My boyfriend and I had a pretty shitty talk today... He says he won't "just toss me to the side" but it sure seems like he can if he feels like it... Maybe he is just that much stronger of a person than me that losing a person he has a lot in common with won't effect him so he can try and look for someone more right for his future. All I have in life is to look for a love. He has so much more. So much potential, so much drive, and such a good outlook. Why couldn't he have told me having a love of books was so important at the start of us talking though?? Also I can't just force myself or make myself believe in god... I wish it wasn't mandatory that we had to fight about it. I wish we could just hang out and have a good time enjoying eachother's company like usual. I guess that just isn't enough though...
I don't want this and I'm not playing games A. I'm not who you think is posting neither. I think you aren't okay and this is how you deal with it. This isn't good and frankly I think you would rather do this than be positive and I don't get it. I don't get why you just don't text me or whoever you have a problem with.
I introduced my girlfriend to an expensive hobby and I think I'm at fault for a bit of her debt. I always buy her presents but she loves doing it on her own now. I feel a bit guilty since we always touted about being fiscally responsible.
I hope my girlfriend is safe. I haven't heard from her since last Sunday. I'm scared for her safety. I pray she didnt get kidnapped. I can only hope that maybe her parents put her on lockdown and started homeschooling her.
I'm just scared because I haven't heard from her. I hate human trafficking. It's a crying shame it exists. I pray she didnt get taken.
I always thought of you as my best friend. Yet, the minute my brother got separated from me at NYC your girlfriend publicly berated me. He's 17 and practically an adult. I started going to rock concerts at 15. So I didn't see the problem.
I did see a problem with your girlfriend and her friend telling me how fucked up it was. How I had a sick, twisted mind, and how they did this in public knowing I had social anxiety.
But I could have blown this off. My problem is that my best friend didn't even try to defend me. It's really fucked up man. It's been three months and you don't even try to reach out.
I hope she breaks your heart. I hope you sit there and cry. Fuck you man.
I did nofap and flatlined, there that's my excuse. I'm usually a 7 incher grower as black hetero male. Why did this happen to me. I wanted to die but the good is there's hope. I did breathing, jelquing exercises, worked on cardio and chose a diet specific for my man meats needs. I'm happy to say that I'm closing 8 inches and fluctuating girth as of writing due to lube concerns. If I can do it then so can you.
Minimum of 6 months to accomplish. Food luck dicklets, stay in warm places.
I'm also a pure virgin saving myself for marriage.
I hear jelquing is bad for your penis. Also you're black man, at most you won the penis lottery. I'm asian, I got that ching a ding dick a ling. I can never fug a thick woman because it probably won't reach in if I'm going doggy style.
Calm down. Deep breaths. Things will be ok, she probably isn't coming back but the more you let your emotions cloud your judgement the worse things will get. So take a fucking chill pill and pull yourself together.
I feel terrible constantly. I want to be creative and produce things that myself and others can enjoy, but I have trouble gathering the courage to do it. The only time I have the courage is when I'm wasted, but it feels artificial. I can't open up to anybody because I probably sound like a sperglord. The only time anybody complemented my character is when my best friend, who only has 2 friends, was drunk. I'm embarrassed typing this but I hope that it might help me feel better, if not make you guys feel better in comparison.
My sleep has been interrupted at least 2 times per night, more often 4-6, for the past month or so. I'm having trouble stringing together coherent sentences now. Most of what I say is grammatically incorrect, and I'm using single words as sentences, words that do not really make sense on their own.
Everything's foggy, I keep forgetting what I'm doing as I'm in the process of doing it. I need my goddamn sleep.
I'm three seconds from snapping at my family. They let my trashy sister move back in and the place is a fucking embarrassing pit. I work in the morning and she constantly slams doors, blares music, etc. from 12-3AM. 'Rents don't care since it's only on our side of the house. Reminders, politely cleaning and asking for help do nothing.
I'm going to finally stand up to her bullshit today. I was scared before since she'd bully me as a kid, but I'm a bigger and better person now. I outrank her in the house and hell, even in society. She's going to try and start a fight but I won't stand for it. Fuck living in this hell hole. I have 'before and after' photos and it went from pristine to 'a pack of wild dogs ran, tipped everything over and tracked dirt'. Fuck, I'm fed up.
>>16696225 all i wanted was the stereotypical sometimes happy family but i grew up in a dysfunctional family where i became emotionally and physically damaged over the years, i have no friends, been diagnosed with aspergers, and stop myself from having friends by keeping my low self esteem and confidence. I want a girlfriend that I can talk about my past with and cry when the memories of pain resurface, I miss spending quality time with my dad, I miss having friends who I could visit, and I am sad about it especially when I see other people engrossed in their phones and personal lives as they quicky became borderline narcissistic and antisocial towards me and others who are not in their social circle. I am tired of waiting for a phonecall from my dad, I am sick of my mother's drug addictions and personal habits, and I hate having autism it makes me less normal than the people around me.
I like you and find myself awake at 4AM thinking about you even if your last pic was with a rat on you. Apparently they're cute and friendly but if you let yourself be touched by a rat and not by me I'll be fucking pissed.
You're the most affectionate, trustworthy and caring person I have ever met. You deserve to smile, you deserve chromed out grills on your teeth, free with no charge. You deserve to be loved and have a shoulder to cry on when life gets hard. You're the most in line with your emotions and also the one to shape your life to be beautiful as you want it to be. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to smile in good company and celebrate your success with those you love. You're a loving person and even if the stress of responsibilities might weigh you down there's always love in your heart to give. You give yourself, you deserve everything beautiful in this world. And when you reach where you want to be and when you're confident and more intelligent, more wiser than any time you have been then I wonder if you'll smile back at me. Please don't let anyone take advantage of you, be careful and always know I'll be there if you need me.
>>16697640 I have always woken up at least 2-3 time a night for my whole life. I get up, piss, drink some water, then go back to sleep each time. It doesn't affect me at all during the day---ding ding ding, you're just a pussy.
That anon should try white noise machines or sound conditioners if it's noise that's disturbing their sleep. I lived in New York for a good amount of time and the worst is getting a lower floor apartment. You can literally hear every stupid thing from dusk till dawn. Spent a chunk of cash on soundproof floors, walls, carpeting, rugs, decor on the wall that absorb noise, and bookshelves for walls. But the most important thing is the window, there's good removable sound proof window plugs and curtains you can invest in. All this and a sound conditioner and you're set.
Quite an autistic thing to do when you can just buy earplugs but if you want to put in cash it works.
What in the fuck are you thinking? Do you care? Why do you repress everyything and not trust anybody. Every person in your life wants to hand you everything on a silver platter and you'll never fucking learn until it stops and that will hurt. Gods I love you so much but you need something to change or you'll be stuck like this your whole life. Sticking your head in the ground like a fucking ostrich won't solve anything. It's going to hurt, but life is going to smack you in the face, and I sincerely hope you can learn and grow from it. You deserve the best, but you also need to learn you have to go for it, it won't be handed to you.
I never asked for them, I thought we were gonna have fun just getting super hammered. So my guard was down. WAY down. I could barely move I was so drunk.
The fucking women they hired were hookers. I've been to a lot of Bachelor parties before and even when strippers showed up, they danced around but that was it.
They took me to a room for a 'private dance,' took my pants off, and one of them started sucked. I sat there for maybe ten seconds, flaccid, before I the adrenaline rush hit me and I freaked out, asked her to stop and left the room.
No one knows. I can't stand the guilt. I didn't even ASK or WANT strippers, let alone fucking HOOKERS to show up.
And now I'm thinking of just blowing my brains out because I've become what I always hated. I've dated my financee for FIVE YEARS and I've never even as so much flirted with another woman. I work in an industry where I could easily hook up with women all the time (most of my coworkers do, I get made fun of, called 'Mr. Loyal.' when we're traveling).
A huge part of my self-identity, faithful, has been taken from me. I want to vomit.
My one buddy I told laughed when I told him, then when I told him how much it bothers me, told me I was overreacting, BIG time.
I just didn't want to be 'that guy,' I spent my whole life not being that guy, and then in what feels like an ambush I became that guy against my will.
