expect him to cry about it.
Anyway OP, enough of this talk about sluts or whatever. I wanna know what you're gonna do next. Did you dump her yet? Or what's going on now?
>Do you guys think she'll cheat on me again?
Without a doubt. Might not be today or tommorow, but when you guys get in an argument and she's mad at you she'll fuck behind your back and never tell you about it.
>how are they supposed to know you care about it if you don't ask?
When you dont tell people because you are afraid they'll breakup with you, you lose the right to say that. Clearly a breach of trust.
Thats not me youre replying to. And I dont know what your point was supposed to be. nothing wrong with not wanting to date someone elses cock sleeve.
well I think people who hoed around in their past are actually good marriage material, because they know that really good sex only comes with an emotional bond, not from anonymous one night stands.
but as a former hoe dating a former hoe i can only speak for myself.
I don't understand why people seriously have to allow people to have their cake and eat it too. You give them too much, and they'll keep on taking.
OP is putting his foot down and not allowing someone to take advantage of him emotionally after showing a lack of emotions in her sex life. This is good. If she wanted to be treated with respect, she should have acted like it. She chose not to acact in a respectable manner and no longer deserves respect.
>lack of value
you seem to be on the wrong board, >>>/r9k/ is that way, where you'll find the acknowledgement you came here for after all.
good luck on making america great again though
I'll never understand this "you have to learn from experience" shit. There is this thing called intuition, and allows any human to circumnavigate that shit and still learn the obvious.
I don't need to shoot up heroin to realize it's bad for me.
Fuck man. I really like this girl. I was a huge dick to her and I literally ignored her for friends for 2 months, it was really bad. She made out with the guy and she said that she tried to blow him but got scared and ran away. Like she came to me crying and saying she was sorry and then i started to realize how much she meant again. I know that she's never cheated sexually, but she has cheated on her ex by kissing another guy.
She didn't fuck anyone, but I never even kiss another girl since we dated, what I do?
Alright, I'll concede in the case of this girl that OP is talking about. If she knew that he could possibly flip out, she should have told him up front and dealt with whatever happened, because she should have known that this might come up eventually. Why postpone it, right? I get you.
But what about in the future? Not everyone knows that this is a big deal. Hell, I didn't even know this was a big deal until I opened this thread. To protect himself in the future, OP should be proactive and just ask. What would he lose in asking?
there's also a thing called growing the fuck up and not pressuring your GF into telling her every detail of her former sex life because you think having sex means a breach in your purity somehow.
OP probably gets divorced by 35 because he can't get his unfulfilled wife to communicate her sexual wishes all the while talking about his "dirty" ex.
The sex history conversation doesnt always come up immediately and you shouldnt pressure someone into something uncomfortable early in a relationship. But if before that you have a conversation about how bad sluts are then you know.
OP, I don't blame you. I've slept with 3 men and my bf has slept with 14 women. It does bother and disgust me. But she is not a slut and neither is my boyfriend.
It is all about perspective and similar values. Someone who wants to save their virginity until marriage might consider me to be a slut even though, statistically, I've slept with a number of men that is lower than the average number for my age.
What you need to do is determine whether or not this problem is something you can accept. If you can't, move on and find a more conservative girl.
Also, the anons calling you immature for not accepting you gf's past are hypocrites. I bet most won't even touch a former prostitute. Don't listen to them. If this topic is relevant to you, you have every right to your own feelings. Good luck, OP!
Nah, I'm just too old for that shit and enjoy hobbies that weed impinges on. You can't go scuba diving while high for instance.
It's no coincidence I stopped smoking weed when I stopped watching television and playing video games.
Somehow growing up somehow means getting into partnerships with people who don't share the same values as you. There's too many people that do share the same values as OP for him to stick around with one that doesn't.
All OP wanted is for the girl to communicate her values.
>Arguing is a way of expressing being betrayed and lied to.
The point being that such an expression accomplishes nothing and only extends the time spent upset.
>quote of words I didn't say
u wot m8
I love it how cucks and sluts try to scare you into accepting cuckoldry.
Statistics show the more sexual partners a person has had the higher are the chances of them cheating and/or failing a relationship/marriage.
This is also why men have a natural instinct to feel disgusted when learning a women has had a lot of dicks in her.
There's a higher chance you'll end up getting cucked and not raising your own baby, thus your genepool dies out.
