I'll spill my beans here. I'm on an edge of suicide.
I was a prodigy child - always had all 5's (the best grade in my country), won lots of mathematics competitions, played guitar.
Now I'm 18, I'm not a prodigy anymore. I'm not depressed all the time, but I'm just unmotivated and feel hopeless and worthless.
I don't drink. I smoke weed occasionally because I like it.
I did a few lines of speed a few days ago and that's when I saw my life for what it could be - I have a really huge amount of free time, and all I need to do is to use it for something useful - programming, music composition, reading, anything... But instead I'm sitting here shitposting on 4chan while my head hurts and I can't concentrate on anything more serious than a /fit/ thread.
I don't want to be "happy" - I really couldn't care less, I'm used to feel low. I just want to have more energy and concentration.
How do I get more energy and concentration? More amphetamines are NOT an option. I'm a poorfag.
Lower your expectations for yourself. It's irrational to think because you were good at school you're just going to blaze through adult life with the same ease.
Everyone goes through stages like this anon. Just remember that you're not your achievements alone.
>Just remember that you're not your achievements alone
whatever you are, whatever you end up doing in life, you will always be what you actually are deep inside.
and you need to love that no matter what.
primetio sam da si iz neke balkanske zemlje pa aj da vidim
btw moja bivsa devojka s kojom sam bio dugo je delom muslimanka iz bosne, i jako ti hvala, sada si me podsetio, jedi govna
Jasenovac i Gradiska stara
i Gradiska staaaraaa
Thanks for the different perspective, but as I mentioned in the original post - I couldn't care less about loving myself.
I need tips on how to DO shit. I want to DO shit, I want to record a thrash album, I want to be the best programmer in the country, but my attention span is that of goldfish's. I need tips on that, not on happiness.
Depression destroys your concentration and energy levels. Those are some of the main symptoms.
Go see a doctor anon.
You feel the need to be the best. If you're not the best you won't allow yourself to be happy. Which is depleting your motivation and concentration, lol...
They call it a downward spiral for a reason anon.
mislim, da kapiram ja šta ti hoćeš, ali depresivan si ne zato što ne radiš ništa sa sobom, već polaziš od toga da ćeš voleti sebe ako radiš nesto
ako ne voliš sebe, i sada kao od jednom postigneš razne stvari u životu, i šta onda?
neće ti biti dosta. neće te ispuniti. i dalje ćeš imati tu istu prazninu u sebi.
You need to force yourself to a routine and you need estructure
think about it, you aced in school but you are a shitter out of it?.
It feels like you need to have a weekly plan like running every day ( i see you are a poor fag so no gym), reading books in internet, looking for a job, get interested in careers ( don't jump in one, pick one that really makes you feel like worth the effort)
jebe mi se za prazninu u sebi
bitno mi je da imam nesto iza sebe bog ga jebo
hepines kams end gouz. kad napravis nesto kao sto je dobar album, dobra firma, dobra slika, dobar program, dobra igrica, tek onda znas da si zivio. bar je tako za mene.
ono bio bih najsretniji da se pocnem pucati dopom, ali onda bih propao u najkracem roku
Ahh the plauge of the prodigy. My friend is borderline prodigy. Borderline because he doesn't care about showing this worth, he knows the value of the title. Instead, he focused on what mattered to him. I still don't know what it is, but he has a plan for his life. To live easily in the future and enjoy his time spent here.
I don't know how to help you, or what advice to give you, but I'd wager that all you need is to not feel alone.
Tell you what. If you want more energy you'll have to get it. Sounds very paradoxical, but it isn't. It makes sense when you go through the motions.
Put that head to good use. Not for other people's sake, but for your own. I say that because if there was anyone who understands you the most it would be yourself. It doesn't hurt to get an outside perspective, but you're your best guide in life.
Unless somewhere in the past you looked up to someone as a guide. Then aspire to be like they are. Inspiring.