I desperately want to have a girlfriend/relationship. I know how fucked up that kind of thinking is and how I should put other goals like finishing school and being successful. But there are some days where I can hardly function, always wondering/fantasizing about being with a sweet, loving girl. I don't know how to get over this.
Also, I can no longer listen to Bowie for bullshit reasons. And that really disturbs me.
I'm depressed as fuck again. I've suffered through depression most of my life and now Im getting to my low point again. Im 20 years old and barely have any friends. Everyone I hangout with either uses me for my money or my car. I've got one really good friend, he never expects anything and he'll hang out with me just for the sake of hanging out. We hung out today and I was still depressed as fuck, I was quiet and apathetic for the most part. I feel like I've lost my only true friend I've ever had. I have social anxiety and its regressed a lot in the past year. I can barely talk to cashiers on a good day now. I moved away and lost contact with everybody I knew and I've just been on a downhill ever since. I'm so lonely on most days that I feel like shit. I'm apathetic and miserable. Dating is non existent for me toi. I went on a few dates with some girls last year and the ones that liked me I didn't like, and the ones I liked rejected me. I've never had a gf and it sucks. The only thing I have going on for me is my job. It pays really well and I make more than most people age. Id rather be poor and have good friends/girlfriend though. I'd trade it in a heartbeat. I'm not happy with my life at all. I tried killing myself 3 years ago and no one knows about my depression. I have to hide it and vent here because I have nowhere else to go.
I called in to work tomorrow so I could get drunk by myself tonight. That's how pathetic I am.
I just had my first long term relationship, lasted a year and 3 months until early December last year. Me and her were at our respective homes for thanksgiving break and she slept with her ex, whom I told her she could hang out with because he's a part of her friend group and I didn't want her to sit at home bored and friendless, most importantly I trusted her. I saw she had been texting him and saw she sent a picture to him of her add with a bruise on it saying "what did you do to me?" I confronted her about it and she started crying, eventually confessing they fucked. Her texts were so blaze and she was messaging him like nothing was wrong, which was in stark contrast to how miserably unable to function she was after I found out. It's been over a month since it ended, and the only thing I'm pissed about is that I don't want to have trust issues, and I'm trying not to let that happen. She's horribly depressed I assume, and she kept on contact with him after the ordeal, and that I can't forgive. The plus side is that I'm starting to realize that our relationship started to really suck sometimes and I'm better off without her.
Are you me, I'm in a similar spot but I'm just too jaded and exhausted right now to even focus on being in a relationship. I'm not getting any younger, I've had previous relationships and still date from time to time but I feel tired.
I have work, friends, responsibilities to finish, school and all sorts of financial safety nets I need to build in the future. I'm grateful but things have been shit on my part and I know it too. Life's been shit, I was a dropout fuckup, have every I need and I think I got too used to everything being shit and escaping it. Now life is good and I'm taking it for granted. Too lucky financially as well.
Been taking a vacation to get my mind off it and get away from this before I blow my brains out. I just want to work hard for something, hopefully this will help me figure things out.
Good luck to your situation anon. Be good to women and they'll be good to you, they just need someone charming,honest, caring and manly most of the time. Those traits might not go hand in hand but they eventually do.
They're not your friends anon, been with friends do that and it's not their fault. It's just the way people operate, take it as a good thing. Maybe it will push you to be someone, I'm not friends with those people anymore but I learned thanks to them.
I'm so fucking tired of being lonely. Every time I think I'm over it I know I'm not because I'll see some lovey dovey couple holding hands or some shit and I'll instantly go back to wondering where everything went so very wrong.
I went to school, got a BS, got a good job, moved to another part of the country said job, got a MS and then got promoted and make a nice sum of cash. But now at 25 I'm utterly alone. I just wish I could give up.
I don't know. sometimes your friends tell you in person what they would think subtly or if you ask their constructive criticism in person. Pictures aren't really an accurate representation of you because of the lens effect anyway. Some are goofy in pictures but are actually different in person.
>>16699732 That's good that you can admit you have depressive tendencies anon. I do too but admitting them outside of an imageboard on the internet is a different story. I had an amazing New Years actually, hope yours was the same or better.
I'm missing someone with the first initial of E. Don't want to post her name, I suspect she visits 4chan as well. Who do you miss? No need to post more than the first initial if you don't feel comfortable doing so.
Christ what the fuck am I meant to do with myself? I desperately want to go back to study, not just that, but study something I actually care about, more specifically Japanese moonrunes (massive weeb). But last time I studied I ended up miserable because I picked a shit course that I didnt really care about because my family pressured me to. The workload of something I didnt care about combined with familial pressure to succeed sent me into a deep depression, which led to everything spiraling out of control and me dropping out. I've spent the last two years in dead end jobs, just fucking existing, it sucks. My family is still pressuring me to go back to what they want me to study, and the thought of facing them after enrolling in anything other than what they want terrifies me. My life feels like such a mess. I have all these opportunities in front of me, but I just keep wasting them. Fuck.
Yeah it is, I don't really tend to socialize when I'm feeling under which is pretty counterintuitive, i am a tad introverted because though. Figured people have enough troubles of their own and I usually am self aware enough to know if I do need help. Most of the time I just need some time off from the monotony.
Thanks, same to you, mine was good nothing amazing. Went out with friends of mine to meet up with other friends for the countdown. Won't specify where we went but a good time, will probably see each more this year. Everyone is really busy however.
I've known her for a while, I miss her that's all. Yeah won't post initials but if she does lurk here she might know, she's quite the stoic individual after all, cute girl too.
>>16697410 >won't be able to reach simple fix for that, have her doggy style on a slope so that her upper body is lower than her ass, the gravity will pull her ass slightly forward and you should be able to penetrate her easily there's nothing wrong with having a small dick and you know niggers..ghetto clubs, the really big dicks are never quite hard, kinda gross
I am a fat, depressed, 22 yr old kissless virgin who's only form of validation comes from being good at school. I'm addicted to nicotine, food, and pleasure and am slowly starting to not care.
If I don't get laid soon, I'm worried my mental health will plummet. I need to physically experience a woman in order to prevent the gaps in my mind from filling in with knowledge gained through internet pornography and television.
I don't really want to make a thread for this and I couldn't see any with a similar topic so I'll ask here
I'm planning to ask a girl I've been talking to out, and tomorrow is her birthday, so I'm going to write her a note as well. It says this: Happy birthday! You have a cool, refreshing personality and I genuinely enjoy spending time with you. I wish nothing but the best for you today, and the rest of 2016.
I have trouble making my intentions known, hopefully this sends the message
Because, let's be honest, who the fuck listens to our problems? You may say 'you', but that's just it, you're listening. You won't offer a valuable solution, considering the other party's now too ashamed to even talk about it. It's a sign of weakness to talk about issues, usually. Unless, maybe it involves the relationship between you and other A, but even then, that usually involves or predicates a breakup.
I'm usually a very calm person, and it's hard to get on my nerves, but I fucking get furious when people try to manipulate others. God. Fucking. Dammit. I mean, come on! Don't you have some self-respect not to fall for the bait of 'the only way for you to be pretty/happy/wealthy/desirable is to do only as we say'. Fuckiddy fuckiddy fuck.
My fiance's parents piss me off. Through his whole life they didn't get health or dental insurance for him or his 4 siblings but instead wasted their money on things like dirt bikes and for wheelers and s bunch of other unimportant shit, and because of that, my fiance has aching teeth probably full of cavities, doesn't know his current health situation (and he has some weird skin stuff I'm nervous about) and we're too broke to get him his own insurance now, while I'm under my mom's plan. It scares me that something could be wrong with him but I wouldn't know since he hasn't had a checkup in like.. 6 years. He's been to the dentist probably once. His parents don't give a shit.
The unfortunate thing is that my landlord/roommate is this type of guy, and I have to abide by everything he says or else I get kicked out. I can't even just argue, or else I also get kicked out (by argue, I mean talk calmly, yet sternly about issues). And even if I do all the housework, I still get treated like shit.