It's simple biology.
Of corse in nature Betas will take anything they can and thus don't even care.
This is fair. I wasn't saying he ask her on the first date. I'm sure there's a way it can come up organically without it turning into a huge shitfest, though. For example, he could share his own experiences first, or talk about his beliefs/values. And then it'd be up to her to respond. I like your idea, too.
Ah that sucks, man. No wonder you're still here. Well, give her until the rest of today, just on the off chance she was just busy or something (you never know).
If you wake up tomorrow and she hasn't responded, dump her over the phone. At that point, you'd have given her the chance to be dumped in person, and she didn't take it, so she would have forfeited that chance.
Don't wait any longer than that; you'd just be causing yourself unnecessary pain.
Since you are getting so much negative feedback I would like to say that I dont think you are in the wrong here or overreacting. I think some people could handle that and some people couldn't and you have the right to know about what her life was like before you dated her. Honestly if she purposely hid something this big from you she will probably do it again. and since she has proved she has a high sex drive I would not put it past her to cheat on you. Maybe you should break up with her and wait for someone who has the same expectations as you.
The more apt comparison would have been an applicant who seems to have jumped between dozens of jobs, sometimes quitting after only one shift at a new place of employment. And yeah, no one would hire someone like that.
Many sluts don't actually enjoy sex that much, and instead use sex as a means of getting love and attention. They're the female equivalent of "nice guys" who complain they can't get a SO despite giving lots of gifts. It reflects serious ego, self-esteem issues and entitlement. That it's "in her past" confirms this. That relationship could've gotten toxic real fast, and if she ever had emotional issues infidelity was nearly guaranteed. Smart move getting out of there quickly.
that's exactly the type of person I would hire, or date.
People who keep going to a shit job, when they either don't need to, or don't want to, or because there's a job that'll make them happier? That's an amazing person, the kind of person who I'd like to spend the rest of my life with.
The past doesn't matter op. Just because I've raped dozens of women and killed a few people in the past this shouldn't have any bearing on who i am now. It's not like my past actions demonstrate what kind of person i am, and besides we should all have the chance to play around. You're a terrible person if you believe that people should be held accountable for their actions. Don't break up with her, the past doesn't matter.
>this is what cucks actually believe
jej. Just walk away and stay away, OP. You have the right to be bothered by her past (remember that our past acts are what define us), as long as you don't call her a slut or doing something that could hurt her. just break up, clean and fair.
Rape and murder are actually crimes that people get put in jail for, sleeping around is not. I feel like this is comparing apples and oranges.
I mean, I'm all for OP dumping someone who doesn't share the same moral standards as him (and I would probably do the same in his situation), but comparing murder to consensual sex just makes you look ridiculous.
Fair, but I feel like murder and rape are so far beyond promiscuity in terms of shittiness, because when you murder, you take away someone's life, and when you rape, you take away someone's peace of mind and physical well-being.
Her sleeping around didn't hurt those people. They wanted to sleep with her, and they got to. They chose to do so. She didn't hurt them anymore than they hurt her.
Yes it's gross, but who is it hurting?
>but her boyfriend deserves better than a slut!
Then he is completely free to dump her, and they both can find other people. And he is going to dump her. So end of story.
>people compare preferance in soda to having dicks shoved up your ass every weekend
just fess up and tell her you two have different set of values, therefore you can't be together
>found someone like this
>decided i didnt care and would see where this goes.
>Initially no expectations, no goals set. Just see where this goes. I knew about her past beforehand so i knew id probably be just a number
>honestly, i was just curious what would happen because she showed interest in me.
>Ended up developing feelings for her. Really felt like i could be myself around her and i felt really at ease with her.
>Ended up being just another number. She found some marine with PTSD and they are still happy together.
I'm not emotional about it or anything, but i did feel somewhat disappointed at the end things didnt work out long term.
It's completely rational to be upset about her experimental phase. It's not something that had zero impact on her life and how she developed as a person and should not be treated as such. People like that can change, but afaik only former drug addicts and suicide survivors make full 180s.
Its not about how far beyond something is in terms of shittiness.
The point is that you cant say the past doesnt matter except when it matters to you. His analogy just points out that the past matters.
Where you draw the line is up to the individual.
The criminal analogy is often used and rape has been mentioned several times in this thread. If youre going to say the past doesnt matter than expect this argument.
