Question to girls:
How do you personally view quiet men?
If you are intrigued by them or mildly attracted etc, does this curiosity always eventually turn to repulsion and the feeling that he is just boring?
If anybody is willing to give some further advice based on the context of my life right now I'd appreciate it. I'm suffering right now and I'm spending hours each day double-guessing myself and the girl I am extremely attracted to.
It's more about confidence than how much you talk. If you're all meek about everything and seem unsure of yourself, most woman will hate that and into the friendzone you go.
The poor personalities, and hyper-energy that women like >>16709135 have is generally problematic for deeper thinking, intellectual men. As always, "just be yourself" is terrible advice. Women can't dissect fake confidence or energy, so just pretend to be Chad.
What if there's no way of telling whether he is meek or not?
In my case I work in one office in a multi-story office filled with small businesses. This girl enters my office maybe three times a day to print things off at the printer behind me. I sit alone with a desk spare to my left, spend a lot of my time listening to music while working etc. Also during the lunch hour I either walk around alone or go read someplace private. I used to sit near the office alone eating my food on the steps of another building and I know she saw me there at least once. I don't conduct myself in a meek way, and since I know I'm susceptible to being viewed as creepy and pathetic I insist on maintaining a stern, emotionless (but not hostile) facial expression. Sorry for spamming, I just don't know if she's indifferent to me, or whether she's curious to get to know me, or whether she thinks I need a friend or someone to be nice to me or something. I think I seem like a confident if aloof individual. She left her office on Monday the same time I was walking down the stairwell. Our eyes met and I wanted so much to say hello or something but I guess it's cowardice or some immense subconcious fear or rejection or humiliation, I don't know what, just made me bite my lip.
If you're good looking she might be intrigued. How close is the printer to you? If it's like 3 feet away and you've never said 'hi' or have ever talked to other people in her presence then you probably look meek to her or at the least unapproachable.
In terms of relationships, being quiet works beter if you eventually open up and talk more. Doesn't have to be socially or out in public, but at least to your partner. That's how I am pretty much. If I don't have anything meaningful to add to a conversation, or don't really know a group of people well, I'd likely just sit quietly the whole time Then maybe share my thoughts after with my partner if I had something to say but didn't want to talk to the whole group.
Well I don't want to estimate my own physical attractiveness but in the recent past I've attracted at least two girls (conspicuously) who were both very "hot" in a conventional sense, though I wasn't really attracted to either beyond appreciating their physical beauty. With this girl whenever our eyes meet (I know it's cliched and sappy) I get this intense conviction that we are similar to each other, or that we are both attracted to a similar ideal for the opposite sex and that we both meet each others'. But since I realize my being isolated is viewed as creepy and weird in a social context, I don't want to end up finding out I've been deluding myself all alone with the idea that she might like me. I really am suffering right now. I fear that her company is moving offices soon, and she hasn't been in work these past two days. If they / she leaves without me trying to gauge her interest I know I will be distraught and probably end up quitting my job or sending some cringey email wishing her luck in the future or something (I did this to a girl who used to sit by me in college who I never talked to and eventually emailed after the year had ended)
I'm not bad looking I don't think, though I'm only 5'9. The printer is right by my side, but to look at her means I have to turn approximately 270 degrees to my right and look up at her standing there. I don't want to seem creepy by doing this. She has asked me two questions before about office things and she smiled each time in a way that made my heart feel like it was going to beat its way to death. I realize a lot of girls are just smiley though so I tried my best to avoid thinking it meant anything. And yes I think I look more unnaproachable than I do meek. I know for a face I seem unnaproachable, but if people need help in work I'm very helpful and personable in that sense, I just keep to myself in general and don't speak all that much. In private I feel I have a lot to talk about, I mean I do. I was briefly with a girl in early 2014 and she fell for me because I made her laugh and "made her think". Not boasting since my life is otherwise friendless and shitty but still.
The thing is this girl is pretty quiet too. She's pretty "cute" (she looks like a shoegaze singer) though I'm not naive enough to think she's some fragile pure waifu. But she's not like a loud person like the girls in the company I work in.
I wish suffering and longing was objectively and empirically measurable. I'd like to see my emotional intensity right now exported and compared with the emotional state of someone else suffering heartache. I really am such a child in feeling this way. Every Friday night I can't wait until work on Monday because I get to see her again. When I leave work I immediately begin hoping she's in the office the next day.
Damn OP.. you make me remind myself. I can totally picture myself on those scenarios, I do the same with a girl I really like: seeing her and a look in the eyes becoming the high point of my day, and hoping the next day the same would happen.
I like you OP, where you from?