I can't exactly move anywhere, considering that I'm in a financial weak-spot and am trying to get my feet back up (I JUST got employed at a warehouse that pays decently for a Studio Apt, which is exactly what I need to GTFO).
So either for now, I go homeless, or go sub like a bitch.
I have no reason not to but I find it very hard to trust my girlfriend. I'm not sure if I'm insecure, I'm pretty good with girls (pulled ~100), maybe its because she's the first I've been emotionally attached too. She went out to a nightclub the other week and we had a fight. I looked through the nightclub pictures out of curiosity and noticed in one there is a girl in the background with the same hairstyle as her (not many other had it pulled back on the night from what I can tell) making out with some guy. Its too faint for details to be conclusive but I can't help but worry/think its her..
I'm on prescription NSAIDS and I'm also in so much pain I'm probably going to have to cancel plans tonight. My guess is that it was so cold that I curled into a little ball last night and I couldn't feel what positions I was putting myself in with my hypermobility, so I yanked a whole bunch of shit out of line in my spine.
Fuck. I was hoping to get a diagnosis before I made the move to opioids, but this shit is impossible. I mean, god damn. I need relief now, not whenever I can get to a doctor.
I'm getting pretty fucking sick of my stagnant life and I want it to go up or down or some goddamn direction right fucking now so something can actually happen to me. Nothing EVER happens to me fuck this garbage hand I was dealt.
I will never be happy here. I never belonged anywhere or with anyone. I'm so tired of pretending. Truth is I cared too much. These dreams and ideals of others were never meant for me. I feel like my love is worthless. That my trust, devotion, and time mean nothing.
2013 was going to be my end, all I ever wanted. It was going to be over and no one was going to even know. My body was failing, I was in the final six months. I was literally waiting to die. But no, I bitched out and took treatment. Because someone put it in my head that my sorry existence had meaning. I didn't survive to spend my life being shit on.
You have a ripped hot MMA fighting boyfriend in his mid-20s who's pretty good for you and you both have many common interests. But you're deciding to cheat on him with me, a 19 year old pale dishwashing computer geek with long hair, stubble, and a subtle beer gut from the excessive amounts of 40s and beer I've consumed in the past few months. Well alright. Can't say I really understand why you're doing this, but I'll be getting my dick wet and most likely attached to you which I shouldn't but will anyway. What could possibly go wrong!
I really can't wait to get back on my anti-psychotics. I've been hearing whispers for a few days now. Not sure what they're saying, but it's a man and a woman, and it's very annoying. Audio hallucinations are rare for me, and I don't handle them as well as I handle visuals.
Also would love to feel good about my body again, but that probably won't happen without either surgery or a miracle.
I don't like feeling like I have to be medicated with adderall, but I am a useless failure who drops the ball on everything without it. I keep telling myself I'll only take it until I'm done school, but realistically I'm going to fail in the corporate world without it. And that terrifies me.
>>16696225 I was burned real bad by a girl I was head-over-heels in love with, and it's taken forever to finally get over her, but because of that I'm not quick to trust anyone anymore or hold any long term relationships.
However, there is a girl that I do like, and do want to be with, whom I know likes me... but it's hard letting that guard down.
>>16702239 whats got ya frustrated? >>16702234 I got PTSD from my time in the army. I take my meds and I'm fine with it. Take yours if they help. >>16702202 How old are you, what are you doing, whats your career? >>16701392 Nothing happens to anyone. They make shit happen. Go to a museum, clear your head. It's what I do when I feel useless. >>16700302 Read a book or go see a stage play. >>16700180 Go sub, but keep looking for alternative housing. Once found, tell your room mate to eat a dick. >>16699962 First step: Diet. Kick sugary/high fat foods, and eat healthy stuff. You will almost immediatly feel better. Seriously, diet is everything. >>16699686 I'm almost 30 and I'm in college. Army took my 20s, but I get to use that whole "army hooah hooah" shit to get 18 and up pussy. >>16699598 >>16699646 Try out OKC, for real. >>16698056 Good on ya. If the shit keeps up, try and move out.
You are a bolt of lightning, a brilliant flash, a burning star. You make me feel so alive at a time when I've felt so dead. But your presence in my life is so fleeting and I just can't hold on to you. It would be like trying to embrace a bonfire. I don't know what's going to happen with this...
Living the shit life right now No job, barely any friends, i fucking hate my boyfriends best friend and have to be around him constantly, spend most days alone, holed up in my house because i live the middle of gotdamn nowhere. Is this karma for something? things were going great, but then i just kept getting sick and things got worse and worse. I just don't know anymore, every attempt to make something better seems to just do nothing, overall, pretty sick of being alive. Been telling myself for years that its gonna get better, really hasn't.
I love my boyfriend.. I truly do. But he's pushing me further away and doesn't quite get why. I fear that my relationship is slowly dying.
He's been hurt, he's been cheated on and somehow he thinks that I'll do the same to him. It's like, he'll call me and say, "I know you're cheating on me. Just tell me who it is." and I'm getting tired of being accused. It always comes along when I don't want to talk, or fool around over Second Life; he immediately thinks there's someone else... and that's pushing me further and further away.
I just don't know how to tell him without it turning into another fight, because I know he'll make it sound like I'm the bad guy and how I don't talk enough and shit and.. WELL GUESS WHAT, TRAVIS. It's YOU who's making it this way. It's YOU who's killing the relationship.
Sure I'm not perfect, and a lot of arguments were my doing, but this.. I feel that this will be the end of what we have.
And quite frank, I'm Okay with that. I'd rather be single than be accused every fucking time your spirits are down and in the dumps.
My friend may or may not be dead. We used to talk almost everyday for a long time. Until a few months ago she just stopped talking. I tried everything I know of to reach her, but she's still not responding.
I don't want to fap anymore. I've been addicted to it where it's at the point I do it three times a day. I feel like shit. I look like shit. I want to get my life together and get clean. I've been ignoring my friends, haven't been motivated to do anything. It's got to the point where it's all I think about. I'm just so tired of being in this cycle of addiction.
>Had just 1 gf >That was 1 and a half years ago >Kind off shitty relationship and didn't last long, I didn't know what to do because I was autistic and afraid to lose her all the time if I expressed my feelings about being insecure about our relationship >Also didn't really feel loved sometimes but I didn't know how it worked so I got trough with it anyways doing almost all the work >She broke up with me because I didn't seem to talk to her about her problems (I was autistic so i didnt really talk about that stuff) and was dealing with too much atm >She said it looked like it was only physical, though we only made out like 1 or 2 times in the 4 months of relationship, and that was it >fast forward a week later of broke up she goes to a party and made out with 3 guys and 1 girl
Sometimes i wonder if I was that bad, its not like i want her back or something, but I miss kissing/hugging stuff I can't remember what it was like really, and also I feel very frustrated because she never wanted to make out or stuff like that but after the break up she did with random people instantly. I just wish I could find someone to love know that I'm not that much of an autist
My girlfriend, who is now 16, and I'm 17. Has PTSD, and tries to commit suicide almost frequently, sometimes without telling me. She was hit by her father, disowned, has done multiple drugs before, and was molested multiple times as a child in middle school. She's even gone to the psych ward twice. Lots of guys flirt on her, which I'm not too worried about concerning the current issue.
I just wanna know how to make her not kill herself, she's planning to commit suicide in two days, she plans to run out into her forest and OD on serious painkillers and whatever else she can find, or she may hang herself.
I live in Michigan, she lives in god damned Tennessee. She sometimes says she goes on walks sometimes, or sleeps all day, but I don't know if that's actually the truth, since she used to be a big druggie before I met her because of depression issues.
I'm the only thing important to her anymore, and I'm trying to figure out a way to stop her from killing herself.
We had an amazing run (time of my fucking life honestly, dare I even say she was >The One) but it ended a bit sour, unfinished, questions, etc. Been about a year and a half since we last spoke and I'm just contemplating if I want to open that door again.
Also, fuck you ex, greeting me with "Happy New Year." Bitch it's mid January, I know exactly what you're doing.