Choose your words better. You can say the past doesnt matter if you didnt hurt anyone, but then youd have to argue why your condition is less arbitrary than any other.
This is fair. Honestly as I read through this thread, I'm wondering if OP is truly upset about all the dicks, or if he's just upset because he feels like he deserved to be told up front about her past. If it's the latter, idk what else I can say to him.
At least you had the chance to know her past and make a decision based on your awareness of it. I think that's why it's less painful for you right now than it is for OP.
I feel like the societal expectation these days is for people in general to sleep around in college and then somehow "settle down" and get serious when they're an "adult." So I do see more problems for OP down the road if that's what the majority of people aim to do. Sure there will be plenty of people who don't do this, but OP is going to have to wade through a sea of undesirables until he finds the kind of girl he's into.
But in an era of sexual openness, where people are more likely to talk about sex instead of blushing and pretending it doesn't exist, I feel like it's not unreasonable for him to be able to ask about it and have a frank discussion of what he and the potential girlfriend value in terms of sexuality.
But maybe I'm just being naive. It's possible. Everyone I've dated has been the sort of person who only wants sex in a committed relationship; maybe I'm just lucky that way. I honestly don't know what I'd do in OP's shoes or how I would react.
Yeah, you're right. It really is up to the individual to draw the line.
Also, although I've been responding, I'm not actually the anon who said the past doesn't matter. I was just arguing that the rape/murder analogy really didn't seem to be a good justification for why the past matters in this topic of sexual promiscuity. I felt like it was overkill and didn't show why the sexual past in particular would matter to someone.
But after reading some of these posts, I realized that no one has to justify it to me or anyone else. If it matters to you, then it matters to you, and no one else can or should change your mind.
Thank you for the talk, anon. It was pretty cool to see some new perspectives today.
This is something I thought of hours ago when I first saw this thread.
When people act this way it's pretty indicative of how they view relationships. Usually it's a good sign that they have no issues bouncing between people because they have this "abundance mentality" or whatever the fuck. Good for them I guess, but kinda sucks for most others involved. Especially if you're like me and am used to being passed over for the "better option".
Truth is I don't really want to meet a woman like this because I don't think we'd match very well. She wouldn't care as much as I'd need her too in order to feel satisfied in a relationship, and I wouldn't doubt she leaves as soon as a "better option" comes along because again that's the type of person these people are.
No they don't owe me a relationship or whatever but there's plenty of good reasons that OP's girl's behavior is upsetting. You know you're just one of a string of men she's fucked, you know she's less likely to want to commit, and unfortunately you can't really trust her when she say that she's left that in her past.
You know how people say once a cheater, always a cheater? I think the same as generally true for girls who slut it up. They are free to do as they want but let's call it for what it is, really. Also, her hiding it from you was not cool either.
I don't disagree with you per-se but I think OP's issues are less about informed choice and more about insecurity and jealousy.
I don't think they've got much of a future, not because of her past but because they have different personality types and his insecurity, jealousies and possessiveness will drive them apart.
A number of posts refer to cucking and pseudo alpha bullshit but it's just that.... bullshit. Beta personalities are far more prone to jealousy and insecurity over relationships. Betas hate the thought that their girls have experiences that may be used to compare them to and thus it's very important their girls have a very narrow range of experiences in their past. Betas do get extremely butt hurt when a partner has had a richer life, it makes them feel even more inferior.
OP literally says why hes mad in the second post and you choose to project onto why hes mad.
Theres no sign of jealousy insecurity or possessiveness.
No one likes a degenerate whore off the cock carousel. Deal with it.
You've based your theory on absolutely nothing though, except your own biased conclusion on what kind of person OP is. You seem unable to understand the concept of purity, exclusivity and how that affects desirability, and just jump to "muh jealousy and insecurity" because those is the pettiest reasons, or perhaps the only ones that fit inside your worldview.
Sad that you think richer life=having a train run on you.
>insecurity and jealousy
....and? Are these somehow "bad" reasons to not want to deal with it?
Of course it's bad, who am I kidding. It's bad because it inconveniences the female, it's bad because it doesn't let her off the hook for her past behavior. Silly me thinking anyone but a woman should be allowed to have thoughts or feelings in a relationship.
