Im in a very serious relationship with my fiance that Ive been with for almost 5 years. We live together and are each others best friend. Biggest problem is our sex life is pretty much dead. Most of you would complain about going 3 weeks without fucking. Its been about 6 months I think. Her sex drive the past 4 years has just about been eradicated since we first started living together. Sex used to be daily, but now she either feels not in the mood, or feels too awkward, or uncomfortable. We have talked about this issue constantly and it always ends in a fight. She says that she still wants me and wants to have a normal sex life again, but I just dont know what can be done to change things. My sex drive hasnt changed at all in the past 5 years. I am a very sexually desiring man that is starving for sexual attention and have no where to direct my desires. Ive had to resort to using porn (without her knowing since she views it as sort of cheating). Its so bad that I cant even fantisize about her, not because I dont find her beautiful and arrousing, but because the concept of sex with her is so outside the realm of reality for me right now that its just too ridiculous to even be a fantasy for me.
What do? I love her dearly, and she does me. We are each others best friend and are very co-dependent of each other, in many ways.
Picture unrelated. I needed to have a picture to post.
I'm going through this currently.
>Gf got off birth control a few months ago
>now realizes she can get pregnant, gets scared to have penetrative sex
>Sex declines to once a month
>asks if I still love her
>tell her yes and that no sex is fine as long as it's temporary and that she's still my gf
Just reassure her that you love her even without sex, and don't pressure her. Trying to make a move will only make it worse.
Just play it cool. Focus on your work, hobbies, friends, etc. The sex will come. If you try to pressure her into having sex you will only have to wait longer.
Sure, it's been six months, but how often do you try to get her to have sex? You shouldn't be trying at all. Be intimate with her in other ways, and let her come to you.
Also get her libido supplements, they help a lot. I got some for my gf and they really work. They also make her have more orgasms, make her wetter, and help balance her hormones.
also fuck therapy, waste of money.
Want real therapy? Buy MDMA and give her 60-90 MG. It will make her fall in love with you all over again. Red wine is also very helpful, getting drunk together can be a very powerful experience.
this is horrible advice.
OP, if you've made it clear that you are sexually frustrated, you should really just cheat on her.
I'm serious. As long as you make sure she doesn't find out, it'll only serve to benefit both of you.
You'll be satisfied and it will take the pressure off of her. Also, she may or may not be cheating on you anyway. The whole 'porn is cheating' thing is a mega red flag. I dated a girl that said that; she was cheating on me. Extreme jealously like that is usually rooted in guilt.
Or you could bring up the possibility of an open relationship.
So many people post the same problem.
What you're experiencing is normal for many women in secure, comfortable and stable relationships. Their libido falls to a very low level and most could live without sex other than that hormonal driven prior to and during ovulation.
Welcome to the married man's lament. There is no magic fix, it is just how it is and it is very frustrating. Other than when she wants to get pregnant don't expect much change.
Changing to a new gf will fix things for you while the relationship is new and exciting but once she's settled in over a year her libido will also drop off.
This is true, but it can be fixed.
You just have to be awesome. Do things for your girlfriend, but not for the reward of sex. Have fun with her, but don't grab her ass all night long. Impress her, get her to respect you, WOW her.
Eating the same cereal everyday is bound to become boring, but if that brand is constantly putting out new flavors, boxes, shapes, etc then it's easy to continue eating it.
You just have to stay on your game. Don't get lazy. Don't make sex a chore. Sex isn't a transaction, it's a form of communication.
If you reach a level where your girlfriend is extremely happy to even be with you, she'll be the one coming to you for sex.
The key is to pretend that you don't care about sex. I started doing this a few months ago, and now my girlfriend is hanging onto me like a necklace. she's even starting to get a little insecure and requires me to tell her that I love her more often. She asks me to give her massages more often, kiss her more often, and fuck her more often.
Get her to come to you, don't chase. Focus on yourself, don't depend on your partner.
