My ex boyfriend is a jerk that plays the good guy. He like cheated on my and hit me and a bunch of other crap but likes to think that he's a religious guy of kind character.
I bought in to his delusion for a while when we were dating but after he broke up with me to hook up with some other chicks, I no longer try to find excuses for his poor behavior.
I stayed friends with him after we broke up, but I've started to hate him little by little.
I want to ignore him and cut him off, but since I'm like "his best friend" he will obviously notice and confront me about this.
Do I owe him an explanation? Do I have to block him or can I just ignore his texts?
I don't want to be a shit friend but he was a shit boyfriend so I don't know if I like owe him anything as a friend.
if I were on your shoes I would try a "passive" approach
basically you make the minimum amount of contact necessary
you answer whatever he asks, but you don't ask anything about him or try to carry a conversation
Is this you?
I don't really have a lot to say to him-
Would this suffice?
"Hey I'm sorry I haven't been responding to your texts. I need some time to myself, so I think it's best if we don't talk for a while"
I feel bad for ignoring him because his dad died earlier in the year and he's still struggling with it.
I feel like I'm justifying his shitty actions when I say that but I don't want him to like kill himself
You don't owe shit anon, stay the fuck away from him.tell him to stay the fuck away. Involve the police if he doesn't listen.
Side note religeon doesn't make people "good" its a weird stereotype and most of the actual major religous scripts are quite hateful, compared to modern secular values.
"There's no excuse for cheating on me and hitting me. You're going through a tough time right now and I hope you get through this, but I need to put this behind me. Please don't contact me again."
It's not your responsibility to deal with his problems. Once he gets his shit together and starts acting like a decent human being, he'll find someone else to give him a chance.
You're doing him a favor by being direct and stating explicitly why things didn't work out. There's no room for confusion and he can learn not to pull that crap next time he's in a relationship. You could fit in some extra sentences in there to soften it up a bit, but yeah, you kinda have to say it.
The dude can talk to a therapist about it or undergo grief counseling, but it's unreasonable for you to help someone who treated you so poorly.
See? I was right back then
No kisses tho I'm taken!
ps does anyone know any good anime I just finished rewatching black butler which was terrible but made me cry.
I tried watching Tokyo ghoul but I'm on episode 10 and it's kinda boring me.
help anime keeps me from feeling lonely
Nah. Just back off and if he starts shit lay out what you found unacceptable about him.
Well there's a curve ball
>I feel like that's too harsh. Am I just a wimp?
Sounds like it. The guy cheated on you and has betrayed your trust repeatedly, I'm struggling to understand why you seem to want to give him another chance.
I'm struggling between trying to have enough self respect to tear myself away, and feeling bad for him and wanting to help him.
He and I were very close at a time, so it's hard for me to abandon him.
I'm still good friends with all of my exs.
Idk basically I am just a wimp and I forgive people way too easy
My mom has always been a controlling lunatic so maybe I am just used to loving mentally unstable people
That actually doesn't look too bad.
:( I do need someone to talk to anime about.
Maybe I will message you.
No more nudes though I was pretty dumb for doing that in the first place
>That actually doesn't look too bad.
I've found that Adult Swim actually has pretty decent taste.
I'm friends with some of my ex's too. But that's because even if we didnt connect that way, we were both still people that were decent towards each other. I'd ditch a woman that attacked me or cheated on me in a heartbeat, and I'd only expect the same if situations were reversed.
You need to learn that certain actions just aren't acceptable, that they no longer deserve pity.
I just find justifications for the actions.
I don't think it was right for him to do what he did, but by being able to empathize with him and understand why he did what he did, I unintentionally accept his bad behavior as "okay".
I like most of what I've seen on adult swim. Deadman wonderland was my fav.
I also recently watched hunterxhunter which I really liked.
I watched that one that was like "is it ok to pick up girls in a dungeon" which was decent.
I just want a really fulfilling anime. I feel like I got that from hxh.
Not so much from Black butler but I liked the characters a lot even though the story was kinda confusing.
I don't really like gundam/scifi stuff- like code geass was my all time least favorite ever. I did really like death note though, which people have said is a lot like code geass (I don't see it)
>I just find justifications for the actions.
