I always feel like such a lecherous piece of shit when talking to women. I work as a research and statistics consultant for a university. Long story short, a senior student came in and asked me some questions about my job. She asked me not job related stuff to. I actually liked talking with her.
The WHOLE time while talking to her, I felt like a creepy piece of shit. Even though we were just talking basic stuff. I enjoyed talking with her, would it be creepy to message her on face book? Do you see anything ethically wrong with me talking to students in a more than friends kind of way or even dating the student body?
I worry about ethics because I consider myself a very ethical person. Help? Like, I don't know how to feel because I like talking to her but I don't want to be ethically incorrect.. I am only 2 years old than her.
FUCK! Why can't I meet women like this WHO DON'T go to fucking school where I work?
>I always feel like such a lecherous piece of shit when talking to women.
That's what makes it creepy. When you're overly self-conscious and it's leaking out. You hesitate more, your body language gets confused and you end up smack damn in the middle of the uncanny valley.
This guy hit the nail on the head. Showing confidence in conversation is huge, and really effects how people perceive you. Say every word like you mean it, as if you were ready to double down on it, shows you're not afraid. Women love that.
It's all in your head. I am the least qualified on the subject because whenever I talk or even in close proximity to any women, I feel creepy and menacing even though I am minding my own business and not doing anything strange at all. Anxiety about women creates all kinds of detrimental thought cycles in your brain. Think of it this way: I'm a man, she's a woman. We are both people. I have just as much right to talk to her as I do to the guy over there. I also have the right to hit on said girl at any point in time and the worst that can be said is "no" (or leaning towards the negative side). If you sense romantic vibes from her, all the more reason to at least test the waters to confirm or deny your suspicions. And if you fuck it up? Who cares? You do and she will for a very short time. But you can erase the main issue of "caring" from the source: you. As shitty as it sounds, not giving a fuck socially is the best thing a social person can do. The ability to test random social shit out on people and gather results to better yourself is an amazing way to go about socializing. If you fuck up, laugh at yourself and change your demeanor and actions accordingly.
This probably was incoherent as fuck but hopefully my message shined through my autism.
I feel like there isn't a explicit clause but I feel like it might be some hidden shit.
For exmaple, in my job description, there is some vague shit like "... and other duties as needed". Which is like some fucking catch all or whatever. Makes me believe some other policies on campus might be some catch all shit as well.
Also, you are right. I have no academic power over students here.
"Creepy" will usually mean that someone misjudges the distance between themselves and their conversation partner, leading to them making a comment or a series of comments that are considered inappropriate by the other. Like, I could be creepy by making sexual comments towards a woman I barely know, but I wouldn't be creepy if I made the exact same comments to a woman that I had sex with several times. It's the same as knowing what kind of jokes I can do with my friends and what kind of jokes I can do with strangers.
If you're having a normal conversation, no human will consider you creepy. Most people are quite easy to talk to, actually. You just need to catch them in a moment when they're open to talk.
OK OP here.
Here's a quick draft of what I'm intending to write.
It was awesome talking to ya recently at [casual name for the building I'm in]. You seem like a pretty awesome girl and if you're' a'willing I'd love to take ya out for a quick bite to eat. I'll even pay for ya if you're lucky! :)
Hope to hear back from ya,
How does this sound? I'm trying to sound fun and enthusiastic.
Good question op, I'm in a similar situation and need some adv.
Chatting this girl I met up online. Basically it started off as a sexdate. She says its her first time on a sexdate like this. I tell her its ok, we can just meet for a drink and get to know each other.
Few weeks go by. We are both busy so the meet is on hold.
We text frequently, mostly it is me engaging and she reponds with lols and yeahs. Frustrating as fuck. Think I'm getting bamboozled... Now this week, the week of the meet.. She engages in texts, she sends pics, she is interested.
Last night she texts saying she is nervous. I say its only normal, I have it too.. The good kind of nervous. She just reponds with a smiley, I ask if there is anything I can do, she says no, she'll be fine.
This morning I ask if she slept ok because of nerves, get a response "no" because nightmares. She says she is grumpy as fuck. I cheer her up with a joke and then stop texting, give her some space.
I seriously hope she isn't flaking. Are there more ways to get her to chill?
I'm not really wanting to come off clingy, I just want a decent fwb situation going on. Anyone with experience?
>It was awesome talking to you recently at [Casual name of building]. You seem pretty cool and I was hoping I could take you out to [brunch, lunch, dinner] to get to know you better. I am free on[whatever day you are free] this week.
Its a facebook message not a letter. It shows confidence (as you assume she will say yes) and doesnt sound creepy at all. Fun and enthusiastic on Facebook generally has a good way of backfiring and sounding creepy or cringy to girls.
check your schools policy. you arent a position of power so its likely okay. if i were you, id get some cards printed. easy to hand out and be like 'if you wanna keep the conversation going, feel free to contact me'.
thats what i do. makes it seem casual and lets you get back to work wehn need be.