Stories of child prodigies reaching the big pond and realizing they aren't hot shit warm my heart. Their sadness and suffering is a perfect balance to their haughtiness and holier-than-thou attitude they kept their whole childhood. Fuck you, OP. Fuck you.
Sounds like porn or internet addiction.
If you masturbate to porn like on daily basis you have a porn addiction. This actually has a lot more side-effects than one might guess. One of the side-effects is loosing motivation to do anything probably due to how it messes your brains dopamine levels.
If you can't keep away from constantly checking social networks, forums, image boards etc, you have an internet addiction. This causes procrastination, anxiety and severely hinders your focus.
If you think you have one of these addictions fixing these might severely boost your motivation back to how it was when you where young.
Hope you're happy seeing me suffer, since you obviously haven't been happy through your childhood much.
Now, how about you fucking contribute to the thread?
I kinda understand where you're going, but that's still way too abstract for me.
>if you want more energy you'll have to get it
It's not paradoxical, but it doesn't give me any reference point. Get it, where? Out of my head? Force myself to act like I have energy?
>if there was anyone who understands you the most it would be yourself
you're pretty much right about that though.
why the fuck am I posting such questions on a mongolian pubic hair collecting forum?
Covjece, zadaj sebi male zadatke... ali bruku malene. Ako je za programiranje, napravi najobicniji program za sortiranje unesenih godina.
Uglavnom pocni od najmanjih zadataka, obavezno ih zapisi negdje, i zavrsavaj ih.
Postepeno stavljaj da ti zadaci budu sve tezi tezi.
Znam kako ti je, prosao sam kroz to
Naw fuck you. How many children did you shit on during your life? How many times did you think to yourself "Ha, all these kids are so dumb. I'm way smarter than these guys."? I've met chucklefucks like you and their arrogance is out of control. Wasn't being gifted good enough? It never is since you fuckers have to be huge douchebags on top of it.
>Get it, where?
I can't really tell you where. You can literally get it from anything. Exciting encounters to hobbies. Personally, for me, going fast gives me the energy I need. Being in a vehicle, biking, riding boards, running, obstacle jumping/parkour. These things wake me up like nothing else, and that's where I get my energy from. Additionally I bring this into my hobbies as an artist and draw what I think represents these things that I enjoy.
>why the fuck am I posting such questions on a mongolian pubic hair collecting forum?
Because you're a clutter brain who needs to organize a few things in your mental space. You need to take a step back and this is the only way you think you could achieve this.
An anon said that routines can help. This is definitely true. Even if it seems robotic, isn't it the cyclic nature that we relied upon for our very survival as a species? From predicting the seasons to the migration of animals, we used routine to solidify a comfortable existance for ourselves.
Now consider this: because you were considered a prodigy, you may have believed that life would become easier than most. This is not the case. Look at William James siddis(I think I misspelled that). Couldve been a revolutionary man. Loneliness kinda destroyed him despite being so promising.
Idk why I'm saying all this. To be honest I'm not equipped for helping people yet.(hence why I study psychology, which is kinda dumb since I have no real desire to pursue any fields of psychology formally)
Know what you want, man. Refine what you want so it aligns with reality. Make tweaks here and there. You'll never get the right answer on the first try.
Welcome to the world of being older.
Take care, I feel as if I can't help you out. :(
Even though I see you're bitter I'll still try to be as honest as I could in my answers.
>How many children did you shit on during your life?
Not many. I was always the shy one, and I always helped everyone with homeworks and studying and stuff. What did I get for that? Nothing. Not a single birthday invitation, not a single "thank you". I've had this retard's mother call me literally EVERY EVENING for 6 months and beg me to recite the math homework over the phone. It always took me at least 30 minutes. It was fucking frustrating.
Yet I've never said no.
>How many times did you think to yourself "Ha, all these kids are so dumb. I'm way smarter than these guys."?
Many, many times. Why the fuck would you care? Those are my thoughts, and it's not your fucking business what I think about or not.
>Wasn't being gifted good enough?