>>16703462 Yeah you're right with that, it's just that with 4 months in at least she could have been a little more obvious with it and we could have worked it out but welp, someone else is gonna come and I'm going to do it right. Also later I found out she became a bit of a junky so better for me anyways
society has utterly lost its fucking shit and I want off the ride.
I want to be far away from all you people and your crazy shit. that, or just meet some people finally that restore my faith in humanityand that I can form a clique with and keep the rest of the crazy shit away with. cause yall fucks have just... fuck man.
Is there some kind of formula for knowing if I'm having the correct/healthy amount of existential crises that one should be having when they're young and unsure of the future? I'd say I have at least 3 - 5 a day, and it keeps me up at night sometimes, like it's doing right now. Good thing I only have college tomorrow right
I hate that I have to separate myself from something I've loved and spent so much time on, but the people in this scene are so toxic and these events just aren't fun anymore. Everyones out to get each other and desperate for "clout" and I want no part in it. I did my job and I'm out. See you guys again someday.
>>16703662 That's part of the problem. Everyone wants their own little special clique that "restores their faith in humanity" while keeping most of humanity out of it. Are you someone that tries to restore people's faith in humanity? Or are you waiting for people who will?
>>16703753 and I know I run shit pretty well. I have to find somewhere else to take my skills, this city just doesn't deserve me anymore. I've been lied to, "finessed", harassed irl/online, and people have taken credit for my work. We all know you're in this for fame and I'm just not about that. Nothing is more gross than people who just want to lie and take advantage of people to look important and get "local clout". Its overpopulated with people all trying to be famous and look important.. You're going to stay stuck in this mess of a local scene. Everyone wants to be apart of the "behind the scenes" crowd like we're in high school. And what you don't know is that its not real. There is no cool crowd, its a blend of people who are important or trying really hard to look important, and even fewer that are making money off this. You don't have any marketable skills and you just copycat what other people do, I hope you realize someday how stupid you all look.
I will never pour my heart and soul into something worthwhile and meaningful because I don't know how.
I will never stay up late, ignore obligation, or sacrifice time and energy to make a completed work because I'm incapable of working hard towards anything, even something I want.
I will never make someone fascinated by my art the way I get fascinated about my heroes because I'm not smart enough, nor have I started early enough in my life to be talented at what I (pretend to) do.
I will never create anything beautiful because the few things I do manage to create I despise as much as I fucking despise myself.
I'd be your girlfriend" as she gazes into my eyes and quickly apologizes afterwards saying "sorry." She realized that she was in a 2 year relationship with another guy and here I am mesmerized by not only by your words but by the way you meant it. I start to think about how alone I really am. I start to envy the feelings of those who are happy with one another. I try my hardest to play my role but this strange and inevitable anger is overwhelming my life. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.
>>16696225 I started having nagging doubts about our relationship again. You obviously enjoyed living on the wild side, despite your assurances to me. You introduced me to some of your friends, and it seems like drugs were always a large, if not central part of your friendships. You know I'm not like that and Im afraid that one day you'll want a partner you can get high with and I simply won't suffice. you've had a ton of threesomes in the past and when we started dating you tried to get me into one without me knowing. We left it at that, but I feel you would eventually like to do that agand n. I overheard you talking to a friend about how there's often this incredible chemistry and connection that makes threesomes amazing. I'm just afraid I'll waste my fading youth on you when and then you'll realise you want someone who would be more like you in these aspects.
Okay. No way I'm going to read this thread, because I know I shitposted this morning and I would really really hate if the person I wrote it "to" actually in reality did read it. If that makes since. Really. This is just a stupid game.
But having said that, I didn't mean to be mean. You hurt me badly and so I'm trying to hurt you back in this very very shady and autist way.
>>16704006 >But having said that, I didn't mean to be mean. You hurt me badly and so I'm trying to hurt you back in this very very shady and autist way. god fucking damn it i feel like i know who this is but i have doubt because he doesn't seem like he would come here
Life has been nothing but a painful struggle since day one. I have to suffer so much just to keep my diseases at bay, knowing all the while it is a losing battle. I am so afraid of death but at the same time I fear living through more pain.
More so...that is how I feel when I totally know that if I died tmrw...my friend would never be the same.
I feel it more like...my friends would do much better without me. I really should just be left alone. Be some sort of life drifter or something. Live my life, leave a few good moments...they'll never know who I was but they'll remember I made their lives better somehow. Just a name in the wind.
I've been living a shit life for years now, and I just want to wake up. I want to have FUN. Every day is just another empty mess. I'm not really living, really. Just existing. I don't do anything worthwhile, I barely see other people, and I'm constantly tired as fuck.
I hate this. I'm too old for this. I'll turn 30 this year, and it makes me want to kill myself. I should have a real life by now. Instead I'm just some old dude with a teenager life and mindset. All around me I see younger people living better lives, and I don't know how they do it. I see my peers buying houses and having kids (and, granted, some living with their parents working shit jobs).
I mean, I could have it worse, certainly. But it feels like my mind is broken. I can't keep myself from wasting my time, or eating crap, or sleeping in until I've missed the entire morning.
I'm thinking going to art school was a mistake. I thought I was decent until I got here. Everyone here is far more advanced than me. I'm trying to learn years of stuff in ten weeks. I work very hard. My best isn't enough. I gotta maintain a 3.0 for my scholarship. If I don't manage to do that this quarter I gotta drop out because I can't afford it, and I might as well kill myself
I know it's far from uncommon to have this fear as a young adult, but I'm fucking terrified about my future. I decided not to go to university since the only thing I could get in on was for English. I mean, I love reading and stuff, but I find English students utterly intolerable. I don't want to be one. I've only realised at 21 that I'm actually really interested in computer science, but I have no maths qualification I need to study, which means that I would need to go to uni next year, at the age of 22. I feel so young yet so fucking old. I had a fun couple of years, I worked at travelled New Zealand for a bit, and if all else fails, I'll just fuck off to Aus. I still feeling like I've wasted all my time chasing too many goals, then changing my mind.
Don't give up. Took me almost 6 years to finish a 2 year program all because some twisted disagreements happened with a teacher that kept me from graduating.
I don't know what your dreams are but if you're persistent, they can happen. Out of grad, I've already worked on a few feature films and I'm already on my sixth feature film (and no, this isn't some Bollywood B-movie shit. Seth Rogan wrote this).
Decent is good enough and hard work pays off. Hoping you get to where you want to be.
I used to be "gifted". A B was a bad grade, and I could have gone to Stanford if I'd kept my grades up. But Junior year I got a boyfriend, we were obsessed, ignored everything else in life, grades dropped. I decided fuck it, I'll move. Studying abroad in England now, in my final year, and I've been to 4 lectures all year. I'm scared I won't graduate, and even if I do it'll be with shit marks in a subject I hate. My boyfriend and I live together, but we've both cheated on each other, I think I want to break it off, but we're both depressed, and I'm scared it could make things worse.
>>16704784 DON'T !!!! Honey, I understand I was the same when I was 18. It's because your brain is expanding… it's a very normal thing. But trust me keep going you are younger than fuck and things get SO much better. Your 20's are gon suck but TRUST ME when you hit 30 life gets wonderful. Your 30's are THE BEST. lol I'm older than fuck and still get play.
I don't know if this is crazy hormones or if depression decided to strike with full force. I was doing so well without medication. Now I just feel like I used to. I hope this feeling doesn't stay. Fuck.
Gonna pop some xanax and go cruise country roads because no girls love me and the only ones that want anything to do with me just want sex. And I lost my phone on sunday so have no way to listen to this country road cruising playlist I just made. God dammit.
I'm deathly afraid that everything I do with my gf is just a long series of mistakes because I'm not nearly as experienced as she is at all. I'm worried that she's cheating on me and doesn't want to tell me to protect my feelings and that I'm really just a stupid ignorant cuck who's dating a whore.
>>16707099 I feel like I'm about to have a mental break because I don't want to ruin the only thing that makes my life worth living and I can't tell anyone because that would mean trusting someone with the way I feel
Well, I may be the last person you talk to who knows, but I really insist you don't. I'm not sure why I am dragging myself into this but there is one thing to look forward man...