>living a life as someone elses cock sleeve is a richer life
You call me insecure but youre the one whos so insecure you think acting like a slut and being a living fleshlight is an enrichening experience.Then call me insecure because I want to love a person and not someones used up cock sleeve.
Different anon here. How is he being insecure? Biased and jumping to conclusions, sure, but I'm not sure what part of his post was insecure. Just curious.
Anyway, that's not as important. I just wanna know how you're holding up. Is talking to any of us actually helping, or is it annoying you more? I feel like everyone's got their own opinions and they're gonna stick to them no matter what, but if arguing feels cathartic then go ahead and do it. But if it's not satisfying to you, then maybe it's time to get off 4chan and find something else to distract you while you wait. Or did you have any more questions to ask?
>everyone will have something about their past that's somewhat experimental
lol this is not true at all.
First of all, not every man - I'd wager not even most young men - are getting laid often enough to have had a really deep and "experimental" past.
It's mostly the women who have a history because it comes so easy to them. They are just overwhelmed with male attention and sexual advances that they probably just go along with it and enjoy it, wrongly assuming that every guy is acting just like this and it won't cause a commotion in their relationships down the road.
I suppose I'm more towards the other extreme where I have such little experience at a somewhat older age (23), but I alone act as proof that not everyone experiments/fucks around while young. Maybe even most do and I'm just an outlier, but I digress.
just venting my frustrations because she hasnt responded to my text and I cant do anything until she does. You could say Im having an 'angry phase' right now where I try saying my frustrations online and 'getting it out of my system' so that I dont call her a cock sleeve to her face.
But yeah, people have their opinions thats not going to change. Which is all the more annoying.
And that's fair; it is much better to yell at us anons than to yell at her. After all, we're on 4chan; if we couldn't handle it, we'd best gtfo.
I really hope the venting helps, man. No matter what my opinions are, I feel bad that you're going through this shitty wait, and it's completely understandable that you're angry.
If any more shit goes down, feel free to vent some more.
You do realise there is no fix for what bothers you. She can't undo what's been done. Only you can decide if you can overcome this raging sense of insecurity and perceived wrong doing.
You have to set aside the past and make a judgement about the present and future. Going over the past does nothing except make you frustrated and angry because you have no control over it.
If you're getting so butt hurt over this I hate to think how you're going to handle other perceived wrongs in life, such as being passed over for promotions.
I guess this is a big test for you OP. Are you ready to be a real adult or behave like a pouty teen?
You may want to see a therapist bro, you have some deep-seeded issues from what I've read...
Since you did come to ADVICE to vent I'll give you some. Be more accepting you douche.... which may seem hypocritical but... well it is and that's okay.
>willfully witholding information from your boyfriend
>perceived wrong doing
If you don't see the issue here, then that's your problem.
But for someone who says
>Are you ready to be a real adult
one would think you wouldn't throw around all these petty insults.
I think there's just projection all around, with everyone arguing and imagining the past of OP and his girlfriend based on their own worldview on either side of the debate.
Only OP knows the full extent of his situation, and he'll deal with it in his own way. I guess what he really wanted was to know if anyone has ever been on the same boat as him, and so far I've only seen one reply to that effect.
Anyway anon, I don't necessarily disagree with you, but all I've seen so far is a guy that's angry for reasons you and I might not agree with, and what can we do about that? Sure we can criticize him but it ain't gonna help him right this moment.
What he needs is time, a resolution that can only come from him and the girl, and maybe someone else with similar experiences to tell him it's gonna be okay.
This this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this
>>Are you ready to be a real adult
>one would think you wouldn't throw around all these petty insults.
It's not an insult. We will all face a nexus where we have to make decisions that requires us to mature quickly or more so than the state we are in at that moment.
So he has to make a choice... her past or their present and future. Raging doesn't achieve anything.
>one reply to that effect
You may be right, I didn't read them all. I have been in OP's situation. Sure I felt a bit annoyed that other guys had enjoyed what I wanted to be just mine. It took some of the specialness away, but, weighing up what was versus what I had to look forward to made it easy to get over. She helped with that because once she knew I was a bit unsettled she did everything she could to make me know without doubt I meant everything to her. We've been together a long time.
OP you should just leave her, people break up, it's normal.
He's definitely leaving her; I don't think there's any question of that. I think his current question is whether to wait for her to respond to his request to talk in person or just dump her on the phone.