I live in the United Kingdom. Just thinking about her gives me so much energy. I could type a 10,000 word post right now recalling every minor and major event involving her since I first took notice of her. Weirdly enough I've always been a very observant person, but I didn't notice this girl (in the sense of appreciating her beauty and how much of a loveable person she seems) until she came and asked me a question about the older guy who oversees the office complex. I looked up at her (she was standing on the other side of the printer) and when our eyes "met" she smiled this wide smile (maybe just her default smile I know) and since then I have been committed to the idea of getting to know her. I hate to seem creepy but I found out her name on her company website and then found her twitter by googling her name. She never posts anything and has like 20 followers, but she's really into the kind of music that not many people our age are into. I know a lot about this type of music and know a great deal about music myself since it's one of the few things I love in life but still, and it's almost surreal how well-suited she is to me ("we are" sounds delusional) in different respects. Even when she comes to print things out my heart starts racing and hurting a little, but the more attracted I am to her the more effort I make into seeming entirely indifferent and ignorant of her being there. I don't want her to become bored or disdainful of me, if she is curious to get to know me or something.
>how do you personally deal quiet men
it REALLY depends on the man. quiet is not a defining characteristic. not even close. you also have to think 'how quiet are they?'
a really quiet ugly guy comes off as sad. a really quiet cute guy comes off as 'shy'. a really quiet hot guy comes off as stoic. it also depends on if they are showing an interest in me.
i once dated a really quiet guy who would just stare at me and smile. it was great. like he really thought about what i was saying and listened and cared.
dated another one who just sat around with a blank expression and clearly wasn't listening.
what their quietness means depends largely on what everything else about them is like.
OP here. In early 2014 a girl I was working with part-time (before I had my current job) asked a colleague for my number and asked me to go to the cinema etc. I entertained her and made her laugh but in terms of invading her personal space or touching etc I find it very difficult to do that to someone, but she ended up climbing into my bed and getting under the covers and inviting me to get under with her. It was pretty embarrasing for me in retrospect but she obviously liked me. In bed, once we'd kissed and so on I really did become dominant and I do enjoy the more traditional role of the assertive or dominant man in bed, and it came natural to me (hopefully not because I was just imitating some actor or something). So I'm not like a pushover and I don't think I give people that impression, or at least if I do I give plenty of evidence not just to see me as a pushover or to arrive at that conclusion.
Thanks for this. I won't spam another long reply but this is reassuring. I CAN'T WAIT until tomorrow morning when I get to go to work and potentially see her. If she doesn't turn up again tomorrow I'll probably cry in the bathroom or something.
I like to have conversations with my guy. I don't mind quiet- to an extent. If it feels like pulling teeth trying to talk to you and if you're flat out unresponsive I'll assume you're either not interested or not compatible with me.
I'm okay with carrying the conversation but if it seems like I'm the one doing all the work every time then I'm out.
I think she might like you OP. Go ahead and casually try to make some conversation going, you write very good and if the girl likes requinted music like you do, it seems to me that you are in front of a wonderful woman for you!
By the way, same happened to me when the girl I mentioned talked to me the first time, I mean , I've noticed she's pretty, but only when she came to me I slowly started to become crazy for her, thinking about her all the time
Go for it fellow, you deserve it.
Sorry I was just giving a general answer based on the first post of how I view someone being quiet. For your situation.. Well we can't read her mind for you and figure out her impression of you. If you haven't interacted at all, it could be a very simple "Oh, it's that guy who I saw before." A passing thought with no real opinion.
This should have maybe happened a few eye-contacts ago, but next time give her a smile. That's a simple way to test someone's reaction to you. A smile back at least means they'll be friendly too (does not prove interest, remember that). If it's an uneasy smile though, she's uncomfortable and you can just back off without having done anything that extreme.
Do it you got nothing to lose and not saying anything will end up making her think you are a creep.
Say something witty about the fact that you see her every day or multiple times a day. Is the music loud? Do you sing? Maybe you should so when she enter and catches you singing you can apologise and tell her that you really like the song. Gives you something to talk about or start a conversation.