Not too long ago Stephen Hawking held a speech about new studies about black holes. There is a second universe. Now you may not care but what if there is something we do care about? What if we can jump from universe to universe as if each one is a personal bubble? There is so much wonder out there man. Stay alive to witness it, even if life gives you shit for it.
>>16696225 I'm completely unhappy in this world. I have no friends, no job, and frankly no positive outlook on any successful future. I'll never be good at anything, even if I practiced like I'm doing for the rest of my life. I only wanted to make one person happy. I haven't killed myself because of my family, and the small hope that my life will miraculously turn around one day. My therapist is the most idiotic person I know and I'd rather jump off a bridge than be on a prescription. I feel like I'm going to collapse in on myself I feel so hollow. Year ago, I thought people were exaggerating but now I cry when I look in the mirror. I make myself sick.
>>16707006 I would not try to stop you anon all I would say is that if you kill yourself you will never experience relief from the problems that burden you. They will be the last thing you think of, then nothing.
This one is a little different from all the other ones on here.
I live a strange fucking life, like actually.
About 3 months ago I became so unsatisfied with my social life that I felt like I had to do something about it, and well I finally did.
I ended up hanging out with "friends" who are my neighbors which are complete manipulative pricks.
TL:DR I ended up shop lifting big time.
I was such a fucking disgrace. I learned every trick there was a know but one day I fucked up. I ended up taking from a local business but the owner was vigilant as fuck since he didn't have any cameras. I didn't have a job so I would normally take big items and sell them online for profit like a fucking rat. Sorry, it still disgusts me.
But this specific day my "friends" fucked me over. But it was surprisingly for the better.
After I had taken multiple fat packs from the shelf and was about to slip out the door. One of my friends calls me out. The store owner grabs me and throws me against the counter after swiftly grabbing me. My wrists are bleeding bad at this point since I am panicking; trying to break free from this place. I beg the store owner to let go as I see the person who called me out slip out with A LOAD of merchandise. This fucker sold me out just to get away. I ended up slashing my wrists hard against the counter to break his grasp and I booked it. He apparently called the cops on me when I didn't notice and I simply dropped the stolen merch on the floor.
Sirens blared all the way down the street as I dashed through the woods. Apparently they were actively searching for me so I switched into my gym clothes which I keep in my bag and ran and hour and half all the way to my home. At this point I was pissed. I knew I fucked up my life and I would never try shit like this again. I was B average student at this amazing school and I threw it down the fucking drain.
But I've changed, I'm double the person he is now. Eat shit.
i hate you. everything shitty in my life is your fault. you always insult me and talk to me like i'm less than garbage. and then you turn around and say you're just helping me. fuck you. being a complete evil bitch to me is not teaching me any lessons you're just making me feel like i'm a worthless piece of shit.
you want to know why i don't shower? why i don't wash my face? why i don't do my laundry? why i don't put more effort in my appearance? it's because I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. I DON'T CARE ABOUT LIVING. EVENTUALLY I'LL JUST DIE AND NO ONE WILL CARE. I'm always nice to you and always try to be considerate even though you're a temperamental moody bitch who thinks the world revolves around you.
every time you get mad you bring up every single thing that you hate about me and throw it at my face. every small thing you bring it up and you destroy me over it. i don't have a boyfriend. none of my fucking friends talk to me anymore. i've isolated everyone in my fucking life because of you.
oh you want me to go out and have fun? you want me to have friends and find a boyfriend? if you really believe that why are you insulting me for that now? you insult all of my friends and you insult me for having them as friends -- oh wait they're not my friends anymore. nobody fucking talks to me anymore. the one meaningful relationship i had you fucking destroyed it. you ruined it and now the thought of just dating makes me want to vomit from the anxiety. you can't make up your fucking mind about what you want from me and you're driving me fucking insane and now my head feels like it is going to explode. everything fucking went to shit because you couldn't fucking get your shit together.
fuck you i hate you so much right now you shitty bitch. good job being a crazy mother who has made me swear off everything in my life that could potentially be ammo for you to insult me with. Now I'll die depressed, alone, and a fucking loser.
>>16707219 I have experienced nearly everything I have wanted from life, and those I still wish to experience are no longer a possibility. Unlike many, I can say I have lived, and at some points in my life, well.
I do regret my choice of alcohol, however, and will have to think of a suitable replacement. Jäger was a poor, nostalgia-driven choice.
Ok, I guess I will share... It's hard too though. I've developed this huge crush on my best friend's girlfriend before they were together, was to much of a pussy to say anything now they're together. Just pains me to see them together every day. I can't just forget her because she has been a good friend of mine for awhile, but at the same time I would feel like the ultimate prick to try to get them to break up, because he is my best friend. But lately he just doesn't seem like my best friend anymore, because I'm pretty sure he told her I was gay, and while I have no problem with them, I am not. So pretty sure my crush sees me as a gay friend and she dates my best friend. WOO! Isn't life amazing. But I can't really move on aswell because I don't like just anyone, it takes a shit ton of warming up and getting comfortable because I'm such a cynical guy. I've only ever had 3 big crushed like this in my life, this being the 2nd... I just feel like garbage everyday...
Please stop being so insecure. You are indeed your own worst enemy, no one thinks poorly of you except yourself. The only person who can stop you from wallowing in self pity is you, but I'm getting the sense you enjoy it and the attention it nets you.
I feel like you target me with your superiority defense mechanisms, which makes me realise you have issues with me. I'll own it since I know I haven't been the best friend, or the best person, but you know I prefer to be confronted with problems; your lack of confrontation is weak and off putting, and I don't know what you want me to improve on or apologise for. I really can't spend one on one time with you until you stop either being a sad sack or trying to hold pissing contests with me. The constant alternating between your beta-belly showing and posturing is driving me crazy and making our friendship too stressful.
And for god's sake, stop blaming your parents for your shortcomings. They're fine, they raised you fine, the proof is that your brother turned out fine.
This sort of thing just can't go on, please. I'd prefer just a conclusion of 'bye forever' to this weird set up of 'hey. how are you?' every so often, and awkward birthday greetings every year. It just sucks and I can't stand it. Please let the last message be the last and please just decide that this was some fluke and we can go back to mediocre nothingness. I'd really prefer some sort of disappointed silence, some realism, to this weird surrealist crap. It's like my life is just some sick soap opera/reality show. I just want to watch twin peaks and have it be over. Fuck I guess this is what he meant by being triggered, I'm actually triggered right now.
I mean, you're an awful person and I think I know that, or that I don't want it to be true but it lurks in my mind as a silent truth. I think I mostly just want it to never have happen, I really can't tell you how much better off I'd be, how many of these sort of things I've written, etc etc. It's a waste of my time and I don't understand my fixation with it. You know what you're doing to me when you do this sort of thing, too, how neurotic I am. You cracked my soul, what else do you want from me?
I'm comfortably introverted but able to socialize quite well with people, I'm a bit borderline alcoholic (My countries culture encourages it), but the beer scene is really all I know for night-time socializing, it doesn't impact my work and I can afford it so that's fine.
I'm told I'm funny but I feel as though I lack personal depth and I'm constantly relegated to the funnyman who drinks a lot by my peers. My looks are very average along with my physique. I hang out with mostly a lot of women, old guard and new, but none see me in a romantic or lustful way, its been 8 years since I've had any romantic connection with anyone, not even conversational flirting (I don't think I know how to anymore), I'm still a virgin, though I'll never admit it and I feel as though I have the emotional development of a teenager.
I don't feel lonely as such but it would be nice to acknowledge as another sexual being by the opposite sex just once and I feel a void inside myself and excessive gaming cannot fill it, and my out-door physical activities leave me alone with my thoughts which usually spirals me into extremely negative thinking about my state of life. I'm a happy personality but I have nothing to be happy about, I feel as though having a loved one might help, though the thought at having to maintain another's well-being and happiness to be too daunting and exhausting a task, on top of my constant worries about what I'll even say to the person in the way of daily conversation. My social circle usually expects me to carry the bulk of conversations and I'm uncomfortable with silence, I do like talking, but I'm so mentally drained of it all I feel I could snap at any time, Its just a chore to me now, a duty I have to do with no true gratification, and a whole lot lonelier than I would've expected.
