My GF is Vietnamese and I'm white.
We've been dating for almost 3 years and she will never have a conversation with me and her parents at the same time. They like to talk whenever I go over, and if I'm talking to them she will either leave the room, or refuse to join the conversation.
Now I know damn well she speaks to them while I'm not there, so it definitely has something to do with me. This troubling since her parents speak broken English, and theres a language barrier that my GF could easily help with but she never does.
I was recently diagnosed with Crohns disease and I was trying to explain it to her mother. However, all she got out of the conversation was that I was having stomach problems and she said I need to eat better. All the while my GF is just sitting their and made not attempt to help explain or even join in the conversation. I told her to help explain it and she just refused.
So what the hell is up with this? Is she embarrassed by me? Is this common with other Asian families?
I should also mention that ive talked to her about this before. Her answer was that I don't talk to her parents that much and she just wants let me talk with them. But after two years I can't remember once where we all had a conversation together.
I know her parents stress her out like crazy, and I feel it may have something to do with it.
What an odd situation. Although I've grown up with some Asian friends and relatives, and I know introducing a foreign bf or gf can be hard, I've never heard of something like this.
I can guess what your gf's motives are, but she's the only one who can tell you. I would urge younto talk about this again, in a non-accusing way. Approach it with a "let's try to fix this together" attitude, rather than telling her how this is weird or upsetting to you. Because whatever your girl' motives are, this situation is hard enough for her to act this odd about it.
I've tried multiple times. Everytime she just gets stressed out and says the same thing. What do you think her motives are?
I know her parents like me. At least thats what they all tell me. I just don't understand why she acts so strange when I'm in these situations. I'm going over there tonight and I know her parents are going to ask me about the my whole Crohns disease situation. If she doesn't join in the conversation Im going to be very forward with her about it. She's the one who insisted that I tell them in the first place.
'he he mom dad look I found this white Piggu with disease! white piggu die soon! I send back money when he dead! maybe he no die soon I feed him your cooking mom haha! ok back to rice field white pigu die soon then we rich'
I get that I'm on 4chan but this the advice board man. You don't know who you're talking to on the other end your post is incredibly disrespectful. I really hope you aren't going around being this rude to everyone else who is seeking advice.
Well if you really want to speculate, my hunch would be that she's stressed about her parents because they have very high and rigid expectations about her (like many Asian parents do). The fact that she doesn't allow you to communicate well with her parents makes me think she's afraid they'd disapprove of you. But as I mentioned, that is something only she knows and which she can answer. I'd talk to her again, and would keep looking for whatever causes her to obstruct communication. Or, maybe she doesn't realize she does it. Then i'd just clearly tell her you want her help translating things, like about your disease.
>dont know who you are talking to
Yes I do. I know that you are a white male between the ages of 20-35, I know that you make $50,000 a year, have some stupid degree from a medicore state college, know that you play video games/watch anime/ collect fucking cards (at least 1 of 3), have a pasty, weak body, thin shoulders, never had much luck with women,
I know all about you.
Just because you described the average 4chan user doesn't mean you know that person. I just hope you don't go around saying stuff like that to the people who are actually clinically depressed/suicidal on here.
her cooking is trash. ill give you that
her being embarrassed of me / thinking her parents will disprove of me is really worst case scenario. Do you think I should talk to her before hand tonight about speaking with her parents? Or waiting until after?
>you're so stupid blah blah
In Vietnamese culture the the more honoured the guest is the better his cuisine must be- so he will stay and bring honour and his good luck to your family.
The undesireables or sick are given the worst food because they deserve no better, bring no luck or honour (if youre so lucky why are you sick and poor?) and to encourage them to GTFO faster
Where do you think you stack up?
It depends on how well the two of you communicate. If you think things will get heated you might want to do this after her parents come over. If you think you can clearly voice your concerns and get a clear answer, it might clear the air before they come over.
Please keep in mind that was just speculation; your gf is the only one who can tell you how she feels! It might be a lot easier than it all sounds.
Talk to your girlfriend instead of nerds on the internet.
Learn basic vietnamese, if nothing else it'll make her parents think you're actually trying hard with her.
Develop a thicker skin for here. Of this gets you angry, don't go anywhere else because there's always something worse than the worst thing you've seen here.
I just texted her asking if she will help me talk with them tonight and explain tings. She said its not a problem.
I went to ask is she's embarrassed of or anything when I have conversations. She just said she doesn't like talking to her parents which I honestly believe since they stress her out to the point of tears.
Anyway thanks for the help and I may have just been overthinking all this.
Vietnamese anon here. Yeah honestly parents can be stressful/annoying in general. I wouldn't take it personally, especially since the fact that she's stayed with you this long means she's serious about you. She probably just genuinely wants you to "bond" with her parents, get them used to the idea of you dating her since she feels that you're gonna be around for a long, long time. They speak some English, so she probably mistakenly believes that you folks will be fine, and I guess sometimes she needs a break from dealing with them every once in a while.
As for the Crohn's thing, egh, it's just really hard to translate diseases into Vietnamese, and Asian people are kind of skeptical of the idea that some diseases can't be cured with just some nice food. She probably has no idea how the hell to describe it in Vietnamese aside from "painful stomach" anyway; maybe try Google translate it--that's what I had to do to explain to my dad he has cataracts.
You're probably long gone, OP, but I just wanna tell you good luck anyway. It won't be easy, dealing with in-laws from a different culture, but in the end they probably just want their daughter to get married to *someone* and not die alone with no kids, so you'll be fine.