I'm 18, and up to this day I did all to go to medical university. I go to school with biological-chemistry profile. Both of my parents are doctors, rather successful ones, I was always thought to be "the smartest" of my siblings, all of the teachers gave me a bit higher notes, I got along with them all. This year I've passed first levels of national contests (it's a thing here in Europe) from my mother tounge, english and (by sheer luck, I was virtually guessing each question) economics. I have no social problems, I have firends, colleagues, etc. But now I feel that all of this is just shit. My grades are avarege, (most 3 on scales from 1-6) but all I hear is "you're a smart guy, just lazy" Everyone tells me I'm talented, and gets mad that I "bum aorund" It's not that, I just think nothing of this is worth it. I'd have to work my ass of by learning now, just to get to uni, just to learn even more useless bullshit, which I'll never use in my life, and get some shitty jobs just to get by from month to month. It all seems terrible, I'd love just to ditch this all to hell, but... I have no idea what would I do. If I just give up, fuck uni and fuck i t all. I could be a writer, but noone reads nowadays, not such bohemian shit that I'd write. Everything everywhere is a pointless rat race. And I'm weel past teenage-edgy-rebel phase, really. I just have no idea what the fuck am I to do with myself, now, in a month, in a year or in my whole life.
I guess I wanted to vent a bit. There's noone I can really talk to, I only get shitfaced and harass some poor girl/guy at a party with my monologue from time to time.
I don't really know, adv... I could just hit the road, look for luck all over the world. I could end up being a bartender in Sydney, a waiter in London or an actor in Hollywood. Or I could end up being homeless in Bratislawa, or a professional burglar somewhere in Ohio. I'm totally lost. And I don't feel anything. I don't feel bad, or good, not angry or calm. Just nothing.
Travel around. It either gets you a great set of memories or the motivation to do something with your life.
You should also check whether you're perhaps suffering from ADHD. It would explain why you can't get arsed to do anything not because you're lazy but because you have a short span of attention. Give it a serious thought, it could help clarify a few things.
Remember, if you don't know where you're going, then it doesn't matter which direction you take.
I don't have problems with attention, really, I even meditate more or less on regular basis. Theproblem is I see how pointless all of this is, for example to become a doctor I need to know the classification of sponges, advanced calculus and the process of refining oil. There is simply no point in learning that.
are you polish, mate? I think I've talked with you on here some time ago about med school. Anyway, I understand you; I was always told the same thing; I'm smart but have to work harder. Thing is, I'm a lazy person, and I choose easier options. I had to switch majors because of that, and now as time flies by, I grow more and more worried about my future and disappointed with myself.
Being a writer is a viable option, but sadly, unless you write something really big, you won't make enough money on that in the longer run. You could always pick up translating, and write your own thing in the meantime. Translating sucks however, at least for me, so I won't be persuading you to do that if you don't feel it.
I think that the notion that things, and world in general is pointelss, shares most of people, especially young people. I've accepted that and now simply try to do my best to make my stay on this wretched earth bearable.
And yes, you are right, you have to learn by hard loads of useless shit only to pass the test and forget it. There's no escaping form that, assuming you are from Poland you know how it goes. It's something you have to endure if you want to pass your exam well and get into uni. Sadly, that's not really limited to school/studying; I had these issues at my work when I had to do pointless, nonsense things only because someone up there decided it's how things gotta be. My advice? Rid yourself of delusion that this shit ceases or gets better, it simply never does. We live in a leaking cesspool and you have to do whatever you can to stay afloat. Otherwise you'll drown under all this shit.
You have to find something you're passionate about. Working on your passion is its own reward.
If you're as smart as you think you are, then you will learn to be resourceful. You will learn how to be successful in your passion.
What would you do for free, if money were no object?
OP, you're describing clinical depression. It's not something you control, it's not something that depends on your environment. I'm not a shrink, so I can't help you, but I'm currently taking an SNRI for the exact same reason as you mentioned.
With the exception that I'm studying anthropology and that my father is a lawyer, I feel deeply related with you.
Stay strong, OP. It's going to fade away eventually. It's not your fault and it's not anyone's fault, remember that whenever you feel particularily down.
Hope this helps.
PD: pls don't go an hero.
Not planning to an hero anytime soon, I'm curious to see what happens next.
Well, I thought so myself, and hell, it just might be a depression. The problem is I can't do anything about it. Can't afford a shrink and if I'd go for free my parents would find out and then shit would have hit the fan. So there's me and me in this. I'm left absolutely alone with all this shit.
I guess you could travel and do some on-the-spot jobs wherever you'd land. Translate menu for free meal, clean up hotel lobby after closing for putting you up for a night, you know. It's doable.