I remember seeing you post almost this exact thing in a couple other threads recently. What the fuck did your woman do to you, man?
This is a fairly common problem, yes, but it's not universal. Not even close to universal. It's disingenuous to pretend as though this just inevitably happens to all women once their relationships settle. I mean, Christ -- I know of at least one woman in her thirties who's privately expressed frustration that her husband doesn't want as much sex as she does. My relationship has gone through periods where our sex life was frustratingly cool and once we simplified a little and got rid of some life stressors it warmed up again. Please don't generalize your bad experiences to everybody.
Most physically and emotionally healthy women do, in fact, have reasonably functional sex drives.
I said don't do the molly!
But yeah, you only get one life. Don't waste it being sexually frustrated. If the GF knows OP wants more sex and chooses not to give it to him, she can't be mad if he chooses to seek it elsewhere.
My generalisations are based on 15 years as a registered counsellor and therapist, now practicing as an attorney. Divorce makes up a lot of our bread and butter work.
There's a ton of data out there, proven and anecdotal to back up what I say.
Mixing it up in the bedroom, taking it up to a partner and all those fabulous ideals are really just that, idealised relationships based on short term experiences and fear of it not always being so. Over long terms the sex dies off.
Boredom and familiarity are no doubt the biggest killers, women losing their libido and men seeking infidelity.
My advice is mostly learn to adapt, be flexible and try to understand things won't always remain the same. If everything is ok in a relationship then don't wreck on an idealist model of what constitutes a normal sex life, because disappointment is likely.
TL;DR: it's normal for the sex to die off in most relationships until it hits a sustainable amount. That will depend on the people involved.
true that or if he chooses he can go on strike and start doing absolutely nothing for the relationship until his gf leaves, he gives up and break up with her or she gives in and puts out.
Simply your gf doesn't find you attractive atm, this is an respect issue i'm sure, you're busting your ass to get laid i reckon aren't you? I'm sure she desperately wants to bang you but you keep begging for sex and it's turning her off. You've let her know that sex has a hugeeee amount of power over you, she's not going to bust her ass for you, she doesn't have to because all that happens is an argument and couple days later you're begging and whining for more sex, not much repercussion in that.
You're rewarding her and at the same time insulting her when you beg for sex, when you beg to her you're telling her, fuck everything else about you, i don't care how bitchy or uncooperative you are, i just want some sex. You're putting up with her crap to get laid, what's so respectful about that? Put your gf to higher expectations and she'll start loving you and fucking you more, you have to challenge her.
Sex comes last, you need to make sure she has your respect first ad foremost or no loving for you.
This would be so fantastic for me. It's hard to get in the mood when you're constantly counting down the days like "It's almost been a week... he's going to start asking every day soon... better see if he wa-" "Hey it's almost been a week could we do it tonight?" "Oh uh yeah sure"
You've been through tons of shit in your life right?
Ever been hung up on a bitch?
Do you ever get that surrealistic feeling
That the man you are now
With all the shit you've overcome or been overcome by
Still fall prey to the heart
Which is a pretty silly thing and while you can easily rationalize it
The nagging feeling doesn't let go
Don't want a pity thread, just want to focus on that surrealistic aspect.
The mental aspect of how something so small can topple something so big.
If you love her (which it says you do), then cheat.
Cheating isn't the end all to relationships. Actually, I've come to the conclusion that it strengthens the relationship. Because once you go fuck another chick, you're not worried about the sex between you two anymore. You'll want to spend time with her for her personality and companionship without the distraction of sex looming overhead. You will be able to actually enjoy your time together because you won't be stressing over sex. Fucking off will also make you feel better. Sure, the guilt gets at you a bit the first time or two. But after that, it's all gravy dude. We are pretty good at compartmentalizing feelings. Men aren't meant for one mate afterall, you're just going with your baser instincts to procreate. You'll get the rush of always having a one up on your girl and you'll never have the need to argue because you'll have a constant validation from another woman.