>I met a girl with a past and it made me feel insecure
>we've been together a long time and I feel loved and appreciated
So...is this the real reason you feel the need to defend this behavior or something? You can be honest.
I'm glad you and your gf have worked out. Problem I have is that not all women act like yours did. I dated a girl in the past who knew I was insecure about her having more experience than me at the time. Not only did she ignore my requests to simply not being it up, she also would use it to make me jealous and upset when we argued. I should have seen the writing on the wall when I realized she really was just using me for sex and validation. I finally broke up with her because I couldn't take it anymore. That's why shit like in the OP bothers me; all I can think about is this woman who have me a hard time and consantly compared me to other guys in her life. So I really don't think it's ok for you to bash on guys for being insecure about this stuff, especially not when they have their own good reasons and you just got a little lucky.
I just dont get why people try to force the slut meme on others. You have to pay the price for your genetics and being short, but you dont have to deal with the consequences of choosing to be a slut.
I disagree desu.
>So he has to make a choice... her past or their present and future.
He doesn't choose between her past or their present and future.
He has to choose whether he still wants to be with this person now his image of her has changed, he has to find out how much this new information changed his image of her and how much of it he is willing to accept.
Taking her past into account or not has zero to do with maturity, that's just trying to guilt-trip someone into accepting your life decisions. Apart from that, she still willfully kept information from him.
What defines his maturity is how he handles this situation for the remainder. Especially how he communicates and arguments the choices he makes.
>Raging doesn't achieve anything.
That's mostly true, but venting lets pressure escape the chamber. There's already a too big stigma on men talking about how they feel. Besides, i'd reckon he can better let it all out here than up close and personal with her.
Same reason why people force anything onto others--because they feel strongly about it and because they can.
What I wonder is why guys keep rewarding "whore" behavior if they hate it so much. This confuses me as a female. Are there like two separate groups of guys, one that encourages it and one that discourages it? Or are some of them hypocrites? Because there's gotta be some dicks contributing to this; you can't be a whore all by yourself.
(I guess this all boggles my mind because I'm a nerd who can't fathom sleeping around because "Eww STDs.")
Male anon here, there's definitely some hypocrites. I know this from talking to other guys. They enjoy hookups to get their quick fix but still sort of expect women to be fairly pure and conservative about sex. I think some guys tend to put girls they like in two categories 1.) girls they just want to shag 2.) girls they want to "be with". It's not like they hold out on sex in either case, but in the latter case they want something more usually - though it seems to based heavily on sex appeal with compatibility being a bonus and not the other way around.
I mean don't get me wrong, some are honest about it and say they just want to be single and have "fun" (casual sex). Others complain about the state of modern romance and hookup culture, yet they continue to indulge in it.
Honestly some dudes don't give a shit, others are on the fence, and others refuse. I'm among those who don't really want to be with a girl who has a lot of experience, but I don't look down on her or condemn her. What I'm concerned with is that the lack of experience on my end will drive her away, that she won't enjoy it. I've been rejected so much growing up that I really have a hard time putting myself out there and getting rejected, and having someone dump me because I suck at sex or whatever would be too painful I think. Or maybe I just need to get over myself.
> What I'm concerned with is that the lack of experience on my end will drive her away, that she won't enjoy it. I've been rejected so much growing up that I really have a hard time putting myself out there and getting rejected, and having someone dump me because I suck at sex or whatever would be too painful I think.
I don't think that will happen. Being open, attentive and willing to learn and apply is what makes a successful lover. It's not experience that counts if she loves you. Learning what she needs/wants is the key.
>I don't think that will happen. Being open, attentive and willing to learn and apply is what makes a successful lover. It's not experience that counts if she loves you. Learning what she needs/wants is the key.
Well that's true ideally but my experience has been, uh, otherwise. I take responsibility for myself and how I contributed to my own screw ups, but it's been on more than one occasion that my lack of experience hurt me. mainly because it translated into me not having the confidence to really stand on my own two feet in the relationship when it really mattered, and women really can't feel passionately for a guy who can't take charge.
For girls who aren't naturally pretty or don't have vivacious personalities then sleeping around brings attention of boys who would otherwise ignore them. Lot of music groupies and sports team socialites earn their place in the entourage using the 'access' all areas pass between their legs. Lots of party girls gain a rep that increases the invitations they get.
Low self esteem and/or loneliness. Sometimes rebellion in a conservative environment.