OP here. Maybe I miss-represented myself. When I'm talking one-on-one with someone in a private setting I really can talk a lot and listen to them and really invest in having a frank conversation that isn't just small talk and sort of cliched joking etc. Maybe one of the reasons I'm so hung up on this is that I long for this kind of relationship or communication with someone. The girl I knew briefly in 2014 really enjoyed my company and said nobody had ever paid so much attention to what she was saying and "made her think" and so on. But in a group setting, especially in the workplace, I prefer to say nothing or talk about practical things rather than trade nice-isms or have superficial chit-chat. I know this sound autistic and potentially makes me a creepy person but I was going to write this girl a letter (or maybe I wasn't, but I had a strong urge to) asking her to take a walk along the river with me that runs through the centre of our city. I ended up not going it after realizing it was retarded (I posted the letter on another board and they mostly said I was autistic) but really the idea of spending private time with this girl and having her tell me about her life and having the sort of conversation where you talk spontaneously and comfortably and openly and feel like your otherwise lonely existence or maybe the loneliness of existence itself is overcome by two people caring about each other's experience just makes me so emotional my stomach almost cramps. The idea that I've "missed my chance" by adopting this indifferent pose just makes me want to die.
Thank you for the encouragement. I will make another thread here if I do talk to her and it goes well.
>"Oh, it's that guy who I saw before."
This breaks my heart.
But yes I will have to smile at her. Oh my god I'm going to be so nauseous after I do it. I really hope her company isn't leaving the building.
I don't sing and it's a quiet office so any conversation is immediately overheard, and since I don't say much it will be obvious I'm "making a move".
Question to all:
If this girl's company does leave the building very soon and I don't see her again, would it be autistic of me to end her an email (her email is listed on a mass list of emails that get sent around about fire alarms etc) saying something like "I wish I'd said this in person but..." or whatever? I realize it comes off as distant and maybe desperate.
No. I think that if she moves as you say she might move, for me it'd be a sign of interest: seeking for a girl that's gone out of your sight, looking for clues and a opportunity to know her better is something that a good girl should be proud of, having someone that cards a about her in that way. If it was me in that situation I'd do the same thing, "nothing to lose" in that situation, literally.
But don't you think it will seem cowardly? Like as if I can only communicate via email or impersonally? Like "he had all that time but only had the balls to email me after I'd left" or "did he think I'd be interested / wait forever?". I mean she hasn't left for sure I'm just getting real nervous about it since people are being shown around our offices.
Also I'm not from a wealthy background. I'm from a "broken home" and didn't go to private school or to as good a university as she did. I'm also shorter than most guys who went to private school (they seem much taller on average) so I feel like I'd be inflicting myself on her by having so little to offer besides my love, support, reliability, entertainment and so on. I'm one of the very few people at my workplace who attended a state school and came from a poor region so I feel like a barbarian at times trying to learn how to eat with cutlery, despite being well-mannered, civilized and so on. My god I'm half-pleased that she is able to have this much of an effect on me, but another part of me never wants to feel like this.
>This breaks my heart.
Sorry. I was just trying to say it could be a neutral thing, since you were trying to label it as good or bad. Neutral wouldn't be that terrible, since it'd mean you have a chance to make it positive. Hence, easiest way to break neutrality is smiling. If you smile and get a negative response from someone, they probably aren't a good person to be around anyway.
Think about this: if she's some kind of interest in you, (and if she leaves the company) she'll be , unconsciously sad about it. And when you find her and email her, she'll be happy because you did the possible and the impossible to find her, and that ought be something valuable for her. Knowing that is appreciated by someone who's really really dedicated to her.
Guy here. I tend to think opposites attract. Girls who like to talk a lot who probably like a quiet guy as long as he's confident. I know a young couple (both very good looking) where the woman is one of the most talkative people I've ever met and the guy is one of the quietest people I've ever met..
Thank you for all the replies, I've read them all. I appreciate you taking the time. Sorry about the spam-posts.
If she is in work tomorrow I am going to make a step towards getting to know her. I can't act indifferent forever. I only hope that she is in work tomorrow and that they are staying here for a while longer. I realize this isn't "love" as it isn't mutual but my god my feelings towards her have overwhelmed every other feeling I have. Her existence excites me so much and if only I could mean something to her and that she would like to mean something to me.
Sorry for doubting your post again, but might it also seem "creepy"? I already feel weird about finding her twitter and listening to the music she likes etc. It feels wrong somehow. Also she has know two of her work colleagues (one girl and one guy, both a little older than her but still young etc) for at least two years, so I feel she will immediately say "omg that guy who never talked just emailed me" etc and show them and that their opinions of me (I think the girl just thinks I'm depressed and the guy, who obviously comes from a wealthy background, conduct himself in a way that makes me think I would dislike being around him. I feel they'd tell her I'm weird or patronize my efforts were I to email her. I realize I'd have nothing to lose, though I still feel I would be dropping my guard and my dignity in allowing them to view me as just a desperate, childish weirdo.
If you send something, maybe make it more casual. Assuming you want to stay in contact after sending it anyway. If it's just supposed to be a confession say whatever you want.