And that's the problem. Everyone has reasons for their actions, but that doesn't mean it justifies them. For instance I can understand someone is frustrated in their relationship, but that doesn't mean I would condone the fact they cheated.
Even if you weren't perfect in the relationship, it doesn't give them a free pass to do whatever they wish.
>I just want a really fulfilling anime.
I'm just happy they're updating Berserk again, and are working on continuing the animoo.
>Do I owe him an explanation?
>Do I have to block him or can I just ignore his texts?
If you have will power and a little bit of sadism in your heart you can probably ignore his texts, otherwise block.
I know but for some reason I feel guilty like I am being selfish if I prioritize myself.
How do I fix this about myself? I'm like unable to feel anger when someone mistreats me i just feel sad.
I feel like it would be easier to cut people off if I were angry.
I've never seen/read berserk. Is it fulfilling?
>How do I fix this about myself? I'm like unable to feel anger when someone mistreats me i just feel sad.
Honestly at this point I'd probably suggest a therapist. No real shame in seeing one, but from your other statements it sounds like this has been the norm for you for the majority of your life.
You gotta learn to put yourself first.
>I've never seen/read berserk. Is it fulfilling?
In a sense. Capcha related, boats.
A therapist can teach me how to do this?
I feel like if something could be said to change my view, I would have heard it by now.
I've been going to a therapist for a while and she hasn't tried to change this about me, though she noticed it pretty early on?
>A therapist can teach me how to do this?
It's not like they'll wave their hand and it'll be gone. But over time a better sense of self esteem can be developed, and accordingly you'll learn to put yourself first.
If she's aware of it, I'd start talking to her about it. Or maybe even think about seeing someone else.
Just do what you want to do. It's not a bad thing that you don't like him or want to associate with him. Especially considering what he did. You don't owe anyone an explanation. I hate this idea that you have to stay friends with your ex, or people who can't deal with having people dislike them.
Fuck him. Stand up for yourself.
I kinda wimped out and was just like "I don't feel like talking sorry" when he asked why I was not responding.
He just texted me this:
"I just want to let you know that you are doing an amazing job. I can see that you are doing your very best and God is so proud of you. You are such a strong woman and I admire you immensely. You are an inspiration to me and others. I'm so thankful to know you. I'm also so thankful that you are such a good friend to (myfriend'sname). She needed someone like you in her life. You are brilliant. Amazing reasoning skills. Amazing learning and retention skills. Amazing listening skills. Amazing helping skills. You also have so many amazing skills that are so useful. Like being an artist, knitter (I know you crochet but I'm not sure if I spelt that correctly), cook, hard worker, debutante, and more. I just think everyone needs and deserves a time for people to just shower praise on them. It helps them to keep moving foward with their head up. And I feel like you may be due for that. I know your life can be really hard at times with family, friends, work, school, and taking care of yourself mentally, spiritually and physically but you are doing a great job. You have so much life experience for someone so young. You've been through so much and have come out stronger and wiser. You are going to be a great mother and wife one day. Not just to your biological kids. But to those who need a parent figure in their life. I know that God is so proud of you. Nothing is wasted. Nothing you've gone through has been for naught. I'm so proud to have such a strong friend. You are a really cool person and I just wanted to let you know that. I haven't known you for most of your life and I know so many stories of how compassionate you were to others and how patient you've been and how thoughtful you've been to so many people! Have an amazing day today with whatever you do."
>I kinda wimped out and was just like "I don't feel like talking sorry" when he asked why I was not responding.
Yeah, you're bringing this upon yourself. You have to be direct.
"Please don't contact me anymore. I will be blocking you." That is all you should've said. Now he's going to wait for you to talk to him, and periodically send you these kind of messages.
>I will feel guilty if I hurt his feelings.
Get over yourself.
He's treated you poorly, so much so that you're considering 'erasing' him for your life, I very much doubt this will 'hurt' his feelings.
Secondly, have some self esteem, who gives a shit if they feel hurt, they brought it on themselves.