A girl that has a lot going for her will be less susceptible to sleeping around. If she's got deep connections with her friends, is ambitious and working towards her dreams, and other motivating factors like a sense of belonging to a community, she's less likely to sleep around. She'll hold out for that "one true love"; the only way to sleep with her is to actually be in a committed relationship with her and gain her trust.
It's definitely not genetic; it's about the environment a girl is in. If the only way for her to feel like she's wanted is to open her legs, then she'll do that. But if there are other things in her life, she'll do those instead.
Thanks for sharing your opinion.
I agree with what you wrote, It's kinda worriying though that todays society encourages isolation and low self esteem by setting unreachable standards but also promiscuous behaviour with the "yolo" philosophy.
I'm the femanon you answered earlier, and first of all thank you for your informative post! I learned a lot from your perspective.
Second of all, I think it'll take patience on both ends. My boyfriend was less experienced than me and had a lot of performance anxiety, but I encouraged him, knew when to back off, and never pressured him to perform. We didn't solve things overnight, but given enough time we managed to overcome his nervousness, and it's been smooth going from there.
I think what you need is a girl who is levelheaded and empathetic, one who is patient enough to not blame you for things you can't control. With the right encouragement, you'd get through it and gain confidence through experience; inexperience can be remedied.
I'm not saying it'd be easy to find a girl like that; dating in general is hard, and sometimes you have to wade through a lot of crap before finding someone worth spending time with. But you'll get there, and you need to stop kicking yourself along the way. I wish you luck, man. You seem very self-aware, so at least you'be gained valuable experience already.
I'm in a very similar position OP. my gf for 2 years now just opened up her past and I can't say I'm a big fan of it. It's taking me a difficult time to swallow it but I want to talk to you about it...
My gf too had a really slutty past.
Kik me if you're interested to talking more about it: froibet
Yeah I agree with you too. I think a lot of it is the idea presented on TV that you need to display yourself and look sexy in order to succeed in life.
Girls see that being slutty leads to rewards, so subconsciously they think maybe that's what they need to do. I mean, how many movies are about guys falling all over themselves to attain the hot girl? So they might think, alright, I need to be like that girl so that guys will strive for my attention/give me gifts/do stuff for me.
You'll see more sluttiness in girls who have few career prospects/skills, or those who are too young to have any sort of confidence in their autonomy (like college girls). I think subconsciously a slut believes that male attention will lead to rewards that she can't attain for herself.
This is all my opinion, though. I could be totally wrong.
>woman sleeps around
>turboslut for life
>pump and dump only
>et cetera et cetera
So now that we've established a standard...
>be stationed in Okinawa a number of years ago
>fuck a different girl every weekend when I wasn't in the field or deployed
>don't even remember their names
>visit the whorehouses a few times when I was too lazy to secure a local girl
So what does this make me?
Worthless degenerate or alpha as fuck?
since you've obviously came to this board to feel justified in breaking up with her, why don't you point her in a real man's direction? You know one that is mature enough to accept their partners past and trust them when they said what they went through was a phase and move on like normal adults.
accept your girlfriend had sex with people before you, you massive faggot. jesus christ why do you fags get so insecure about this shit.
GIRL HAD SEX. no you probably arent the best shes ever had. you just had enough qualities that she was willing to stick it out with you despite what is likely shit sex.
MAN UP FAGGOT. no fucking excuses. either apologise to the girl or let someone with some actual balls show your girl the time she deserves.
>OP has standards and likely some form of morals
>OP's gf does not
>this makes OP unhappy
Stand up for what you believe in OP
If her moral compass does not point in the same direction as yours dump her
But by God if you don't hold yourself to the same standard then hang yourself
If you view celibacy as important and she does not then dump her
However if she is sincerely remorseful for what she has done and I would not hold it against her though I could not truly blame you if you did
But the faggots touting
>HURRRR PERMAVIRGIN FAGGOT, HANG YOURSELF YOU TINY DICKED LOSER
can get fucked
OP what did she do
Can you honestly say you have not done the same thing?
Op I'm here to help
If she's a hoe dump her
It's cool man
If that's a deal breaker then break it but don't whine about it.
Now the whole her being a whore thing is hurting you then i say you hoe it up a bit and the see if you think differently after
It not about blaming at this point the damage is done.
The issue is that op has already made the desicion and he chose to save himself instead of letting the little hoe whore it up with new oats.