Please just let it be over finally. Just one full hour, then one full day, then one full year, then ten more, and before you know it it's been a lifetime. Where did the time go? At least it's gone. Let it slip under the rug and soak up like a great pile of 'red wine'. I just want a life without you in it at all. I just want that chance. Please give it to me. I'm so close.
You're so much better than I am. I'm trying really really hard to get on your level but sometimes I'm just a lazy worthless drunk. I don't know how I got lucky enough to land a guy like you. Please don't leave me, I'll prove to you I can be good. I hope I'm good enough.
What just happened was that you expected something just relatively spontaneous and friendly but when notified of the situation, only talked afterwards as a courtesy/out of politeness. There was nothing else, and there will be nothing else. It was a fleeting moment of weirdness in a sea of nothingness meant to be nothing but came up as an awkward something, an odd 1 out of a binary code made up of only 0s now. It will continue to go on 0s and then you'll move away and it'll all be done and done forever. I thought it already was but the only way it's going to happen is if one of us moves far enough away to make a big difference, to make it even less worthwhile to think about, to consider, to talk. The horse has been dead for so long, I just wish I never rode it in the first place.
I am a man who swam through an ocean of empty accomplishments, drying myself off on a shore of people who haven't touched the water, feeling naked and afraid, feeling that radiance of ignorance seep through the pores of my skin, just to feel dry and crave the ocean again.
I don't know if someone will read mine, but hell, at least I write it somewhere.
I hate that I see you everyday, every hour, every break. You make me crazy, and every second I see you, my brain just goes numb and I freeze, watching you. I know I brought you to my school and the next day you were accepted, a fatal mistake I did, one I have to suffer for everytime I see you. You also rejected me, but I just come back. I want to forget you, or be with you, but I'm too ugly for the latter, and too beta for the first one. How can I forget you? How can I cut all feelings for you? How /adv/, how?
The highest amount of fuckery is that of a person who's soul disdain is the lust they feel about another person. You shouldn't feel depressed because the bitch is complicated, you should feel depressed because you aren't actively improving your self/learning/growing as a human being. Fuck everyone else. Improve yourself and realize that time and events will change the course of your life, and hey, maybe you'll find that special someone. Be one with yourself. Achieve self actualization.
>inb4 Maslows higher archly of needs >inb4 it's natural to crave a companion
I had a really bad episode 2 nights ago that was triggered by a fight with my bf, and that resulted in him calling an ambulance and the cops on me because I hurt myself and tried to kill myself.
He stayed with me all night in hospital, which kinda surprised me tbqh.
My bf's seen me have panic attacks, he's seen me when I'm at my lowest of lows. But he's never seen me have an episode.
I'm embarrassed and ashamed and guilty. I don't even remember half of what happened (I never remember most of what happens during my episodes), and I'm too scared to ask in regards to what I said. I don't even want to know actually.
But now I'm just waiting. For my bf to leave me. Every time I've had an episode and/or tried to kill myself in the past 2 years that we've been together, he's left me not long after.
I'm fucking terrified he's going to leave me again. I'm playing the stupid fucking waiting game, again.
Went to dinner with grill, went well and kissed, both studying at medschool so time is not really free right now to hang out, exam period, she's got more shit on her mind study wise while I am doing pretty good and have passed everything so far. Went to her place and helped her out preparing for a test she had the following week, she took the initiative and made out with me then we said goodbye after finishing the session.
Asked her what her plans are this week and she never responded, I guess she is just too busy with studying? Not getting an answer at all is irking me however, I decided to just lay low and focus on myself for the time being, don't want to be needy/clingy.
Any ideas why she didn't answer and what I should/shouldn't do? So far I haven't done anything after asking her schedule, I know she has a lot of stuff to do but an answer is too much? I know she has seen the message as it's over whatsapp but she just never answered, I think focusing on myself is more important but I don't want to fuck things up by being too passive.
>tfw 25yr old virgin, she was my first kiss
Her personality is more introverted, doesn't really hang out with her group and mainly keeps to herself, studying at home, she is driven and focuses greatly on her studies, she just had a bad period which put her in a bad spot so her studies suffered a bit, she was very open when alone with her but when groupmates are around she gets kinda quiet and draws back. I kinda see my old socially afraid self in her, I used to be a lardlord with no future, I turned that around and got /fit/ + good grades/passing everything, I don't know what to do because vidya and fat kept me from getting valuable experience when younger.
I try my best not to push her away by being needy but I am also afraid of being too passive, should I write something or just put a lid on it since she didn't answer? To note is that every interaction and response before ignoring my question has been nothing but positive.
>>16707944 Not underage, just really introverted... Now what I mean by major crushes is like absolutely falling for. Like sure I've had some side ones, but they are not people I think about all the time.
I recently got a real dank drinking buddy, she's chill and I love that I don't have to worry about being embarrassing or suggesting drinking too much etc. with her, I'm very happy to have a buddy like that because I have too many friends who are like "noo we can have fun without alcohol" and only meet me for shit like coffee but never beer while I just like getting drunk sometimes.
She's got a cute sister and for some reason (probably because of my drawings) that sister really wanted to meet me, when I was over the friend's place, the sister called her so friend asked if she can come over and when it turned out she's got work, the friend was like "so you can't come? too bad 'cause Anon is here with a bottle of vodka" and she was like "FUCK", apparently, and came later in the end. But then when she came she didn't pay attention to me much besides of sharing her instant soup with me (which I was very grateful for though, heh) >tfw a qt girl wanted to meet me but I probably turned out too bland
I am not your slave. I work everyday to provide a life for a family that won't do it themselves. I'm tired of the stress and anxiety if being the 'boss'. Especially when I have you and another guy telling me what to do. You need to handle this shit so that I can go on with my life and do something I actually care about instead of spending all my time on this 'business'.
I'm cheating on my wife. Together for over 10 years, married for 3. 2 children. She was my first in any sexual contact. I wasn't sexual until recently, I can't cope with her inability to feel or understand my new need for sex. I have sought it out elsewhere. I hope that it is just a "getting it out of my system" phase, and that after trying a few new things I will slide back into my marriage with good will.
It's not that I want to leave my wife. I want to be with her forever. I just don't want sexual death at age 26.
I'm sorry sweetie. I know you will never understand. I hope I can carry this burden and pretend nothing is wrong.
>>16708514 How does a married person with children who wants to cheat act? Do you just go to some dating site or something and find a girl there, or do you consider girls you know already? If the second and the girl seems interested in you but wouldn't make a move because you're married, how'd you show that you're also interested in her?
I'm picky, so not a lot has happened. I have considered meeting an old friend who I know had a major crush on me and see if things go off and blame it on a "drunken night that we better forget" but that sounds like a retarded plan even though she doesn't know my wife and we don't have facebook.
>be in credit card and personal loan debt >have no money in the bank >make massive payment to my lowest interest credit card from bank account >payment goes through until bank responds with insufficient funds >use this time to send money from credit card to myself using western union or paypal >money is now real >use the cash to pay overdraft fee to bank >split up the rest to make payments on my debt
Ugh. My wife left me in the summer, told me she doesn't love me anymore, the whole thing. Not divorced and still living together because we have kids(moving out seriously isn't possible for a while). So that sucked. Then she started fucking a guy she works with, stays the night at his place once or twice a week. When I snooped and found out I was devastated. I needed someone to talk to, but most of my friends were just like, fuck her move on. The only person who would talk to me was my friend who is a girl and married to another friend. She was there to text me at 2am when I wanted to blow my brains out, and genuinely cared about me. She's also beautiful, so naturally I fell in love with her. I'm not an asshole, so I would never act inappropriately or confess that or anything. Well, the other day she tells me that she's also in love with me and that she feels like we're soul mates or something. We're both good people, and she has a good life so we agreed to not talk to each other or see each other anymore. I love her so much and know that she'll be far happier with her husband in the end. But now I have no one to talk to and just really fucking miss her. And obviously I can't tell a soul about any of it. Life is a twisted fucking joke.