"Hey! I was disappointed your company moved. I've seen you around but we never got a chance to talk" or something like that. Keep the tone something like "I'd be interested to get to know/talk to you" rather than "I've seen you around a lot and have been thinking about you for a long time and planning to talk to you." Second one, when someone doesn't know you, it comes off as a stalker or obsessive. I don't think that's what you're doing, but some sort of confession email might come across that way.
Oh no, it's /lit/ guy. You damn autist, just find her Facebook and message her or something. I definitely think that the more you "think" about this, the less likely you are to view your situation realistically, and so you'd better get it out as soon as possible to keep further delusions at bay.
If you want to attract a girl you have to attract the girl.
Courting in our society is done by the male going after the female. If youre quiet how will you ever ask her out. No girl is going to ask you out. At leasnt not one compatible with you. Think about if it were the opposite way around. Would you ever approach a girl if it was expected she approach you.
Also youre boring. You might be deep and philosophical, but no one has anyway of knowing that because you dont speak. No one will ever know who you are.
OP isn't asking the right question. What he's trying to ask goes like this.
>I'm a kissless virgin
>I'm a fat smelly autist with a shitty personality
>I have this crush on a girl
>S-s-s-she likes me right?
>I'm just too quiet and shy to ask her out
I'll just explain myself with the help of >>16709461
It sums up my point of view. She'll feel that someone cares for her, I don't think she'll think of you in a negative way.
You know, I'm just as shy as you. Once at the beach, I saw an incredibly cute girl, but I didn't have the guts to go and talk to her. As I had a summer apartment there I stayed all week in the same beach. Next day I saw the girl again on the beach. In the third day I couldn't hold the feeling of going home next day without at least trying to talk to her. I got so nervous, like almost sweating ,but I went to her and talked. Weird conversation , asked if she wanted to play beach tennis , but she said no, wasn't really good at that. I asked where she studied, etc. Summing up I thought she wasn't interested in me (declined my invitation to play) but, as I got home by night I checked my instagram and Facebook and got requests from her. Jesus Christ I've just said my first name and he was able to find me. She told me she noticed me the first day at the beach and I called her attention.
So, I think that what made me go there was really the possible feeling of don't knowing if she liked me or not. I couldn't stand it so, I eventually got the nuts out of nowhere. That's my inspirational moment brother :D
As a quiet guy you should really analyze whether or not you want to start dating someone.
If you are also an introvert (that you mostly are or else why would you be quiet in the first place?), you might not satisfy their normies ways.
Non-quiet-extrovert people have different ways to live life and if you can fill in with your personality they'll eventually get bored and either dump you or cheat. Which may turn you into even more of a introvert and even harder to get in a relationship thereafter.
Thanks for this. It is encouraging. I imagine she would have looked me up on facebook etc and failed to find me, how she reacted to that I don't know. But your story is encouraging.
Yes I think this is true. I do think I'd be diagnosed as "schizoid" in the sense that I do most things alone and don't have a strong instinct for social gatherings. However I am very romantically inclined (if this is just childish longing then there's nothing I can do about it). I was with a girl briefly in 2014 and enjoyed her company a great deal and really felt much happier having someone to kiss etc. But yes I do feel that I want to start dating someone. If I spend the rest of my life acting indifferent then I will regret it, I know it. I have a lot going on in terms of my private life and personal ambitions, but I get so lonely it makes me ache.
I'm a 'handsome' quiet guy, as girls have said. I had this one bestfriend, who was a girl, tell me the truth about this: if you're handsome, having social problems because of mental illness or lack of confidence, then the only girls you will attract are those that 'fix' you. That is, they'll only be attracted to you only insofar as they feel the need, a savior complex so to say, to help you in your time of need.
Trust me, this is true. I just got out of a 1 year relationship with this exact type of girl. Once she realized there is no changing my personality, she left.
No being neurotypical is a dealbreaker I swear to god saying people are autist are complete deal breakers. BECAUSE THEY ARE REALLY RETARDED! It breaks my heart to see this r-tards nonstop.
Almost never read booksI I love guys who read! Start reading books. All you ever do is read books, I hate guys who read books. If there's anything I've learned about women and people in general is: you do just do what the fuck you wanna do and you stop worrying about all this shit. Because that's what it is at the end of the day: just shit. Doubts, insecurities, limiting beliefs and just shit you dump on yourself and others. Just do stuff and roll with it. She doesn't like it or you? Ok, find someone you like better. Bye!
I'm more attracted to quiet guys because they usually seem more intelligent, and perhaps also because I find less masculine/more feminine types appealing. But yes the only problem is that it's harder to get to know them and get them to show you what's interesting about them.