That's practically my daily life issue - that's the reason I still believe I don't deserve to have friends, girlfriend, friendly attitude towards me on the work and in general.
The point I reached with it - when I'm being yelled at, I genuinely think I deserve getting that.
What do you think, is this curable since I've been this way now for over 5 years?
Or is it the way nature to tell me I'm a freak of nature?
I'm the same way. I have moderate social anxiety on top of all of those things too. The only way I've been able help mine is by being outside and being around people. The more I sat in my bedroom by myself, the worse my self hatred and feelings of isolation grew. But if you can see a therapist/counselor, that might help too.
I need you to elaborate a little more than just "weak character".
And do you have any examples of what you did/didn't do to provoke people to yell at/mistreat you? I can't say off the top that you didn't deserve it unless I know the situation. Just elaborate anon.
I just mean any kind of conflict that is not necesserily provoked by me, the ones started by coworkers that feel superior to, some random teenagers may pick on me on the streets. I always try to avoid doing or saying something that would lead to some argument or worse.
What you are talking about are feelings of unworthiness, that you don't feel as though you are worthy of having certain things
I, too, feel this to some degree. Though strangely enough my feelings of worthiness have plateaued. That is to say I am worth a certain level of things, but nothing past that. It's really making it hard to get ahead in life and accomplish things
Can anyone suggest how to improve one's sense of worthiness? To convince ourselves that we deserve love and success?
You won't understand even when it's being explained. It's the sort of thing only people with these problems understand.
I also had that problem OP, exactly. Every time someone treated me badly, I thought I deserve it and never questioned anything.
I started lifting though and now I'm a huge motherfucker. When someone yells at me I usually go right on top of them and basically act like "say that one more time"
Lifting increased my cockyness by such a large degree, I'm sometimes afraid of myself.
Esp note that really big guys, tend not to be very good fighters.
I've fought some before, and most of the time, they give you this look like 'oh fuck this hasn't happened before people don't actually.. fight me they just back down'
They're always slow, timid, afraid, let you strike first.
it's the wiry skinny guys you gotta watch out for
No. I used to fight all the time when I was a kid, did it for cash in college, but you know, people grow up and they learn.
The people you have to watch out for is the polish guy living under a box- the guy with nothing to lose, been fighting since he was 6 years old,
These people don't even try to defend themselves or cover their face, they just try to hurt you as much as they can as fast as they can- have to be really quick if you want to get them because the way they fight means one person in going to get hurt bad, and fast.