A simple text should suffice:
"I do not want to talk to you anymore based on what you have put me through in the past. Please do not message me, even if you do, I will not respond. Best of luck with everything in life. Bye'
>Can't I just like ghost him?
So you don't want to hurt him, but to avoid being direct, you're trying to go for the most painful way of distancing yourself from him. What the fuck is wrong with you?
Is it the most painful?
I don't really think it is. It's much easier to "get over someone" if the distancing is gradual.
Also, if I am mean, then u have to deal with the guilt of being mean.
By just ignoring him and telling him that I don't feel like talking to him, I don't feel guilty but achieve the same end result.
That's the real goal here. I need him out of my life but I don't want to feel guilty about it because I shouldn't have to, considering he's been a complete jerk to me and I have literally been nothing but patient and supportive to him
I empathize with people too much and accept their actions just because I'm able to understand them.
Normally people can understand, but reject behavior that is not ok. If I understand it, I subconsciously accept it as okay even if I tell myself convivially that it's not ok.
I don't know why I am this way.
Several other snobs have suggested therapy.
Also you should stop calling me a retard. It's disrespectful to use it as a synonym for "stupid" when it is an actual medical condition.
if he did cheat and beat you, your first mistake was keeping him around as a friend
tell em' the truth. if you're comfortable with a conversation then just start off with something like "hey man i'm sorry but i've been thinking things over and i don't want to be your friend" or something. if he inevitably asks why then you gotta be straightforward and tell him why.
if he tries to guilt trip - remember that he cheated and beat you.
>It's much easier to "get over someone" if the distancing is gradual.
No, it's not. He's going to constantly wonder what the fuck he did wrong if you were doing just fine as friends. It's easier for you, because you can just run and hide like the coward you are.
>By just ignoring him and telling him that I don't feel like talking to him, I don't feel guilty but achieve the same end result.
But you don't, because he'll continue to message you.
> I need him out of my life but I don't want to feel guilty about it
But how the hell do you not feel guilty over this, as opposed to being direct? False hope and no closure is worse treatment than being told, "You fucked up and I'm not able to move on. Good bye." You're not making any sense.
We weren't really "doing just fine" as friends like it's been kinda forced/bad since he broke up with me.
He also knows exactly what he did wrong, so there's not much left to wonder about.
Idk I will be able to be clear and less of a wimp when I've had some distance. I still care about him too much. I need to care about him less so that I don't care if I hurt his feeling some
You do realise you're on an anonymous image board?
What does it matter what I call you, you empathetically retarded bitch?
In all honesty and with sincerity I give you this advice since i'm genuinely a caring, empathetic person too, please stop caring so much about people who by rational logic should not matter to you.
Saying 'that's just how I am', solves nothing.
There's no point in asking advice if 'that's just how you are' because that means you're not willing to listen and do, only want a place to rant and feel good about yourself.
Finish all contact with that person, it will make this world a better place and as I mentioned in the first post i made in this thread, I'll say it again..
get over yourself.
>We weren't really "doing just fine" as friends like it's been kinda forced/bad since he broke up with me.
Even if it's been forced/bad on your end, he seems to think that things are just fine.
>He also knows exactly what he did wrong, so there's not much left to wonder about.
Of course he knows what he did wrong. But if you pretend that you're okay as friends, even if it's forced on your end, he's going to wonder what the hell happened during that time because he wasn't shitting all over you.
It's so weird talking to you, because you seem to understand that he's a piece of shit that doesn't deserve an ounce of your time. But you switch from that to being a coward and a doormat at the drop of a hat, and that's really strange. You really need professional help.
op sounds like you already know the answer to your question but you're a chickenshit coward whos too afraid to admit it - let alone do something about it. for gods sakes girl stand up for yourself; you're doing everyone else a disservice if you dont
like wtf, yeah saying retard is problematic but letting domestic abuse and infidelity go unchecked isnt?
Read Tokyo Ghoul. Watch (then read because the anime only covers to certain
point) Shingeki No Kyojin. Watch Cowboy Bebopx Full metal Alchemist Brotherhood, Great Teacher Onizukax Cromartie High School and My Love Comedy Snafu to name a few