>have gf of 2.5 years
>find out she's cheated on me 3 different times (3 different guys) that I know of
>as far as I know nothing was physical
>just flirty texts and one date
>continue to date her cause I don't want to be lonely
>recently there's been no trust in this relationship and I've been incredibly depressed
>every time we've talked about she just blames it on me
>still says she loves me and even that she wants to move in with me soon
I know most people would gtfo the moment I found out she was cheating. I'm terrified of being by myself since I've never as much as flirted with another girl in my life. However recently my depression has been really bad since the thought of being cheated on again is killing me. I'm not sure if I should get out and face being lonely or commit my life to being a cuck. My GF is beautiful and I still love her. Moving in with her would be nice too since we still get along well and she has a great job.
>cheated on me
>getting mentally abused
>but this is all worth making my pee pee feel good
You have a lot to learn man. Why are you so scared of being alone. Scared that you'll be able to hear your own thoughts then?
making your dick tingle for a few minutes, regularly, is worth how much to you though? i mean really, where is it on your priorities? you don't have to tell me, but i'll tell you that despite being horny and having times where i want to have sex, i'll always just beat off at most because i know making decisions based on getting my dick to tingle is absolutely retarded. and yeah, you might get to go out on dates. so while you do this and your relationship fails in the end, which it will, without a doubt... you get to miss out on meeting one, two, or even more girls that you could actually spend the rest of your life with and be happy. do this for yourself, not me. i didn't post this to insult you, but to help you see things for what they really are
Hey guys I hear ya. As I said im still in love with this girl. Despite what she did, she still cares about me to some degree. We text everyday and tell each other how much we love each other and comfort each other and all that other good relationship stuff. On top of that we also have amazing sex. She's one of my best friends on top of being my GF.
With all that said what she did hurt me real good and made me pretty fucked up. But idk if I'm ready to lose that. I've never met any other girls who've ever been remotely interested in me. It may not be a good excuse but I am really scared of being alone.
my fiancee who i was with for 5 years cheated on me once and we're still best friends but i know staying with her would be settling so i can't. the way you talk, you would be settling too. it's like jobs here but you actually can decide and not be homeless, you just have to accept that: you're either going to get a decent job or girl for the rest of your life because you're too scared to quit. or you can get the job or girl of your dreams if you do quit, but you have to deal with the sadness that comes temporarily. it's your life, not mine. i've been in a similar spot and i'm going to make my life as happy and fulfilling as possible when it comes to my relationship. i deserve it, and i'm willing to work for it. anyone who's willing to work for it deserves it. you decide how fulfilling your life will be anon. i hope you make the right decision, but if you don't it's your loss and not mine =/
>still in love
No you've put all your eggs in her basket. Which she betrayed you with of course.
>she cares and loves me
Ha, good one man, it's all a lie.
Back to making your dick feel good.
>I'm scared nobody will ever love me again
So living a lie is better than being free? She's got you fucking good man.
Thanks for that analogy. helped put things in perspective. Im sorry for what happened to you and I hope you were able to find a better relationship. But I feel like settling for me is a safer option. At least publicly I get all the benefits of having a GF and still get some of the emotional and physical aspects of it. I hate the idea of being a cuck but I hate the idea of being alone more.
I don't think she "has me". She's not getting much out of it if she is.
I used to be like you, friend. Had a girlfriend who cheated on me during a time when I have no no skills with women, which is part of the reason I wanted to stay. I can tell you one thing, and that is that the feeling of loneliness will never compare to hating yourself.
no joke, had a guy friend in the same situation.
>first and only gf for years
>got warned she was trouble, unfaithful, etc.
>he was scared of being alone so he stuck with her
>gets cheated on a few times but forgives her since she's his 'one and only'
>"she's gonna move in guys!"
>"NO DON'T DO THAT"
>she moves in and realizes she has a shit ton of power over him
>his home life turns to shit
>nobody wants to be around them at all
>he finally kicks her out after years of depression
>got not only a broken heart, but STD and bedbugs from the filthy swine bitch
>depressed, but he's getting help now
>much better last time I talked to him
Your trust has been abused and now she has power over you due to how pathetic you are. Dump her and go get help. Being lonely isn't as shitty as your situation and you're just afraid of the unknown.