>>16709122 Ehhh desu you guys should be together. Sucks that you cucked her husband, but once he's cucked he can't be uncucked. Life is too short to not be with someone you feel like you're soul-mates with.
The fact that you're conflicted about this tells me you're genuinely a considerate guy. I stole my current girlfriend from her LDR and I didn't feel a thing.
>>16709165 Dude I want her so bad. But her husband is a really cool dude. If he was even slightly shitty I would have tried to get her to leave him. But he's cool and the two of them are good together (although not with the same connection). Idk, I know most guys would go for it. But she'll have a happier life with him than me I think. And my exwife fucked my best friend who tried to get her to leave me, so I kind of really hate that shit.
I went on a worsechan and got bombarded by a ton of cp, intense animal abuse that made me cringe (I'm a regular gore fan, not just on here, and it still was enough to actually stop the video), using "4channer" as an insult. Mostly worsechan seems to mostly be about cp and talking about worse cp in a way that is too far. It was leaked that they log your IP and which images you viewed and expanded, which is wonderful since the home page is flooded with things you wouldn't want the FBI or NSA associating your with. Makes 8cunts look like, well, child's play. Dunno whether to try to report the place (like I'd be the first), just forget about it and feel comforted that I live comically close to an NSA base, or what?
>>16709439 Damn. I'm thinking I might try to get a script for it. The doctor said she'd only give me Buspirone for my anxiety because people abuse Xanax. And Buspirone does absolutely 0 for me. I just want my bars lady. I'll have to schedule an apt sometime. Thanks anon
>>16707006 Opana is complicated to prepare for IV, especially if not used to it, would just snort. Xanax isn't water soluble, would need to add a couple drops of lemon juice or an acid to spoon water to get best iv, better to put benzos under your tongue and let them melt for best intake. Ambien is fun as fuck to bang, 3 or 4 of them in a spoon, heat water a bit to help draw, profit. Make you goofy as fuck for a minute, world looks crazy after rush. Pills are going to make you throw up, at least take some Dramamine (phenergen is what you want ideally) to keep yourself from throwing up after you pass out.
I have massive anxiety for a three day trial on a boarding school known for bullying. I'm scared shitless because I look like the stereotypical movie nerd and also because I have serious anxiety when it comes to sports. I could break into tears any second, shit.
Long story short... I love my girlfriend but she doesn't show affection like she used to and it's ripping my heart in pieces. I want to dump her so that I'd never have to think about her again but I know I'd just be more miserable. I can't leave her though because I'm still holding on to the thought that everything will eventually be the same as it used to be. It's never going to happen though, I just know it.
I hate her but I love her. I don't want to be with her. She's driving me crazy but I can't leave her either because she's just too perfect for me...
Sometimes I think you do this sort of stuff to torture me, you know me very well, or did. I think you might understand that it makes me feel so awful, knots in the stomach and butterflies in the brain. Maybe you don't though, and you just wanted to chit chat to see if I was suddenly ten times more amazing and wonderful than you remember me. I'm not. Leave me alone. Stop playing around with me and making my face all hot, and my mind all scrambled.
I was responsible and didn't have like 5 snot gobbling kids. I'm a white, single, male, in my 20s, and an american citizen, so I'm fucked on about 3/4ths of all assistance out there. I make just above the poverty threshold so I must be doing just fine so fuck me for any other kind of assistance right?
and now I owe half a months wages to the IRS somehow. with what money would you like me to pay with uncle sam? guess I could literally sell my blood and plasma to pay.
I'm not republican, but I'm starting to understand a bit.
I'm gonna do my damndest to fuck the government this year. fuck this shit, I need that tax return to make rent this month.
fuckin new age shit. how much you wanna bet you're just a stuck up cunt that can't reconcile how lame your life is with your narcissistic view of yourself so you fabricate abilities you have, instead of cultivating actual abilities?
you're nothing new. you're nothing special. you know nothing of those people. the voices in your head aren't real.
It's very cold outside and I had a big fight with a friend sort of because of you, although tangentially. Sometimes I wish we were on the kind of casual aquaintance level I am with so many. I blame myself for that, because I was so weak and impulsive.
Is it wrong if you were to be with a chick that a friend of yours failed to get with because I feel fucking awkward if I did and I'm not sure how he'd react to it so anybody who has something to say just go ahead
You literally don't care about me. You like bullying me. Maybe it could be for me, probably not. It's not like she showed, although she said she changed and would talk to me whenever. No, you're just a crazy manipulator who likes hurting others and calls me the crazy one. What have I ever done to you? Who made you like this? Your parents, your brothers? Fuck you.
to whoever keeps fucking with my passenger rear tire trying to cause a blowout.
I always notice immediately, its not going to happen, my insurance is covering it. nails and screws i will patch on the spot, anything bigger like the, I think it must have been a boxcutter, that you tried to cut right on the edge of the rim with so I wouldn't notice is just going to be covered by my insurance.
also you suck at this. this is what the third time you've hit the same tire? you can't make this happen for shit. would you like me to show you how to do this? I can also show you how to make an engine throw a rod and a transmission fry itself.
>>16696225 The way you used me is unforgivable. The way you trashed my heart I was already so scared to give to anybody is unforgivable. I admired you so much. What you have done to me is disgusting, but I still continue to love you. Unbelievable.
>>16710689 I don't really care what you do, but someone should tell you that all that new agey bullshit is bullshit.
people thinking they're dragons and demons and that they can kill people with their energy and shit or that they can tell what a person is like by their energy. you realize its justifying your subconscious discriminatory tendancies right? prob not. "oh his energy feels icky" about the guy that's successful, runs his own business, and works out. but because he seems a little douchey based on your preconceived (highly relative) notions, you're gonna feel like he's icky. I've seen it happen, that guy was nicer than the person i was hanging out with.
I'm just letting you know, cause someone outside of the new agey cultural bubble you choose to envelope yourself in to escape... whatever it is, should tell you.
it's real interesting to watch for awhile, maybe even to participate in to try something new, but after awhile the level of delusion becomes real fucking annoying. you know how annoying that one kid that kept changing the rules of tag mid game was? this is like the adult crazy version of that.
everyone has lost their shit, its contagious, and i'm not in the mood for it anymore. like a tv series that's gone on too long that isn't fun to watch anymore and you just pull apart plot holes instead of enjoying the show.
I used to be a retarded asshole all the time, semi Eric cartman style.
Then I started to think about retarded I was all the time and how obvious and now I just feel constantly ashamed and try nothing because everything just fails anyway and Im completely starting to lose hope for a better future.
Im starting to think im that "weird old loner guy" that every town and community seems to have.
The one with poor social skills and no friends and everyone just rips off and takes a piss on
this is going to sound really edgy/angsty teen but life so far has been a huge disapointment and I kinda blame my parents and I find it hard to not show bitterness towards them as I sort of blame them since they raised me and I decided and I needed to exist in this hell that we live in.
>>16710771 I'm not even going to bother picking this apart because you assume me to be similar to the new agey types, but I wouldn't blame anyone for thinking ill of me based on such a cultural example. It's simply a shame that their visibility has caused them to become what many think of as a generic representation.
Everything is subjective, anon, and our different experiences influence our future perceptions; your broad generalizations and baseless assumptions are proof that you are no more exempt from that than me.
I've eyed a girl, we flirt and hang out sometimes. I want to go out with her, and I think she also does.
The shitty part is that I'm projecting hard. She reminds me of my ex slightly so I hung all my unrealistic expectations on her. I know that sooner or later this house of cards and illusions will collapse, and the relationship will then suck. So I know I'll hurt both of us, but I keep on doing what I'm doing.
I feel awful about this, but I also feel the love that I haven't for a long time, and am afraid to let it go.
One of those rare moments where I feel blessed to have dodged a bullet. I guess I'm learning.