The only downside to cheating is getting caught, but for guys, it's pretty easy NOT to get caught unless you're a dumbass. Go get some pussy on the side, have a few side chicks, and have fun. You only get this one life, don't waste it all on one woman when she's not giving you any ass. When she inevitably DOES give you ass, don't stop getting ass on the side. Wanna know how I know she will start giving it up once you start fucking off? Because her competitive anxiety will start kicking in subconsciously. She'll know something is up, but she won't know what. So that hamster will start running and at the point you have the upper hand. You can still love someone and fuck someone else. Do it and improve your relationship or don't do it and you two end up breaking up because of something as stupid as sex...when 90% of women will give it up anyway, and the other 10% will just take coaxing.
I've never been happier than in the relationship I'm in now, and I have quite a few side pieces. Hell, she might even be screwing off. But none of that matters, because when we are with eachother, we are there for one another. Not for sex or anything else, but to enjoy eachother's company.
Side note, the sex has even gotten better. That competitive anxiety women get when they "smell" another woman on you is ridiculous. Sex with other chicks is just sex, but with her it's making love. The some of the best sex we've ever had is when I started fucking other chicks.
I'd give my opinions on marriage, but I'm still conflicted. Pretty much any dude over 35 will tell you to NEVER get married. On the other hand, if you find a good one (which is rare, especially if you want a virgin), you should lock it down swiftly. Women start losing their net worth after 21, and it goes into a rapid decline at around 30. At that point, once they are done riding the alpha carousel, they are trying to settle down with whatever dude will have them. So if you get married, do it with a really sweet girl who keeps to herself. But make sure you're screwing the other 99% of women to keep that anxiety up and your drive. YOU are the prize man, your value goes up every fucking year. As long as you're confident and you're happy, she'll be happy and attracted to you. Because right now dude, you've lost your confidence because you think she's not attracted to you. Deep down you know that shit. You know it hurts your pride when she's not giving it up. Get that validation from another chick and get confident from it. It'll save your relationship.
You're supposed to put Kappa after you say something sarcastic baka senpai
None of those things. He just has a high drive. I have a low drive and it takes a while to recharge my crystal, so I'm constantly worried that I won't get off and that he'll feel bad about it. I already overthink things so it's a self-perpetuating anxiety. Not his fault at all.
Be aware that I don't agree with the previous anon about needing the gifts and little cute things though. If he could just get through the day without groping or trying to get sexy it would reduce a lot of the performance pressure.
It's all about the pressure to perform. I hear guys have the same problem sometimes. That pressure wouldn't be there if it seemed like he didn't care about sex very much.
1. You might want to search deeper into this to see if sumns up with her arousal is part chemical and emotional if its changed something chemical in her or emotional in her is diffrent
2. You can consider talking asking her to take simpley aphrodasiac pills and mixtures... they sell these things you know... like viagra.. shoot ur libido through the roof ask her if shes willing itll only make her want more from you
Please lemme know what develops if u choose to take any of my advice
In a very similar situation myself which has led to me developing feelings for somebody else who actually reciprocates.
I haven't done anything yet and don't plan to until I've ended the relationship but it's a horrible mess at the moment. I did think about just cheating like >>16723832 but that isn't very fair on my partner and I don't think I could keep it hidden.
He gets off just fine, but sometimes I can't. And sometimes I can't even get wet. It makes him feel bad, and that makes me feel terrible.
Just imagine if you were totally in love with a girl but couldn't get it up. Wouldn't that make you nervous? That's me, except I'm the one who can't always "get it up".
hmm i see. Yeah i'd be nervous too. That's a real big blow to the ego of a man, he's likely going to constantly try to prove himself, i was like that once. Now with my gf i use her as a fucktoy for a quickie once or twice a week but i can be romantic when she comes on to me.