Seriously dude, this isn't worth it. No matter how many 'I love you's you guys exchange, she hasn't been honest with you and that shows a complete lack of respect. It isn't healthy. You're delusional if deep down you think this is going to lead to happiness.
there's nothing more i can say other than putting it this way: you want to settle for a partially-happy, partially-fulfilling life, it's all yours anon. you will regret it on your deathbed though, and at this point your future self is all i'm looking out for. no one wants to die sad.
i'm not pissed, and i'm doing my best to not be disappointed. honestly, i won't ever talk to you again after this thread so my life truly will go on. i just wanted you to learn that you deserve the world, but if you want to live as if you only deserve 2/3rds of it, thats your choice. i have no friends anymore myself (except 1 in the military) but that won't hold me down, even if it has made it harder.
Sounds like that girl was a total skank though. My GF was a virgin before I met her. Before the cheating she always loved me waaayyy more than I loved her in the relationships. I told her I was having doubts one day and that was really when everything started. Anyway I have no idea how many other men they're have been, or what she has even done with them apart from what I already know. But what I said is what I believe happened.
The girl your buddy dated sounded like trouble from the start.
Thanks anon. You made me feel like a little queer boy and brought tears to my eye. Life's been hard man. I was dealing with all this, family drama, and I was just diagnosed with crohn's disease. I hope it gets easier for you and me both soon.
wait how did it start? I'm you before all the shit.
I was having doubts about our relationship. Since she was my first GF I wasn't sure if I should keep dating her. I had those thoughts for a while and I sort of just laid it all out on the table. She broke up with me a few days later. We started talking again shortly after and we got back together. The whole time we got back together it was just a shit show and she was talking to some other guy. Rinse and repeat and now I'm where I am now.
Oh fuck, well i broke it with my girl for a day but she hasn't been talking to anyone. Shes outgoing but kind of babyish like she wants me to be her daddy. Sound familiar at all? Shes also small and i'm sort of average (180cm) she says she likes that I'm taller than her.
i realized i've held a lot of sadness in myself when my relationship ended. if i just sit there and do nothing, it's not uncommon to find tears come out. i'm depressed almost constantly, but i have to put it in the back of my mind if i want to work on hobbies, take care of my pets, etc. if i can do all this with essentially 0 friends (military friend is too busy), i know you can op. not because i'm stronger or weaker, but because as a human, i've seen i can survive. i'm stuck with my parents because i havent been able to find more than a part time job since i finished college, and they're terrible and manipulative and verbally abusive. there's never going to be an easy time to move on from a relationship is what i'm getting at, and sometimes it happens to be at the harder times like it is for us. we can't make excuses though because our happiness comes first. the only way things won't work out and the universe won't help us is if we don't make that leap of faith. i almost got hit around when this happened, and found a feather under the tire tracks. everywhere i go, i find feathers when i'm really down. at my worst, i've gone upstairs for a few minutes to come back down and see a feather sitting where i was. no one was up, no one came inside. the universe, or whoever it is is helping me. there are people or somethings who will help you as long as you do what's right, and that is leave this girl and find peace in knowing you don't have to struggle on your own. the other side's got your back, as does the amazing girl you've yet to meet. she might not be your next girlfriend, but she might. you won't find someone who's right for you unless you move on though. i really do want you to see this through like i am and for all the same reasons
You kind of lost me at the feathers part I do see your point. I still have a year and a half of college left there are girls everywhere. I wouldn't even mind if a girl wasn't as attractive as my current GF, as long as they love and cared for me. Thanks for your kind words feather anon. Good luck with your future as well.
i realized i didn't explain it well and i apologize. a car going 40 was 1 foot away from smashing my spine, and luckily it didn't. i saw the feather and thought that can't be random, it's just too odd. and then i started finding feathers in the weirdest places, ones where someone would literally have to shove them there like under a year old piece of gum, etc. sometimes they'd just be in the grass. but when i had that gut feeling that the feather was too odd to be coincidental, i knew it was a sign. only until they showed up at my worst moments did i realize someone on the other side is helping me and trying to explain they have my back. aside from all that, i also wanted to explain that sitting down quietly (essentially meditating with or without clearing your thoughts) is the one method i've been able to find to actually heal from this type of pain. everything else i try, such as rationalizing things, does nothing for my emotions.
you won't heal from your depression if you avoid it though. i avoided mine for 18 years, and it didn't fix anything. then when my fiancee cheated on me, it became 3x worse than it ever was. it's not about sitting quietly with your thoughts and emotions until you want to kill yourself, but doing it for 15 minutes a day, or 5 minutes 3 times a day. however much you can handle. it is hard as shit to do though and i honestly need to set times or else i put it off because it's a necessity, just difficult.