You can only know what's up till you try it or try to understand.
I say op get pussy cause for a guy you can't be viewed as a whore.
To guys it's a sign of honer
Girls are supposed to pick the best mate and cause of religion they only get one shot.
So it's frown upon.
I say he dumps the whore and he gets new pussy. Then he can pick his virgin waifu and live happy.
Some well thought out advice there.
Interesting to see the difference in writing styles between the differing points of view.
I think your major problem op is not what you know but what you imagine. This is what is going to boil you if you stay with her.
Ask her in a private convo that you agree to keep secret for complete disclosure and tell her that if she leaves anything out then you two are done.
Then decide what you can live with ..including bumping into chad a-z at some future date.
OP, real advice coming through here...
Is being a hoe completely out of her character? Like can you imagine her slutting up in the past with her current personality and behaviour?
If not, then dump her immediately. She's going to cuck you in the future.
>Also, all the buttmad whitknights and females justifying degenerate behaviour.
I don't understand why girls don't start 'slut shaming' guys.
sure is alot of whore defenders in this thread
probably all females and cuck white knights
HER PAST DOESNT MATTER!
actually it does. If she is the type to let alot of cock in her it shows she has some issues.
studies have been done on the more cock she takes and how it affects her.
but yes just try to shame op for not wanting a loose slut.
typical sluts and cucks mindset.
Dump her OP she will never change and she is trying to act like her love of multiple dicks isnt an issue when it clearly is to you.
find a girl that doesnt think like a cock gobbling whore and find someone less slutty.
dont like what I say oh well I dont have to change my views nor does he for your cuck slut ways.
I dated a girl for several months who very early on told me she loved swallowing cum. Described herself as a sperm bank. Told me about how she sucked off strangers before.
Didn't bother me cause I know I'm awesome and the best guy she's dated.
Broke up cause she wouldn't change out of these ugly tights before going to lunch, even though she did the same thing to me about a shirt and I complied.
Don't give a fuck about someone's past. But double standards I can't handle.
It's not a double standard if men and women aren't equals in the dating game. Just sayin' senpai.
>Doesn't care his girlfriend swallowed strangers cum
>You break up over her pants.
Oh man. Speaking about priorities.
Because male sluts have admirable qualities, like athleticism and social skills. Being a female slut requires a pussy.
She expected to be able to dictate my fashion, but wouldn't allow me to do the same to her.
Isn't that a double standard?
I've eaten out pussies belonging to women I don't know. So there's balance there.
Not being able to tell her to change clothes created an imbalance. It's the principal of the matter.
you do realize no one will take you seriously since you also refuse to say what she did, right?
you're not going to say because you fucking know it's not that bad and everyone will call you a faggot for getting so triggered over nothing
>You can imagine the details for yourself. Unless you feel its relevant.
It is relevant because you might be over reacting or completely justified, and we have no idea without details.
>Then he can pick his virgin waifu and live happy.
more like he'll be forever alone on r9k waiting for her and foaming at the mouth about how awful and unfair the world is for not giving him a virgin hole to control
Shes a loose whore. Doesn't matter how much sugar you sprinkle on top of the bullshit. It's not about being better it's about having entitlement to something you don't deserve because of choices in your past you don't want to take responsibility for. I'm sick of women claiming this infantile mentality that they where just being sexuality experimental..Any normal guy would view that as a redflag and get the fuck away from her. OP your a nice guy with high values don't let these impure sluts vilify you for standing by your beliefs.
Does kissing a lot of guys (and a few girls) in the past make a girl a slut? I've made out with several people in my college years, but I only slept with my 1 long term ex bf.
Is this a dealbreaker?
Youre a kissing slut. But kissing isnt a big of a show of affection as sex. Sex is the upmost form of physical connection.
If I were told I could never kiss my wife id get over it. If I were told I could never have sex with my wife itd be a different story.
>less stable marriages
all of these things can be caused by not being able to find quality mates after the fact that you slept around.
it's not the sleeping around, it's dealing with the consequences, like a partner's lack of trust, and good men avoiding the slut. so it says just as much about men as women.
the only chart up there that really says anything about the slut is the STDs one.
>If you care that much about a girl's past, shouldn't that be one of the first things you ask her on the second or third date
this is actually a great point
a lot of us learn by hindsight, though, hun.