Good enough for what? For a life of serving you and telling you you're worth of something? Fuck off. You're only as worth as you make yourself.
While you were playing football with your friends, I was sitting at home practicing math problems for competition. You don't fucking know my life or what I've been through. Are you really that bitter that you're hating me just based on the fact that I was successful in the first 14 fucking years of my life?
Okej, kontam sta hoces reci - nema produktivnosti bez srece. Ali brate ono trazim srecu vec 2 godine, i osim trave i dande, nista mi je ne donosi. A i kad sam naduvan ne mogu mnogo stvari da radim tako da je jos gore.
>Didn't get a single birthday invitation
Gosh I can't imagine why. Maybe it was your huge douche attitude?
Yes, they were. But I'd bet everything that you externalized your thoughts through your actions and mannerisms. Don't fucking bullshit me.
>Life of serving blah blah blah
Lol and I'm the bitter one? Not only do you reap the benefits of being gifted but you also take it upon yourself to shit on everyone else because you have a huge persecution complex. Fuck you. We all owe you because you sacrificed so much doing your math problems instead of anything else. Suck a dick. You're exactly the type of person I described. So, I hope you continue to feel bad and depressed. It makes my day so much better knowing you're suffering :)
>It makes my day so much better knowing you're suffering :)
I'm honestly glad. People like me fucked your first girlfriend, so at least you get your revenge by pretending I'm the guy. Enjoy my suffering faggot
>oh god how I love childish squabbles over a chinese dog cooking forum
>I'm miserable and depressed
>lol look at these great things I did
Guess you aren't so depressed are you? Do us all a favor and kill yourself. Preferably with a large caliber pistol so that it destroys your precious brain.
Nah, just because I'm unmotivated doesn't mean I'm a kissless virgin hating people on 4chan just because they resemble the memory of the guy that bullied me in primary school.
So, excuse me mr. Average, but I'm not gonna kill myself.
Fuck, I had a good friend who sounded exactly just like you. We were friends for like a year, hanging out, drinking together, rolling blunts until he broke down one day and told me he envies me for my grades, skin tone (?), guitar playing (??), confidence (???) and basically said he fucking hates me and never messaged me again.
Now talk about suppressed hatred. I loved him honestly, and he didn't have the balls to tell me all that stuff until he railed cocaine.
You're literally the same kind of guy that shoots up school. I wouldn't be surprised if you also came from /r9k/.
>HURRR GUYS I'M SO SAD AND DEPRESSED BUT WHEN SOMEONE CALLS ME OUT ON MY RETARDED BULLSHIT I SUDDENLY AM NOT HURRRR
I'm beginning to doubt your prodigy status. That, or the bar to be a prodigy where you're from is horribly low. Also, keep trying to spite me. It's cute.
Slovene with a passive understanding of bosnian here. That feeling of emptiness is there for a reason. Humanity would not have reached such achievements if society didn't drive gifted people in working at the peak of their productivity. This feeling of emptiness will pass for OP and he will be rewarded greatly by fame, fortune, friendship and love.
I doubt he can get one if he is poor, but if he does he should make damn sure the psychiatrist doesn't prescribe him medication (he mentioned amphetamines!), just psychotherapy. I am as old as OP, did great in school and was identified as talented. Then did psychiatric drugs and now in a sort of post-acute, but not yet prolonged withdrawal and feeling dumber than ever.
The ever so slightest advantage in spite of disadvantages like being on the autistic (in the real, non-4chan sense) spectrum, only having primitve social skills now, at the age of 18, some issues with concentration, having been bullied—sometimes beaten—everywhere I went and having severe anxiety; an advantage that could mean the difference between being a wage slave in a field that actually interests me or just a wage slave might have been taken away from me.
If it truly has and if I objectively find that I'm worse (slower, make more mistakes, less able to work in a professional environment) than the average programmer (that is the skill I'm most versed in), I should do an hero for the better of society, but my urge to live is normal, meaning too high.