>very cute girl I used to have class with >decide to chat her up, go out a few times >acquaintance sees this, gets jealous >start to notice some things are 'off' about her so I pry a bit >links me to her work and her tumblr >"Okay, this isn't that bad. Kinda weird stuff but artists are odd people..." >she tells me she's spoken to God, has ESP, interacts daily with ghosts, has been hit by lightning "dozens of times" (she said this) >realize she's batshit insane so I decrease interaction and then cut contact >acquaintance swoops in, they start dating and he starts trying to be cocky about bagging her >really, really cocky (started talking down to me, would bring her over just to kiss her in front of me, "LOL SHE SENT ME NUDES DUDE.", etc.) >see him this week, miserable and fucking stressed since he's dealing with her insane mood swings >he's drinking heavily >check her tumblr and the past week is "HAHA I FEEL SO GOOD TODAY" "OH GOD I WANT TO DIE IM CRYING SO MUCH WHY IS THIS HAPPENING" "HAHAH MY CAT OH GOD I'M SO FUCKING UGLY WHY WAS I BORN"
Oh, well this is actually pretty accurate If only I could have shown this to you right before I left https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNjcSgU0Nrg Only difference between my situation and the lyrics is no other girl caught my eye, and I do still love you
I've been playing guitar for a decade now. I still can't play want to be able to play, no one will play in a band with me, and I can't make others look bad in comparison to me. Apart from a two year break I had many years ago, I been practised every fucking day before and after it.
>>16696225 A few years ago I used to talk to this girl I met on the internet who happens to live in the same country I do. We were pretty good friends and both liked anime, same games and music. But at the time I was total autism and didn't have any other friends at the time and since she was the closest thing to having a irl friend at the time I once tried to vent on her about something that had happened at school and I think that was the last time we ever talked. She blocked me after that from everything. I never talk about it to anyone because its a shameful for me. I forgot all about her until recently when her mii appeared on streetpass on my 3DS.
I need to vent. My fiance's cousin is a complete fucking asshole. He's manipulative, rude, and hateful. He tries to make my fiance hate me even though I've done so many things for him, such as; 1. Talked to him for hours when he was upset 2. Literally helped save his life (he tried to OD in the back of my fiance's car and I called 911, my fiance didn't have a phone and we were in the middle of nowhere) 3. Let him live with us 4. Put up with his passive aggressiveness towards me 5. Paid for us to see him in the hospital
So anyways, he's upset me so much. He made up stories about me that were absolutely retarded, when it was my birthday, he threatened suicide to my fiance and when my fiance arrived, he was drunk and partying trying to get girls to sleep with him. He brought a girl I didn't like into my apartment and fucked her in the shower while I was home, got mad at my fiance for spending time with me, told him he could do better, ect. All around treated me like a sack of shit. My fiance knows that. But he says that since they're family, I have to live with being around him and having him in my life.
I don't fucking know what to do. I can't forgive him, I've done it so many times but he just keeps doing stupid shit to me.
I hate how often you cross my mind. Sometimes it's still daily. It's been more than a year. It's like you're branded into my brain with a scorching hot iron. I'm not sure whether to be elated we had a connection like that, or to be sad & in pensive thought if I'll ever have something like that again. Lately it has felt like the latter. I don't even care about how sexually compatible we were, or anything like that. I miss having a best friend who I can fuck and tell everything too, I miss having companionship. You ruined my self-esteem to the point where I don't even try with women. Why should I waste my time when they're going to cheat on me and lie just like you did? Even after 3 years, I guess shit happens. I learned early on growing up in poverty that life isn't fair, and that's okay. I have so much love to give and I've been so lonely. None of my friends check in on me, none of my family is interested in me, no women give me a positive sign. Being unemployed for the past couple months has not helped my stability in the least. Everything was going so well six months ago. I had a new job that I loved, I was working on myself constantly. I wasn't even worried about love or where I was headed because I felt like I was in the right place. Well that was pulled out from under me like a rug, and I landed face first. Work gave me a solace, especially construction. I could talk shit to my coworkers, we would go have a beer after work, I was back into doing what I loved, building homes. I accomplished something everyday.
I don't know if I've accomplished anything in the past 2 months besides polishing off bottles of liquor and inhaling hash into my lungs. Occasionally I contemplate ending it all, then I remind myself of how sad my mother would be. Bless her heart, she's the only person who actually cares about me. I remind myself that I'm doing all I can. My resume looks spectacular and my work ethic is great, I apply to at least 5 jobs a day and send out resumes to ads on craigslist as well. I'm doing all I can to remain positive in my shit situation. Lately it's felt like I'm running through quick sand and I'm eventually going to succumb and give up to my depression. Some days I really do feel like ending it all. I just don't want anybody to worry about me, I don't want to be a burden anymore.
Just know that I love all of you. I simply love all of you.
I am so sorry, sweetness. I did not mean to just vanish and ignore you the way I did... But then again, pretending to be a male is a life that is difficult to keep up with without letting it fly. I know that you're probably on the chan, or know someone who is on the chan, so chances are you'll see this- or someone who knows you... me... will see it and OMG and go apeshit bananas. But that's okay. I quit Furcadia a long time ago because I hurt you so badly... I swear I felt terrible that I ignored you but at the time I was so numb to the scenario that it ended up breaking your heart and killing our friendship... I am so sorry Antiope. Forgive me.. And remember the good times we shared in Raptor Forest.
I'm having a panic attack and I'm in fucking tears because, once again, you're going to leave me.
I fucked up and if I could change every single aspect of myself to be better, then I would in less than a goddamn heartbeat.
I'm sorry for being me. I'm sorry for being a disappointment. I'm sorry for being a failure. I'm sorry that I can't do anything right. I'm sorry that I ruin everything. I'm sorry for being a worthless piece of shit.
Short story: I'm 20yo studying mining & geology (electrification and automation of mining), but 4real I like the electricity studies, I'm on 2nd year now, and one and a half year to go - question is, I'd like to do much in my life - I wanted to take a year off from studies and go to army for a 8-months under-officer training, then get back to studies, what should I do? Are my studies good?
>>16710949 >>acquaintance swoops in, they start dating and he starts trying to be cocky about bagging her >>really, really cocky (started talking down to me, would bring her over just to kiss her in front of me, "LOL SHE SENT ME NUDES DUDE.", etc.) >>see him this week, miserable and fucking stressed since he's dealing with her insane mood swings
My only "friend" is like this. Obsessed with how women see him, and y'know what, he gets women all the time.
And he brags about it like it means he's a better man.
Shit, mocked me for bein' a virgin one time, fast foward a year and he's been falsely accused of rape once, feel for a married woman who kept leading him on and ended up an anti-depressants.
Shit, I hate guys like that, they get what they deserve. Problem is, he hasn't even changed, he still see's women as victims... That false allegation? Yeah, when he first met her, he punched a guy that she accused of rape. The married woman, he kept telling me that her husband was this asshole who was never there for her or anything - shit he was working to provide for her.
But he don't see that, he just sees women as all innocent, not capable of cheating unless the guy is an ass, not capable of lying to get what they want.
And it keeps happening.
He doesn't earn much, he's 1000% pussy whipped, false allegations against him and clearly hasn't learned from his mistakes as he's literally just proposed to another married woman and is telling me about this time her husband really is an arsehole...
Somehow I'm the loser, because I mind my own business to damn much to try gettin' laid.
Seriously, fuck guys like that. Let them dig their own graves and don't help them back out.
Still like him. I want to tell him how much he matters to me but... we can't be together due to the distance. And that pulls me off of saying him what I feel. I know he likes me too, but we need to focus on our lives. I don't want him to feel unhappy. He deserves true happiness.
I'm engaged now. I'm engaged but I still love you. I only asked her to marry me because you are too much of a hipster slut to ever love just me. You'll always just lead me on and use me. Make me feel like I'm not quite good enough. I don't know why I love you. Why I have always loved you. But I do. And you don't. And I don't want to be alone.
My schizoid pd is getting worse all the time. I'm sinking into NEETdom because I'm provided for and can't bring myself to care, and life is so much better with minimal social interaction. My resume is a wreck because I was severely mentally ill for years, and even now that I'm recovered I have this PD + incurable physical disability making me even less hireable. Even when I do get an interview, every time I talk to normal people I'm so acutely aware that they're fundamentally different and alien to me that it makes me nervous and makes it even harder to pretend to be normal.
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