I mean no offense, but it sounds like you're more depressed than ever and going around collecting feathers as a hobby. I appreciate your advice but you sound like someone who is experiencing what I am afraid of.
As far as I know. But honestly I really don't she has. She's told me pretty much everything after I caught her.I even confronted the guy who went on a date with her and asked what they did but I didn't really expect him to tell me the truth. But as far as I know, she did nothing physical with any of them.
why wouldn't i be more depressed than ever? the educational system in it's entirety made me very depressed and my parents forced me to go. and the whole time i went to grade school and college i put off how it made me feel because i didn't have much of a choice about going (except college but i only went the 2 year route). looking back, putting off my feelings just because i was forced to go through the educational system and didn't have a choice wasn't healthy. i bottled it up cause i had to go to school M-F for year after year.
i ended a 5 year relationship a few months ago around the same time i got out of college, which i did go to from my decision but it was very stressful. and that 5 year relationship was ended by being cheated on. what part of not wanting to be me is the problem here? yeah, you're going to be more depressed without someone, that's how it works. but you're also going to reach the point where you make progress (and i have) and then the point where you aren't depressed. all the while, you're better off without a cheater even if it means being lonely. and if you haven't had a lot of interactions with spirits your whole life, i imagine the feather part would be hard to understand. just ignore it if it doesn't help but don't ignore everything else.
Sounds like you have no one to blame but yourself man. You and your naive grass is greener bullshit. Your girl still cares deeply for you and probably lashed out because she didn't know how to react. You should have never got back together. It was dead the moment you started thinking about dating someone else. I mean hell it isn't so bad to just think it, but saying it to her was really fucking stupid.
I know. that was the moment it all turned to shit. But i think she still loves and cares about. I know I do. I just keep trying to put the pieces back together hoping they'll stay
Sometimes being alone is the key to everything in life. It hurts to be betrayed, it hurts to be cheated on and it hurts to be used. But if you're willing to subject yourself to it, it shows the lack of respect you have for yourself and if you don't respect yourself, nobody else can or will.
Being alone can teach you to appreciate your own company and give you a chance to enjoy yourself and who you're capable of being as an individual.
Focusing on the other person and how she feels is irrelevant, they don't respect you and they can't love you because it's clear they don't respect themselves either. What they've done isn't demonstrate love, it's demonstrate sociopathic behaviour. It's destructive and dangerous.
If she's constantly telling you that you're the problem, but you're willing to let her believe it by being there after she's (more than once) gone beyond the level of trustworthiness and redemption, she'll let herself believe it too.
Do you think you deserve this treatment? If you think you do, you are not in any place where you should be in a relationship.
If you don't, you shouldn't subject yourself to it because you have feelings for somebody. Just because your feelings for them matter to you, doesn't mean your feelings for them matter to them. Go and find somebody who will appreciate you having feelings for them.
She's not constantly telling me that I'm the problem. She says she knows she fucked up. She says she did it because we were in a bad spot and I was treating her like shit, which is pretty much true. She also says that she knows that's not a good reason to do it, but that's why she did it.
It's also probably note worthy that we weren't technically together after I found the first time. We split for a while but were still talking and planning on getting back together eventually after we worked some things out. That's when she talked to two more guys behind my back and when on a date. She didn't tell me about it and I found later after we got back together. She said she was just confused at the time and wasn't sure if we were actually getting back together.
Just writing that out made me feel I was actually in the wrong and her actions are somewhat excusable.
Yes, reading it, her actions seem excusable as well. Obviously you're feeling things day in and day out that we aren't witnessing, but as it stands, I wouldn't feel to depressed about the situation. Things could be a lot worse, you could have walked in on her getting gangbanged on your wedding night. You were on a break and she went on a few dates.
Well the reason you feel like you may be in the wrong is because you initially posted defensively, giving an incorrect position of your relationship with each other, then when forced to address it: you defend her and see it from her point.
I cannot tell you whether her cheating on you was justified. Is she with you or not? If she is and at any point she cheated on you, she is not thinking as though or acting as though she is with you, regardless of what justification she uses. She chose to decide you weren't together when it was to her benefit.