You don't seem to be a beta if you aren't bullshitting, so stop acting like one!
OP here, the dude's here just to hate so I'm giving him fuel.
I'm not beta, I'm not depressed, I have motivation and energy issues. It seems that many people in this thread mix up those two...
And yeah, I did went to psychotherapy a few years ago, although that was because I though I might be depressed, so it didn't help much.
Do you think that a therapist could help me with motivation problems?
Also, in case I go to the therapist, is it smart to tell him about my amphetamine use?
>being this much of a preassumpting fag
>help me with motivation problems
I'd say the average psychologist that you can get for free via health insurance won't help you with that, most only know how to deal (or can deal in the short amount of time they are assigned) with motivation problems, caused by underlying depression or whatever—by treating that. Maybe somebody will correct me. Maybe you should first try optimizing your everyday life: when do you normally have a surge of motivation—use that—if you do, when are your lows, when do you want to do boring stuff that you have to, when do you want to just enjoy life——and when do you want to work on your talents?
>tell him about my amphetamine use
I doubt it's even relevant, if you haven't used them for a while and don't plan on using them again. In a more liberal country like mine (I don't know about yours!), it shouldn't really be a problem. I know a guy who did a fuckload of opiates and another guy who did MDMA. Neither of them intend to do drugs anymore, as far as I am aware. Both told that to their therapists and psychiatrists and weren't treated differently.
Because meth doesn't really have the effect I'm after. Meth causes too much physical stimuli and euphoria, and basically makes you do stupid stuff like combing a carpet because you're so euphoric.
I wanna do productive stuff, not have fun.
Not really. I've met a lot of gifted people who don't suffer at all. I know it sounds like they were pretending, but believe me, they told me that good mood was basically default state for them.
There's a guy named Aaron Cleary who goes by the nickname 'Captain Capitalism' who is just about to release a book called "Curse of the High IQ" on this very subject.
My own superficial take on this is that people conflate intelligence with happiness and a significant lack of struggle in finding one's place in the world. I often use little snippets from my own life as examples, and, while my life is easier and enjoyable now, as a productive and relatively affluent parent and boss, having a higher-than-average level of intelligence doesn't necessarily equal higher-than-average reasoning or decision-making capability. Being smarter just means that on a level playing field, you have some cognitive advantages, but cognitive ability isn't important enough alone to assure success.
That being said, you have to do the exact same thing as everyone else if you want to succeed: cultivate a strong work ethic, plan well (and plan ahead) and set attainable goals.
There are plenty of smart people who utterly suck at life and use their reasoning ability to rationalize their utter failure as being someone else's fault, or fate, or whatever, anything except accepting personal responsibility.
Look, I've got 2 masters' degrees and I wrote the world's most boring research articles on the chemistry of neural regeneration in invertebrates when I was in my mid 20's. I quit that and ran away to work on boats with addicts, alcoholics and illiterate immigrants. Best decision I could have made. I'm sitting on the bridge of my own ship at anchor right now because my 3rd mate is out getting drunk and he's a nice kid, smart too.
Find a hobby that may passion you. When I was depressed like you (Your description of yourself sounds familiar.) what motivated me was to try new videogames to play and watching movie series like Star Wars. Maybe go out some day and get some Vitamin D. And seek a therapist. I'm not calling you crazy or anything, but I swear it works! They help a lot more than what you think. Also try cutting the drugs if you're a poorfag to save more money.
[spoiler]Do you happen to be Latin American? From somewhere in between Costa Rica and Venezuela? If you are the same as I am I'd hang out with ya.[/spoiler]
>I was a prodigy child - always had all 5's (the best grade in my country)
sounds like you have a Talent to bruteforce shit into your head. dont confuse that with intelligence etc.
so maybe you think you are brigther than you are and therefore expect too much from yourself
>How do I get more energy and concentration?
get good and enough sleep
get your diet right
do some sort of physical activity (f.e. Lifting weights since you mentioned /fit/)
drink enough water
get enough sunlight