About six months for me, fellow anon. It bothers me that he just doesn't seem to care that it isn't happening. It now feels so alien that I cringe a bit if he ever comes near me.
If I'm ever shown any attention I know I'm going to fuck someone else and that makes me feel like shit.
>It now feels so alien that I cringe a bit if he ever comes near me.
This is how I feel too. I feel horrible about it but I think it means that we are just not compatible and it's sad to realize.
Not being sarcasting/trolling
Think of it this way, cheat and see how you feel afterwards. No sense in messing something that good (except for the sex part) because of lack of sex. May not be very "fair" or whatever, but life isn't always fair. You can keep it hidden, I promise you can. Don't leave facebook open and keep you phone locked. That's it. On top of that, she shouldn't be going through your phone anyway. If she's going through your phone, then she's hiding something in her phone. If you are gonna break up anyway, no use in NOT cheating and seeing how you feel afterwards. Test the waters, because if it's going to fail it's going to fail regardless. Man, sex (or lack there of) is the biggest relationship fucker-upper for men. Don't lose someone you love over it.
I don't think it's evil man. The whole monogamy shit is just a trap for men anyway. ESPECIALLY monogamy before marriage. That's the biggest load of shit I've ever heard of. There's nothing wrong with it, that's kinda a societal thing. Here's a story
>Be hanging with friends one night last year in November
>Shooting the shit, talking about whatever
>Buddy starts saying he's thinking about breaking up with his gf because nosex
>The others in the group (about 4) including me say that's a stupid reason to break up with her if you love her
>He gets mad before hearing the rest of it "Dude, a guy has to get his fucking rocks off!"
>I interject "I know, so go cheat."
>Buddy gets quiet "What? I couldn't do that man. She's too good of a girl"
>Same Buddy "Do...do all of you guys cheat?"
>Whole group "Yup"
>Buddy "Really?! How can you do that? How're your relationships even still going"
>Me "because sex isn't an issue"
>Buddy number 2 "Yea, I enjoy being around my girl now because I'm not sexually frustrated"
>Me "as long as you're not an idiot. you can have your cake and eat it too"
>Buddy "man if all you guys do it..."
Fast-forward 2 months
>They are still together
>Couldn't be better
>Buddy hasn't complained about sex
>Still hasn't been getting much sex from his main squeeze, but has been supplementing with others
>They'll probably get married soon.
>mfw their gfs are probably "supplementing" too
Monogamy isn't fun for females either, fyi. Not all of us are baby and marriage hungry. There's no way I'd want to sit home, not work, raise kids and get fat. That's what happens and men think they want it til they have it, then they are trapped and end up with these issues.
Statistically around 80% of women get fat after marriage. However, dudes get lazy too. Chicks feel like once they get the dude, they no longer have to try. Guys think once a ring is on it, it's theirs'. Neither party is right.
Now-a-days though, a lot of guys are scared of marriage because divorce is so heavily skewed in the woman's favor.
I've been there. I was in the exact same situation, where I didn't had any vagoo for a year (give and take a few months).
To keep it short: once I opened up to her what my hidden fetishes are, she kinda outgrew that grossness she had towards this subject.
The key here really is communication.
If she has any issues, solve these first.
You mentioned you moved in together. Did she move into your flat? Did you get a new one together? Is she still around her usual surroundings or did her social circle change completely?
sort out her problems first. Talk about it. Talk about what you like. Give her time to stomach it and to understand. If she really cares about you (which she should for being with you for about 5 years), she has to understand.
The only thing that helps really is to "cure" her comfortability problems.
Of course, if she doesn't want to deal with YOUR issues caused by HER, even though you're satisfying her in pretty much any other way in your everyday lifes, you can aways consider breaking up with her. This also is the case if she doesn't want to solve this issue together with you.
If I'd be in your situation, I'd consider starting off with the advice from this post: >>16723128
It worked for me to talk about pantyhoses. You may require something entirely else. Make yourself interesting again.