You need to figure out whether you're actually the reason for her behaviour, if you've been pushing her far enough away that she doesn't feel like you're in a real relationship with her.
Admitting she fucked up is a start, but it's not a start to anything unless both of you know and understand why it happened and what you want to gain from it happening. You can either let it break you apart, and believe me, that's the easy part, or you can decide to let it bring you together. Is your relationship with each other really valuable enough to one another to attempt to salvage amongst such hurt between each other.
I will reiterate, just because you behaved atrociously, doesn't mean you're in the wrong and cheating on you is justified. Treating somebody like shit in a relationship should be met with the intention of repairing the damage that is causing it and reconciling.
What has happened in your case, is that both of you acted independently of each others feelings and dismissed the other and acted in self interest. This isn't how a relationship works, either.
If you need to excuse each other, there's one thing you need to do primarily. Confirm your relationship and clarify what it is.
Are you in a serious relationship or a fling? Is your relationship real or just hanging on to each other out of mutual loneliness or lack of options?
She says she still wants to be with me more than anything. That she really loves me and wants to live a happy life with me and just put all that stuff behind me. Typing this up help putting things in perspective.
Is it even possible to still have a happy relationship after all that? She says eventually I'll be able to let go and forget all about it. She wants to be with me no matter what and I'm tempted to just go with it since I still love her.
Don't weigh it up entirely on a positive inclination to be with her. Give both of you some space and some time, enjoy each others company as casually as possible and don't over focus on the romance aspects.
A relationship is supposed to be a fun positive thing but neither of you seem to act that way. When she does anything that is wrong and it hurts you, write it out from her perspective as though defending her and see if her defense has any merit or if it's just an excuse.
One sure fire way or knowing there is definitely a problem is by asking other people you trust about their thoughts on your relationship and how you treat each other.
If everyone seems to be universally in agreement, it could be that your opinion on what is acceptable is being warped by how you feel about them. At that point you're not seeing clearly and the smartest thing to do is give yourself time away from them, so you can both reevaluate your lives and your relationship independently without being emotionally conflicted.
This is some of the best advice I've seen yet. I don't think I'm gonna end things with her so early. We've agreed that what has happened has brought us closer. We we're both having doubts at the time and her cheating made us realized how much we really love each other in a way. She says she doesn't think we would even be together if it weren't for all the drama we went through and I do think she's right in a way. I've just been having a lot of trust issues with her since and things have been hard. I do love her though and I just want things to work.
But the one thing you're especially right about is how much I have flip flopped with this relationship. I'm very indecisive but I can say that right now I want nothing more than to be with her.
OH YEAH! MR. SATAN DOES IT AGAIN! OTHER ADVICE GIVERS ARE JUST AMATEURS!
Just keep in mind that you're with each other to both benefit from being in a relationship. As soon as either of you behave with lasting disregard to your relationship, the harder the damage is to repair. It sounds old but treat each other like you'd want to be treated, as though you're somebody valued. That's what makes a healthy lasting relationship.
>She says she still wants to be with me more than anything. That she really loves me and wants to live a happy life with me and just put all that stuff behind me
All I ask OP is that you put this statement you made away and look at it in 6 months after she's gone
The big problem here isn't that she cheated, but that she won't take full responsibility for it. What do you think her reasons were for trying to blame it on you? She could have been terrified that if she admitted it was her fault you'd hate her forever, especially if you put her on the spot when you confronted her about it. If she was already set on denying everything, possibly for good reasons (your feelings), it would be hard for her to change her mindset quickly.
Alternatively she's just a massive fucking bitch. Try and figure out which one it is.
Also, ignore all the posters antagonizing you and telling you to dump her immediately. They're just assmad virgin MGTOWs who think if they can't be in a happy relationship, no one else should be either.
She's definitely not a bitch. There was a lot of things wrong with our relationship at the time everything happened. I don't feel like posting them again so you go through the thread if you're interested. I think I will continue dating her. If I'm wrong about her then I'm wrong, and I'll learn that the hard.
W-well of course! I'm the mighty Mr. Satan, the savior of Earth! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Be alone for a time, heal as best as you can, find some one better. You might be miserable at first, but you're miserable now, so how's that worse? Eventually, you'll get over the loss and be able to feel the relief of not having that cloud of doubt hovering over you constantly. This is coming from experience.