Both of my parents are Muslim. They were born and raised Muslim, and they have decided to continue this tradition with their children. The problem is, though, that I am an atheist. Even better, I’m a 18-year old girl. I live in the U.S. It took me a long time to even admit to myself that I was an atheist. My parents often use religion to deny me things, such as hanging out with my friends, having a boyfriend, etc. I’m not allowed to dress as my friends, and every weekend they drag me off to Madrasa. Madrasa is a Muslim school that I spend roughly seven hours in every weekend. It’s really tedious and I hate going. It’s unfair to make me go through hours of something I don’t believe in. I’ll be sitting there and thinking, why am I going through this if it makes absolutely no difference in my life? I’ve never told anyone in my family about my being atheist, and I’m really scared to do so. I highly doubt my parents will be accepting of me, and will probably either ship me to relatives in other countries or kick me out. I disagree with what my parents hold dear and I feel as though I will not be able to have a relationship with them when I grow up. How do I deal with this? I hate this, and I don’t know what to do about it.
This. Save up some money, go to college, respect your parents as much as you can, and plan on living on your own. It might devastate them when you drop the bomb, but hopefully that will be a while from now and you will be independent. Just tell them, as best as you can, that you aren't as strongly religious as they are. You will still work to be a good person, and religious ceremony just has to take the back seat for now. If they don't accept it, don't fault them. Just try to make a life you can enjoy.
What previous anons said! Make sure to fix a nice life for yourself without telling your parents, as it's highly probably they won't understand and make it really hard on you and themselves. Unfortunately I guess a big part of that means you'll have to sit things out until you can move out and do your own thing.
As for a more temporary solution, wouldn't it be an option to try and fill your weekends with other things that are possibly more important than weekend religious school? Maybe extra tutoring, sports, playing a musical instrument? If they're really religious it might be a long shot but that's the only thing I could think of.
Their going to disown you. But you know that. Theres nothing you can do about it. best bet for you is to accept that youre going to lose your family and grit you teeth for the time being to keep their love until you are ready to stop being dependent on them. Then break it to them after you move out. Youll lose your family but you have to understand whats important to you. Your family or being an atheist.
You know, you don't actually have to tell them anything if they don't force it. Just put up a good front while they're around and the rest of the time drop it. It'll definitely come up at some point but if they're not stupid, they'll either figure it out and confront you or they won't and it'll come as a total shock just the same as if you'd told them now.
It depends. Are you willing to lie to your parents to maintain your relationship with them?
Regardless, don't do anything drastic if you feel you are at risk of being kicked out and can't support yourself financially.
Enti ahlak ikhwanieen wala haga?
Islam doesn't teach that and you know it. You're parents must be one of those crazies; because they shouldn't be doing those kinds of things to you.
There's no reason to talk about your atheism; it'll cause you trouble. Learn to be tolerant and treat practicing religion as practicing meditation. As for what you can do, get a good job and try to respect your parents. Find a guy that's a laid back person of the same faith; no one will give a shit.
As for the kids, you know they have to be Muslim; at least on paper. There's plenty of kids who put up that front just so they won't get treated differently than others of different faiths in the gulf countries
I recommend you do several things
Treat religion as a form of meditation/spiritual reflection; put up with it. Many have done so like you and respected their parents despite being bat shit insane
Get a good education and job. A six figure job, preferably. Learn how to cook and be an adult.
Then move out and/or marry the person that loves you and loves you back. You don't want to be with a misogynist that hits you or expects you to work while he smokes sheesha.
Keep your mouth shut about atheism. It's going to be their business to make you be religious until you're a big girl and move out/get married.
And by the way, madrasa means "school." Not "Muslim" school; stop fooling these white people and being retarded.
>And by the way, madrasa means "school." Not "Muslim" school; stop fooling these white people and being retarded.
Careful OP, Islam says killing of apostates is akie dokie.
Maybe when your parents are out due a quick sweep of the house to look for bombs n' shit.
If there are no bombs, chances are they won't honor kill you or whatever.
Regardless, you;re 18, if you live in a civilized country, you are legally an adult and can do whatever. Decide whether it's worth them potentially not paying for college or whatever as well. If they won't pay, apply to any very liberal school and be sure to write them an essay hamming up your experience as a Muslim woman. Make sure the paper ends with something like, "something something something this is straight white men's fault, my culture is beatiful"
That, plus being marking down African American as race should get you the full ride. Also say you have a handicap or are considering being trans, for the mega bux.
It's not because you don't believe, that religion automatically gets useless. Read some Alain De Botton about postsecularism. Even though you now hate Madrasa, you are still learning valuable things there. It is normal for your age to be rebellious anyways, so don't try to blame it on your parents' faith. Try to pay attention to Islam and respect it, even though you don't believe in it. You can distill the rules that will make you a good person as you grow up an adult. You won't believe me, but one day you'll appreciate all the knowledge your parents have passed onto you.
Atheists are the most hated community, so you shouldn't tell your parents ever. Yeah, it's unfair to have to put up with a faith just because your parents said so. But a life that isn't ruled by traditions is also an empty life, full of existential crises. You can trust on religion on days where things are tough. Don't abandon your parents like other anons are suggesting. Family is extremely important. It will feel like you can't be yourself around them, but then again, who doesn't wear a mask with their parents? In the end, all that matters is love for your parents and the love your parents give you. That means you engaging in the Muslim community and your parents accepting you for who you are, because they probably already know, like anon said.
You're also living in the US, so I suspect your life as a female should be pretty free and empowered. You are probably not forced to wear the hijab nor to marry a man you don't know. Your parents are right that you shouldn't be having a boyfriend at this age or hanging out with your friends doing stupid things. Focus on your growth, work well for school, develop hobbies. Boys are unnecessary distractions. Wait for the one guy that will be laid back about religion (possibly atheist like you), respect you and treat you like gold. Your parents know what's best for you.
In case you are wondering, this is coming from an 21-year old female Belgian atheist.
Well, this is a difficult thing for a young girl to be dealing with. Islam is more than just a religion. It is also a cultural heritage and tradition. God as envisioned by Islam is formless, timeless and absolute. This is very much like pantheism. My suggestion to you is that so long as you remain under your parent’s roof that you honor them and their traditions. If you show this respect your life will be much easier and you will not damage your relationship with your parents. Bide your time. As you get older you will gain more freedom. You live in the west. You are eighteen. Nobody can ship you anywhere without your consent. I say not only continue to attend Madrasa but pay attention and learn what there is to learn since you are there anyway. You may discard anything which offends your sense of right and wrong but learn. Learning is always a good thing. Be compassionate to all. Avoid conflict with your mother and your father. Soon, you will be your own woman and they will have to deal with this.
I cant for the love of me figure out why the feminist are not fighting this fight.
If they were i would actually support them!
As for op, yeah, just smile and nod. Shut your mouth about your beliefs, find a man in kinda the same position you are in. Get married and pretend to be religious.
If not your entire family with have a get together where you are a the main attraction!
They will bury you neck deep in the sand and trow rocks at you until you are dead.
What a lovely non violent religion Islam is!
they even always say that muslim countries are not mysogynistic at all just because they have higher female % in government than the usa and uk
not realizing that theyd get honor killed for getting raped in these countries
Whatever you do and whatever happens, if you think they may ship you to their homecountry, or just to "holidays" with the familiy back there to meet your cousins and stuff, DO NOT COMPLY, don`t go there. Forced marriages are a thing in this situation.
You are adult and an american citizen. Get some legal help if you think they want to ship you off to some middle east shithole. scream at the airport for the police if necessary.
Mind you, that is the worst case szenario ;-)
You can always fake it until you are self sufficient. Up to you, don`t know your situation.